NOTICE!
the little things
Silence, Solitude
I'm very much looking foward to a bit of peace and quiet this weekend. It seems as if noise, rush and pressure has completely filled the hours lately. I know that unless I take some serious time-out to simply be still and quiet, I will not cope with the week to come.
This is why I cherish and protect the 24 hours I take as Sabbath each week. I quite honestly don't know how people cope when they DON'T take a complete break every 7 days. How can one simply rush on and on through life, without a full-stop in their living? And even if you're "doing good" during that time, how can you find inner rest if your body and mind are still on the go?
I simply cannot survive life without halting the motion, stopping completely to absorb and feel and breathe. On the weekends where I entertain over lunch, or have to be here and there, or have some other busynes intrude, I can feel the difference as I start the new working week. I'm unsettled, panicky, tense, tired - ready to snap before the first hour is gone.
These days I clear my schedule as much as possible for those 24 hours. Make no plans, leave off thinking what needs to be done tomorrow, and simply live in the moments as they arrive. I try to spend at least an hour alone (while my son's in the bath, or digging in his box of Bionicle pieces to creat some new marvel) - preferably outside where I can see sunbirds and mice stop by. I try to empty my head of to-do lists and plans for the next 24 hours, and leave off the worrying about whatever the latest issue is in my life. It will still be there when the sun goes down, and when it comes up tomorrow. Let tomorrow take care of itself. And perhaps a day without that particular issue will give a new perspective on it, an ability to deal differently and solve it creatively.
So this weekend it's solitude and silence, peace and quiet, fresh air, sunshine and a throwing off of burdens. If only for 24 hours, once a week.
This is why I cherish and protect the 24 hours I take as Sabbath each week. I quite honestly don't know how people cope when they DON'T take a complete break every 7 days. How can one simply rush on and on through life, without a full-stop in their living? And even if you're "doing good" during that time, how can you find inner rest if your body and mind are still on the go?
I simply cannot survive life without halting the motion, stopping completely to absorb and feel and breathe. On the weekends where I entertain over lunch, or have to be here and there, or have some other busynes intrude, I can feel the difference as I start the new working week. I'm unsettled, panicky, tense, tired - ready to snap before the first hour is gone.
These days I clear my schedule as much as possible for those 24 hours. Make no plans, leave off thinking what needs to be done tomorrow, and simply live in the moments as they arrive. I try to spend at least an hour alone (while my son's in the bath, or digging in his box of Bionicle pieces to creat some new marvel) - preferably outside where I can see sunbirds and mice stop by. I try to empty my head of to-do lists and plans for the next 24 hours, and leave off the worrying about whatever the latest issue is in my life. It will still be there when the sun goes down, and when it comes up tomorrow. Let tomorrow take care of itself. And perhaps a day without that particular issue will give a new perspective on it, an ability to deal differently and solve it creatively.
So this weekend it's solitude and silence, peace and quiet, fresh air, sunshine and a throwing off of burdens. If only for 24 hours, once a week.
Overload/Stalled
Ever get to the stage where you're trying to get so much into your brain at one time that it just simply throws its hands up in the air and stalls completely?
I'm SO there right now.
I've been trying to get a multitude of different programming/web writing languages into my head, all at the same time. But typically I'm not working on one to completion, rather jumping around and just confusing myself.
Then when it comes to bedtime I lie there with "must do's" knocking around my brain, shifting it up into overdrive so I can't sleep. And when I DO finally sleep the darned yappers across the road start up (their owners tend to watch DVDs at a window-rattling volume until all hours, so don't hear them). Who on God's green earth can sleep through the bark of a Miniature Doberman Pinscher? It's the kind of sound that travels through your body and tingles in every jangled nerve. A bit like mild shock therapy to the totally-relaxed muscles.
I came to work today with a long to-do list, knowing that I could have used all those empty days in the past to get some of this done.
Yet now my brain simply has given up. I can't think of anything I wanted to do, nor of how to solve the problem of non-scrolling scrolling news tickers (and their strange fonts), nor of anything I wanted to update/upgrade/complete/whatever.
The head's gone into weekend mode. Point of no return. All I can manage is to sit here and stare at the screen, wondering what's next.
I'm SO there right now.
I've been trying to get a multitude of different programming/web writing languages into my head, all at the same time. But typically I'm not working on one to completion, rather jumping around and just confusing myself.
Then when it comes to bedtime I lie there with "must do's" knocking around my brain, shifting it up into overdrive so I can't sleep. And when I DO finally sleep the darned yappers across the road start up (their owners tend to watch DVDs at a window-rattling volume until all hours, so don't hear them). Who on God's green earth can sleep through the bark of a Miniature Doberman Pinscher? It's the kind of sound that travels through your body and tingles in every jangled nerve. A bit like mild shock therapy to the totally-relaxed muscles.
I came to work today with a long to-do list, knowing that I could have used all those empty days in the past to get some of this done.
Yet now my brain simply has given up. I can't think of anything I wanted to do, nor of how to solve the problem of non-scrolling scrolling news tickers (and their strange fonts), nor of anything I wanted to update/upgrade/complete/whatever.
The head's gone into weekend mode. Point of no return. All I can manage is to sit here and stare at the screen, wondering what's next.
The Single Life
I seem to have bad luck with dates. First one stands me up, then another doesn't have time to actually go on one, and then last night's one was an hour late! :)
I had arranged to meet my good friend Gail at 5:30 for an early, but lengthy, supper. Got there in time, waited around in the car, then waited around outside - then just went in and sat down at our table. Got out the cellphone, got hold of her ex and found out she thought we were meeting at 6:30 (just before my battery died). Gave me time for a leisurely drink by the fireplace before she arrived. And we made the most of our night out when she did. Supper ended at 10 after some pretty excellent food and even better conversation.
We are two of what used to be called the 3 Musketeers. The three of us girls having exactly 10 years between each of us. And me being the youngest. In spite of the immense age gaps we got along famously - until I left the church the other 2 still attend and found myself cold-shouldered by the oldest member of our group. It wasn't intentional, she just couldn't relate to why I did what I did.
But Gail and I have remained good friends. We don't get to spend as much time together as we used to, but when we do we chat and chat and chat. Last night was no exception. And you know, it was really great! I don't have a lot of close friends, especially female friends. I don't get to talk heart-to-heart very often. It was just what I needed.
---
Rather strange getting up this morning with no mid-morning lunchbox to pack for the kid, no complaints about lights going on in the dark, no humming and hawing over what's for breakfast and no kid's programme blaring forth from the TV. All was quiet, I slept in a bit, and I got to work a whole half-hour early!
Wonder how the kid is doing?
I had arranged to meet my good friend Gail at 5:30 for an early, but lengthy, supper. Got there in time, waited around in the car, then waited around outside - then just went in and sat down at our table. Got out the cellphone, got hold of her ex and found out she thought we were meeting at 6:30 (just before my battery died). Gave me time for a leisurely drink by the fireplace before she arrived. And we made the most of our night out when she did. Supper ended at 10 after some pretty excellent food and even better conversation.
We are two of what used to be called the 3 Musketeers. The three of us girls having exactly 10 years between each of us. And me being the youngest. In spite of the immense age gaps we got along famously - until I left the church the other 2 still attend and found myself cold-shouldered by the oldest member of our group. It wasn't intentional, she just couldn't relate to why I did what I did.
But Gail and I have remained good friends. We don't get to spend as much time together as we used to, but when we do we chat and chat and chat. Last night was no exception. And you know, it was really great! I don't have a lot of close friends, especially female friends. I don't get to talk heart-to-heart very often. It was just what I needed.
---
Rather strange getting up this morning with no mid-morning lunchbox to pack for the kid, no complaints about lights going on in the dark, no humming and hawing over what's for breakfast and no kid's programme blaring forth from the TV. All was quiet, I slept in a bit, and I got to work a whole half-hour early!
Wonder how the kid is doing?
Strain in the Brain
Apologies for not posting my usual copious amounts of mindless drivel - but I have been BUSY today, not busy-running-around, but busy-brain-expanding.
Should I progress to a further interview I want to know what's cutting in certain areas and be able to ask intelligent questions, so have (as per my usual methods) dived into full-scale internet searching, tutorials, articles and brain-popping learning.
I've found out how to stream media (and subsequently put up one of the college choir songs on our site for visitor's listening pleasure before they buy the latest CD), I have attempted to get my head around Flash (and failed at Step 1, which will need further investigation and a larger screen on the help menu to make any sense of it, although I've printed out a large manual - which states "first do the tutorials in the help section"... great...). I have compared sites similar to the one I could be working on, and seen just how complicated it can get - and figured out how to do live score updates from whomever is in the field without me having to sit on a computer 24/7. I have fiddled with graphics and found a way to make things move without Flash, and then put up an animated "download the latest" button on the current work site. I have put into motion a plan to get a media editor on my machine, and to put ALL the college CDs available for sale online - on both the current and the to-be-uploaded-next-week sites. I have updated the events photo albums and the "what's new" page.
In short, I have most certainly EARNED my salary today.
Yet I find myself wishing I had more hours left here. And that my brain would absorb stuff quicker. And that I could plug myself in to the sources of knowledge all over the net and just upload it all to my head. And that I knew how to do the first steps in both PhotoShop and Flash (like opening a picture or inserting one! geez, I'm useless sometimes).
Thankfully, the day is nearly done. My brain is starting to overheat and before it bursts into flames the working hours will forcibly end. I can't stay late here tonight - my friend and I have a table booked for 5:30, so it's home, change and get to the restaurant right after work. Just as well. I suspect that if I didn't have a kid to go home to each night and lunchtime, my butt would meld to this chair permanently as I laid hands and mind on anything and everything I came across.
OK, time to relax now. A bit of mindless student processing is in order.
Back tomorrow!
Should I progress to a further interview I want to know what's cutting in certain areas and be able to ask intelligent questions, so have (as per my usual methods) dived into full-scale internet searching, tutorials, articles and brain-popping learning.
I've found out how to stream media (and subsequently put up one of the college choir songs on our site for visitor's listening pleasure before they buy the latest CD), I have attempted to get my head around Flash (and failed at Step 1, which will need further investigation and a larger screen on the help menu to make any sense of it, although I've printed out a large manual - which states "first do the tutorials in the help section"... great...). I have compared sites similar to the one I could be working on, and seen just how complicated it can get - and figured out how to do live score updates from whomever is in the field without me having to sit on a computer 24/7. I have fiddled with graphics and found a way to make things move without Flash, and then put up an animated "download the latest" button on the current work site. I have put into motion a plan to get a media editor on my machine, and to put ALL the college CDs available for sale online - on both the current and the to-be-uploaded-next-week sites. I have updated the events photo albums and the "what's new" page.
In short, I have most certainly EARNED my salary today.
Yet I find myself wishing I had more hours left here. And that my brain would absorb stuff quicker. And that I could plug myself in to the sources of knowledge all over the net and just upload it all to my head. And that I knew how to do the first steps in both PhotoShop and Flash (like opening a picture or inserting one! geez, I'm useless sometimes).
Thankfully, the day is nearly done. My brain is starting to overheat and before it bursts into flames the working hours will forcibly end. I can't stay late here tonight - my friend and I have a table booked for 5:30, so it's home, change and get to the restaurant right after work. Just as well. I suspect that if I didn't have a kid to go home to each night and lunchtime, my butt would meld to this chair permanently as I laid hands and mind on anything and everything I came across.
OK, time to relax now. A bit of mindless student processing is in order.
Back tomorrow!
"Sometimes I feel like a motherless child"...
Well, actually this morning it's more like a childless mother! My son has left for 3 days of camp with his class, and I'm home alone.
It's a new experience for me. The only other time we've been away from each other for more than a couple of hours was when I ended up in hospital after a bad accident a good few years ago. My parents were still around to look after him, so at least he was with family for the month I lay in a hospital bed.
But this is way different. Now I'm the one staying home and he's away.
I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with myself!
OK, that's not quite true. I'm meeting up with a (girl)friend for supper tonight just after work, and a good chat - a lot earlier than Potential Date would have been, cos we're both old farts who need our beauty sleep. I haven't seen her for ages and it's time to catch up on each other's lives.
But the rest of the time? Dunno. Lunchtime today is going to be an empty hour - no trying to wheedle the son into eating whatever I've made ("not pasta, AGAIN!"), no fetching and serving or chatting over how school has been, or tripping over discarded school shoes. Just me, the dogs and Dr Phil...
Tomorrow night I may turn his "room" upside down, sort out the toys and re-arrange the living space, such as can be done, to give him a few more inches of floor. I may do the weekly deep-clean of the house so I don't have to do it on Friday afternoon. Or I may just wander around in circles, not quite sure what to do with myself.
It's amazing how mothering routine takes over one's life. When it's not there, there's this huge blank empty spot of nothingness.
Early empty-nest syndrome? I guess so!
It's a new experience for me. The only other time we've been away from each other for more than a couple of hours was when I ended up in hospital after a bad accident a good few years ago. My parents were still around to look after him, so at least he was with family for the month I lay in a hospital bed.
But this is way different. Now I'm the one staying home and he's away.
I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with myself!
OK, that's not quite true. I'm meeting up with a (girl)friend for supper tonight just after work, and a good chat - a lot earlier than Potential Date would have been, cos we're both old farts who need our beauty sleep. I haven't seen her for ages and it's time to catch up on each other's lives.
But the rest of the time? Dunno. Lunchtime today is going to be an empty hour - no trying to wheedle the son into eating whatever I've made ("not pasta, AGAIN!"), no fetching and serving or chatting over how school has been, or tripping over discarded school shoes. Just me, the dogs and Dr Phil...
Tomorrow night I may turn his "room" upside down, sort out the toys and re-arrange the living space, such as can be done, to give him a few more inches of floor. I may do the weekly deep-clean of the house so I don't have to do it on Friday afternoon. Or I may just wander around in circles, not quite sure what to do with myself.
It's amazing how mothering routine takes over one's life. When it's not there, there's this huge blank empty spot of nothingness.
Early empty-nest syndrome? I guess so!
Oh WOW!
Man, I SO want that job!!!
Can you tell the interview went well? :) I'm one of only two applicants, and my chances are pretty good that this will work out. But if not, the recruiting agency wants to keep my details on hand for any future interesting positions.
Without giving too much away, the job is for a local sports group managing one particular genre, and includes all sorts of fascinating duties and major events coverage. It may also include a home internet connection and DSTV (satellite TV) if they REALLY want all they say they want on their website, running at "live coverage" speed...
It's challenging, I'll have a good learning curve ahead if accepted, but it seems flexible enough to allow me a bit of slack to learn and time to be a parent. It will be a complete change from what I'm currently doing - except for the computer side of things I'm doing already.
This is the first of three possible interviews - next up would be managers, and after that board of directors, at which point starting the job would be a formality.
I really, REALLY want this job! But it scares the heck out of me (in a good way) too.
Can you tell the interview went well? :) I'm one of only two applicants, and my chances are pretty good that this will work out. But if not, the recruiting agency wants to keep my details on hand for any future interesting positions.
Without giving too much away, the job is for a local sports group managing one particular genre, and includes all sorts of fascinating duties and major events coverage. It may also include a home internet connection and DSTV (satellite TV) if they REALLY want all they say they want on their website, running at "live coverage" speed...
It's challenging, I'll have a good learning curve ahead if accepted, but it seems flexible enough to allow me a bit of slack to learn and time to be a parent. It will be a complete change from what I'm currently doing - except for the computer side of things I'm doing already.
This is the first of three possible interviews - next up would be managers, and after that board of directors, at which point starting the job would be a formality.
I really, REALLY want this job! But it scares the heck out of me (in a good way) too.
Liminal Space
I did a lot of reading this weekend, and in addition to the Time article listed below something else struck home and made me feel a lot better about that place I'm in.
