Working for Change
If I haven't been blogging today, it's because I've finally decided not to wait until something in the job line arrives in my lap, but to actually go out and seek it! All my jobs have come looking for me up to now, but probably won't continue in that easy-to-do way.
So I've spent most of the morning posting my CV on everything that looks like a job site locally, and searching their databases to see what's available.
Yesterday I heard, by the grapevine, that some committee voted to move me to the flat next door, without bothering to ask me. Not only is it smaller than mine, it has a tiny garden (my poor dogs!) and gets NO sunshine in any season of the year. Well, I made enough of a stink that someone came sheepishly to me with a letter, indicating that I would be required to move - and I turned them down. Thanks, but no thanks. I'll stay where I am until I can make an off-campus move! Didn't tell them it may be sooner rather than later...
In a way, I'm trying to make myself so fed up with our lack of space that I'll actually be forced to DO something about it - find a new job and move.
It's hard to get out of my comfort zone though, to get out there and sell myself sufficiently that I'll end up not just taking the first thing that comes along, but the BEST thing that comes along. It's a step out of everything I know, and into the great who-knows.
But it's a step I'm taking, at long last.
Funny enough, my dad might be moving jobs too... Our family is starting to sound like one of those square-dance patterns: "all change!" ! :)
So I've spent most of the morning posting my CV on everything that looks like a job site locally, and searching their databases to see what's available.
Yesterday I heard, by the grapevine, that some committee voted to move me to the flat next door, without bothering to ask me. Not only is it smaller than mine, it has a tiny garden (my poor dogs!) and gets NO sunshine in any season of the year. Well, I made enough of a stink that someone came sheepishly to me with a letter, indicating that I would be required to move - and I turned them down. Thanks, but no thanks. I'll stay where I am until I can make an off-campus move! Didn't tell them it may be sooner rather than later...
In a way, I'm trying to make myself so fed up with our lack of space that I'll actually be forced to DO something about it - find a new job and move.
It's hard to get out of my comfort zone though, to get out there and sell myself sufficiently that I'll end up not just taking the first thing that comes along, but the BEST thing that comes along. It's a step out of everything I know, and into the great who-knows.
But it's a step I'm taking, at long last.
Funny enough, my dad might be moving jobs too... Our family is starting to sound like one of those square-dance patterns: "all change!" ! :)
Southern Hemisphere Challenge!
Tomorrow is officially the last day of winter, 1 September being the apparent first day of Spring.So here's your challenge. On Thursday, surprise your friends or colleagues or school mates with something Springy!
Some ideas: flower-shaped biscuits, cupcakes with decoration that says "Spring!", a Spring flower each, or something like that. Got more? That's what the comments section is for!
Consider yourselves duly challenged!
(and if, in the north, you're feeling left out - do something Autumny!)
Forgiveness
She was a year ahead of me in school, a tall, dark-haired beauty of a girl who loved horses and had a unique sense of style. In her final year of school she designed and made a dress that won her the inter-school needlework competition, with professional photos taken of her modelling her creation.
Her mom and my mom were good friends. They'd commute to Cape Town together each day, talking deep life subjects.
We got the call one Friday night, late.
Lindi and friends had been at a pub in Cape Town when a group of armed men attacked - freedom fighters that were out to kill whites in retaliation for apartheid. Lindi and three others died.
We were in shock. How does one respond to something like this? Lindi was just out of school, hadn't oppressed anyone under apartheid, was hardly old enough to fully understand what it was - and yet she had been killed.
Understandably, her family was deeply wounded. Her father still finds it hard to talk about, many years later. Lindi's model photos were the ones chosen for her funeral - the images many of us still remember so clearly when we hear her name.
And yet, through pain, there can be healing. Lindi's mother Ginn has found it. And the man who ordered the attack has received forgiveness.
