Read an interesting article this week on getting out of a church you don't feel comfortable in. I'm not sure I agree with the author's perspective though.
I left my previous church because it was killing me spiritually to stay. I would leave each service with a frustration headache, having seen a lot of tradition and very little God, having watched folk around me go through the motions, or fall asleep in the sermon, just there because they went every week.
I needed spiritual food, I was starving for it! I needed to be in a place where there was enthusiasm for worship and for God, a "real" experience.
According to the article, I should have stayed because that's where I would have grown. But I think if I had I'd have died.
I've learnt SO much about being a Christian since I left, I've been challenged to grow in so many ways too. I've found people who have been spiritual mentors and I've revelled in free-to-worship gatherings. I've grown as a musician and worshipper, I've been on a learning curve in my ministry and there's still more to come!
I don't think I'd have had the same growth if I'd stayed, if I'd carried on enduring church, just in case something positive happened. Although I face stiff opposition daily, I know I've done the right thing.
(BACK ON MONDAY! The weekend has struck.)
Our day out
I'm really looking forward to a day out in nature this weekend at the Cape Horse Trials, which rolls around once a year. We've gone for the past 3 years and really enjoy it. It's held on a local wine farm, although moving venues this year to a farm that also houses a cheetah rehab and release programme - what incredible animals!
Tomorrow we'll be taking off with a picinic lunch to watch the cross-country, showjumping & dressage horsey bits, as well as the dog shows that take place at the same time - agility trials, Jack Russel show etc. Those are really fun! There's always one dog that takes part that looks exactly like a black string mop - all you see of him is hair hanging down to the ground, and every time he jumps a hurdle all the hair flies up, and everyone has a grand laugh at the sight of the flying mop.
I'd love to get one of my three Schipperke dogs involved in agility. The youngest one is a total speed-freak. He takes off on walks up the mountain and goes so fast you can hardly see his legs! His dad is a registered pure-bred gold, and would be good for showing if he hadn't gotten into a fight and ripped a lower eyelid, or lost a tooth or two to big juicy bones. He'll just have to stay a house-pet. My female though would be the perfect therapy dog. If only I had more time and money I'd get into the dog scene.
But we're not competing, so we're just going to enjoy our day out tomorrow, simply relaxing and enjoying both the surrounding nature and man's best friends.
Tomorrow we'll be taking off with a picinic lunch to watch the cross-country, showjumping & dressage horsey bits, as well as the dog shows that take place at the same time - agility trials, Jack Russel show etc. Those are really fun! There's always one dog that takes part that looks exactly like a black string mop - all you see of him is hair hanging down to the ground, and every time he jumps a hurdle all the hair flies up, and everyone has a grand laugh at the sight of the flying mop.
I'd love to get one of my three Schipperke dogs involved in agility. The youngest one is a total speed-freak. He takes off on walks up the mountain and goes so fast you can hardly see his legs! His dad is a registered pure-bred gold, and would be good for showing if he hadn't gotten into a fight and ripped a lower eyelid, or lost a tooth or two to big juicy bones. He'll just have to stay a house-pet. My female though would be the perfect therapy dog. If only I had more time and money I'd get into the dog scene.
But we're not competing, so we're just going to enjoy our day out tomorrow, simply relaxing and enjoying both the surrounding nature and man's best friends.
Living in the Future
Is it just me? Wherever I go, church-wise, I always seem to be one step ahead in vision or desire of where the church is at.
When I was in a conservative congregation, I longed for contemporary worship - tried to introduce it, got only so far then got black-listed by the pastor and a few elders. I envisioned a vibrant kid's church programme, attempted it, and found the kids were too influenced by their conservative parents to relate to contemporary kid's ideas - scary! No-one could understand what I was talking about.
Then got into contemporary worship in a different church as a musician - yet my soul is hankering after "emerging church" type fellowship and community, radically different ways of "doing worship", and I'm getting frustrated with the contemporary pattern that never seems to change, a kind of "default worship". And again no-one knows what I'm talking about.
By the time I find a group that has the same current head-space as me, it will likely be old news, and my longings will have moved on to other things!
I wonder if I'll ever find myself in a church or group that is doing what my soul is looking for, right when I'm looking for it.
Perhaps I'm just the Odd One Out.
When I was in a conservative congregation, I longed for contemporary worship - tried to introduce it, got only so far then got black-listed by the pastor and a few elders. I envisioned a vibrant kid's church programme, attempted it, and found the kids were too influenced by their conservative parents to relate to contemporary kid's ideas - scary! No-one could understand what I was talking about.
Then got into contemporary worship in a different church as a musician - yet my soul is hankering after "emerging church" type fellowship and community, radically different ways of "doing worship", and I'm getting frustrated with the contemporary pattern that never seems to change, a kind of "default worship". And again no-one knows what I'm talking about.
By the time I find a group that has the same current head-space as me, it will likely be old news, and my longings will have moved on to other things!
I wonder if I'll ever find myself in a church or group that is doing what my soul is looking for, right when I'm looking for it.
Perhaps I'm just the Odd One Out.
Mantra
I will not post more than 3 blogs a day...I will not spend the entire day reading other people's blogs...I will not post more than 3 blogs a day....I will not spend the entire day reading other people's blogs...I will not post more than 3 blogs a day...I will not spend the entire day reading other people's blogs...
Nope, that's not working! Are there any recovery / detox centers for blog-dicts out there?
Nope, that's not working! Are there any recovery / detox centers for blog-dicts out there?
Dealing with Them
I've had a load of nice conservative critics while testing denominational waters in the past year and a bit (amazing how the devil uses the most godly folk to discourage you!). Not knowing where I'm coming from, they've had a lot to say about where I should be and what I should be doing mostly behind my back - and of course the example I'm setting for my son. All of which I've dealt with personally and moved on from.
Well, I've decided how I can deal with them. Next weekend our worship team is presenting an outreach programme we've worked really hard on, complete with dance, testimony, almost an orchestra's-worth of instrumental backing and such (many of which my dear friends have not experienced before).