Which I now know may be called "liminal space" - an in-between place, neither here nor there, usually pretty dark and empty and without direction.
I read of one family's journey into and through that space. Uncertainty, wandering, criticism from others, it all felt so familiar, it all made sense.
And I don't think I'm uncomfortable anymore with being in a nothing-place. Not if it leads to deeper understanding, more rooted growth, a realization of which questions are important to ask and which to let go.
Which I now know may be called "liminal space" - an in-between place, neither here nor there, usually pretty dark and empty and without direction.
I read of one family's journey into and through that space. Uncertainty, wandering, criticism from others, it all felt so familiar, it all made sense.
And I don't think I'm uncomfortable anymore with being in a nothing-place. Not if it leads to deeper understanding, more rooted growth, a realization of which questions are important to ask and which to let go.
Grey
Amazing how quickly a day can go from bright, sunny and full of potential to a monotonous shade of grey with threatening undertones.
Literally and figuratively.
Not only has a bank of cloud obscured the was-just-getting-up sun, but one thing on top of another has descended on Monday, making me want to crawl back into bed and lock the world out.
Yup, no salary today. Seeds of serious doubt sown by colleague as to both my chances of getting that job and my chances of succeeding at it. Resultant serious seeds of self-doubt about getting out of ruts and making a decent go of life. (And no, I didn't win the lotto - there will be no shortcut to dreams here) Bosses making decisions that affect a number of us, then buggering off to a conference without informing those who it affects, leaving us to pick up certain rather sticky pieces and make unknown decisions work. Other bosses who rudely mow down an innocent inquiry - as per their usual style. Headache, over-tired, hunger pangs, haven't had enough water this morning...
The one bright spot in my day is a huge vase of arum lilies on my desk from my garden. And the notion that "this too shall pass". Perhaps that spare block of fudge in my desk drawer will aid in turning the grey to light once more?
Literally and figuratively.
Not only has a bank of cloud obscured the was-just-getting-up sun, but one thing on top of another has descended on Monday, making me want to crawl back into bed and lock the world out.
Yup, no salary today. Seeds of serious doubt sown by colleague as to both my chances of getting that job and my chances of succeeding at it. Resultant serious seeds of self-doubt about getting out of ruts and making a decent go of life. (And no, I didn't win the lotto - there will be no shortcut to dreams here) Bosses making decisions that affect a number of us, then buggering off to a conference without informing those who it affects, leaving us to pick up certain rather sticky pieces and make unknown decisions work. Other bosses who rudely mow down an innocent inquiry - as per their usual style. Headache, over-tired, hunger pangs, haven't had enough water this morning...
The one bright spot in my day is a huge vase of arum lilies on my desk from my garden. And the notion that "this too shall pass". Perhaps that spare block of fudge in my desk drawer will aid in turning the grey to light once more?
Wage Negotiations, South African Style
I was going to go on a philosophical rant this morning regarding the strike action by Pick 'n Pay (local supermarket chain) and SAA (South African Airways) employees, after a run-in with the former on Friday while attempting to get enough food to keep body and soul together over the weekend.
But others have done a better job of it. Noteably Sweet Violet and Husbands Anon.
Today is (supposed to be, but rumoured that it won't happen) pay-day - the day each month when I take my afternoon off and go stock up on non-perishable groceries for the month. We're running low on everything thanks to not being able to get into Pick 'n Pay on Friday, nor going anywhere near the shops for the remainder of the weekend. But apparently the strike action continues today. Our local version is a locked-in sit-in of chanting and intimidatingly staring employees. Other (more expensive, ie Woolworths) supermarkets are glad of the overflow customers. But I want my Pick 'n Pay products! :)
Between the lack of pay and the closure of shops, it seems some adventuring into unknown supermarkets and using of the credit card limit will have to take place today...
But others have done a better job of it. Noteably Sweet Violet and Husbands Anon.
Today is (supposed to be, but rumoured that it won't happen) pay-day - the day each month when I take my afternoon off and go stock up on non-perishable groceries for the month. We're running low on everything thanks to not being able to get into Pick 'n Pay on Friday, nor going anywhere near the shops for the remainder of the weekend. But apparently the strike action continues today. Our local version is a locked-in sit-in of chanting and intimidatingly staring employees. Other (more expensive, ie Woolworths) supermarkets are glad of the overflow customers. But I want my Pick 'n Pay products! :)
Between the lack of pay and the closure of shops, it seems some adventuring into unknown supermarkets and using of the credit card limit will have to take place today...
It's Time
On Friday I was catching up on some blog archives, and came across "How to live on 24 hours a day" at Ian's Messy Desk. I printed it out to read later, and as the sun was sinking on Saturday afternoon finally got around to doing just that.
Can you say "life-changing perspectives in one foul swoop"?
It's a pretty old piece of writing, but there are some rather profound thoughts portrayed (in a gently humorous way). To say that they've made a difference to how I see time-management would be a major understatement!
One of the ideas that has stuck with me every moment of the day since, is that time is being constantly renewed. And (amazingly, if you think about it), you have a full 24 hours each day given as a gift. If you set yourself a task, and fail - why, the very next minute is a chance to succeed, without waiting for another more oportune time!
That is such a freeing thought. So often I've said "I didn't get around to this, I failed miserably, I'll do it when I have more time". And yet, I have more time immediately.
It made a big difference to how I "did" this weekend. Often I'll put off something in favour of "later". This weekend I may have put it off for one minute, but done it the next.
Oh, this is all a bit hard to explain - just go read that bit of writing and see what you come away with!
Can you say "life-changing perspectives in one foul swoop"?
It's a pretty old piece of writing, but there are some rather profound thoughts portrayed (in a gently humorous way). To say that they've made a difference to how I see time-management would be a major understatement!
One of the ideas that has stuck with me every moment of the day since, is that time is being constantly renewed. And (amazingly, if you think about it), you have a full 24 hours each day given as a gift. If you set yourself a task, and fail - why, the very next minute is a chance to succeed, without waiting for another more oportune time!
That is such a freeing thought. So often I've said "I didn't get around to this, I failed miserably, I'll do it when I have more time". And yet, I have more time immediately.
It made a big difference to how I "did" this weekend. Often I'll put off something in favour of "later". This weekend I may have put it off for one minute, but done it the next.
Oh, this is all a bit hard to explain - just go read that bit of writing and see what you come away with!
Unusual
It's unusual for me to buy the local community newspaper.
It's unusual for me to read the classifieds, and even more unusual to read the jobs section.
It's unlikely that I'd come into the office late on a Sunday afternoon to update my CV and apply for a job I didn't think I was looking for. And in so doing potentially set out on a totally unplanned and rather scary path.
And yet here I am...
::update::
I wasn't going to mention this opportunity to anyone, but on the spur of the moment I showed the ad to a colleague who stopped by. I should have learnt from past experience - sometimes where I expect understanding and support, all that's forthcoming is criticism....
::FURTHER update::
That "only shortlisted candidates will be contacted" thing? They've just called - I have an interview tomorrow morning. And the nerves kick in...!
It's unusual for me to read the classifieds, and even more unusual to read the jobs section.
It's unlikely that I'd come into the office late on a Sunday afternoon to update my CV and apply for a job I didn't think I was looking for. And in so doing potentially set out on a totally unplanned and rather scary path.
And yet here I am...
::update::
I wasn't going to mention this opportunity to anyone, but on the spur of the moment I showed the ad to a colleague who stopped by. I should have learnt from past experience - sometimes where I expect understanding and support, all that's forthcoming is criticism....
::FURTHER update::
That "only shortlisted candidates will be contacted" thing? They've just called - I have an interview tomorrow morning. And the nerves kick in...!
Of Dating Younger Men (or not)
The trouble with the age difference, when you're older, is that you're at completely different life stages - and it shows.
Just had another message in from potential date, saying he might be available from 9pm onwards. And you know what my reaction is? That I'm usually so tired by 9 that I'm heading for bed already! While his usual schedule only speeds up at that hour, with joining friends at a sokkie (dance, Afrikaans-style) from 10pm onward! He's still at university (been there a few years, but still there...) and EVERYONE does that.
Geez...
I know I sound old and boring, but I honestly can't help it. I'm literally wiped out after a day at work (whether I actually worked or not) and the earlier I'm in bed the happier I am the next day. I could do with about 12 hours sleep each night (yeah, I know that's writing off half the day), and almost manage that on weekends.
I know I'm not going to be able to get up and go at 9pm, or be anything but a yawning bore, so I'm turning this one down in favour of an earlier appointment some other time - though when that will be is anyone's guess.
Many my age go out jolling until all hours - I simply can't. I used to, but not lately.
And the other good thing about NOT doing this date? I don't have to go look for new clothes now! :)
So what will I be doing instead? Probably nothing much. I'll likely borrow that DVD I've been offered. I may go out for coffee with a female friend (early, and briefly). But I might just use this chance while my son's away to sort out his many boxes of toys, and pack them into a couple of storage units I plan to invest in on Monday.
Yup, I'm boring. So sue me.
Just had another message in from potential date, saying he might be available from 9pm onwards. And you know what my reaction is? That I'm usually so tired by 9 that I'm heading for bed already! While his usual schedule only speeds up at that hour, with joining friends at a sokkie (dance, Afrikaans-style) from 10pm onward! He's still at university (been there a few years, but still there...) and EVERYONE does that.
Geez...
I know I sound old and boring, but I honestly can't help it. I'm literally wiped out after a day at work (whether I actually worked or not) and the earlier I'm in bed the happier I am the next day. I could do with about 12 hours sleep each night (yeah, I know that's writing off half the day), and almost manage that on weekends.
I know I'm not going to be able to get up and go at 9pm, or be anything but a yawning bore, so I'm turning this one down in favour of an earlier appointment some other time - though when that will be is anyone's guess.
Many my age go out jolling until all hours - I simply can't. I used to, but not lately.
And the other good thing about NOT doing this date? I don't have to go look for new clothes now! :)
So what will I be doing instead? Probably nothing much. I'll likely borrow that DVD I've been offered. I may go out for coffee with a female friend (early, and briefly). But I might just use this chance while my son's away to sort out his many boxes of toys, and pack them into a couple of storage units I plan to invest in on Monday.
Yup, I'm boring. So sue me.
Google Earth
I've finally caught up to the Jones's and downloaded Google Earth.
And I can see my grandparent's farm from there!
It's just outside Pretoria. It's bordered by the two ribbons of green (small river near the top, and big one just making the corner near the bottom) that you can see in the pic, as well as the road through the middle of the screen diagonally (the neighbour possesses the barren-earth roads and large buildings that show up clearly). It's not huge - I can walk the entire perimiter, including some bundu-bashing in the thorny thickets - in about an hour. But it's the Family Farm. It was tradition growing up that we'd head down from Zimbabwe for Christmas each year, and my son and I have managed to spend a Christmas there too.
It may not be much, but it's a place we love. However, my grandfather has noticed the lights of Pretoria steadily marching his direction. Rich man's squatter camps he calls them - those security villages springing up across the land, with houses chok-a-block on top of each other. He reckons he might sell up and move...
I really, really hope he doesn't! It's a place I love to visit, and the only Family Farm our branch of the tree has.
And I can see my grandparent's farm from there!It's just outside Pretoria. It's bordered by the two ribbons of green (small river near the top, and big one just making the corner near the bottom) that you can see in the pic, as well as the road through the middle of the screen diagonally (the neighbour possesses the barren-earth roads and large buildings that show up clearly). It's not huge - I can walk the entire perimiter, including some bundu-bashing in the thorny thickets - in about an hour. But it's the Family Farm. It was tradition growing up that we'd head down from Zimbabwe for Christmas each year, and my son and I have managed to spend a Christmas there too.
It may not be much, but it's a place we love. However, my grandfather has noticed the lights of Pretoria steadily marching his direction. Rich man's squatter camps he calls them - those security villages springing up across the land, with houses chok-a-block on top of each other. He reckons he might sell up and move...
I really, really hope he doesn't! It's a place I love to visit, and the only Family Farm our branch of the tree has.
Stuff in my head today
No really profound blogging going on here (you might need to try someone else, quickly!). Just stuff circulating in the head.
* I don't get how folk can't care about the earth they're on, the one that is really responsible for the life they have. If you knew your fresh water was going to run out in 10 years, and that the maize crop is 50% lower than usual this year - leading to increased prices in everything as a domino effect takes place - surely you'd want to secure your own future by doing your bit to save what you've got, or improve what's around you, or provide for your needs as a self-sufficient human being? But then again, there seems to be a serious lack of logical thinking in the world these days, an "I don't care" attitude.
* I'm going to fill planting pots with baby tomato, basil and green pepper seeds, and stick them on my office window. Call it mini-farming if you will, but it's the perfect, sunny, sheltered spot - and staring at delicious organic foods instead of mindless technology does something for the soul...
* I wish I could stop dreaming for a few nights and just sleep. My dreams have been horrific and realistic lately. Night before last I hooked up with Marty Samson from Hillsong - and it went downhill from there as they filmed a new DVD. Last night I spent half an hour with eyes closed, semi-awake, convincing myself I was just dreaming about someone trying to get at a 3-year-old me, who had to push against the inside of the bathroom door with her back and all her might to prevent them coming in (doesn't help that the dog was pressed against my back at the same time!). Dreams about trips to strange coastal places that don't exist near here, dreams about people I used to know, dreams about everything under the sun. And all I want to do is simply rest.
* No, haven't heard back from potential date yet. Hope he checks his email, as I don't seem to have a number to call for him. If it doesn't work out, I'll either stay home and watch a non-kid-appropriate movie I've been offered on loan, or hook up with another single mom I haven't seen in ages, who always takes Wednesday nights off from the kids while ex babysits. (::update:: I have just heard back from him. He's not available. Oh well. I have the darndest luck with dates. The last date - many years ago - said he was available and then stood me up! :) Is it any wonder I've just left off dating completely?)
* I'm avoiding people here. I seriously no longer fit in. Every time they open their mouths with a "everyone thinks this" opinion, I want to shudder and run away. The sooner I can get out of here the better, and no-one actually knows how I feel.
* I'm going to buy a lotto ticket tomorrow. I don't do this regularly, and I'm sure it will be a waste of money, but I'm going to do it anyway. Someone's gotta win. But you can't win if you don't buy a ticket. Eternal hope of the semi-blank mind! :)
* I want my own house - not a renting-from-someone one. I want to plant fruit trees and vines that hang over the front fence, and put up a sign inviting passers-by to help themselves to fruit in season. I want to advertise a free jumping castle for the kids and do it every week, WITH free lemonade for the thirsty times - inviting their parents to come by and hang out, and bring something to throw on the fire for a meal if they so wish. I want a room to sit and think with my eyes closed, without the noise from another room intruding. I want my own private space in my bedroom - not sharing it with the homework desk, only clothes cupboard, computer and spare TV. I want a yard with a tree to sit under, and a room for my son that has a door and shelves and a cupboard for his stuff. I want less clutter and more serene space. (There are two marvellous houses for sale just down the road, but way outside any budget I could ever come up with on my own) Hence the lotto ticket...
* I just can't seem to get into work this week. There's stuff to do, plenty of it, but I can't get up the effort to complete anything. I've had spurts of hard work, and gotten a lot done in those times, then the apathy sets in again. Something to do with noise and a constant headache and dissatisfaction I think.
* I wonder if I could become a professional organizer on the side? I think I could. Always wanted to start something that organizes businesses - from the computer systems, storage of papers, layout and even the colours used in the place. I love sorting out other's spaces - but it doesn't often carry over into my own. Maybe a change in the weather, some Spring, will motivate me to do my house top-to-bottom.
* I'm pretty sure the local government could use a professional organizer to kick some butts and complete all the projects that seem to carry on for years without any noticeable progress...!