Yesterday he was on our campus, as he launched a book of poetry. Together with Ginn, Letlapa has co-founded the Lindi Fourie Foundation (see p8, pdf file). They are working together to show that reconciliation is possible, in the direst of circumstances. Such forgiveness is rare, is awe-inspiring.
I don't know that I would be able to show such forgiveness, to take the hand of my daughter's killer and create something beautiful from the horror. I don't think I have the strength in me. Lindi's dad doesn't - he refuses to forgive.
But if Ginn can forgive such a great wrong, with such grace, surely I can forgive the little ones in my life?
Her mom and my mom were good friends. They'd commute to Cape Town together each day, talking deep life subjects.
We got the call one Friday night, late.
Lindi and friends had been at a pub in Cape Town when a group of armed men attacked - freedom fighters that were out to kill whites in retaliation for apartheid. Lindi and three others died.
We were in shock. How does one respond to something like this? Lindi was just out of school, hadn't oppressed anyone under apartheid, was hardly old enough to fully understand what it was - and yet she had been killed.
Understandably, her family was deeply wounded. Her father still finds it hard to talk about, many years later. Lindi's model photos were the ones chosen for her funeral - the images many of us still remember so clearly when we hear her name.
And yet, through pain, there can be healing. Lindi's mother Ginn has found it. And the man who ordered the attack has received forgiveness.
Yesterday he was on our campus, as he launched a book of poetry. Together with Ginn, Letlapa has co-founded the Lindi Fourie Foundation (see p8, pdf file). They are working together to show that reconciliation is possible, in the direst of circumstances. Such forgiveness is rare, is awe-inspiring.
I don't know that I would be able to show such forgiveness, to take the hand of my daughter's killer and create something beautiful from the horror. I don't think I have the strength in me. Lindi's dad doesn't - he refuses to forgive.
But if Ginn can forgive such a great wrong, with such grace, surely I can forgive the little ones in my life?
Showing off
We've started showing off - printing and framing some of the photos we've both (my son and I) taken, on proper photo paper. And so far it's awesome!
My son's photo was first up on the wall, this one:
The colours came out intense and vibrant. I centered it on the page so it came with a ready-made white frame, and it's looking really, really good.
I've only got 4 frames (found out just how expensive they are when I went shopping!), so will do two Jason photos and two of mine.
After years of dealing with plain white walls, it's good to have something we made up there. I only hope everyone else is as impressed by them as we are! :)
My son's photo was first up on the wall, this one:
The colours came out intense and vibrant. I centered it on the page so it came with a ready-made white frame, and it's looking really, really good.
I've only got 4 frames (found out just how expensive they are when I went shopping!), so will do two Jason photos and two of mine.
After years of dealing with plain white walls, it's good to have something we made up there. I only hope everyone else is as impressed by them as we are! :)
World in a Mess
I've never been good at Bible Study - you know, having a plan, following a theme, filling in the blanks etc. My previous strategy has been to simply read it cover-to-cover, a double-page or so at a time. And I've gotten through it quickly, twice. But lately my Biblical reading habits have fallen even further into disarray. I've gotten to the stage where I simply open it up, page around a bit and read something.
Until Sunday night. A random reading found me wondering what God has to say about the environment, and how we handle living with nature. Beyond the obvious "dominion over all the earth" thing in Genesis (which is often grossly taken out of proportion to enable humans to crush the rest of the living things on the planet - and the non-living things too, while they're at it), I wanted to see if I could pick up some verses with environmental guidelines in them.
First up, Isaiah 24.
It's all good and well for caring groups to go "clean up the Lourens River" now and then - but it doesn't hit at the heart of the matter, that people have simply stopped caring about the damage they cause. Raw sewage, plastic bags and bottles, the odd decomposing dog all make it into the water systems. Gives a new meaning to "scum of the earth"!
Or why aren't we...?
From Isaiah I trawled through a couple of the "Law" books after Genesis and came across some interesting instructions in Leviticus, like this one:
I've only just scratched the surface. I'm finding it a fascinating journey into logical action/reaction, and it's all right there in the Good Book.