SO I've gone and invited the lot of them!:) I didn't say much, just handed out a nice little invitation.
If they still want to moan at me after they've seen what I'm involved in, then at least they'll have a basis to do so, but at the moment they have nothing to base their complaints on.
Can't wait to see their reactions and sincerely hope some don't have a heart-attack! It's quite a change from pipe organ music and reverant silence...
Well, I've decided how I can deal with them. Next weekend our worship team is presenting an outreach programme we've worked really hard on, complete with dance, testimony, almost an orchestra's-worth of instrumental backing and such (many of which my dear friends have not experienced before).
SO I've gone and invited the lot of them!:) I didn't say much, just handed out a nice little invitation.
If they still want to moan at me after they've seen what I'm involved in, then at least they'll have a basis to do so, but at the moment they have nothing to base their complaints on.
Can't wait to see their reactions and sincerely hope some don't have a heart-attack! It's quite a change from pipe organ music and reverant silence...
Reflections on Lonliness
I watch the world go by
An outsider in a glass cage
In desperation I strike the pane
I breaks and my hand is cut
In the outside world I walk eagerly
Reaching out to parts of humanity
But the world turns its back
Wherever I turn it turns away
My tears wash the blood on my hand
A thin transparent shield grows
With every rejection it thickens
This glass cage is unbreakable
My wounded hand will not heal
"Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast." Ps 139:7-10
An outsider in a glass cage
In desperation I strike the pane
I breaks and my hand is cut
In the outside world I walk eagerly
Reaching out to parts of humanity
But the world turns its back
Wherever I turn it turns away
My tears wash the blood on my hand
A thin transparent shield grows
With every rejection it thickens
This glass cage is unbreakable
My wounded hand will not heal
"Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast." Ps 139:7-10
GOD'S Deliverance: The Answer!
Earlier this week I mentioned a lady who wanted to "deliver" me from my single-parent iniquity. She quoted verses such as "the sins of the fathers will be visited on the children, and the children's children" and told me I was either under or had begun a generational curse. Pretty discouraging stuff!
And then in my wanderings through the Bible I hit Ezekial 18, with some of the following thoughts given:
"Yet you ask, 'Why does the son not share the guilt of his father?' Since the son has done what is just and right and has been careful to keep all my decrees, he will surely live... if a wicked man turns away from all the sins he has committed...and does what is just and right, he will surely live, he will not die. None of the offences he has committed will be remembered against him."
There! That's the answer to generational sin! Yes, there are consequences you get to live with, but THERE IS HOPE, things can be different! You don't have to fall under the curse of the sin your parents committed! Nor do you have no hope if you have sinned in the past. All that is cast into the deepest of seas when you turn around and ask for forgiveness.
Thank You Lord for your infinite mercy and grace, for peace and assurance, for hope and a future!
And then in my wanderings through the Bible I hit Ezekial 18, with some of the following thoughts given:
"Yet you ask, 'Why does the son not share the guilt of his father?' Since the son has done what is just and right and has been careful to keep all my decrees, he will surely live... if a wicked man turns away from all the sins he has committed...and does what is just and right, he will surely live, he will not die. None of the offences he has committed will be remembered against him."
There! That's the answer to generational sin! Yes, there are consequences you get to live with, but THERE IS HOPE, things can be different! You don't have to fall under the curse of the sin your parents committed! Nor do you have no hope if you have sinned in the past. All that is cast into the deepest of seas when you turn around and ask for forgiveness.
Thank You Lord for your infinite mercy and grace, for peace and assurance, for hope and a future!
Bedfellows
From Good Homes magazine:
"If you buy a new pillow today, it will double its weight within six months thanks to the droppings of all the house dust mites that will come and fester in it."
Whoa!!!! Going home to weigh my pillow....:)
"If you buy a new pillow today, it will double its weight within six months thanks to the droppings of all the house dust mites that will come and fester in it."
Whoa!!!! Going home to weigh my pillow....:)
Who I don't want reading my Blog:
Darren posted on blogs he reads and why, but as my final thought for the day I'm going to say who I DON'T want to read my blog! And who won't get this site address, no-way!
My parents - don't know why, perhaps they'll get to know something about me they shouldn't. They have been in Australia for 6 years and haven't taken part in the decisions that brought me to where I am now. They might be shocked. Add my brothers to that one too, and my sisters-in-law perhaps too. Hang on, one sis-in-law might enjoy this - take her off the list.
Some of my friends - the me they know may not be the me in my head that spills out here ... they'll probably scratch me off their Christmas-card lists.
My pastor/s - they may condemn me to certain overly-warm places for abnormal thinking and unorthodox questions.
Certain church-going folk - they already think I'm way off track, talking about such weird things as experiential worship, emergent church and *gasp* not needing a particular denomination as my Christian identity! Shocking!
The rest of you are VERY welcome!:)
My parents - don't know why, perhaps they'll get to know something about me they shouldn't. They have been in Australia for 6 years and haven't taken part in the decisions that brought me to where I am now. They might be shocked. Add my brothers to that one too, and my sisters-in-law perhaps too. Hang on, one sis-in-law might enjoy this - take her off the list.
Some of my friends - the me they know may not be the me in my head that spills out here ... they'll probably scratch me off their Christmas-card lists.
My pastor/s - they may condemn me to certain overly-warm places for abnormal thinking and unorthodox questions.
Certain church-going folk - they already think I'm way off track, talking about such weird things as experiential worship, emergent church and *gasp* not needing a particular denomination as my Christian identity! Shocking!
The rest of you are VERY welcome!:)
Post-lunch reflections
OK, I'm still peeved - but with a full tummy am rethinking this whole "kill the boss" deal... :)
Hey - it's only office space. It's a few square metres on a transient world - it's not eternity and this too shall pass! It's still not great to be walked over and pushed around, but I AM employed, have a roof over my head, clothes to wear, a car to drive - and compared to some, my problems are miniscule.