* I'm undecided on whether I'll go through with my teeth-straightening adventure or not. The quote is on its way by post, and of course the tooth bloke has urged me to get it done (his gain!), but I'm not sure I want to. It's got more to do with initial financial outlay and ongoing financial input than it does pain, discomfort or wire-toothed image. If I start pumping cash into a dental thing, I most certainly won't get my business launched in the time-frame I've set. And I'll delay what I want to do by at least another year - or two. Perhaps once I've got started and going on my "life upgrade" I can revisit this one?
* I desperately need inspiration for our meals. We're in a big old rut of 3 variations on a theme - and then copious amounts of bread. I need to stop buying leeks - they only go old and dry in the fridge without being used. I need to find a way to include more veggies - and in such a manner that my son will consume them with relish. Maybe I need a weekly menu plan to stick to, with enough new things to try that we'll experiment and keep/discard as we go. I should probably do some site-surfing for things we might actually eat. Gonna take some effort...
* I REALLY wish the neighbours would:
a) Stop cleaning their place at 11 at night
b) Stop getting up and shouting/talking to each other at 5:30 every morning
(I wish I had the balls to get up and tell them so)
* I think I'm going to take up meditation. As an experiment in sanity.
* I don't think I can do this anymore ("this" being any number of things on a rather long list - not necessarily the blog).
* I don't get how folk can't care about the earth they're on, the one that is really responsible for the life they have. If you knew your fresh water was going to run out in 10 years, and that the maize crop is 50% lower than usual this year - leading to increased prices in everything as a domino effect takes place - surely you'd want to secure your own future by doing your bit to save what you've got, or improve what's around you, or provide for your needs as a self-sufficient human being? But then again, there seems to be a serious lack of logical thinking in the world these days, an "I don't care" attitude.
* I'm going to fill planting pots with baby tomato, basil and green pepper seeds, and stick them on my office window. Call it mini-farming if you will, but it's the perfect, sunny, sheltered spot - and staring at delicious organic foods instead of mindless technology does something for the soul...
* I wish I could stop dreaming for a few nights and just sleep. My dreams have been horrific and realistic lately. Night before last I hooked up with Marty Samson from Hillsong - and it went downhill from there as they filmed a new DVD. Last night I spent half an hour with eyes closed, semi-awake, convincing myself I was just dreaming about someone trying to get at a 3-year-old me, who had to push against the inside of the bathroom door with her back and all her might to prevent them coming in (doesn't help that the dog was pressed against my back at the same time!). Dreams about trips to strange coastal places that don't exist near here, dreams about people I used to know, dreams about everything under the sun. And all I want to do is simply rest.
* No, haven't heard back from potential date yet. Hope he checks his email, as I don't seem to have a number to call for him. If it doesn't work out, I'll either stay home and watch a non-kid-appropriate movie I've been offered on loan, or hook up with another single mom I haven't seen in ages, who always takes Wednesday nights off from the kids while ex babysits. (::update:: I have just heard back from him. He's not available. Oh well. I have the darndest luck with dates. The last date - many years ago - said he was available and then stood me up! :) Is it any wonder I've just left off dating completely?)
* I'm avoiding people here. I seriously no longer fit in. Every time they open their mouths with a "everyone thinks this" opinion, I want to shudder and run away. The sooner I can get out of here the better, and no-one actually knows how I feel.
* I'm going to buy a lotto ticket tomorrow. I don't do this regularly, and I'm sure it will be a waste of money, but I'm going to do it anyway. Someone's gotta win. But you can't win if you don't buy a ticket. Eternal hope of the semi-blank mind! :)
* I want my own house - not a renting-from-someone one. I want to plant fruit trees and vines that hang over the front fence, and put up a sign inviting passers-by to help themselves to fruit in season. I want to advertise a free jumping castle for the kids and do it every week, WITH free lemonade for the thirsty times - inviting their parents to come by and hang out, and bring something to throw on the fire for a meal if they so wish. I want a room to sit and think with my eyes closed, without the noise from another room intruding. I want my own private space in my bedroom - not sharing it with the homework desk, only clothes cupboard, computer and spare TV. I want a yard with a tree to sit under, and a room for my son that has a door and shelves and a cupboard for his stuff. I want less clutter and more serene space. (There are two marvellous houses for sale just down the road, but way outside any budget I could ever come up with on my own) Hence the lotto ticket...
* I just can't seem to get into work this week. There's stuff to do, plenty of it, but I can't get up the effort to complete anything. I've had spurts of hard work, and gotten a lot done in those times, then the apathy sets in again. Something to do with noise and a constant headache and dissatisfaction I think.
* I wonder if I could become a professional organizer on the side? I think I could. Always wanted to start something that organizes businesses - from the computer systems, storage of papers, layout and even the colours used in the place. I love sorting out other's spaces - but it doesn't often carry over into my own. Maybe a change in the weather, some Spring, will motivate me to do my house top-to-bottom.
* I'm pretty sure the local government could use a professional organizer to kick some butts and complete all the projects that seem to carry on for years without any noticeable progress...!
* I'm undecided on whether I'll go through with my teeth-straightening adventure or not. The quote is on its way by post, and of course the tooth bloke has urged me to get it done (his gain!), but I'm not sure I want to. It's got more to do with initial financial outlay and ongoing financial input than it does pain, discomfort or wire-toothed image. If I start pumping cash into a dental thing, I most certainly won't get my business launched in the time-frame I've set. And I'll delay what I want to do by at least another year - or two. Perhaps once I've got started and going on my "life upgrade" I can revisit this one?
* I desperately need inspiration for our meals. We're in a big old rut of 3 variations on a theme - and then copious amounts of bread. I need to stop buying leeks - they only go old and dry in the fridge without being used. I need to find a way to include more veggies - and in such a manner that my son will consume them with relish. Maybe I need a weekly menu plan to stick to, with enough new things to try that we'll experiment and keep/discard as we go. I should probably do some site-surfing for things we might actually eat. Gonna take some effort...
* I REALLY wish the neighbours would:
a) Stop cleaning their place at 11 at night
b) Stop getting up and shouting/talking to each other at 5:30 every morning
(I wish I had the balls to get up and tell them so)
* I think I'm going to take up meditation. As an experiment in sanity.
* I don't think I can do this anymore ("this" being any number of things on a rather long list - not necessarily the blog).
Dating Advice Needed!
Yup, you read right. The non-dating me needs your input!
You see, my son's going away on camp for 3 days next week, and I'm considering asking a certain very nice guy out on a date for one of those evenings. We get along very well, but haven't seen each other in months. Although there's a bit of an age difference (unfortunately I'm older), it doesn't seem to matter when we get together.
So - is it bad manners to ask a guy out on a date, to "make the first move" even if it may be the only date you go out on with him?
It's been so long that probably all the rules have changed by now, and I simply can't remember them anyway.
You see, my son's going away on camp for 3 days next week, and I'm considering asking a certain very nice guy out on a date for one of those evenings. We get along very well, but haven't seen each other in months. Although there's a bit of an age difference (unfortunately I'm older), it doesn't seem to matter when we get together.
So - is it bad manners to ask a guy out on a date, to "make the first move" even if it may be the only date you go out on with him?
It's been so long that probably all the rules have changed by now, and I simply can't remember them anyway.
Kept in the Dark
I'm one of the few folk that don't automatically hit the light switch when entering a room. I check first whether extra light is needed, and only if I really can't see does the light go on. (I also tend to take energy saving into consideration, as everyone's constantly complaining around here that we "have no money")
Which is why I'm considered weird at work. I never switch on my office light.
As I type this it's dark-grey outside and my office seems a black hole compared to the brightly-lit passages and the spaces of others. But I did start today out with a headache, and bright light ain't gonna help that.
Besides, I prefer a natural lightening of my environment (when the sun chooses to shine) to one where the spotlights throw you immediately into blinding wakefulness.
Some days it stays dark in here for ages, and people walking past stop to switch on my light to make sure it works - at which point they are emphatically urged to switch it off again and leave me in the dark.
My computer screen glows brightly - that's all the light I need, and most of my work is done on that machine anyway.
But it's not just the office light I'm on about here. I switch off lights wherever I go - after everyone's left the building at the end of the day, as I arrive and find the night-lights still burning, whenever I see an empty room with lights ablaze. I've been told electricity here costs us R80,000 a month! I'm sure if everyone hit the switch on their way out (and turned off their computers/aircon overnight), we could bring that cost WAY down.
So today I sit in the dark as the rain pours down the windows. And I love it.
Which is why I'm considered weird at work. I never switch on my office light.
As I type this it's dark-grey outside and my office seems a black hole compared to the brightly-lit passages and the spaces of others. But I did start today out with a headache, and bright light ain't gonna help that.
Besides, I prefer a natural lightening of my environment (when the sun chooses to shine) to one where the spotlights throw you immediately into blinding wakefulness.
Some days it stays dark in here for ages, and people walking past stop to switch on my light to make sure it works - at which point they are emphatically urged to switch it off again and leave me in the dark.
My computer screen glows brightly - that's all the light I need, and most of my work is done on that machine anyway.
But it's not just the office light I'm on about here. I switch off lights wherever I go - after everyone's left the building at the end of the day, as I arrive and find the night-lights still burning, whenever I see an empty room with lights ablaze. I've been told electricity here costs us R80,000 a month! I'm sure if everyone hit the switch on their way out (and turned off their computers/aircon overnight), we could bring that cost WAY down.
So today I sit in the dark as the rain pours down the windows. And I love it.
Oh heck...
Just sitting here in my office with the door nearly closed (so I can create a tropical atmosphere with the aircon on its hottest setting, AND keep out the noise while it pours rain outside) - and I wonder why it's suddenly so quiet other side the door.
Check my email from last week on a hunch, and discover everyone's sitting in a compulsory staff meeting - except me!
Oops...
I've never been one to walk in to anything late. Would rather miss it and apologize later. Which is precisely what I aim to do first thing tomorrow morning!
Check my email from last week on a hunch, and discover everyone's sitting in a compulsory staff meeting - except me!
Oops...
I've never been one to walk in to anything late. Would rather miss it and apologize later. Which is precisely what I aim to do first thing tomorrow morning!
Starstruck Gobsmacked
Ever notice how you can end up feeling like a little puddle in a corner when confronted with someone wiser, more important, bigger, older, more experienced, better looking, better-writing etc. than you?
It happens to me regularly - the latest being a mere 5 minutes ago.
You see, I swiped the quotation in the post below, posted a link - and Wes dropped by my blog before I'd had a good look at his.
So now that I've frantically completed most of what I set myself to do today, I went back to his blog to find out more about the person behind it. And suddenly got that starstruck gobsmacked feeling when I realized that he's not only a Published Author but a Very Important Person who appears to have a Handle On Things and Know What He's Talking About. And if you seek him out on Amazon, you'll find him in the company of other Very Important Folk who write a lot of Books that a lot of people actually Read!
Those kind of folk I immediately place on a pedestal way above Mere Me, and then suddenly they seem so high up that how dare I approach them, let alone swipe stuff off their blogs! :)
Yeah, I know we're all human and all that, but every now and then I still find myself in the presence of a Great Blogger (whether of the Mega, Prolific, Much-Read or just plain Important variety) or a Celebrity (yes, I've met certain local ones and shaken their hands, while quaking in my boots and saying the most stupid stuff you can imagine!), and feel like a worm.
I guess it's just that I look up to folk who Know What They're Talking About, who have Direction and a Purpose and are Important. I tend to be noneoftheabove most days, and completely lose my voice should I be approached by one.
Fortunately though my fingers still can type, and I can hide behind the skirts of the internet to an extent - hence this post.
Now excuse me while I go grovel at a few other Large Blogs (or rather Lurk there, as I would NEVER DARE to actually COMMENT on them!).
It happens to me regularly - the latest being a mere 5 minutes ago.
You see, I swiped the quotation in the post below, posted a link - and Wes dropped by my blog before I'd had a good look at his.
So now that I've frantically completed most of what I set myself to do today, I went back to his blog to find out more about the person behind it. And suddenly got that starstruck gobsmacked feeling when I realized that he's not only a Published Author but a Very Important Person who appears to have a Handle On Things and Know What He's Talking About. And if you seek him out on Amazon, you'll find him in the company of other Very Important Folk who write a lot of Books that a lot of people actually Read!
Those kind of folk I immediately place on a pedestal way above Mere Me, and then suddenly they seem so high up that how dare I approach them, let alone swipe stuff off their blogs! :)
Yeah, I know we're all human and all that, but every now and then I still find myself in the presence of a Great Blogger (whether of the Mega, Prolific, Much-Read or just plain Important variety) or a Celebrity (yes, I've met certain local ones and shaken their hands, while quaking in my boots and saying the most stupid stuff you can imagine!), and feel like a worm.
I guess it's just that I look up to folk who Know What They're Talking About, who have Direction and a Purpose and are Important. I tend to be noneoftheabove most days, and completely lose my voice should I be approached by one.
Fortunately though my fingers still can type, and I can hide behind the skirts of the internet to an extent - hence this post.
Now excuse me while I go grovel at a few other Large Blogs (or rather Lurk there, as I would NEVER DARE to actually COMMENT on them!).
Quote of the Day
Swiped off Wes Roberts' blog:
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, totally worn out, thoroughly used up, and loudly proclaiming, "WOW.....WHAT A RIDE!!!"
...author unknown
Back to School
The new school term started here today, after the winter break. My son was NOT happy about it.
Last night it was "snot en trane" (snot and tears), and "why do I have to go to school?". Which was a bit hard to answer, when I thought it through properly. I haven't agreed with the way things are done at schools in years - yet I continue to send him off.
He's gotten used to sleeping in until after 8, then laying around all day doing very little. He wants that to go on forever.
He's convinced he has barely learnt anything new in years. That the last real learning he did in some subjects was in grade 4. And that he simply doesn't need to be there.
But until we can organise any form of home-schooling, there he must be.
We're looking at home-school for the high school years, to fit in with our adventurous travel plans - or just to fit in with how he learns. But at the moment we simply don't have the resources to do that, and I don't have the time to work all day, and STILL somehow make sure he is up to scratch on his education.
He was not happy to be woken in the dark and sent off to school in the pouring rain today. I can guess he's sitting there with a pouty face - unless something absolutely marvellous has happened, or his teacher has come back from the holiday inspired, or there's a lot of exciting stuff to learn suddenly.
Next week his class and the grade 7's take off for 3 days of their annual camp. I hope that will help him realize that he CAN enjoy school, the friends he has there and all that goes with it.
In the meantime he's just got to suck it up and go.
Last night it was "snot en trane" (snot and tears), and "why do I have to go to school?". Which was a bit hard to answer, when I thought it through properly. I haven't agreed with the way things are done at schools in years - yet I continue to send him off.
He's gotten used to sleeping in until after 8, then laying around all day doing very little. He wants that to go on forever.
He's convinced he has barely learnt anything new in years. That the last real learning he did in some subjects was in grade 4. And that he simply doesn't need to be there.
But until we can organise any form of home-schooling, there he must be.
We're looking at home-school for the high school years, to fit in with our adventurous travel plans - or just to fit in with how he learns. But at the moment we simply don't have the resources to do that, and I don't have the time to work all day, and STILL somehow make sure he is up to scratch on his education.
He was not happy to be woken in the dark and sent off to school in the pouring rain today. I can guess he's sitting there with a pouty face - unless something absolutely marvellous has happened, or his teacher has come back from the holiday inspired, or there's a lot of exciting stuff to learn suddenly.
Next week his class and the grade 7's take off for 3 days of their annual camp. I hope that will help him realize that he CAN enjoy school, the friends he has there and all that goes with it.
In the meantime he's just got to suck it up and go.