I'll leave it at that. This is becoming a book on it's own! :)
Until Sunday night. A random reading found me wondering what God has to say about the environment, and how we handle living with nature. Beyond the obvious "dominion over all the earth" thing in Genesis (which is often grossly taken out of proportion to enable humans to crush the rest of the living things on the planet - and the non-living things too, while they're at it), I wanted to see if I could pick up some verses with environmental guidelines in them.
First up, Isaiah 24.
Isaiah 24:4-6 (NIV)One of our local news programmes had a good look at the state of rivers around this area - a follow-up on an investigation done 6 months ago, after which the government vowed action. Well, the rivers are worse off than they were before. Not a single government official would even touch that water with a ten-foot pole! If you head over to the place the river enters the sea, and look at it with Google Earth, you can see a long slick of pollution for miles up the coast.
The earth dries up and withers,
the world languishes and withers,
the exalted of the earth languish.
[5] The earth is defiled by its people;
they have disobeyed the laws,
violated the statutes
and broken the everlasting covenant.
[6] Therefore a curse consumes the earth;
its people must bear their guilt.
Therefore earth's inhabitants are burned up,
and very few are left.
It's all good and well for caring groups to go "clean up the Lourens River" now and then - but it doesn't hit at the heart of the matter, that people have simply stopped caring about the damage they cause. Raw sewage, plastic bags and bottles, the odd decomposing dog all make it into the water systems. Gives a new meaning to "scum of the earth"!
Leviticus 18:28 (NIV)Yes, we're defiling the earth. So why do we throw up our hands in horror when "natural" disaster strikes? Why are we surprised that ancient glaciers are melting, that fresh water is running out, that food is contaminated or genetically altered and rendered less nutritious? Why are we horrified at famine and drought - when our waste-paper habits denude huge areas of natural forest every day?
And if you defile the land, it will vomit you out as it vomited out the nations that were before you.
Or why aren't we...?
From Isaiah I trawled through a couple of the "Law" books after Genesis and came across some interesting instructions in Leviticus, like this one:
Leviticus 19:19 (NIV)Warnings against genetic modification perhaps? And what about this one:
" 'Keep my decrees.
" 'Do not mate different kinds of animals.
" 'Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed.
" 'Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material.
Leviticus 19:23-25 (NIV)Logical agricultural practice? Think about it - it makes sense! Let the tree grow and mature and bear its fruit, and your yeild will increase. Pick too early, and it will suffer forever after. And this:
" 'When you enter the land and plant any kind of fruit tree, regard its fruit as forbidden. For three years you are to consider it forbidden; it must not be eaten. [24] In the fourth year all its fruit will be holy, an offering of praise to the Lord. [25] But in the fifth year you may eat its fruit. In this way your harvest will be increased. I am the Lord your God.
Leviticus 22:26-28 (NIV)Ethical animal treatment defined! And then there's the Land Sabbath principle, which I really like:
The Lord said to Moses, [27] "When a calf, a lamb or a goat is born, it is to remain with its mother for seven days. From the eighth day on, it will be acceptable as an offering made to the Lord by fire. [28] Do not slaughter a cow or a sheep and its young on the same day.
Leviticus 25:2-12 (NIV)I don't know of anyone who actually practices this one in this day and age. But I wonder how production would increase if they did? I know there are proponents of allowing the land to rest spread across the internet. And it's common knowledge that growing a single crop on the same land, year in and out, is going to destroy the soil. I guess God knows what He's doing when He asks us to let it rest for a while. And here's what happens if you obey:
"Speak to the Israelites and say to them: 'When you enter the land I am going to give you, the land itself must observe a sabbath to the Lord. [3] For six years sow your fields, and for six years prune your vineyards and gather their crops. [4] But in the seventh year the land is to have a sabbath of rest, a sabbath to the Lord. Do not sow your fields or prune your vineyards. [5] Do not reap what grows of itself or harvest the grapes of your untended vines. The land is to have a year of rest. [6] Whatever the land yields during the sabbath year will be food for you--for yourself, your manservant and maidservant, and the hired worker and temporary resident who live among you, [7] as well as for your livestock and the wild animals in your land. Whatever the land produces may be eaten.