Perhaps my altered view has something to do with a rather large bowl of choc-mint-ripple ice-cream?:)
"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matt 6:33,34
Thanks Lord - this one's in Your hands now...
Hey - it's only office space. It's a few square metres on a transient world - it's not eternity and this too shall pass! It's still not great to be walked over and pushed around, but I AM employed, have a roof over my head, clothes to wear, a car to drive - and compared to some, my problems are miniscule.
Perhaps my altered view has something to do with a rather large bowl of choc-mint-ripple ice-cream?:)
"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matt 6:33,34
Thanks Lord - this one's in Your hands now...
Get me Outta Here!
I've spent most of today thinking very un-Christian thoughts, allowing myself to desend in that downward spiral of anger and upset that bottoms out in darkness.
The Powers That Be are at it again - making decisions that directly affect the Bottom-Dwellers here without first asking them, and then handing down judgement. As a result, I get chucked out of my office into a small hole to make way for a new boss who will spend most of his time OUT of office....the excuse being he needs space to see people. Unfortunately, I'm the first port of call for many who arrive here, and I have just as much claim to needing the space. Yet, I'm low-down on the organizational rungs so just get shoved aside. I've had enough! I've been taking this kind of thing for nearly 8 years now and I can't take much more.
If our visa application for migration to Australia came through today, I would be SO gone. And yet the Lord has a plan in all this - somewhere. He's been testing me and trying me all year, throwing things my way to see if I'll sink on my own or swim with Him.
Help Lord! Get me outta here or give me Your insight into how to handle things without having to kill anyone and hide the bodies!
The Powers That Be are at it again - making decisions that directly affect the Bottom-Dwellers here without first asking them, and then handing down judgement. As a result, I get chucked out of my office into a small hole to make way for a new boss who will spend most of his time OUT of office....the excuse being he needs space to see people. Unfortunately, I'm the first port of call for many who arrive here, and I have just as much claim to needing the space. Yet, I'm low-down on the organizational rungs so just get shoved aside. I've had enough! I've been taking this kind of thing for nearly 8 years now and I can't take much more.
If our visa application for migration to Australia came through today, I would be SO gone. And yet the Lord has a plan in all this - somewhere. He's been testing me and trying me all year, throwing things my way to see if I'll sink on my own or swim with Him.
Help Lord! Get me outta here or give me Your insight into how to handle things without having to kill anyone and hide the bodies!
A little laugh
Mary had a little lamb
The doctor was surprised
When Old McDonald had a farm
The vet, he nearly died!
Just a small silly rhyme to brighten up my day. And believe me, I need it....
The doctor was surprised
When Old McDonald had a farm
The vet, he nearly died!
Just a small silly rhyme to brighten up my day. And believe me, I need it....
Leading Worship Beyond Where You're At
I've been pondering this lately, as a worship musician and potential leader.
Listening to speakers in our monthly worship workshop, I've realized that leading worship is no easy task. There are so many factors at play, especially in a multi-generational congregation of a few hundred. Sure, we have a morning service that is more conservative, and an evening "youth" service, but to try meet everyone where they're at is HUGE! There's a fine line to walk in balancing elements of worship, in discovering what congregational needs are and in developing worship that will both challenge participants to new heights and fill up their empty places.
Worship leaders tend to choose things to include (songs, Bible passages etc.) in a worship "session" that appeal to them personally and where they're at spiritually. It could be a particular song that just speaks to you, or a verse that jumps out. But where you're at isn't necessarily where everyone else is at!
So how do you lead worship in a way that meets everyone where they are, that is not just a reflection of where you are? How do you meet the needs of others in worship who have different struggles, or have gotten past what you're dealing with?
Some days I'm glad I'm "just a musician"....
Listening to speakers in our monthly worship workshop, I've realized that leading worship is no easy task. There are so many factors at play, especially in a multi-generational congregation of a few hundred. Sure, we have a morning service that is more conservative, and an evening "youth" service, but to try meet everyone where they're at is HUGE! There's a fine line to walk in balancing elements of worship, in discovering what congregational needs are and in developing worship that will both challenge participants to new heights and fill up their empty places.
Worship leaders tend to choose things to include (songs, Bible passages etc.) in a worship "session" that appeal to them personally and where they're at spiritually. It could be a particular song that just speaks to you, or a verse that jumps out. But where you're at isn't necessarily where everyone else is at!
So how do you lead worship in a way that meets everyone where they are, that is not just a reflection of where you are? How do you meet the needs of others in worship who have different struggles, or have gotten past what you're dealing with?
Some days I'm glad I'm "just a musician"....
Ringtone Personality
One day I'd like to do a study about what your cellphone/mobile ringtone says about your personality.
There's the good-looking young sales rep who uses the theme from "Lone Ranger" (thinks he's the rugged handsome type perhaps?), the pushing-retirement maintenance guy who likes "Auld Lang Syne" (near the end of his life, all he has left are memories?), or the IT technician whose phone rings like one of those old-fashioned round-dial phones (hates modern stuff, including his computer job?).
And my ringtone? Well...that would be telling!:)
There's the good-looking young sales rep who uses the theme from "Lone Ranger" (thinks he's the rugged handsome type perhaps?), the pushing-retirement maintenance guy who likes "Auld Lang Syne" (near the end of his life, all he has left are memories?), or the IT technician whose phone rings like one of those old-fashioned round-dial phones (hates modern stuff, including his computer job?).
And my ringtone? Well...that would be telling!:)
The Demon
I know this demon. I've seen his face before.
He leans over my shoulder as I browse blogs and websites and tells me "You're nowhere near as good as those folk. Look at all the Christians out there that know where they're at! They have direction - you have nothing. You're looking, but you'll never find what you're looking for. Who would want to hear what you have to say!"