Almost-Churched and Endless Circles
At Friday night's VBS closing party, I ran into all sorts of people I know from the days when I served there constantly on the worship team (and with the youth drama, and on the worship committee, and ... well, I kinda burnt out after a while). It was good to see them again, though I could see in their eyes that they wonder where I've been - and whether I've BACKslidden...!
The pastor's wife said as I was leaving, "see you on Sunday!" and for a moment there I longed to be at church on Sunday. It was nice to belong to such a wonderful group, even though I never truly felt I was "in" there. I never became a member in all my 3 years of service, nor was I asked to, and perhaps some thought I'd gone back to my "old church" when I left.
Come Sunday morning, and I nearly, nearly went to church. Come Sunday evening and I nearly went again. But I didn't. I don't know what it is that keeps me home.
They have a wonderful group my son's age. The older youth mentor them, and the adults mentor the older youth, right on up to the little old lady who is barely still alive, but is there every week. It's the kind of group I would love my son to belong to, one where he will learn and become in ways I simply don't have the capacity to teach right now. I don't have the spiritual energy to grow him in God the way he should be at this stage, and I suspect it's gonna backfire big-time later on. If I could hand him over to others who DO have that energy it would be great - just until I can say "Christian" without my cynacism/critical attitude influencing what comes out after that. And yes, I do still consider myself Christian in spite of that - sorta. Just not a very good one. And then there's this article, that kick-started my entire journey and still haunts me, especially when it comes to taking spiritual responsibility...
Then on Saturday morning I sat down for some forced God-time. It had to be forced because I wouldn't have done it naturally, not in the past few months. (See how bad I've gotten?) I picked up some stuff I'd printed weeks ago to read, but had just let lie around. And one of them was a series of writings on "Who is your church?".
Sometimes I sit and read and everything just completely resonates with me. All I can do is nod my head and say "you've put into words what my thoughts are". I ran across one of these moments this weekend.
Amy talks in one section about her vision of the Church of God as body. She speaks of each of us having a circle of friends and influence around us. And each of our friends has a circle of friends and influence around them, creating intersecting circles. And so on, like a strand of DNA, until all our circles form the shape of cells, and organs and the Body of Christ - His Church!
I really, really like that image - how we can be inter-related without really knowing we are, how we can be part of something so big while we only see the microscopic level - and how we're all really connected into one great living being.
So I find myself torn at times between this image of random connections, multiple influences and perspectives - yet all joined. And on the other hand little cells of Christians, each in their disconnected circles - doing fine right here in our buildings and programmes thanks, but never really touching anyone else, never really becoming part of the Whole.
I used to see myself as a bridge-builder between two denominations who would normally not have spoken to each other. But that bridge was such a fine strand it has failed. They're still not speaking. They stay disconnected.
And I think that's what's kept me at home instead of sitting me in a pew lately. I want to let God move me into the ripples and circles where He wants me. I don't want to be cut off by walls from this liquid movement between and around those He holds in one Body. And I fear that going back to a building called church will take me out of the stream of life/Life that's going on outside of those walls.
The pastor's wife said as I was leaving, "see you on Sunday!" and for a moment there I longed to be at church on Sunday. It was nice to belong to such a wonderful group, even though I never truly felt I was "in" there. I never became a member in all my 3 years of service, nor was I asked to, and perhaps some thought I'd gone back to my "old church" when I left.
Come Sunday morning, and I nearly, nearly went to church. Come Sunday evening and I nearly went again. But I didn't. I don't know what it is that keeps me home.
They have a wonderful group my son's age. The older youth mentor them, and the adults mentor the older youth, right on up to the little old lady who is barely still alive, but is there every week. It's the kind of group I would love my son to belong to, one where he will learn and become in ways I simply don't have the capacity to teach right now. I don't have the spiritual energy to grow him in God the way he should be at this stage, and I suspect it's gonna backfire big-time later on. If I could hand him over to others who DO have that energy it would be great - just until I can say "Christian" without my cynacism/critical attitude influencing what comes out after that. And yes, I do still consider myself Christian in spite of that - sorta. Just not a very good one. And then there's this article, that kick-started my entire journey and still haunts me, especially when it comes to taking spiritual responsibility...
Then on Saturday morning I sat down for some forced God-time. It had to be forced because I wouldn't have done it naturally, not in the past few months. (See how bad I've gotten?) I picked up some stuff I'd printed weeks ago to read, but had just let lie around. And one of them was a series of writings on "Who is your church?".
Sometimes I sit and read and everything just completely resonates with me. All I can do is nod my head and say "you've put into words what my thoughts are". I ran across one of these moments this weekend.
Amy talks in one section about her vision of the Church of God as body. She speaks of each of us having a circle of friends and influence around us. And each of our friends has a circle of friends and influence around them, creating intersecting circles. And so on, like a strand of DNA, until all our circles form the shape of cells, and organs and the Body of Christ - His Church!
I really, really like that image - how we can be inter-related without really knowing we are, how we can be part of something so big while we only see the microscopic level - and how we're all really connected into one great living being.
So I find myself torn at times between this image of random connections, multiple influences and perspectives - yet all joined. And on the other hand little cells of Christians, each in their disconnected circles - doing fine right here in our buildings and programmes thanks, but never really touching anyone else, never really becoming part of the Whole.
I used to see myself as a bridge-builder between two denominations who would normally not have spoken to each other. But that bridge was such a fine strand it has failed. They're still not speaking. They stay disconnected.
And I think that's what's kept me at home instead of sitting me in a pew lately. I want to let God move me into the ripples and circles where He wants me. I don't want to be cut off by walls from this liquid movement between and around those He holds in one Body. And I fear that going back to a building called church will take me out of the stream of life/Life that's going on outside of those walls.
Granny-pants
I caved. I bought (on sale) some granny-pants. You know the kind - elasticized waist, that kinda wrinkly-crinkly fabric, and a draw-string bit on top.
They're not what I'd choose as stylish, but they sure are comfy! I needed to replace my work pants, and these have done just nicely. For now.... You see, I think I've lost the battle of the bulge, or at least put it on hold for winter. I simply don't have the energy when there's no sunlight around to get up in the dark and exercise. I'd much rather just sleep in. So I do. The shops are too far to walk, and work is so close that it's not much exercise. Now and then I'll do a few hours strolling - like the mountain ramble we did 2 weeks back - but it's by no means regular, nor to be considered strenuous exercise. Having a homework-bound child implies no chance of post-work gym. And a desk job just doesn't do a thing for the heart-rate.
(Wonder if my latest fudge run-in is not rather defeating the purpose...!?)
One pair of my new pants replaces those that got a hole in the knee during a spectacular wipe-out on my way to work a few months back. Can't fix the hole, and the new pants are the same ever-useful beige.
The other pair perfectly matches my only jersey, which perfectly matches my eyes - making them look astoundingly blue.
Yeah I know, I probably have wobble-butt syndrome when observed from the back while walking, especially if whatever top I'm wearing is not long enough to cover said wobble-butt. But honestly - would I rather be stylish, or comfortable? These days it's the latter.
So just call me granny-pants. Until I can shape up and trim down and fit into all those fancy, hip-hugging (leg-numbing), mini-size things everyone else my age seems to wear. Don't care. I'm comfy!
More to hold, more fat to burn in winter to keep me warm etc. etc. etc. Come summer though it may be an entirely different story.
--------
On a separate (but related) note - ever noticed how those fancy-shmancy magazine programmes (ie Top Billing and co.) tend to make one want to run out and buy designer outfits, drive 2-million-buck cars, live in houses that cover small city blocks and generally aspire to things beyond the reach of mere mortal man? It's pretty depressing - but I console myself by watching such programmes in slippers and baggy tracksuit pants, with a cup of hot chocolate in hand and a dogwarmer on the legs.
They're not what I'd choose as stylish, but they sure are comfy! I needed to replace my work pants, and these have done just nicely. For now.... You see, I think I've lost the battle of the bulge, or at least put it on hold for winter. I simply don't have the energy when there's no sunlight around to get up in the dark and exercise. I'd much rather just sleep in. So I do. The shops are too far to walk, and work is so close that it's not much exercise. Now and then I'll do a few hours strolling - like the mountain ramble we did 2 weeks back - but it's by no means regular, nor to be considered strenuous exercise. Having a homework-bound child implies no chance of post-work gym. And a desk job just doesn't do a thing for the heart-rate.
(Wonder if my latest fudge run-in is not rather defeating the purpose...!?)
One pair of my new pants replaces those that got a hole in the knee during a spectacular wipe-out on my way to work a few months back. Can't fix the hole, and the new pants are the same ever-useful beige.
The other pair perfectly matches my only jersey, which perfectly matches my eyes - making them look astoundingly blue.
Yeah I know, I probably have wobble-butt syndrome when observed from the back while walking, especially if whatever top I'm wearing is not long enough to cover said wobble-butt. But honestly - would I rather be stylish, or comfortable? These days it's the latter.
So just call me granny-pants. Until I can shape up and trim down and fit into all those fancy, hip-hugging (leg-numbing), mini-size things everyone else my age seems to wear. Don't care. I'm comfy!
More to hold, more fat to burn in winter to keep me warm etc. etc. etc. Come summer though it may be an entirely different story.
--------
On a separate (but related) note - ever noticed how those fancy-shmancy magazine programmes (ie Top Billing and co.) tend to make one want to run out and buy designer outfits, drive 2-million-buck cars, live in houses that cover small city blocks and generally aspire to things beyond the reach of mere mortal man? It's pretty depressing - but I console myself by watching such programmes in slippers and baggy tracksuit pants, with a cup of hot chocolate in hand and a dogwarmer on the legs.
Oh Fudge It!
Every now and then I get a hankering for decent, homemade fudge, and haul out the Big Pot, copious amounts of sugar and butter (or margarine, actually) and a can of condensed milk.
The urge struck me this Saturday again. My son is never one to argue that we should rather use that condensed milk in a lemon non-meringue pie instead of fudge, so we set to.
Oh, if you want my recipe - you're gonna have to ask! :)
Somehow the process did not go off as planned this time. Instead of a half-hour of stirring, I had to put in nearly an hour! Mid-way through that I was testing the mix to see if crystals were forming, and managed to burn a finger. Sugar and butter in it's hot state is NOT good for the skin. Trying to lick it off only burns your tongue, and it doesn't help that the sink is across the room. Shortly thereafter, stirring enthusiastically, I splashed a small amount onto my palm - NOT good. And finally, just as I spooned out a bit to check those crystals again (which were perfect), I grabbed the pot handle - not noticing that a dollop had landed there, and consequently burning 3 more fingers, one so badly that I now sit with a good sized blister.
I managed to get it into the pan to set, and cut it a few mintues later - then burned some more fingers on the knife trying to get the crumbs off to munch on.
Geez....
But it was all worth it in the end. That fudge is simply awesome and I ate way too much of it this weekend. From today I'm going to have to limit myself to 3 pieces or less daily! :)
The urge struck me this Saturday again. My son is never one to argue that we should rather use that condensed milk in a lemon non-meringue pie instead of fudge, so we set to.
Oh, if you want my recipe - you're gonna have to ask! :)
Somehow the process did not go off as planned this time. Instead of a half-hour of stirring, I had to put in nearly an hour! Mid-way through that I was testing the mix to see if crystals were forming, and managed to burn a finger. Sugar and butter in it's hot state is NOT good for the skin. Trying to lick it off only burns your tongue, and it doesn't help that the sink is across the room. Shortly thereafter, stirring enthusiastically, I splashed a small amount onto my palm - NOT good. And finally, just as I spooned out a bit to check those crystals again (which were perfect), I grabbed the pot handle - not noticing that a dollop had landed there, and consequently burning 3 more fingers, one so badly that I now sit with a good sized blister.
I managed to get it into the pan to set, and cut it a few mintues later - then burned some more fingers on the knife trying to get the crumbs off to munch on.
Geez....
But it was all worth it in the end. That fudge is simply awesome and I ate way too much of it this weekend. From today I'm going to have to limit myself to 3 pieces or less daily! :)
Frost Boy
Friday night saw the finale of the VBS week at the Baptist church (which SERIOUSLY rocks every single year). As per normal, they ended with a fancy dress party, play/production and food/drink. Everyone got to dress up! The theme for the week had been SuperHeroes, and they learnt of the Armour of God, making something daily to represent each part of the armour. They were invited to dress up as a super hero for Friday night's event.
Jason decided that he was going to go as Frost Boy. That, of course, required a trip to the shops to find white face paint and glitter gel - and a trip to the garage to get the huge pile of bubblewrap we had there.
He ended up looking like this:
The outfit took the least time of the entire thing - simply chopping and taping the bubblewrap together into an outfit around him, then pooling a few pieces at the bottom. I went armed with a roll of tape for emergency fixings, and he made a grand entrance (on the way we got some double-takes from pedestrians and other drivers too!). The face and arms (and hair!) took some doing. He's still got white bits in his hair, but is due for a pre-school-term chop tonight that will get the last of it out.
And he won the seniour group prize!
It's not the first year he's won - he did so 2 years ago as an Ice Monster. For that one he wore a long white robe, and we created a foil cap on his head with long strings of silver hanging from about 10 horns around it - and again, the white face paint.
There were some pretty good costumes on Friday night. The kids love dressing up in crazy outfits, and I'm sure some of the parents would have liked to too.
The youth group put on a production of Antshillvania - the story of the prodical Ant, with much play on words (he wanted to be independANT, and they killed the fatted aphid on his return) and some excellent acting.
Thus ends another year's VBS! Next year's the last one my kid gets to attend...
Jason decided that he was going to go as Frost Boy. That, of course, required a trip to the shops to find white face paint and glitter gel - and a trip to the garage to get the huge pile of bubblewrap we had there.
He ended up looking like this:
The outfit took the least time of the entire thing - simply chopping and taping the bubblewrap together into an outfit around him, then pooling a few pieces at the bottom. I went armed with a roll of tape for emergency fixings, and he made a grand entrance (on the way we got some double-takes from pedestrians and other drivers too!). The face and arms (and hair!) took some doing. He's still got white bits in his hair, but is due for a pre-school-term chop tonight that will get the last of it out.
And he won the seniour group prize!
It's not the first year he's won - he did so 2 years ago as an Ice Monster. For that one he wore a long white robe, and we created a foil cap on his head with long strings of silver hanging from about 10 horns around it - and again, the white face paint.
There were some pretty good costumes on Friday night. The kids love dressing up in crazy outfits, and I'm sure some of the parents would have liked to too.
The youth group put on a production of Antshillvania - the story of the prodical Ant, with much play on words (he wanted to be independANT, and they killed the fatted aphid on his return) and some excellent acting.
Thus ends another year's VBS! Next year's the last one my kid gets to attend...
Buying a New Mouth
So off I toddled to the orthodontist on Friday to get the verdict after he'd done his homework on my mouth situation.
He hauled out the X-rays, the plaster casts of both jaws, the photos etc and told me I'll have to lose another 2 teeth on the top row to make the others fit.
I managed to get quite a bit of info out of him (while again he rambled off on tangents before he got around to answering my questions!), and then asked about cost.
He said he'd fax a quote through today - and asked what I thought it might cost. I said "hopefully not more than R15,000" (guessing, based on a friend's son's quote at a nearby dentist of R7,500 and simply doubling it). He laughed and said, "actually - it's more like R20,000!".
EXCUSE ME? Am I buying a whole new mouth? Or have the monthly payments on your Merc just gone up? That's a hell of a large cost and I doubt my medical aid will agree to cover it! They only pay out 75% of it too, which leaves me with quite a few thousand to cover - and I'm required to pay before claiming, then wait 2 weeks for a refund, so it's not the easiest situation, especially when this particular dental bloke doesn't take credit card payments.
What I didn't get to ask was what happens if I leave the country (ie that Australian job comes through next year) - seeing as the cost is spread over a certain number of months, regardless of how long the treatment takes....