[8] " 'Count off seven sabbaths of years--seven times seven years--so that the seven sabbaths of years amount to a period of forty-nine years. [9] Then have the trumpet sounded everywhere on the tenth day of the seventh month; on the Day of Atonement sound the trumpet throughout your land. [10] Consecrate the fiftieth year and proclaim liberty throughout the land to all its inhabitants. It shall be a jubilee for you; each one of you is to return to his family property and each to his own clan. [11] The fiftieth year shall be a jubilee for you; do not sow and do not reap what grows of itself or harvest the untended vines. [12] For it is a jubilee and is to be holy for you; eat only what is taken directly from the fields.
Leviticus 25:18-22 (NIV)Interesting, isn't it. Follow the rules, and here are the consequences - good or bad.
" 'Follow my decrees and be careful to obey my laws, and you will live safely in the land. [19] Then the land will yield its fruit, and you will eat your fill and live there in safety. [20] You may ask, "What will we eat in the seventh year if we do not plant or harvest our crops?" [21] I will send you such a blessing in the sixth year that the land will yield enough for three years. [22] While you plant during the eighth year, you will eat from the old crop and will continue to eat from it until the harvest of the ninth year comes in.
I've only just scratched the surface. I'm finding it a fascinating journey into logical action/reaction, and it's all right there in the Good Book.
I'll leave it at that. This is becoming a book on it's own! :)
Church Thoughts 1: Closing Down
“PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR AND STEP AWAY FROM THE DENOMINATION!”
Extreme version:
I wish I could close down all denominations, church groups, religious organizations, church buildings, mosques, synagogues and temples for 3 months. Or a year perhaps.
Just to see what everyone would do without that safety net of identification with a particular group, a crowd to get lost in or a mass-mentality to support.
I wish I could dress everyone in jeans, a white t-shirt, and a head-scarf for the ladies – so that no-one could distinguish by appearance who they should hate / disagree with / avoid.
I want to know whether the faith they hold to – across the huge variety of beliefs – will sustain them if they don’t have a place or group to retreat to, a routine to support. I want to see connections made with those who live around them, irrespective of belief system. I want to see what they will do when church doors don’t open once a week or every day – where they will go, what they will talk about and with who.
I want to see what will happen when those denominations, church groups, religious organizations, church buildings, mosques, synagogues and temples re-open. Will things have changed? Will perceptions be altered? Will we know more about our neighbours than we would have otherwise? Will more people be present – or will most have “gotten a life” elsewhere, and be living out their faith instead of butt-warming a pew?
“Lite” Version:
I wish I could get everyone to step outside their belief group for 3 months. Or a year perhaps.
To go to places where they may not fit in, or feel comfortable, or know what’s going on, or know a single person. To keep going, regardless. To experience what others are up to in their places of worship – whether it be saffron-robed monks, orthodox Jews or just the Catholic church up the road that they pass every day.
I want them to experience the God-print in others they may have previously shunned, and find those things they hold in common – bridges between each other.
I want them to open their minds, ears and eyes to how others think and act, their frame of reference and their needs. I want them to find something new to celebrate or a spiritual discipline they might never have tried. I want them to try talk their church-talk in those groups – and see if anyone understands a word they’re saying. I want them to find a common language, once they’ve left off their clichés. I don’t want them to try “convert” a single person, but just sit and talk and get to know them.
And after 3 months (or a year) I want them to go back to where they came from and see what happens. Will things have changed? Will perceptions be altered? Will we know more about our neighbours than we would have otherwise? Will we want to go back, or will we find another way of doing things, being real, staying where we’re planted?