He nudges me in the ribs at church and says "What are you doing here among all these Godly folk? You know you've made a gigantic mess this week. Look at them - worshipping and praising and meeting with God. When last did you know Who you were worshipping? When last did you feel that lost passion for God?"
He joins my best friend and I for coffee and whispers "Hey, didn't you hear her say she heard God's voice on this? Did you notice that she never does anything without first praying? And you - well, you just rush right in and only remember to pray when it's all over. And God never talks to you! She constantly shines with God's presence - you don't even glow in the dark!"
He sits beside me at home and mocks "When are you going to get a life? When are you going to do all those wonderful things with your child that you planned? But no, you're too tired, you're too selfish, you just want a break. Don't you know you're not a good mother?"
He follows me around the shops and tempts me "Come on, you've just been paid. Why worry about tomorrow. All your friends seem to overflow with cash - they're constantly buying new stuff and you're a financial failure! So just give up and forget about saving for the rainy day - there are no clouds around."
He sits on my desk at work, swinging his legs against the drawers. "You know the boss doesn't like you. What you thought was a promotion was his way of getting you out of his office. And now he wants to give your office to someone else and stick you in a hole in the corner. He doesn't care - and neither should you. Why be nice when you're treated like scum?"
I know this demon. I've seen his face. His name is Discouragement.
And I will not let him in.
He leans over my shoulder as I browse blogs and websites and tells me "You're nowhere near as good as those folk. Look at all the Christians out there that know where they're at! They have direction - you have nothing. You're looking, but you'll never find what you're looking for. Who would want to hear what you have to say!"
He nudges me in the ribs at church and says "What are you doing here among all these Godly folk? You know you've made a gigantic mess this week. Look at them - worshipping and praising and meeting with God. When last did you know Who you were worshipping? When last did you feel that lost passion for God?"
He joins my best friend and I for coffee and whispers "Hey, didn't you hear her say she heard God's voice on this? Did you notice that she never does anything without first praying? And you - well, you just rush right in and only remember to pray when it's all over. And God never talks to you! She constantly shines with God's presence - you don't even glow in the dark!"
He sits beside me at home and mocks "When are you going to get a life? When are you going to do all those wonderful things with your child that you planned? But no, you're too tired, you're too selfish, you just want a break. Don't you know you're not a good mother?"
He follows me around the shops and tempts me "Come on, you've just been paid. Why worry about tomorrow. All your friends seem to overflow with cash - they're constantly buying new stuff and you're a financial failure! So just give up and forget about saving for the rainy day - there are no clouds around."
He sits on my desk at work, swinging his legs against the drawers. "You know the boss doesn't like you. What you thought was a promotion was his way of getting you out of his office. And now he wants to give your office to someone else and stick you in a hole in the corner. He doesn't care - and neither should you. Why be nice when you're treated like scum?"
I know this demon. I've seen his face. His name is Discouragement.
And I will not let him in.
Playing Adam and Eve
"..I heard you...and I was afraid...so I hid." Gen 3:10
Last week I needed a day off church - having spent 9 hours at church during the week working on worship team stuff. I wasn't involved in the service, so took time out to sit in the sun and read my Bible. Unfortunately, living on a one-denomination Christian college campus, all the neighbours DO go to church - and all exit their houses at about the same time to get to the service.
Well, there I was, happily soaking up sun in a few very un-churchlike clothes, and saw my neighbour's front door opening (they have a grand view of my small patch of grass that I like to call a yard). First reaction? - well I dived straight into the ferns and hid until they'd gone by!:)
Perhaps it was a gut reaction to being moaned at by self-same ultra-conservative neighbour for bunking church previously and not being up to another tongue-lashing, perhaps it was something else. But sitting in among the ferns I suddenly saw the funny side of it and couldn't stop laughing.
Adam and Eve - eat your heart out! I at least wasn't wearing scratchy fig leaves!:)
Last week I needed a day off church - having spent 9 hours at church during the week working on worship team stuff. I wasn't involved in the service, so took time out to sit in the sun and read my Bible. Unfortunately, living on a one-denomination Christian college campus, all the neighbours DO go to church - and all exit their houses at about the same time to get to the service.
Well, there I was, happily soaking up sun in a few very un-churchlike clothes, and saw my neighbour's front door opening (they have a grand view of my small patch of grass that I like to call a yard). First reaction? - well I dived straight into the ferns and hid until they'd gone by!:)
Perhaps it was a gut reaction to being moaned at by self-same ultra-conservative neighbour for bunking church previously and not being up to another tongue-lashing, perhaps it was something else. But sitting in among the ferns I suddenly saw the funny side of it and couldn't stop laughing.
Adam and Eve - eat your heart out! I at least wasn't wearing scratchy fig leaves!:)
Deliverance Update
Thanks to all who commented on my post yesterday - and to Rachel who commented on this issue at her site.
I had a chat with my good friend Cathy (a true Woman of God, just shining from within with His presence!) yesterday, who knows this woman well. Apparently she's been delivering where none is needed recently - and scaring the Young Adults group with tales of demonic activity and consequent banishment! The poor kids are being frightened into submission before God - and it's not right! Where I was able to deal with it, Cathy is worried that many kids and others will not be able to.
Although this is a relevant ministry to this lady, it seems there may also be an element of "attention getting" - trying to be visible by casting out everything in sight, real or perceived. It's a situation that will have to be dealt with in love and very carefully by the pastor, as he apparently is not aware of what's going on, but will be shortly...
As for my side of the story - well, I firmly believe that God has dealt with my past. A sermon I heard recently illustrated God putting Himself between me and the past so that I didn't have to see it creeping up on me constantly. Spot-on! Yes, there are consequences (and as my aunt says "If you can't be a good example, be a terrible warning!"), but I do believe God uses these to strengthen and form me into what He wants for my life.
I just hope that the repercussions of this and other issues don't hurt the woman involved and that God will help those who talk to her to do it in the right way.