Oh, and it seems his story has again changed - instead of 15 months he's saying this is going to take 18 months, and I'll still need retainers after that too!
If it wasn't becoming sore in my mouth thanks to teeth going their own way I honestly would give up on this idea right now. I don't rightly care what I look like (which is probably a problem in itself), I just don't want things getting worse.
One other option I'll do is contact the "cheaper" dentist (who isn't a specialist, and who sent me to the guy in the first place for a 2nd opinion), and see whether he'd be willing to take over this treatment, or whether I HAVE to go with the specialist. I feel a bit guilty about going behind his back, so to speak, but this is completely ridiculous in terms of fees.
Just when I thought my finances were coming right....
He hauled out the X-rays, the plaster casts of both jaws, the photos etc and told me I'll have to lose another 2 teeth on the top row to make the others fit.
I managed to get quite a bit of info out of him (while again he rambled off on tangents before he got around to answering my questions!), and then asked about cost.
He said he'd fax a quote through today - and asked what I thought it might cost. I said "hopefully not more than R15,000" (guessing, based on a friend's son's quote at a nearby dentist of R7,500 and simply doubling it). He laughed and said, "actually - it's more like R20,000!".
EXCUSE ME? Am I buying a whole new mouth? Or have the monthly payments on your Merc just gone up? That's a hell of a large cost and I doubt my medical aid will agree to cover it! They only pay out 75% of it too, which leaves me with quite a few thousand to cover - and I'm required to pay before claiming, then wait 2 weeks for a refund, so it's not the easiest situation, especially when this particular dental bloke doesn't take credit card payments.
What I didn't get to ask was what happens if I leave the country (ie that Australian job comes through next year) - seeing as the cost is spread over a certain number of months, regardless of how long the treatment takes....
Oh, and it seems his story has again changed - instead of 15 months he's saying this is going to take 18 months, and I'll still need retainers after that too!
If it wasn't becoming sore in my mouth thanks to teeth going their own way I honestly would give up on this idea right now. I don't rightly care what I look like (which is probably a problem in itself), I just don't want things getting worse.
One other option I'll do is contact the "cheaper" dentist (who isn't a specialist, and who sent me to the guy in the first place for a 2nd opinion), and see whether he'd be willing to take over this treatment, or whether I HAVE to go with the specialist. I feel a bit guilty about going behind his back, so to speak, but this is completely ridiculous in terms of fees.
Just when I thought my finances were coming right....
The Shocking Update
I just shocked myself on a flippin' potted plant that I touched by accident! What next????
Reality Strikes
Earlier this week I asked our salary guy to give me some figures on what my pay would look like if I lived off-campus, instead of getting my "free" housing. The upshot of it is that I can't afford to move! Sure, I'm paying a lot for that apparent free accommodation, but would have to pay even more to rent in this increasingly-expensive area. I would have to travel to work, and pay more than I am on utilities etc.
It's given me a kick up the butt, so to speak. I've realized that unless I actually get going in a new direction I'll be stuck in this job, in this tiny flat, FOREVER! Not that I don't enjoy my view, but I have to think of the future. (And the future, very likely, will not involve a move to Australia)
I'm simply not making enough cash to support any further studies my son would want after school. I can't afford to replace my car, or to even consider buying a shack in a backyard in this town. For a laugh one day I typed in my salary at my bank's website home-loan section, to see what they'd give me. And the figure it coughed up was about a tenth of what any small house costs these days! It was a laugh, but a hopeless, sorta sad one.
You see, my son is seriously outgrowing the space behind the couch he's occupied for 9 years. He's almost a teen and needs his privacy, his own space. I need space to breathe too - and space to entertain. The entertaining fell by the wayside years ago (too embarrassed by the condition of my flat and the lack of space to even seat people to ask them over) and we've ended up somewhat reclusive. I'm tired of a tiny kitchen, a bathroom where going to the loo means positioning yourself carefully half-under the basin, and a flat where I simply don't have room for a dining table. I'm tired of hearing the neighbours walking, talking, bathing, everything! And there's no alternate accommodation on campus. There was - but I turned it down (for health and safety reasons...).
I've been hesitant to make a move toward a new job, and frustrated in trying to think how to get my planned business off the ground. I'm tired of being an underling, of being dictated to (though I get less of that than others may), of being an employee. I'm tired of the restrictions and expectations here - I simply can't conform any longer in good concience. I really do want to work for myself, doing something I love. I know I have the ability to make a huge success of it, and the support from family and friends to do so.
And just this week it hit me - I know how to get going, how to bridge the gap between where I am now and where I want to be! I know what needs to be done, and I have just the right amount of time to do it in. I know my market in this area, and what they will buy, and when. This is my chance! If I don't take it, I'll have to wait another year before it comes around again.
What of my Africa Trek dream, you ask? Well, reality dictates that I need to ensure I can afford to make the trip. Currently I can't afford it, and without laying a base for the adventure it would be stupid to try it. Reality also hammers home that I'm not skilled enough in certain areas to survive it. Although we will still plan toward it, there are things that need doing first to make it work. However, we ARE going to make a couple of shorter trips over weekends and holidays, using my good-for-the-long-road car, and the equipment/cash we already have available.
As big a dreamer as I am, I'm also a realist. I know what life is like, and I know what is required of me. I know my limitations, and my responsibilities. I know what I can and can't do. And I'm working with that.
So here's to dreams - here's to reality. And here's to the first steps I'm finally taking to move toward a success in both. May my courage and determination hold out long enough...
It's given me a kick up the butt, so to speak. I've realized that unless I actually get going in a new direction I'll be stuck in this job, in this tiny flat, FOREVER! Not that I don't enjoy my view, but I have to think of the future. (And the future, very likely, will not involve a move to Australia)
I'm simply not making enough cash to support any further studies my son would want after school. I can't afford to replace my car, or to even consider buying a shack in a backyard in this town. For a laugh one day I typed in my salary at my bank's website home-loan section, to see what they'd give me. And the figure it coughed up was about a tenth of what any small house costs these days! It was a laugh, but a hopeless, sorta sad one.
You see, my son is seriously outgrowing the space behind the couch he's occupied for 9 years. He's almost a teen and needs his privacy, his own space. I need space to breathe too - and space to entertain. The entertaining fell by the wayside years ago (too embarrassed by the condition of my flat and the lack of space to even seat people to ask them over) and we've ended up somewhat reclusive. I'm tired of a tiny kitchen, a bathroom where going to the loo means positioning yourself carefully half-under the basin, and a flat where I simply don't have room for a dining table. I'm tired of hearing the neighbours walking, talking, bathing, everything! And there's no alternate accommodation on campus. There was - but I turned it down (for health and safety reasons...).
I've been hesitant to make a move toward a new job, and frustrated in trying to think how to get my planned business off the ground. I'm tired of being an underling, of being dictated to (though I get less of that than others may), of being an employee. I'm tired of the restrictions and expectations here - I simply can't conform any longer in good concience. I really do want to work for myself, doing something I love. I know I have the ability to make a huge success of it, and the support from family and friends to do so.
And just this week it hit me - I know how to get going, how to bridge the gap between where I am now and where I want to be! I know what needs to be done, and I have just the right amount of time to do it in. I know my market in this area, and what they will buy, and when. This is my chance! If I don't take it, I'll have to wait another year before it comes around again.
What of my Africa Trek dream, you ask? Well, reality dictates that I need to ensure I can afford to make the trip. Currently I can't afford it, and without laying a base for the adventure it would be stupid to try it. Reality also hammers home that I'm not skilled enough in certain areas to survive it. Although we will still plan toward it, there are things that need doing first to make it work. However, we ARE going to make a couple of shorter trips over weekends and holidays, using my good-for-the-long-road car, and the equipment/cash we already have available.
As big a dreamer as I am, I'm also a realist. I know what life is like, and I know what is required of me. I know my limitations, and my responsibilities. I know what I can and can't do. And I'm working with that.
So here's to dreams - here's to reality. And here's to the first steps I'm finally taking to move toward a success in both. May my courage and determination hold out long enough...
The Aussie Army
(this just in from my mom, and thought I'd share)
Letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (Eromanga is a small town west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland )
Dear Mum & Dad,
I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the farm - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone!
I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all you gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin'!!
Blokes haz gotta shave though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing! At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed again until noon, and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the back paddock!!
This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting awards for shooting- dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody possum's bum and it don't move and its not firing back at yerlike the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka [State Rural Exhibition Show] last year!
All yergotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - its a piece of piss!! You don't even load your own cartridges - they comes in little boxes and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!
Sometimes yergotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster. Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pickhandles across the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.
I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is.
Your loving daughter,
Jennifer
Letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (Eromanga is a small town west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland )
Dear Mum & Dad,
I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the farm - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone!
I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all you gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin'!!
Blokes haz gotta shave though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing! At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed again until noon, and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the back paddock!!
This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting awards for shooting- dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody possum's bum and it don't move and its not firing back at yerlike the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka [State Rural Exhibition Show] last year!
All yergotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - its a piece of piss!! You don't even load your own cartridges - they comes in little boxes and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!
Sometimes yergotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster. Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pickhandles across the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.
I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is.
Your loving daughter,
Jennifer
It's Springing!
I know we have a ways to go with winter yet, but all the signs are there.My white mulberry tree sprouted leaves AND mini-berries overnight this weekend - and the "non-bearing" tree growing alongside it has berries too! Last year the birds didn't know what to make of white mulberries, so didn't eat them. I did. Wonder what they'll make of them this year. Wonder if the non-bearing tree is a black mulberry, and if it will look strange having both colour berries growing from one apparent stem (they're really close together, you can hardly tell they're different trees except by a slight change in leaf structure and the way the branches bear them).
Another tree on my walk-to-work had just leaves one day, and was covered in yellow blossoms (with bees) the next. The plum trees are shooting, the oxalis flowers covering fields in yellow and pink.The pigeons are mating on my lawn...
My arums are producing masses of flowers, nearly 50 off a mere 10 or so bulbs. The roses are getting new little red leaves after their drastic trim 2 weeks back.
The sunbirds are out in force, sucking nectar from long orange flowers off native bulbs. The weavers have babies, sitting in the tree rattling their wings and shrieking for food. My shrike has disappeared - and I suspect she's on eggs.The iris bulbs are showing the first blooms. The other bulbs are all up, leafy and spikey.
There's nothing like those little signs of spring to make your heart soar up and smile. Oh look - it's even spread to my face!
Devotion, Faith and the Little Things
I find myself faithless, unable to talk or write of things God. I get into arguments online with those I know won't understand my perspective - and finally cease to respond altogether, simply changing the subject to more mundane matters. I never say what I really mean for fear of shocking and horrifying them. I tip-toe around the safe parts and leave out the rest.
I find myself unable to read of God, and humankind's experience or interpretation of Him. My mind wanders where once it absorbed, and thoughts of everyday existence take precedence over the divine. I pray, but after few words have run out of things to say.
And yet I find myself drawn to little things. The concept of hourly, set prayers. Lighting a candle, one among many glowing flames. Striking a bell or sitting in silent darkness for hours. Perhaps not as little as I thought...? I note those who create altars, those who have followed a chosen Way and see a reflection of that same devotion in others, a flash of recognition, a blinding moment of sameness. I hover around the dancers, the weavers or words, the practicers of discipline and wonder what went wrong with me. Why I no longer feel or yearn, or even yet know.
I crave the time, the tranquility, the creative flow that might produce devotion and a way to express. I crave SOMETHING to express in place of this dark emptiness. And then I don't crave anything at all. It drifts away like smoke from an extinguished wick. I mouth the words and they remain bleak. Water from a dry well (dehydrated water - just add water!). Fruit without flesh. Seeds that refuse to grow. Caring that no longer cares.
Can one create devotion, kick-start faith? Can the little things lead to a Big Thing? Or is it all just dust in the wind?
I find myself unable to read of God, and humankind's experience or interpretation of Him. My mind wanders where once it absorbed, and thoughts of everyday existence take precedence over the divine. I pray, but after few words have run out of things to say.
And yet I find myself drawn to little things. The concept of hourly, set prayers. Lighting a candle, one among many glowing flames. Striking a bell or sitting in silent darkness for hours. Perhaps not as little as I thought...? I note those who create altars, those who have followed a chosen Way and see a reflection of that same devotion in others, a flash of recognition, a blinding moment of sameness. I hover around the dancers, the weavers or words, the practicers of discipline and wonder what went wrong with me. Why I no longer feel or yearn, or even yet know.
I crave the time, the tranquility, the creative flow that might produce devotion and a way to express. I crave SOMETHING to express in place of this dark emptiness. And then I don't crave anything at all. It drifts away like smoke from an extinguished wick. I mouth the words and they remain bleak. Water from a dry well (dehydrated water - just add water!). Fruit without flesh. Seeds that refuse to grow. Caring that no longer cares.
Can one create devotion, kick-start faith? Can the little things lead to a Big Thing? Or is it all just dust in the wind?
Cruelty-free diet
Andrew has an excellent post up on a Cruelty-Free Diet, and why his family watches what they eat.
In recent years I've tended more and more toward not only knowing what's in my food, but where it comes from and how it was produced. Although the organic movement is still fledgling here in SA, it is possible to find foods grown and produced as naturally as possible, and without a month-long journey to the table - losing nutrients all the way.
I'm a lacto-ovo vegetarian by choice (really don't like the taste of meat, generally speaking). I've had a veggie garden for years and love being able to pick my meal from right outside my door. I've gone over to free-range, grain-fed eggs only (after reading of the horrific treatement of birds, and noticing "ordinary" eggs becoming more and more fishy in taste...). I'm trying to buy local and find the good quality things to eat - yes, even if it takes a bit more cash to do so. But it isn't always possible, with many suppliers and producers dominating the market, making it hard to find something they HAVEN'T created in the unknown obscurity of a far-off factory. And I'm well-aware that I could do more toward eating right/better.
This is an issue that can't be seperated from your care for God's world, or your dominance of it. It's an integral part of how you view your relation to his creation, his creatures and your place in the world. And it's a view that cuts across religions (and outside of them too). I was amazed at how seriously Jews, Muslims and others take care for the world - while Christians often can't care less, even though all the God-talk is there, asking them to.
Anyway, enough waffle. Go read his post. And follow a few of the links he's mentioned too.
In recent years I've tended more and more toward not only knowing what's in my food, but where it comes from and how it was produced. Although the organic movement is still fledgling here in SA, it is possible to find foods grown and produced as naturally as possible, and without a month-long journey to the table - losing nutrients all the way.
I'm a lacto-ovo vegetarian by choice (really don't like the taste of meat, generally speaking). I've had a veggie garden for years and love being able to pick my meal from right outside my door. I've gone over to free-range, grain-fed eggs only (after reading of the horrific treatement of birds, and noticing "ordinary" eggs becoming more and more fishy in taste...). I'm trying to buy local and find the good quality things to eat - yes, even if it takes a bit more cash to do so. But it isn't always possible, with many suppliers and producers dominating the market, making it hard to find something they HAVEN'T created in the unknown obscurity of a far-off factory. And I'm well-aware that I could do more toward eating right/better.
This is an issue that can't be seperated from your care for God's world, or your dominance of it. It's an integral part of how you view your relation to his creation, his creatures and your place in the world. And it's a view that cuts across religions (and outside of them too). I was amazed at how seriously Jews, Muslims and others take care for the world - while Christians often can't care less, even though all the God-talk is there, asking them to.
Anyway, enough waffle. Go read his post. And follow a few of the links he's mentioned too.
How Shocking!
I'm shocking myself on everything I touch today! Usually it only happens when I'm shopping - somehow the trolley builds up static electricity, and unless I keep one hand on a bit of the metal (and not just the plastic handle) I get a bad jolt when I touch it by mistake. As my son and I walk the mall, if our hands touch as they swing we shock each other - he feels it more than I do, so I must be producing the greater charge.