Extreme version:
I wish I could close down all denominations, church groups, religious organizations, church buildings, mosques, synagogues and temples for 3 months. Or a year perhaps.
Just to see what everyone would do without that safety net of identification with a particular group, a crowd to get lost in or a mass-mentality to support.
I wish I could dress everyone in jeans, a white t-shirt, and a head-scarf for the ladies – so that no-one could distinguish by appearance who they should hate / disagree with / avoid.
I want to know whether the faith they hold to – across the huge variety of beliefs – will sustain them if they don’t have a place or group to retreat to, a routine to support. I want to see connections made with those who live around them, irrespective of belief system. I want to see what they will do when church doors don’t open once a week or every day – where they will go, what they will talk about and with who.
I want to see what will happen when those denominations, church groups, religious organizations, church buildings, mosques, synagogues and temples re-open. Will things have changed? Will perceptions be altered? Will we know more about our neighbours than we would have otherwise? Will more people be present – or will most have “gotten a life” elsewhere, and be living out their faith instead of butt-warming a pew?
“Lite” Version:
I wish I could get everyone to step outside their belief group for 3 months. Or a year perhaps.
To go to places where they may not fit in, or feel comfortable, or know what’s going on, or know a single person. To keep going, regardless. To experience what others are up to in their places of worship – whether it be saffron-robed monks, orthodox Jews or just the Catholic church up the road that they pass every day.
I want them to experience the God-print in others they may have previously shunned, and find those things they hold in common – bridges between each other.
I want them to open their minds, ears and eyes to how others think and act, their frame of reference and their needs. I want them to find something new to celebrate or a spiritual discipline they might never have tried. I want them to try talk their church-talk in those groups – and see if anyone understands a word they’re saying. I want them to find a common language, once they’ve left off their clichés. I don’t want them to try “convert” a single person, but just sit and talk and get to know them.
And after 3 months (or a year) I want them to go back to where they came from and see what happens. Will things have changed? Will perceptions be altered? Will we know more about our neighbours than we would have otherwise? Will we want to go back, or will we find another way of doing things, being real, staying where we’re planted?
Off to a mediocre start...
Not that it was a bad weekend, but I don't think I should be here. I'm coming down with something (the inevitable flu, perhaps), and am not in the mood to be nice to people this morning.
Also, thanks to a mountain walk and 2 hours in the garden yesterday, random sets of muscles are aching. A good thing, considering how little exercise I've had recently.
I accomplished some good stuff this weekend - I managed to buy photo paper and frames (to use some of our pictures as home-decoration), reposition an inherited painting (and discover how not to bash in your fingernails putting up a picture hook - tape it down first, then bash it), and grabbed a MAJOR bargain on a DVD (new Hillsong one, which I didn't actually think I'd get, but which, when bought, came with a free CD and t-shirt! and turned out to be pretty good).
So the weekend was good, Monday morning is not.
However, there are a few things I have to do first thing this morning, and then I'll see whether I can go home and crawl into bed for a day or two.
Also, thanks to a mountain walk and 2 hours in the garden yesterday, random sets of muscles are aching. A good thing, considering how little exercise I've had recently.
I accomplished some good stuff this weekend - I managed to buy photo paper and frames (to use some of our pictures as home-decoration), reposition an inherited painting (and discover how not to bash in your fingernails putting up a picture hook - tape it down first, then bash it), and grabbed a MAJOR bargain on a DVD (new Hillsong one, which I didn't actually think I'd get, but which, when bought, came with a free CD and t-shirt! and turned out to be pretty good).
So the weekend was good, Monday morning is not.
However, there are a few things I have to do first thing this morning, and then I'll see whether I can go home and crawl into bed for a day or two.