(Why does this ministry make me a little uncomfortable? Well, I guess in part it's because I once ran into a "faith healer" at a very charismatic church I was visiting. He screamed a semi-sermon for half an hour, trying to work up the congregation, after which he attempted to heal a number of folk, claiming he was "way past" the shaking and shouting manifestation of his powers - and then doing his thing from a distance. The congregation was COMPLETELY silent - in shock perhaps - quite a thing for a 1000-strong group! Yeah, there was a spirit at work there, but I don't think it was the one he claimed - and I was VERY glad I was sitting way in the back row! I know there are true faith healers out there, but this chap was not one of them. He was just plain scary. Another one to chalk up to experience had!)
I had a chat with my good friend Cathy (a true Woman of God, just shining from within with His presence!) yesterday, who knows this woman well. Apparently she's been delivering where none is needed recently - and scaring the Young Adults group with tales of demonic activity and consequent banishment! The poor kids are being frightened into submission before God - and it's not right! Where I was able to deal with it, Cathy is worried that many kids and others will not be able to.
Although this is a relevant ministry to this lady, it seems there may also be an element of "attention getting" - trying to be visible by casting out everything in sight, real or perceived. It's a situation that will have to be dealt with in love and very carefully by the pastor, as he apparently is not aware of what's going on, but will be shortly...
As for my side of the story - well, I firmly believe that God has dealt with my past. A sermon I heard recently illustrated God putting Himself between me and the past so that I didn't have to see it creeping up on me constantly. Spot-on! Yes, there are consequences (and as my aunt says "If you can't be a good example, be a terrible warning!"), but I do believe God uses these to strengthen and form me into what He wants for my life.
I just hope that the repercussions of this and other issues don't hurt the woman involved and that God will help those who talk to her to do it in the right way.
(Why does this ministry make me a little uncomfortable? Well, I guess in part it's because I once ran into a "faith healer" at a very charismatic church I was visiting. He screamed a semi-sermon for half an hour, trying to work up the congregation, after which he attempted to heal a number of folk, claiming he was "way past" the shaking and shouting manifestation of his powers - and then doing his thing from a distance. The congregation was COMPLETELY silent - in shock perhaps - quite a thing for a 1000-strong group! Yeah, there was a spirit at work there, but I don't think it was the one he claimed - and I was VERY glad I was sitting way in the back row! I know there are true faith healers out there, but this chap was not one of them. He was just plain scary. Another one to chalk up to experience had!)
Deliverence!
This weekend I was invited to lunch by a Woman of God, who seems to have a direct connection to the Man Upstairs - hears Him clearly on everything and responds accordingly. (She prayed over my son on Sunday night - got a calling to do so, and nearly scared the pants off the kid in the process...)
Well, it was just me and another single mom and our 2 kids. After lunch we discovered she had alterior motives for inviting us - her ministry area is Deliverance (as in casting out demons!) and we had been asked along to be delivered from our iniquity as single moms!
Ok, this deliverance ministry is not one I've grown up with or know too much about, so it was a somewhat scary thought that I was to be "delivered"! In fact, I started praying "Lord, if you're really talking to this woman, tell her NOT NOW! I don't think I need deliverance, as this is an issue You and I have dealt with ages ago - though of course the effects will be there for a long time to come." Well, she backed off after a while when she didn't get too enthusiastic a response from me, and the conversation turned to other things.
I'm not sure what to think - I know God's using her and such, but does she have the right to assume I need deliverance, that I'm "in the iniquity"? Us single parents sometimes get targeted just because we're single parents - but that doesn't mean we're evil! I can understand her thinking that "the sins of the fathers are passed on to the children" in that my son is going to have things to deal with after growing up without a dad, but surely under God's grace our little 2-person family can escape the "evil trap" and make a success of our lives. I've put my "colourful" past way behind me and have asked to be made new under God's covering.
I'm going to have to mull over this a while yet, but was just a bit upset at once again being placed in a box and judged by other folk's perceptions without them enquiring after the true facts first.
Only problem is - did God tell her to deliver me? Is there something I'm doing that I don't know is wrong???
Well, it was just me and another single mom and our 2 kids. After lunch we discovered she had alterior motives for inviting us - her ministry area is Deliverance (as in casting out demons!) and we had been asked along to be delivered from our iniquity as single moms!
Ok, this deliverance ministry is not one I've grown up with or know too much about, so it was a somewhat scary thought that I was to be "delivered"! In fact, I started praying "Lord, if you're really talking to this woman, tell her NOT NOW! I don't think I need deliverance, as this is an issue You and I have dealt with ages ago - though of course the effects will be there for a long time to come." Well, she backed off after a while when she didn't get too enthusiastic a response from me, and the conversation turned to other things.
I'm not sure what to think - I know God's using her and such, but does she have the right to assume I need deliverance, that I'm "in the iniquity"? Us single parents sometimes get targeted just because we're single parents - but that doesn't mean we're evil! I can understand her thinking that "the sins of the fathers are passed on to the children" in that my son is going to have things to deal with after growing up without a dad, but surely under God's grace our little 2-person family can escape the "evil trap" and make a success of our lives. I've put my "colourful" past way behind me and have asked to be made new under God's covering.
I'm going to have to mull over this a while yet, but was just a bit upset at once again being placed in a box and judged by other folk's perceptions without them enquiring after the true facts first.
Only problem is - did God tell her to deliver me? Is there something I'm doing that I don't know is wrong???
What Would Jesus Blog?
Been away from my blog all weekend (had to keep resisting the urge to come into work and write something), but been pondering this weekend...
If Jesus were on earth today, would he have a blog? What would it look like? What would it say? Would he be "converting" on the net? Would it be full of controversial stuff? Would reading it blow our minds and challenge us to really change?
If Jesus were on earth today, would he have a blog? What would it look like? What would it say? Would he be "converting" on the net? Would it be full of controversial stuff? Would reading it blow our minds and challenge us to really change?