But today I'm not even moving to create static - yet I still shock myself on my chair, the doorframe, the printer, you name it! Not that I've got anything like nylon or polyester or those unnatural (ugh!) fabrics on. Perhaps the aircon, blowing hot air my way is drying out my clothing and doing a mini-electric storm thing between molecules.
Or maybe this is just my day to spontaneously combust!
But today I'm not even moving to create static - yet I still shock myself on my chair, the doorframe, the printer, you name it! Not that I've got anything like nylon or polyester or those unnatural (ugh!) fabrics on. Perhaps the aircon, blowing hot air my way is drying out my clothing and doing a mini-electric storm thing between molecules.
Or maybe this is just my day to spontaneously combust!
Noise-intolerance
I'm coming down with a bad case of noise-intolerance, and at the worst possible time. All our students return today to re-register for the next semester, and that means an increase in noise level - a BIG increase. They all hang around outside my office, talking (shouting? some cultures consider shouting to be talking...) and filling in forms and waiting in queus for various folk to sign their forms.It literally drives me nuts!
Even the ongoing murmer of voices with yesterday's meetings next door left me on edge and headache-y, and today I've started off with a pounding brain. Having the neighbours get up at an unearthly hour to bang their cupboard doors, meet up with someone who hoots to let them know they're there to pick them up, and then greets them noisily has not at all helped. Nor the fact that for the past 2 weeks this has happened each and every morning!
More and more I'm seeking that elusive serenity - and silence. Peace & quiet. Calm, not chaos. Each day when I get home all I want to do is sit outside in the silence and absorb it.
Am I getting old and nasty? Should I buy earplugs? Dunno. I find myself dreading people-noise. All the music in the world doesn't drown it out.
Coldplay and ELO
Did you know that both Coldplay and ELO effectively mask the sounds of a committee meeting through thin office walls?
Yup, it's true!
They moved the extremely noisy colleague out while I was in Australia and converted the room into a mini-conference area. Unfortunately it's become the preferred meeting place for anyone too lazy to haul their butts upstairs to the official committee room! And that means I get to hear the contents of meetings - or if not actually hear their words, have to make do with a constant background noise of voices rising and falling.
But I come armed with 3.03GB of music on my hard-drive! And after a bit of experimentation, found that Coldplay's sound covers conversation wonderfully - and ELO just completely gets rid of it. Especially if I turn it up loud enough... :) (Still pondering whether they'll appriciate Evanescence at high volume or if a bout of Hillsong will convert them to another premisis!)
One of these days I'll either drown out the meetings or they'll go get that sound-proofing they've been promising. And then, if they just keep the window closed (and I don't open mine), I think we'll be OK!
Yup, it's true!
They moved the extremely noisy colleague out while I was in Australia and converted the room into a mini-conference area. Unfortunately it's become the preferred meeting place for anyone too lazy to haul their butts upstairs to the official committee room! And that means I get to hear the contents of meetings - or if not actually hear their words, have to make do with a constant background noise of voices rising and falling.
But I come armed with 3.03GB of music on my hard-drive! And after a bit of experimentation, found that Coldplay's sound covers conversation wonderfully - and ELO just completely gets rid of it. Especially if I turn it up loud enough... :) (Still pondering whether they'll appriciate Evanescence at high volume or if a bout of Hillsong will convert them to another premisis!)
One of these days I'll either drown out the meetings or they'll go get that sound-proofing they've been promising. And then, if they just keep the window closed (and I don't open mine), I think we'll be OK!
The Senses Game
Want to get to know someone a bit more? Then play the Senses Game! My son and I did on Friday night and had a blast.
It goes like so: ask someone their favourite smell, taste, touch, sound, view/sight. They then get to ask you for yours. Go back and forth, taking turns - and being creative (not every answer gets to be "pizza"...).
We drew up a grid with the senses and our names and ticked off little boxes for each answer. An hour or so later, as we started running out of favourites, we listed least-favourites.
I learnt quite a bit about my son, and I think he learnt a bit about me too.
Try it - you'll enjoy it! :)
It goes like so: ask someone their favourite smell, taste, touch, sound, view/sight. They then get to ask you for yours. Go back and forth, taking turns - and being creative (not every answer gets to be "pizza"...).
We drew up a grid with the senses and our names and ticked off little boxes for each answer. An hour or so later, as we started running out of favourites, we listed least-favourites.
I learnt quite a bit about my son, and I think he learnt a bit about me too.
Try it - you'll enjoy it! :)
It's My Life
This weekend I tried to tell my sis-in-law about our plans to see Africa in a few years' time.
It didn't work.
You see, I happened to mention "Land Rover" and that I was looking at some old ones for purchase. I didn't even get as far as saying why, before I got an earful about how bad they are and how expensive parts are etc. All based on a friend's experience with the fancy, new models - not the ancient, proved-reliable ones.
We got onto the subject of the future again later in the day when she asked how my Aussie plans were coming along and if I'd heard anything more on job offers. I mentioned that I'd realized I will turn 35 at the end of next year - the cut-off age for migration and job sponsorship. If nothing happens in the next year and a half, nothing will ever happen in that direction.
And just as I got ready to tell her our "back up plan" I decided to say, "but it involves a Land Rover, so you probably don't want to hear it". And got another lecture on the Landys. I couldn't get a word in edge-wise with my views, my research into the subject.
So I never got to tell her. Which is probably just as well, considering her mother's reaction last week when I mentioned it in passing....
This isn't the first time my sis-in-law has assumed she knows better about some aspect of my life. I've had earfuls in the past on various subjects too. (Had an additional small earful later that day regarding my old sunglasses which need replacing, and the fact that most times I don't rightly care what I look like.)
And it's not that I have anything against her - she's more of a sister than a married-in relative, and we get along famously.
But I've realized that I've been letting other's perceptions form my life for a very, very long time. If someone close to me disapproves, I start conforming and changing my plans to please them, even if I'm not happy in the process. Saturday's experience brought this one completely to the fore and made me take a good hard look at myself.
A while back I mentioned to sis-in-law that sometimes I feel like the little sister, instead of the oldest of us three - thanks to my youngest brother being all successful and telling me how to go about my life to be like him, start my own business, gather possessions etc.
I've let him run over my dreams too!
But it's My Life. And it's time I took control of it. It all goes back to that quote a few weeks ago that I posted here, "Live your life and let people talk". I've been way too afraid to do just that. I'm too scared to step out and do what I feel is right - too scared of what others will think.
And it's got to end. Immediately.
If I want a Land Rover, I'm going to get one. If I want to travel Africa, I'm going to. If I want to take a risk on starting a business others say I shouldn't, then I will.
I've just got to get it through my thick skull that it's my life, and I have the right to live it.
It didn't work.
You see, I happened to mention "Land Rover" and that I was looking at some old ones for purchase. I didn't even get as far as saying why, before I got an earful about how bad they are and how expensive parts are etc. All based on a friend's experience with the fancy, new models - not the ancient, proved-reliable ones.
We got onto the subject of the future again later in the day when she asked how my Aussie plans were coming along and if I'd heard anything more on job offers. I mentioned that I'd realized I will turn 35 at the end of next year - the cut-off age for migration and job sponsorship. If nothing happens in the next year and a half, nothing will ever happen in that direction.
And just as I got ready to tell her our "back up plan" I decided to say, "but it involves a Land Rover, so you probably don't want to hear it". And got another lecture on the Landys. I couldn't get a word in edge-wise with my views, my research into the subject.
So I never got to tell her. Which is probably just as well, considering her mother's reaction last week when I mentioned it in passing....
This isn't the first time my sis-in-law has assumed she knows better about some aspect of my life. I've had earfuls in the past on various subjects too. (Had an additional small earful later that day regarding my old sunglasses which need replacing, and the fact that most times I don't rightly care what I look like.)
And it's not that I have anything against her - she's more of a sister than a married-in relative, and we get along famously.
But I've realized that I've been letting other's perceptions form my life for a very, very long time. If someone close to me disapproves, I start conforming and changing my plans to please them, even if I'm not happy in the process. Saturday's experience brought this one completely to the fore and made me take a good hard look at myself.
A while back I mentioned to sis-in-law that sometimes I feel like the little sister, instead of the oldest of us three - thanks to my youngest brother being all successful and telling me how to go about my life to be like him, start my own business, gather possessions etc.
I've let him run over my dreams too!
But it's My Life. And it's time I took control of it. It all goes back to that quote a few weeks ago that I posted here, "Live your life and let people talk". I've been way too afraid to do just that. I'm too scared to step out and do what I feel is right - too scared of what others will think.
And it's got to end. Immediately.
If I want a Land Rover, I'm going to get one. If I want to travel Africa, I'm going to. If I want to take a risk on starting a business others say I shouldn't, then I will.
I've just got to get it through my thick skull that it's my life, and I have the right to live it.
Exploring the Cape
It's been a bit of a crazy weekend for our household - usually spend them lazing around at home.
We decided on Friday afternoon that Saturday would be "drive day" - with a car that finally works without prayer, we were going to pack a picnic lunch and just drive until we got back home again. It's the road-trip addict in me that enjoys taking off into the unknown and exploring!
So Friday night we baked mini cheese & onion pies for lunch, brownies for dessert, mixed up some dips to go with the chips and stuck the Coke into the freezer box in the fridge to develop a few ice crystals.
And Saturday morning we were off! We drove around the curve of False Bay, headed up Boyes Drive on the other side, then took a side road to the Silvermine Nature Reserve. Camera out, walking shoes on, we wandered 5km of trails and spotted some cool birds, tadpoles and scenery. I heard something bigger than a bird in the bushes once, but we couldn't see it. Lunch was downed, and off we went, down the other side of the mountain. We ended up in Noordhoek, then took the (expensive) toll-route drive along Chapman's Peak. That particular road was closed for many years thanks to being built into a steep mountain cliff - and suffering rock falls and wash-outs, making it unsafe. It's now been restored and propped up, huge nets placed above the road in case of rock falls - and it still has the most incredible view!
We then took a turn through Hout Bay, up over the pass and along the coast to Camps Bay, and finally ended up in Seapoint at my brother's place.
The thing about turning up to visit people unexpectedly, especially on a gorgeous day, is that they may not be home....
Thankfully I had my cellphone with me and managed to locate them a few beaches away - and they were heading our direction. We met up at a community park on the beachfront. My nephew is walking! And running... and turning into a Real Boy.
While we were there, me the ever-paranoid country cousin thought I saw someone breaking into my brother's car down the block. He took off, shedding shoes on the way, and I came after at a slightly slower pace. Only to discover that the guys were trying to open the door of the car behind his (also silver, so mistaken for his) - they seem to have locked their keys in and were using the same method the break-in guys would have to open it!
All's well that ends well - except that I somehow strained a calf muscle in the exercise, and it's STILL sore after a day and a half!
We finally came full-circle, getting home just after sunset and 155km later. I had picked up a really cheap video (The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen) which we watched on arrival - our kind of movie! :) A good way to end the day.
Next trip - the southernmost point of Africa, a mere 2 hours drive from here. But it won't be next week - sometime in the future.
Photo Album from our Day Out (opens in new window)
We decided on Friday afternoon that Saturday would be "drive day" - with a car that finally works without prayer, we were going to pack a picnic lunch and just drive until we got back home again. It's the road-trip addict in me that enjoys taking off into the unknown and exploring!
So Friday night we baked mini cheese & onion pies for lunch, brownies for dessert, mixed up some dips to go with the chips and stuck the Coke into the freezer box in the fridge to develop a few ice crystals.
And Saturday morning we were off! We drove around the curve of False Bay, headed up Boyes Drive on the other side, then took a side road to the Silvermine Nature Reserve. Camera out, walking shoes on, we wandered 5km of trails and spotted some cool birds, tadpoles and scenery. I heard something bigger than a bird in the bushes once, but we couldn't see it. Lunch was downed, and off we went, down the other side of the mountain. We ended up in Noordhoek, then took the (expensive) toll-route drive along Chapman's Peak. That particular road was closed for many years thanks to being built into a steep mountain cliff - and suffering rock falls and wash-outs, making it unsafe. It's now been restored and propped up, huge nets placed above the road in case of rock falls - and it still has the most incredible view!
We then took a turn through Hout Bay, up over the pass and along the coast to Camps Bay, and finally ended up in Seapoint at my brother's place.
The thing about turning up to visit people unexpectedly, especially on a gorgeous day, is that they may not be home....
Thankfully I had my cellphone with me and managed to locate them a few beaches away - and they were heading our direction. We met up at a community park on the beachfront. My nephew is walking! And running... and turning into a Real Boy.
While we were there, me the ever-paranoid country cousin thought I saw someone breaking into my brother's car down the block. He took off, shedding shoes on the way, and I came after at a slightly slower pace. Only to discover that the guys were trying to open the door of the car behind his (also silver, so mistaken for his) - they seem to have locked their keys in and were using the same method the break-in guys would have to open it!
All's well that ends well - except that I somehow strained a calf muscle in the exercise, and it's STILL sore after a day and a half!
We finally came full-circle, getting home just after sunset and 155km later. I had picked up a really cheap video (The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen) which we watched on arrival - our kind of movie! :) A good way to end the day.
Next trip - the southernmost point of Africa, a mere 2 hours drive from here. But it won't be next week - sometime in the future.
Photo Album from our Day Out (opens in new window)
The Tooth Verdict
Well, this morning was an experience! The ortho guy has very few friends it seems - most of my appointment was him telling me stories of past patients and various options and situations. He should find a therapist to tell these things to, perhaps? Actually, he's a nice enough guy. And the upshot of it is that I could be about to commit the next 15 months (more or less) to a good deal of support for the payments on his Mercedes!
I got photographed, inside and out. I got imprinted on plastic concrete that tried to get down my throat and choke me. I was x-rayed and prodded - and YET AGAIN told I have wonderful teeth. I'm almost starting to believe it.
I finally got out of him that I MAY need two top teeth extracted, and WILL need to brace both jaws, but will end up looking like a million bucks (the approximate amount I'll have to spend to achieve this perfection). I go back next Friday afternoon for a consultation (amazingly, this one is free!) to look through the evidence and plot a course of action.
You know - I may just celebrate my 35th birthday at the end of 2006 with a big, glamorous smile after all! :) (And while I'm at it, I should really use those 15 months to get the body I've always wanted, sort out my health, and end up all-round good-looking - right?)
I got photographed, inside and out. I got imprinted on plastic concrete that tried to get down my throat and choke me. I was x-rayed and prodded - and YET AGAIN told I have wonderful teeth. I'm almost starting to believe it.
I finally got out of him that I MAY need two top teeth extracted, and WILL need to brace both jaws, but will end up looking like a million bucks (the approximate amount I'll have to spend to achieve this perfection). I go back next Friday afternoon for a consultation (amazingly, this one is free!) to look through the evidence and plot a course of action.
You know - I may just celebrate my 35th birthday at the end of 2006 with a big, glamorous smile after all! :) (And while I'm at it, I should really use those 15 months to get the body I've always wanted, sort out my health, and end up all-round good-looking - right?)
Mini Customer Service Rant
You'd think that for the one thousand three hundred bucks I've just handed him, the orthodontist would be on time for his appointment, right???
Wrong...
Wrong...
More on meals
Thanks for taking time to answer my little survey yesterday afternoon! I had been meaning to get back to the post and expand it a bit, but with invigilating, and then running back to the office - and then checking the internet for updates on the horrific situation in London - it fell by the wayside. (I hope those you know in London are safe?)
So what got me started on that train of thought - other than a more-than-vague guilt for not even possessing a dining-room table, nevermind using one? Oh, I do have an excuse - no space. But I'm sure we could find a way if we wanted to, like moving out to somewhere else...