Shabbat Shalom
Will you get your feet dirty this weekend? Where will they go - what will they do? Will using your feet help someone else today, tomorrow, the day after? Will you walk out your faith in action?
(Amazingly, this is the photo that gets the most hits for my blog! If you weren't around when it was first posted, this was taken with a crappy little cheap digital camera after a day's hard garage-selling in aid of our trip to Australia. And as bad as the quality is, somehow I love the textures and colours that came out - with the memory of a good day spent learning how to receive the gifts others brought with grace and humility.)
(Amazingly, this is the photo that gets the most hits for my blog! If you weren't around when it was first posted, this was taken with a crappy little cheap digital camera after a day's hard garage-selling in aid of our trip to Australia. And as bad as the quality is, somehow I love the textures and colours that came out - with the memory of a good day spent learning how to receive the gifts others brought with grace and humility.)
Road Rage
Recent studies indicate that South Africa apparently has one of the highest road rage rates in the world.
With taxis (mini-busses) that drive like there's no tomorrow (and for many of them there isn't, as they seem to be the major cause of fatal accidents here), honking huge 4x4's and BMW owners who think that, no matter what, they have right of way, and the little old ladies in fancy cars who don't do more than 20km an hour - can you blame us???
Yesterday I ran into it first hand.
On the way back from the shops, our route takes us past a traffic circle. Driving on the left side of the road as we do, the rule is "give way to the right". There was nothing coming my way, so I carried on. Only to be nearly bashed into by a car full of rough-looking 20-something males, one of whom clearly mouthed "BITCH!!!" at me as he stopped just short of ramming my car.
Like... what??? He was supposed to give way to ME, not me to him. Arrogant brute!
Dunno why, but that's been bugging me ever since. I suspect I have hidden road rage tendancies, as my mind wants to get out and donder (beat up) the bloke every time it rewinds the scene. Barely lasted a split-second, but the brain is still working it over.
It's a good thing I can't actually do that. I'd probably come off second-best - those 3 blokes were both large and vicious. And it would just add one more statistic to our country's table.
Generally, I'm a very good driver - yes, even for a woman. But I tend to get p'd off when others aren't. Unfortunately the percentage of "others" appears to increase daily. Good thing I'm not the gun-toting type.
With taxis (mini-busses) that drive like there's no tomorrow (and for many of them there isn't, as they seem to be the major cause of fatal accidents here), honking huge 4x4's and BMW owners who think that, no matter what, they have right of way, and the little old ladies in fancy cars who don't do more than 20km an hour - can you blame us???
Yesterday I ran into it first hand.
On the way back from the shops, our route takes us past a traffic circle. Driving on the left side of the road as we do, the rule is "give way to the right". There was nothing coming my way, so I carried on. Only to be nearly bashed into by a car full of rough-looking 20-something males, one of whom clearly mouthed "BITCH!!!" at me as he stopped just short of ramming my car.
Like... what??? He was supposed to give way to ME, not me to him. Arrogant brute!
Dunno why, but that's been bugging me ever since. I suspect I have hidden road rage tendancies, as my mind wants to get out and donder (beat up) the bloke every time it rewinds the scene. Barely lasted a split-second, but the brain is still working it over.
It's a good thing I can't actually do that. I'd probably come off second-best - those 3 blokes were both large and vicious. And it would just add one more statistic to our country's table.
Generally, I'm a very good driver - yes, even for a woman. But I tend to get p'd off when others aren't. Unfortunately the percentage of "others" appears to increase daily. Good thing I'm not the gun-toting type.
All Blogged Up
Nope, not a cold - nor constipation. Just a serious lack of things to say!
Sorry you came here vainly looking for words. Have a pic instead:
Sorry you came here vainly looking for words. Have a pic instead:
Widgeting
Forgive me while I say nothing, for I have discovered Konfabulator and the Widgets...
I may never blog nor work again!
I may never blog nor work again!