Food for Thought
“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Ralph Waldo Emerson
TGIF
Friday at last - and where on earth has the week gone? It's been such a busy one with work, worship team training and the usual home life - and a couple of very late nights thrown in too. But finally the weekend has arrived. And this weekend will be one of rest. I've got a break from worship-team duties and thus a chance just to be present and participate - fill up my tank so to speak, before giving again next weekend. After a recent 18-weeks-in-a-row worship team duty stint, it's a real blessing to be able to sit and listen (each duty weekend involves about 6 hours of preparation and service time per service). The pastor's doing a 2-week series on "Why Wait" - keeping sex for marriage, and although it's too late for me (single mom since age 21), it's good to hear the why's of what God's plan for our lives is - hope my son will absorb some of it and we'll discuss the ideas later on.
The remainder of the weekend will involve a relaxing and stress-relieving stint in my garden, lunch with a Woman of God and time to keep God's day holy. With rain on the way, it's going to be good to sleep in too.
Nothing profound in my head today - just relief that the week has been survived.
The remainder of the weekend will involve a relaxing and stress-relieving stint in my garden, lunch with a Woman of God and time to keep God's day holy. With rain on the way, it's going to be good to sleep in too.
Nothing profound in my head today - just relief that the week has been survived.
Sweetcorn & God
I opened a can of sweetcorn for lunch and found myself wondering, "Hey, where's my sweetcorn??!!" Sure it was yellow, and creamy, and there were corn kernels here and there, but it was more filler than corn.
Perhaps sometimes church is like that. We open the doors with great expectations, we look forward to a day full of God and our mouths water for the taste of His sweet presence. It looks like a God-service when we get there, it's got the right colour and atmosphere - but all we encounter is a lot of filler, a whiff of God's presence and a vague glimpse or two of Him. And we find ourselves wondering when it's all said and done, "Hey, where's my God??!!"
Perhaps sometimes church is like that. We open the doors with great expectations, we look forward to a day full of God and our mouths water for the taste of His sweet presence. It looks like a God-service when we get there, it's got the right colour and atmosphere - but all we encounter is a lot of filler, a whiff of God's presence and a vague glimpse or two of Him. And we find ourselves wondering when it's all said and done, "Hey, where's my God??!!"
Open Church
Just found this comment on Open Church at TheHeresy that seems to rather relate to my denomination/church membership inner debate. Especially the comments of others posted!
I've been questioning for a while now the "rules of the club" that you agree to when going into membership - none of it seems to relate to how you are as a Christian, but rather to what you agree to believe in. Is this biblical? From what I can gather, D2 (see below) baptizes you if you want to commit to God (with only a short study on what you're committing to), but there is a seperate process to "join the club", or become a member (with a longer period of going through the "rules" and such). Is THIS biblical? Too many questions today, too few answers....
I've been questioning for a while now the "rules of the club" that you agree to when going into membership - none of it seems to relate to how you are as a Christian, but rather to what you agree to believe in. Is this biblical? From what I can gather, D2 (see below) baptizes you if you want to commit to God (with only a short study on what you're committing to), but there is a seperate process to "join the club", or become a member (with a longer period of going through the "rules" and such). Is THIS biblical? Too many questions today, too few answers....
A question of Denomination
The past year and a half has been a huge learning curve for me. I'm "between churches" as a result, and here's how it happened.
I grew up in Denomination 1 (not going to denom-bash in this post, so they're numbered for now) and was pretty happy as long as I was a pew-warmer. My dad pastors in D1, and he's happy too. Mom has a ministry within D1, and she's also happy. A couple of years ago they up and moved to Australia. And I got involved in D1 leadership - first starting Kid's Church then a praise team, and then I got going and wanted to make all sorts of changes - I was on fire, man! Unfortunately the pastor black-labelled me, along with a couple of elders, and life got really difficult. All my passion for worship was snuffed out by the big boot of The Authorities and church became a chore. I'd come away from doing church with a frustration headache each week, having rushed from praise team to kid's church and never got a morsel of spiritual food for me. The lack of progress, the unwillingness to try something new and better, really got to me. At the beginning of last year I resigned from everything and took to just having a "day of rest" from church - and what a blessing that was after the previous nightmare!
And then I was invited to visit Denomination 2. Came, saw, stayed to worship and didn't miss a week for over a year. During that time I was drafted onto the worship team as musician and then later put on the worship committee to plan worship for the church (though the pastor had concerns that I wasn't a member, after a previous bad experience with non-members in leadership positions). So that's where I worship now. And I love it! It's alive, it's relaxed, it's real, and it's growing and changing to meet needs. Hey, my son even drags me off to church every week! That has to be a good thing!
But I don't agree with all the beliefs of D2, and I've started wondering about some of the beliefs (or perhaps the way they're implemented) of D1. As a result I've kinda developed my own set of beliefs - which is probably a good thing, after all you have to know for yourself what you believe and why. Having some of them challenged has strengthened my faith and clarified the why's for me in a big way.
But I wonder - is denomination important? How do you define who you are without being within a certain set of "rules of the club"? Can you just be a Christian without being a denomination? If you're comfortable with one set of beliefs and just as comfortable worshipping within another set, is that a bad thing? Can you filter out the bad and absorb the good from each one? Do you have to actually belong somewhere to be part of the body of Christ?
And how do you deal with the lonliness of being neither here nor there? How do you find someone who understands both points of view to bounce your feelings and ideas off? It's something I'm struggling with at the moment - and I tend to just shut up and not say anything to stir the pot - it's easier that way...
Current Music: Hillsong "Hope" - again!