Well, I happened to drop by the Oprah site (yeah I know Chitty, I'm a bad girl) and saw something on how French women stay so slim while consuming all those wonderful cheeses, butter, sauces, chocolate, coffee - all the things the rest of us try to avoid, but STILL end up fat. Well, it mentioned a book written by a French woman, and from there of course Google got used, and it was just one downhill slide into reading all sorts of articles etc. As usual...!
But the upshot of it is this:
The French don't diet - they ENJOY their food. They take time out to eat the best they can, with everything fresh and/or home-made. No snacking, no fast food, no drinking yourself into a stupor (though they love their wine and cigarettes). Rather, meals are at a set time, 3 times a day, and are an event (much like a Mexican girl was talking about on Oprah a few days ago - part of a show on 30-year-old women around the world). Food is savoured with company, and it takes a long time to eat it. Portions are smaller but worth it. You rest between courses for interaction with your table mates.
And they walk more. (OK, that has nothing to do with food, but it's the main form of exercise it seems - and it works. That's how I lost weight on my Aussie trip, which I've now gone and more-than picked up again... sigh...)
The articles talked about the quality of the food - that things like pastries etc are not only smaller than the Western counterparts, but likely to be whole-grain, freshly-made and with a lot less sugar. Loads of fruit and veggies included, and very little artificial anything. As one woman said "the labels on your bread in America read like a list of insecticide ingredients!".
Growing up in my kid days, mealtimes were around the diningroom table. Every meal, if we could manage it - but ALWAYS supper/dinner. Even if dad was out doing church visitation stuff, he'd be home for supper. When we were all grown up and had other folk boarding with us, we STILL ate around the table. Often the poor boarders would be teased to death by the rest of us with our wacky sense of humour, but they gave as good as they got. My parents still eat at the table. The TV goes off and we gather for a "fully cooked meal". Mom likes to have at least 4 things on the plate.
But my son and I don't do that. We eat off our laps, sitting in the lounge (which is also my son's bedroom, and contains the freezer and phone table...yup, we're squashed in there). Most meals the TV is on and we pay very little attention to our food - wolfing it down in the least possible time, usually eating things that can be made in 10 minutes in one pot. On weekends we may get a bit fancier with the cooking, but my son's so used to the one-pot meals that I'm likely to get complaints. (The French train their kids from an early age to develop a palate for good adult food - I seem to have missed out on doing that)
But I miss the family meal times. I have this image in my head of a long table under summer-green trees, filled with family and friends gathered over a lengthy meal each day. It's an ideal in my mind - but I have neither the family nor the friends to fill the table, and the trees are lacking! :)
I keep telling myself, one day we'll have the space to eat at a table, and make a habit of it. What if one day never arrives? I miss the interaction over a meal, and my son has no idea what he's being deprived of.
It seems from the comments that not eating around a table has become the norm these days. And eating alone for the single folk, in front of the TV. It's pretty sad, isn't it, that meals are no longer an event to anticipate, a time to re-connect with those we love - that they've become cold and featureless times, stripped down to body-sustenance and nothing more.
I wonder if adjusting the way we view our meals could change our lives? Not only our weight and health, but our happiness and connectivity with those around us.
Something to think about.
So what got me started on that train of thought - other than a more-than-vague guilt for not even possessing a dining-room table, nevermind using one? Oh, I do have an excuse - no space. But I'm sure we could find a way if we wanted to, like moving out to somewhere else...
Well, I happened to drop by the Oprah site (yeah I know Chitty, I'm a bad girl) and saw something on how French women stay so slim while consuming all those wonderful cheeses, butter, sauces, chocolate, coffee - all the things the rest of us try to avoid, but STILL end up fat. Well, it mentioned a book written by a French woman, and from there of course Google got used, and it was just one downhill slide into reading all sorts of articles etc. As usual...!
But the upshot of it is this:
The French don't diet - they ENJOY their food. They take time out to eat the best they can, with everything fresh and/or home-made. No snacking, no fast food, no drinking yourself into a stupor (though they love their wine and cigarettes). Rather, meals are at a set time, 3 times a day, and are an event (much like a Mexican girl was talking about on Oprah a few days ago - part of a show on 30-year-old women around the world). Food is savoured with company, and it takes a long time to eat it. Portions are smaller but worth it. You rest between courses for interaction with your table mates.
And they walk more. (OK, that has nothing to do with food, but it's the main form of exercise it seems - and it works. That's how I lost weight on my Aussie trip, which I've now gone and more-than picked up again... sigh...)
The articles talked about the quality of the food - that things like pastries etc are not only smaller than the Western counterparts, but likely to be whole-grain, freshly-made and with a lot less sugar. Loads of fruit and veggies included, and very little artificial anything. As one woman said "the labels on your bread in America read like a list of insecticide ingredients!".
Growing up in my kid days, mealtimes were around the diningroom table. Every meal, if we could manage it - but ALWAYS supper/dinner. Even if dad was out doing church visitation stuff, he'd be home for supper. When we were all grown up and had other folk boarding with us, we STILL ate around the table. Often the poor boarders would be teased to death by the rest of us with our wacky sense of humour, but they gave as good as they got. My parents still eat at the table. The TV goes off and we gather for a "fully cooked meal". Mom likes to have at least 4 things on the plate.
But my son and I don't do that. We eat off our laps, sitting in the lounge (which is also my son's bedroom, and contains the freezer and phone table...yup, we're squashed in there). Most meals the TV is on and we pay very little attention to our food - wolfing it down in the least possible time, usually eating things that can be made in 10 minutes in one pot. On weekends we may get a bit fancier with the cooking, but my son's so used to the one-pot meals that I'm likely to get complaints. (The French train their kids from an early age to develop a palate for good adult food - I seem to have missed out on doing that)
But I miss the family meal times. I have this image in my head of a long table under summer-green trees, filled with family and friends gathered over a lengthy meal each day. It's an ideal in my mind - but I have neither the family nor the friends to fill the table, and the trees are lacking! :)
I keep telling myself, one day we'll have the space to eat at a table, and make a habit of it. What if one day never arrives? I miss the interaction over a meal, and my son has no idea what he's being deprived of.
It seems from the comments that not eating around a table has become the norm these days. And eating alone for the single folk, in front of the TV. It's pretty sad, isn't it, that meals are no longer an event to anticipate, a time to re-connect with those we love - that they've become cold and featureless times, stripped down to body-sustenance and nothing more.
I wonder if adjusting the way we view our meals could change our lives? Not only our weight and health, but our happiness and connectivity with those around us.
Something to think about.
Q & A - mealtimes
Here's a question or two for you - call it a survey if you will:
How many of you eat a meal, once a day, sitting at a table with your family? How many of you grew up doing this, but no longer do? How many of you never had a family meal around a table growing up?
Just curious - more later, once I've finished watching a group of teachers writing a test (and, amazingly enough, ensuring they don't cheat!).
How many of you eat a meal, once a day, sitting at a table with your family? How many of you grew up doing this, but no longer do? How many of you never had a family meal around a table growing up?
Just curious - more later, once I've finished watching a group of teachers writing a test (and, amazingly enough, ensuring they don't cheat!).
On my mind
I've had this song (theme to Star Trek Enterprise, download points in link) on my mind nearly every day recently, as I try think through where to from here, and gather the courage to step out.
-----
It´s been a long road, getting from there to here.
It´s been a long time, but my time is finally near.
And I can feel the change in the wind right now. Nothing´s in my way.
And they´re not gonna hold me down no more, no they´re not gonna hold me down.
Cause I´ve got faith of the heart.
I´m going where my heart will take me.
I´ve got faith to believe. I can do anything.
I´ve got strength of the soul. And no one´s gonna bend or break me.
I can reach any star. I´ve got faith, I´ve got faith, faith of the heart.
It´s been a long night. Trying to find my way.
Been through the darkness. Now I finally have my day.
And I will see my dream come alive at last. I will touch the sky.
And they´re not gonna hold me down no more, no they´re not gonna change my mind.
Cause I´ve got faith of the heart.
I´m going where my heart will take me.
I´ve got faith to believe. I can do anything.
I´ve got strength of the soul. And no one´s gonna bend or break me.
I can reach any star. I´ve got faith, faith of the heart.
I´ve known the wind so cold, and seen the darkest days.
But now the winds I feel, are only winds of change.
I´ve been through the fire and I´ve been through the rain.
But I´ll be fine.
Cause I´ve got faith of the heart.
I´m going where my heart will take me.
I´ve got faith to believe. I can do anything.
I´ve got strength of the soul. And no one´s gonna bend or break me.
I can reach any star. I´ve got faith.
I´ve got faith of the heart.
I´m going where my heart will take me.
I´ve got strength of the soul. And no one´s gonna bend or break me.
I can reach any star. I´ve got faith, I´ve got faith, faith of the heart.
-----
It´s been a long road, getting from there to here.
It´s been a long time, but my time is finally near.
And I can feel the change in the wind right now. Nothing´s in my way.
And they´re not gonna hold me down no more, no they´re not gonna hold me down.
Cause I´ve got faith of the heart.
I´m going where my heart will take me.
I´ve got faith to believe. I can do anything.
I´ve got strength of the soul. And no one´s gonna bend or break me.
I can reach any star. I´ve got faith, I´ve got faith, faith of the heart.
It´s been a long night. Trying to find my way.
Been through the darkness. Now I finally have my day.
And I will see my dream come alive at last. I will touch the sky.
And they´re not gonna hold me down no more, no they´re not gonna change my mind.
Cause I´ve got faith of the heart.
I´m going where my heart will take me.
I´ve got faith to believe. I can do anything.
I´ve got strength of the soul. And no one´s gonna bend or break me.
I can reach any star. I´ve got faith, faith of the heart.
I´ve known the wind so cold, and seen the darkest days.
But now the winds I feel, are only winds of change.
I´ve been through the fire and I´ve been through the rain.
But I´ll be fine.
Cause I´ve got faith of the heart.
I´m going where my heart will take me.
I´ve got faith to believe. I can do anything.
I´ve got strength of the soul. And no one´s gonna bend or break me.
I can reach any star. I´ve got faith.
I´ve got faith of the heart.
I´m going where my heart will take me.
I´ve got strength of the soul. And no one´s gonna bend or break me.
I can reach any star. I´ve got faith, I´ve got faith, faith of the heart.
Hitting the Headlines
I was surprised this morning, when logging in to the Lonely Planet Travel Forum I found my little "Single Mom, Kid & the Continent" post had made Thread of the Day! And garnered a whole lot of responses...
As usual, to balance out the good there were a couple of the bad. But I can appreciate the perspectives of the posters, as some thing I'm being irresponsible, dodging my duties and jeapordizing my son's future to pack up him and take him cross-continent! Others of course say it's the best thing I could do.
I'm taking both into consideration as I continue to plan our prospective get-away. There's reality in both views, and food for thought.
I'm still vascillating between "this is a good idea" and "what the hell am I thinking" myself, so am willing to listen to all sides of the conversation. I have yet to see if the entire plan will work, or simply become one of those never-have's.
Nothing in life is certain. But I'm willing to take my chances, doing what I can to really Live life.
As usual, to balance out the good there were a couple of the bad. But I can appreciate the perspectives of the posters, as some thing I'm being irresponsible, dodging my duties and jeapordizing my son's future to pack up him and take him cross-continent! Others of course say it's the best thing I could do.
I'm taking both into consideration as I continue to plan our prospective get-away. There's reality in both views, and food for thought.
I'm still vascillating between "this is a good idea" and "what the hell am I thinking" myself, so am willing to listen to all sides of the conversation. I have yet to see if the entire plan will work, or simply become one of those never-have's.
Nothing in life is certain. But I'm willing to take my chances, doing what I can to really Live life.
A good life
Read this quote last night:
"No-one deserves a good life: it has to be earned."
Spot-on. Too many of us expect life to come gently at us, giving us the good things, the easy things - the lotto winnings on the first try, and a life of endless leisure.
But we know from experience that the things we struggle for, the things we fight for - those are the things we appreciate the most. The things that just come to us without effort are soon discarded or unappreciated.
It's something I want my son to learn. That the good things in life are worth the effort, worth the fight, worth the sweat and stiff muscles it takes to get them. That a good, hard struggle brings a sense of satisfaction and more happiness than one can imagine. That sitting down after a hard day's work with a smile on your face, knowing you've put in your best, is the ultimate reward.
Random thoughts. Pondering what in my life I'm willing to fight for and what I need to just let go of.
"No-one deserves a good life: it has to be earned."
Spot-on. Too many of us expect life to come gently at us, giving us the good things, the easy things - the lotto winnings on the first try, and a life of endless leisure.
But we know from experience that the things we struggle for, the things we fight for - those are the things we appreciate the most. The things that just come to us without effort are soon discarded or unappreciated.
It's something I want my son to learn. That the good things in life are worth the effort, worth the fight, worth the sweat and stiff muscles it takes to get them. That a good, hard struggle brings a sense of satisfaction and more happiness than one can imagine. That sitting down after a hard day's work with a smile on your face, knowing you've put in your best, is the ultimate reward.
Random thoughts. Pondering what in my life I'm willing to fight for and what I need to just let go of.
The Saga of the Teeth
So I'm back from the dentist, and there's good news and there's bad news.
The good news - I have excellent teeth! At least when it comes to the condition they're in... And my bottom-jaw ones are nice and straight and stable.
The bad news - well, where do I begin. Perhaps with a visit upstairs to the specialist for a second opinion appointment? And an all-round x-ray? And a cleaning at 8:30 tomorrow morning? And the likelihood that straightening my top teeth is going to take some doing? And that I may have to have MORE teeth removed to get them all lined up (whatever am I going to eat with?)?
Yup, all of the above. Add in the potential cost, and this is starting to look like something I could do without. I have this urge to say "aah, just forget it" and live with my teeth as-is (or "are"). It would be cheaper and easier and take a lot less driving down to town and seeing folk who want to poke around my gums and whitey-biteys.
But I know that it's going to get worse if I leave it. Every now and then I can feel the teeth migrating again, and it's not pleasant. Biting an apple already leaves a funny pattern - a row of nice bites, and one at a funny angle as that rogue tooth makes its mark. (To illustrate the point, I have kindly taken a pic of what biting into something looks like, which I'll bet you didn't really need to see anyway, but that's what happens when you let me loose with a digital camera.)
I've come back to work laden with little appointment cards. The medical aid is going to get a wake-up call when I submit my claims... But sorted, it seems we'll be. Eventually. As in 2 years from here, minimum. Darn.
The good news - I have excellent teeth! At least when it comes to the condition they're in... And my bottom-jaw ones are nice and straight and stable.
The bad news - well, where do I begin. Perhaps with a visit upstairs to the specialist for a second opinion appointment? And an all-round x-ray? And a cleaning at 8:30 tomorrow morning? And the likelihood that straightening my top teeth is going to take some doing? And that I may have to have MORE teeth removed to get them all lined up (whatever am I going to eat with?)?
Yup, all of the above. Add in the potential cost, and this is starting to look like something I could do without. I have this urge to say "aah, just forget it" and live with my teeth as-is (or "are"). It would be cheaper and easier and take a lot less driving down to town and seeing folk who want to poke around my gums and whitey-biteys.
But I know that it's going to get worse if I leave it. Every now and then I can feel the teeth migrating again, and it's not pleasant. Biting an apple already leaves a funny pattern - a row of nice bites, and one at a funny angle as that rogue tooth makes its mark. (To illustrate the point, I have kindly taken a pic of what biting into something looks like, which I'll bet you didn't really need to see anyway, but that's what happens when you let me loose with a digital camera.)I've come back to work laden with little appointment cards. The medical aid is going to get a wake-up call when I submit my claims... But sorted, it seems we'll be. Eventually. As in 2 years from here, minimum. Darn.