Inflationary Language
Ever hear of Inflationary Language? Victor Borge reckoned that if prices can go up with inflation, so can language. The link is to one of the stories he told using it - heard many years ago when Springbok Radio was our Sunday night entertainment. Those were the days!
I mentioned this to my son yesterday and have printed off the story to read to him. It takes some doing to find those hidden numbers and inflate them in language!
I'm currently in the process of translating our college info into Spanish, Portuguese and French (well, not me exactly, but I'm overseeing it) - I wonder what the same documents would look like, inflated... :)
I mentioned this to my son yesterday and have printed off the story to read to him. It takes some doing to find those hidden numbers and inflate them in language!
I'm currently in the process of translating our college info into Spanish, Portuguese and French (well, not me exactly, but I'm overseeing it) - I wonder what the same documents would look like, inflated... :)
Others have churchy thoughts...
While I'm pondering my Big Church Thoughts post (yes, still pondering), I thought I'd point you in the direction of a couple of folk thinking the way I do (links open in new windows):
Bruce asks what the church people see on their way to church - and if it might be better if they stopped and actually looked (or something like that - he says it way better than I could).
Darryl links up to Stupid Church People's thoughts on Pastoral leadership / evangelism stuff. Who also want to know who The Lost are.
Dead Youthpastor Walking gives up and leaves.
Christy asks what can be done for the ordinary poor folk in Africa - and even though I live here I can't find an answer to that one.
Garth's trying to make a Big Difference and needs others to join in the cause.
John tells what Jesus would do, and what we might say to Him as He does it.
Rachelle's constantly doing things I wish I had thought of.
And I still miss Jen Lemen, whose blog gave me hope and direction when I thought I had none.
There's more - so much more! - but that's a start. And you might just start to get an idea of where my thoughts have been heading when I think churchy thoughts from these...
Bruce asks what the church people see on their way to church - and if it might be better if they stopped and actually looked (or something like that - he says it way better than I could).
Darryl links up to Stupid Church People's thoughts on Pastoral leadership / evangelism stuff. Who also want to know who The Lost are.
Dead Youthpastor Walking gives up and leaves.
Christy asks what can be done for the ordinary poor folk in Africa - and even though I live here I can't find an answer to that one.
Garth's trying to make a Big Difference and needs others to join in the cause.
John tells what Jesus would do, and what we might say to Him as He does it.
Rachelle's constantly doing things I wish I had thought of.
And I still miss Jen Lemen, whose blog gave me hope and direction when I thought I had none.
There's more - so much more! - but that's a start. And you might just start to get an idea of where my thoughts have been heading when I think churchy thoughts from these...
Fun stuff
A little light-hearted linkage on this grey winter's morning: Klingon Fairy Tales (go check out the "other lists" too).
- via Jordan Cooper
- via Jordan Cooper
Churchy Thoughts
Every week, without fail, our neighbours stream past at an appointed hour in their church finery. (During this, we're to be found still pyjama-clad, indulging in a slow-food breakfast, but that doesn't form part of this particular train of thought. Or perhaps it does...)
Every week, without fail, this induces my brain into church-related thoughts. Lots and lots of church-related thoughts.
Later in the day I try for some personal God-time (doesn't always happen - sometimes we're out and about and lose track of the day's passing). Generally speaking, that induces more church-related thoughts. I try to read things from broad perspectives - those who enforce what I think, and those who challenge my perceptions. Then, generally speaking, I like to sit quietly and ruminate on various things - most often being interrupted by a dog stopping by for a scratch, or a rush to the Bird Book to identify a new species. Yup, more church-related thoughts were just happening before we were so rudely interrupted.
All these church-related thoughts have started to build up into a shelf-cluttering mass. Pretty soon I'm going to have to blog them, but they need sorting first.
Thank goodness for the "blog from MSWord" option recently made available. If you're into church-related thoughts, watch this space!