I grew up in Denomination 1 (not going to denom-bash in this post, so they're numbered for now) and was pretty happy as long as I was a pew-warmer. My dad pastors in D1, and he's happy too. Mom has a ministry within D1, and she's also happy. A couple of years ago they up and moved to Australia. And I got involved in D1 leadership - first starting Kid's Church then a praise team, and then I got going and wanted to make all sorts of changes - I was on fire, man! Unfortunately the pastor black-labelled me, along with a couple of elders, and life got really difficult. All my passion for worship was snuffed out by the big boot of The Authorities and church became a chore. I'd come away from doing church with a frustration headache each week, having rushed from praise team to kid's church and never got a morsel of spiritual food for me. The lack of progress, the unwillingness to try something new and better, really got to me. At the beginning of last year I resigned from everything and took to just having a "day of rest" from church - and what a blessing that was after the previous nightmare!
And then I was invited to visit Denomination 2. Came, saw, stayed to worship and didn't miss a week for over a year. During that time I was drafted onto the worship team as musician and then later put on the worship committee to plan worship for the church (though the pastor had concerns that I wasn't a member, after a previous bad experience with non-members in leadership positions). So that's where I worship now. And I love it! It's alive, it's relaxed, it's real, and it's growing and changing to meet needs. Hey, my son even drags me off to church every week! That has to be a good thing!
But I don't agree with all the beliefs of D2, and I've started wondering about some of the beliefs (or perhaps the way they're implemented) of D1. As a result I've kinda developed my own set of beliefs - which is probably a good thing, after all you have to know for yourself what you believe and why. Having some of them challenged has strengthened my faith and clarified the why's for me in a big way.
But I wonder - is denomination important? How do you define who you are without being within a certain set of "rules of the club"? Can you just be a Christian without being a denomination? If you're comfortable with one set of beliefs and just as comfortable worshipping within another set, is that a bad thing? Can you filter out the bad and absorb the good from each one? Do you have to actually belong somewhere to be part of the body of Christ?
And how do you deal with the lonliness of being neither here nor there? How do you find someone who understands both points of view to bounce your feelings and ideas off? It's something I'm struggling with at the moment - and I tend to just shut up and not say anything to stir the pot - it's easier that way...
Current Music: Hillsong "Hope" - again!
What are YOU doing for Christmas?
I came across this quote from Gordon Cosby in the Vineyard "Cutting Edge" magazine a while ago:
"Being with the suffering poor is not optional. Jesus himself said that whatever we do or fail to do for the hungry or sick or imprisoned or destitute, we do or fail to do for him. Why would Christ use such a measurement? Perhaps because being with those who complete and utterly have no physical means of support causes us to ask life-altering questions: am I taking God seriously? What difference does God make for a world with such need? What does God wish I would be about in my one brief life? If I really believe that "God so loved the world" that Jesus was willing to die for it, am I willing ot risk my pride, my self-esteem, my security, my comfort in order to immerse myself completely in loving service to this world? Do I care enough about the things that matter the most to God?"
That got me thinking - I talk about helping the poor, about making a difference, but am I really putting into practice all the ideas that come along? Am I scared to step out of my comfort zone and "just do it"?
This year my son and I are on our own for Christmas. My parents live in Australia (we're in South Africa), my brothers will be with their wives' families. So this is a perfect opportunity to make Christmas different this year. I've been thinking about my community - both on the college campus where I work, and in the small city we live in - and where I could make a difference by simply caring. What that would involve, how caring would look practically. I'm still playing with a few thoughts, but I really want to do SOMETHING for others this year and make it a true celebration of who God is and what He did.
This morning a few articles from the online Adventist Review arrived in my inbox. One tells of giving your best to those in need and what you can give, another talks about getting out of your comfort zone to make a difference in the lives of a group you may not really identify with. Lots of food for thought, and something that I'll be mulling over for a while still. Watch this space to see what happens!
So - what are YOU doing for Christmas this year?
Current Music: Michael W Smith - Worship Again
"Being with the suffering poor is not optional. Jesus himself said that whatever we do or fail to do for the hungry or sick or imprisoned or destitute, we do or fail to do for him. Why would Christ use such a measurement? Perhaps because being with those who complete and utterly have no physical means of support causes us to ask life-altering questions: am I taking God seriously? What difference does God make for a world with such need? What does God wish I would be about in my one brief life? If I really believe that "God so loved the world" that Jesus was willing to die for it, am I willing ot risk my pride, my self-esteem, my security, my comfort in order to immerse myself completely in loving service to this world? Do I care enough about the things that matter the most to God?"
That got me thinking - I talk about helping the poor, about making a difference, but am I really putting into practice all the ideas that come along? Am I scared to step out of my comfort zone and "just do it"?
This year my son and I are on our own for Christmas. My parents live in Australia (we're in South Africa), my brothers will be with their wives' families. So this is a perfect opportunity to make Christmas different this year. I've been thinking about my community - both on the college campus where I work, and in the small city we live in - and where I could make a difference by simply caring. What that would involve, how caring would look practically. I'm still playing with a few thoughts, but I really want to do SOMETHING for others this year and make it a true celebration of who God is and what He did.
This morning a few articles from the online Adventist Review arrived in my inbox. One tells of giving your best to those in need and what you can give, another talks about getting out of your comfort zone to make a difference in the lives of a group you may not really identify with. Lots of food for thought, and something that I'll be mulling over for a while still. Watch this space to see what happens!
So - what are YOU doing for Christmas this year?
Current Music: Michael W Smith - Worship Again
Hmmm....
Here's a thought - if we can take "sick leave" at work, why don't we get to take "spiritual sick leave"? You know, when you just need a few extra hours in the day to spend in silence with God, without interruption, to meditate and read and be with God, to just listen. But I can just hear the administrators: "So...how do we know you're really being SPIRITUAL? Perhaps you're just lying around the house being lazy and passing it off as spiritual sick leave."
Oh well, it was a nice thought...
Current music: Doing the Stuff: Live worship from the UK
Oh well, it was a nice thought...