Speaking in Tongues
Nope - this isn't a religious post either. I seem to be making a habit of this... :)
I'm fluent in English and Afrikaans - which is more than some folk are - but often I wish I knew more languages. The college where I work has students from 47 different countries, many of them starting out here in our English Language school and going on to college studies. Every few months I'll get a call from someone who doesn't speak a word of English, and I don't speak a word of Korean / Portuguese / Chinese / French / Spanish / German etc. We either bumble along until I can recognize a fax number or email address or get them to email me (I use freetranslation.com to "interpret" those messages and reply in their language), and hopefully get the info they want to them. Funny enough, I can get the basic drift of written Spanish or German (there are language similarities there if you look for them), but the spoken word goes right over my head.
Planning this trek up the continent has got me thinking. Perhaps it's time to learn another language, so I can cope with the locals as we travel. It's always handy to be able to understand and speak to those you encounter! And even if we never end up travelling, it would be good to have those skills. So I've started looking for French and Portuguese lessons (though Spanish would be easier). Those seem to be the dominant ones I'd need further north of here. Trouble is, they're not cheap.
Yesterday I scratched around in a "dumping ground" of an attic above a storage cupboard, hoping to locate a box of language tapes I'd seen there years ago. Unfortunately it seems the place was recently sorted out, and the tapes dumped - the sorter didn't know what they were. There go my free lessons!
(By the way, wanna know the best method of learning a new language? Get a boyfriend/girlfriend who speaks it, and refuses to speak your language! That's how I picked up Afrikaans in high school... but I ain't gonna do it now.)
So now I'm searching for affordable classes, or audio lessons, or anything that will give me the basics of these languages. I realize you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but I'm not THAT old! :)
Anyway, if I someday start talking in tongues here, you'll know the lessons have finally worked.
::update::
As usual, the all-knowing Internet has coughed up a good few free-lesson sites in everything from A-Z! Thank goodness...
I'm fluent in English and Afrikaans - which is more than some folk are - but often I wish I knew more languages. The college where I work has students from 47 different countries, many of them starting out here in our English Language school and going on to college studies. Every few months I'll get a call from someone who doesn't speak a word of English, and I don't speak a word of Korean / Portuguese / Chinese / French / Spanish / German etc. We either bumble along until I can recognize a fax number or email address or get them to email me (I use freetranslation.com to "interpret" those messages and reply in their language), and hopefully get the info they want to them. Funny enough, I can get the basic drift of written Spanish or German (there are language similarities there if you look for them), but the spoken word goes right over my head.
Planning this trek up the continent has got me thinking. Perhaps it's time to learn another language, so I can cope with the locals as we travel. It's always handy to be able to understand and speak to those you encounter! And even if we never end up travelling, it would be good to have those skills. So I've started looking for French and Portuguese lessons (though Spanish would be easier). Those seem to be the dominant ones I'd need further north of here. Trouble is, they're not cheap.
Yesterday I scratched around in a "dumping ground" of an attic above a storage cupboard, hoping to locate a box of language tapes I'd seen there years ago. Unfortunately it seems the place was recently sorted out, and the tapes dumped - the sorter didn't know what they were. There go my free lessons!
(By the way, wanna know the best method of learning a new language? Get a boyfriend/girlfriend who speaks it, and refuses to speak your language! That's how I picked up Afrikaans in high school... but I ain't gonna do it now.)
So now I'm searching for affordable classes, or audio lessons, or anything that will give me the basics of these languages. I realize you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but I'm not THAT old! :)
Anyway, if I someday start talking in tongues here, you'll know the lessons have finally worked.
::update::
As usual, the all-knowing Internet has coughed up a good few free-lesson sites in everything from A-Z! Thank goodness...
A community of believers
Before you go and think this is a religious post - be warned, it ain't! :)
You see, I've been hanging around the Lonely Planet Thorn Tree Forum, a gathering place for the adventurous, the planning-adventurous, the traveller and the been-there-done-that. I've put my case to them: a single mom ready to pack up the kid and take on Darkest Africa alone. And found a community of believers - folk that say they believe I can pull this off!
I've found lots of answers to questions I felt were too silly to actually ASK someone without looking stooopid, and I've found a few more questions I didn't even think about. Like taking rocks, minerals and gemstones cross-border (one of the drawcards I'm using to persuade my kid this is gonna be a great trip - he can add to his collection!). And whether it's safe as a single woman. And what to do when a hyena steals meat off the grill over the fire - or when you wake up and mistake the water stand for a hyena... :) And where to camp, and what to see, and how to get there, and what it costs.
I've found women who have conquered fear (and a few men who have too). I've found families traversing the world. I've found a whole lot of folk sitting at day-jobs with itchy feet, desperately trying to fund that next trip into the wilds.
I've found folk who started a journey as angst-ridden teens, and came home grown up and mature, with a view of how the world works that could put many ordinary adults to shame. I've found road-schooled kids (you can't call them home-schooled, can you?), and kids who've picked up fluent Arabic while in Morocco for 2 years.
I've found ancient folk who chucked in life at 50 and are determined to travel until they die - they're 70 and still going strong. I've found stories to laugh at and stories to break your heart.
(I've found a new addiction to message boards...)
But most of all, this community of believers have given me faith in myself and a knowledge that my dreams are within my grasp - I just need to reach out and take them.
You see, I've been hanging around the Lonely Planet Thorn Tree Forum, a gathering place for the adventurous, the planning-adventurous, the traveller and the been-there-done-that. I've put my case to them: a single mom ready to pack up the kid and take on Darkest Africa alone. And found a community of believers - folk that say they believe I can pull this off!
I've found lots of answers to questions I felt were too silly to actually ASK someone without looking stooopid, and I've found a few more questions I didn't even think about. Like taking rocks, minerals and gemstones cross-border (one of the drawcards I'm using to persuade my kid this is gonna be a great trip - he can add to his collection!). And whether it's safe as a single woman. And what to do when a hyena steals meat off the grill over the fire - or when you wake up and mistake the water stand for a hyena... :) And where to camp, and what to see, and how to get there, and what it costs.
I've found women who have conquered fear (and a few men who have too). I've found families traversing the world. I've found a whole lot of folk sitting at day-jobs with itchy feet, desperately trying to fund that next trip into the wilds.
I've found folk who started a journey as angst-ridden teens, and came home grown up and mature, with a view of how the world works that could put many ordinary adults to shame. I've found road-schooled kids (you can't call them home-schooled, can you?), and kids who've picked up fluent Arabic while in Morocco for 2 years.
I've found ancient folk who chucked in life at 50 and are determined to travel until they die - they're 70 and still going strong. I've found stories to laugh at and stories to break your heart.
(I've found a new addiction to message boards...)
But most of all, this community of believers have given me faith in myself and a knowledge that my dreams are within my grasp - I just need to reach out and take them.
Making 'em pay
For years - TOO many years - my company medical aid scheme has had me faithfully paying in of my good earned cash, and not claiming more than my annual contact lens renewal fee. I've seen the doctor 4 times in the past 10 years and the dentist once (mostly my son's appointments). I've had one episode of boob-squashing thanks to a lump scare. And that's all I've asked them to refund.
But this month they're gonna pay! (Not that they cover it all - only 75% of most bills...)
It's time to renew the contact lenses, and in addition I've just made an appointment to FINALLY get my teeth straightened.
Yeah, I'm a bit old, but this comes from way back. When I was 12 and living in Zimbabwe, us three kids were hauled off for braces. My teeth were not that bad, so I only got a removeable plate and wire to help them grow in the right direction (still don't have any fillings - and as such don't visit the dentist often, in fact couldn't remember who my dentist was and had to phone around now!). The brothers got the whole train-track works. Then we moved to South Africa, and while their teeth continued to receive attention, my needed check-up and larger plate/wire fell by the wayside and was eventually forgotten.
In the meantime, the teeth in my top jaw continued their inward journey - pushing one of the large ones at the front out as they tried to hide behind it. I've always been ashamed of my teeth, wishing they were nice and straight and not all wonky. You'll hardly ever see me smiling broadly in photos.
But now the time has come! The teeth have migrated together to the point of being occasionally painful, and are not getting any better. I don't have anyone to kiss, nor any such prospect on the horizon (a point of vanity that has kept me away from the dentist up to now - but I simply no longer care who thinks what). I can afford to get the jolly things done at last.
So tomorrow morning I head off to the dentist's chair for a consultation (also known as "let us look at you and then give us a load of cash, and make another appointment to see us later to give us more cash"). I'm about to invest at least 2 years of pain and suffering in order to smile broadly. Then on Tuesday it's off to Specsavers to replace the contact lenses.
This month that medical aid is gonna pay!
But this month they're gonna pay! (Not that they cover it all - only 75% of most bills...)
It's time to renew the contact lenses, and in addition I've just made an appointment to FINALLY get my teeth straightened.
Yeah, I'm a bit old, but this comes from way back. When I was 12 and living in Zimbabwe, us three kids were hauled off for braces. My teeth were not that bad, so I only got a removeable plate and wire to help them grow in the right direction (still don't have any fillings - and as such don't visit the dentist often, in fact couldn't remember who my dentist was and had to phone around now!). The brothers got the whole train-track works. Then we moved to South Africa, and while their teeth continued to receive attention, my needed check-up and larger plate/wire fell by the wayside and was eventually forgotten.
In the meantime, the teeth in my top jaw continued their inward journey - pushing one of the large ones at the front out as they tried to hide behind it. I've always been ashamed of my teeth, wishing they were nice and straight and not all wonky. You'll hardly ever see me smiling broadly in photos.
But now the time has come! The teeth have migrated together to the point of being occasionally painful, and are not getting any better. I don't have anyone to kiss, nor any such prospect on the horizon (a point of vanity that has kept me away from the dentist up to now - but I simply no longer care who thinks what). I can afford to get the jolly things done at last.
So tomorrow morning I head off to the dentist's chair for a consultation (also known as "let us look at you and then give us a load of cash, and make another appointment to see us later to give us more cash"). I'm about to invest at least 2 years of pain and suffering in order to smile broadly. Then on Tuesday it's off to Specsavers to replace the contact lenses.
This month that medical aid is gonna pay!
A night out
We don't get many of those, my son and I. We went out once for supper a year or so back, but we've never done a night-movie together. I haven't done a night out on my own for 3 years... (and the last time I went out I didn't know what to do with myself - all the friends are busy with families or out doing stuff I'm not into, so went back home and watched TV with the dogs)
But we've gotten tired of just sitting around the house on a Sat night, watching whatever junk the TV throws our way, just vegging.
So this Sat night we took ourselves off for dinner and movie! We planned ahead and got tickets to Madagascar on Friday - thankfully, as all the shows sold out well before they started! We ate at our fave restauarant, we wandered and window-shopped. And then we movied.
We really enjoyed it. It's a cool flick, and one my son wants on DVD as soon as it's released. I liked the little references here and there (listen for the National Geographic music at one stage!), subtle enough that many won't get them. The story was funny, the characters great. Highly recommend you go see it if you haven't already!
---
I seem to have got into a bad rut of nothingness when it comes to social life. Now that I've deserted two churches, no-one looks me up anymore. I see so many people in my office during working hours that I'm not really into seeing more after hours - and those I work with live around me... I seem to have lost friends - and as you all know, I haven't had a date in nearly 9 years! Just don't know what to do about it.
Perhaps getting out on a Sat night a bit more often (funds allowing, of course) might be a step in the right direction. And if the weather holds out, I won't be able to resist throwing a braai (barbecue) for those I think I still know soon. :) There's just something about warm weather that makes me want to gather up logs and pine cones and set them alight. Heat-induced pyromaniac? I guess I am. Bring on summer!
But we've gotten tired of just sitting around the house on a Sat night, watching whatever junk the TV throws our way, just vegging.
So this Sat night we took ourselves off for dinner and movie! We planned ahead and got tickets to Madagascar on Friday - thankfully, as all the shows sold out well before they started! We ate at our fave restauarant, we wandered and window-shopped. And then we movied.
We really enjoyed it. It's a cool flick, and one my son wants on DVD as soon as it's released. I liked the little references here and there (listen for the National Geographic music at one stage!), subtle enough that many won't get them. The story was funny, the characters great. Highly recommend you go see it if you haven't already!
---
I seem to have got into a bad rut of nothingness when it comes to social life. Now that I've deserted two churches, no-one looks me up anymore. I see so many people in my office during working hours that I'm not really into seeing more after hours - and those I work with live around me... I seem to have lost friends - and as you all know, I haven't had a date in nearly 9 years! Just don't know what to do about it.
Perhaps getting out on a Sat night a bit more often (funds allowing, of course) might be a step in the right direction. And if the weather holds out, I won't be able to resist throwing a braai (barbecue) for those I think I still know soon. :) There's just something about warm weather that makes me want to gather up logs and pine cones and set them alight. Heat-induced pyromaniac? I guess I am. Bring on summer!
Shabbat Shalom
Can't get out into nature this weekend? Do it virtually:
Kruger water hole webcam and a variety of other wildlife cams (try the Tau one!).
(Spotted this morning - a family of warthogs at Kruger and a gemsbok at Tau...)
La Luna
Early this morning I was out feeding the neighbour's birds (yeah, I'm the local sucker for punishment whenever someone decides to bugger off for the holidays) - and happened to look up.
There, glowing in the just-before-dawn light was the moon. Only a sickle of it shining, the rest of the orb just glowing gently. The sky was sprinkled liberally with pinpricks of stars - clear as a bell this morning.
Suddenly I had a flashback to my kid days. Summer in Zimbabwe was always hot, and often we'd go swimming at night in the municipal pool (no-one we knew was rich enough to possess either a home pool OR a tennis court! :) ). I can remember drifting down to the bottom of the pool, opening my eyes, and looking up through the milky-night water to the full moon above, swimming in a liquid sky.
I remember moon rainbow halos, thanks to an icy thin cloud somewhere up there - invisible but for that huge circle in the sky.
In boarding school I happened to glance out across the bay one morning. The sun was still asleep, the moon had already set. And yet there was a long, straight "moon glow" right across the bay - as if the moon hung on the horizon. But it didn't! So strange...
Hot, summer full moons, rising yellow and heat-wave rippled from the horizon. Cold blue winter moons, so sharp you could cut your finger on them. Storm-tossed moons streaking through grey and black scudding heavens.
There's something about that big clod of dust in the sky that's fascinating to us mere humans - and perhaps a good few beasts as well.
As I sit here in my office the sun is up and the sky a deep blue - and that sickle of almost-transparent moon hangs directly over the flag pole.
There, glowing in the just-before-dawn light was the moon. Only a sickle of it shining, the rest of the orb just glowing gently. The sky was sprinkled liberally with pinpricks of stars - clear as a bell this morning.
Suddenly I had a flashback to my kid days. Summer in Zimbabwe was always hot, and often we'd go swimming at night in the municipal pool (no-one we knew was rich enough to possess either a home pool OR a tennis court! :) ). I can remember drifting down to the bottom of the pool, opening my eyes, and looking up through the milky-night water to the full moon above, swimming in a liquid sky.
I remember moon rainbow halos, thanks to an icy thin cloud somewhere up there - invisible but for that huge circle in the sky.
In boarding school I happened to glance out across the bay one morning. The sun was still asleep, the moon had already set. And yet there was a long, straight "moon glow" right across the bay - as if the moon hung on the horizon. But it didn't! So strange...
Hot, summer full moons, rising yellow and heat-wave rippled from the horizon. Cold blue winter moons, so sharp you could cut your finger on them. Storm-tossed moons streaking through grey and black scudding heavens.
There's something about that big clod of dust in the sky that's fascinating to us mere humans - and perhaps a good few beasts as well.
As I sit here in my office the sun is up and the sky a deep blue - and that sickle of almost-transparent moon hangs directly over the flag pole.
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