Current music: Doing the Stuff: Live worship from the UK
Morning-song
Early morning sunlight
reflective sea
Across the bay
magnified mountains stand sharp
against crisp peach sky
My mountains' shadow
half-way across sea
the shape clear blue
on ice-pink shore
Far above, pastel sketches
white birds against shdow
turn black against light
wheeling on invisible strings
Sharp quick edges softened
slowed and waiting for warmth
World waits in wonder
watching a new fresh day
- Michelle B (15/06/1989)
Oh Lord, you have created a beautiful world for us. This morning I arrived at work angry and upset over administrative decisions that once again leave me financially at sea. I clasped my anger to my heart, not willing to let it go and leave my future in Your hands. I WANTED to be angry, I HAD TO look upset and let the poison flow in my veins.
But then I stood at my office window, looking over the bay and across to Cape Point - watching the march of a cold front across the mirror of the ocean.
How can I be angry when you have made such beauty for me? How can I let my petty upsets ruin the day you have created - a day that you have graciously allowed me to see? How can I harbour grudges when I know this world is fleeting, life is short and you have something a million times better waiting for me when this world ends?
Lord, let me rest in you today - let me be still and KNOW that you are GOD. You know the plans you have for me, plans to prosper and not harm, plans to give a future and hope. Let me lie in your arms like a child in the arms of its Father - let me rest my care-worn head on Your broad eternal chest and just be Your child today.
Current music: iWorship
reflective sea
Across the bay
magnified mountains stand sharp
against crisp peach sky
My mountains' shadow
half-way across sea
the shape clear blue
on ice-pink shore
Far above, pastel sketches
white birds against shdow
turn black against light
wheeling on invisible strings
Sharp quick edges softened
slowed and waiting for warmth
World waits in wonder
watching a new fresh day
- Michelle B (15/06/1989)
Oh Lord, you have created a beautiful world for us. This morning I arrived at work angry and upset over administrative decisions that once again leave me financially at sea. I clasped my anger to my heart, not willing to let it go and leave my future in Your hands. I WANTED to be angry, I HAD TO look upset and let the poison flow in my veins.
But then I stood at my office window, looking over the bay and across to Cape Point - watching the march of a cold front across the mirror of the ocean.
How can I be angry when you have made such beauty for me? How can I let my petty upsets ruin the day you have created - a day that you have graciously allowed me to see? How can I harbour grudges when I know this world is fleeting, life is short and you have something a million times better waiting for me when this world ends?
Lord, let me rest in you today - let me be still and KNOW that you are GOD. You know the plans you have for me, plans to prosper and not harm, plans to give a future and hope. Let me lie in your arms like a child in the arms of its Father - let me rest my care-worn head on Your broad eternal chest and just be Your child today.
Current music: iWorship
STOP THE WORLD!...and let me catch up...
Lately it feels like I'm observing my life, not living it. I guess it's as if someone has put up a video camera and taped me running around, and I'm watching it in fast-forward. It seems that each day is but a mindless running to and fro, stuck in a routine, never really getting around to what I really want to do, just getting by - survival mode.
I watch me being a single mom. I get up, send my son to school, rush home at lunch to make something he won't complain about, back to work, home again at 5 to do the supper-homework-bath-bedtime routine. We're missing out on seriously fun family time. We're not doing the things I'd love to do with him. Suddenly he's 10 years old and before I know it he'll be gone - and I'll be wishing we had more time.
I watch me being a worship team member. Each week I rush to practice (praying the car will either make it there or stop when I need it to), rush through training singers for our upcoming outreach programme, rush through getting songs right on piano and/or keyboard, then rush home. I hurry to services, work hard at worship, try and listen to the sermon without thinking about what comes next, and then go home again.
I watch me at work - and that's scary stuff! I see me sitting on the net instead of facing up to piles of things waiting for me. I find the days flying past, and I'm not getting half the stuff done I want to. I get home and remember what I wanted to accomplish at work - but it's too late. And by the time I get to work tomorrow I'll have forgotten what I wanted to do.
Where does it all end? When do I get time to actually live? When do I get to enjoy life and stop the spinning wheel of routine? When do I get to just be me? Do I even know who that is anymore?
And now I have to rush off yet again....
Current Music: Hillsong "Hope"
I watch me being a single mom. I get up, send my son to school, rush home at lunch to make something he won't complain about, back to work, home again at 5 to do the supper-homework-bath-bedtime routine. We're missing out on seriously fun family time. We're not doing the things I'd love to do with him. Suddenly he's 10 years old and before I know it he'll be gone - and I'll be wishing we had more time.
I watch me being a worship team member. Each week I rush to practice (praying the car will either make it there or stop when I need it to), rush through training singers for our upcoming outreach programme, rush through getting songs right on piano and/or keyboard, then rush home. I hurry to services, work hard at worship, try and listen to the sermon without thinking about what comes next, and then go home again.
I watch me at work - and that's scary stuff! I see me sitting on the net instead of facing up to piles of things waiting for me. I find the days flying past, and I'm not getting half the stuff done I want to. I get home and remember what I wanted to accomplish at work - but it's too late. And by the time I get to work tomorrow I'll have forgotten what I wanted to do.
Where does it all end? When do I get time to actually live? When do I get to enjoy life and stop the spinning wheel of routine? When do I get to just be me? Do I even know who that is anymore?
And now I have to rush off yet again....
Current Music: Hillsong "Hope"
Random Thoughts
Hey, my first blog! How cool is that? I've been wanting to do this for ages, and have finally gotten around to it. So, why blog? I guess I just have an urge to throw my thoughts to the internet wind and see what comes back. That, and Darren from Living Room gave me a push in the right direction!:) THANKS DARREN!
So...am going to try do this once a day, posting as things pass through this blonde mind of mine and see what happens!
Hey, my first blog! How cool is that? I've been wanting to do this for ages, and have finally gotten around to it. So, why blog? I guess I just have an urge to throw my thoughts to the internet wind and see what comes back. That, and Darren from Living Room gave me a push in the right direction!:) THANKS DARREN!
So...am going to try do this once a day, posting as things pass through this blonde mind of mine and see what happens!
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