Keep watching... no, not yet.. keep watching... OK, come back another time and I'll have them ready to go. At which point I may either completely estrange some folk or make a whole pile more friends.
Every week, without fail, this induces my brain into church-related thoughts. Lots and lots of church-related thoughts.
Later in the day I try for some personal God-time (doesn't always happen - sometimes we're out and about and lose track of the day's passing). Generally speaking, that induces more church-related thoughts. I try to read things from broad perspectives - those who enforce what I think, and those who challenge my perceptions. Then, generally speaking, I like to sit quietly and ruminate on various things - most often being interrupted by a dog stopping by for a scratch, or a rush to the Bird Book to identify a new species. Yup, more church-related thoughts were just happening before we were so rudely interrupted.
All these church-related thoughts have started to build up into a shelf-cluttering mass. Pretty soon I'm going to have to blog them, but they need sorting first.
Thank goodness for the "blog from MSWord" option recently made available. If you're into church-related thoughts, watch this space!
Keep watching... no, not yet.. keep watching... OK, come back another time and I'll have them ready to go. At which point I may either completely estrange some folk or make a whole pile more friends.
Birds & Bees
With my son a nearly-teen, I'm struggling with something every parent does - the dreaded S*X word!:)
Granted, he gets a pretty comprehensive education in school. Here in SA AIDS is rife, and kids are told the what's and wherefore's early on - including on kid's TV programmes from when they're old enough to sit up and watch. Then there's your average "education" gleaned from simply watching TV programmes - or ads! We're not as bad as some other countries, but we're getting there....
A few years ago I sat my son down and explained the mechanics of what sex was and how boys/girls differ. The school has taken it a few steps further in their Life Orientation classes, and he knows quite a bit now.
But it's still up to me to instill the moral values side of things, and guide him through the rough, raging hormonal path ahead - and there's where I come unstuck.
What right do I have to tell him "save yourself for marriage" (the ideal, although almost everyone I know just doesn't seem to care these days), or even "don't do it until you're at least out of your teens" when I not only "did it" with my first boyfriend at 15 (below the legal consent age), but did it again and again, and ended up pregnant at 20.
To say "do as I say, not as I did" is a little unrealistic, a bit two-faced, coming from me, don't ya think?
On the plus side, he's seen what before-marriage sex can do - how a single parent family looks and what struggles there can be between estranged parents, struggles for finances, struggles for many, many things. And that may make him think twice perhaps.
But there's also times I feel I need to share with him what my past has done to me - what scars it has left so that I can no longer love, trust or even think about s*x without a huge pile of negative emotions coming down hard on me. I want him to know what damage random s*x can do - especially to girls, who invest more emotionally in it than guys do. He knows about diseases and viruses, but there's so much more behind the scenes he knows nothing about.
Until recently he showed no interest in girls. But it's coming. He's not so "NEVER, no way!" when I talk about girlfriends in his future. Things are changing. His body is changing - elongating, filling out, growing "hair in funny places". :)
And kids these days do things a lot sooner than they did even in my day...
I know I've got to do this, talk seriously to him, no matter how embarrassing it may be at the time. I wish there were a manual (and no, I'm not going to sit him down in front of a video, or hand him a book then flee the room!). I wish someone else could do it.
But it's up to me. If only I knew where to start!
Granted, he gets a pretty comprehensive education in school. Here in SA AIDS is rife, and kids are told the what's and wherefore's early on - including on kid's TV programmes from when they're old enough to sit up and watch. Then there's your average "education" gleaned from simply watching TV programmes - or ads! We're not as bad as some other countries, but we're getting there....
A few years ago I sat my son down and explained the mechanics of what sex was and how boys/girls differ. The school has taken it a few steps further in their Life Orientation classes, and he knows quite a bit now.
But it's still up to me to instill the moral values side of things, and guide him through the rough, raging hormonal path ahead - and there's where I come unstuck.
What right do I have to tell him "save yourself for marriage" (the ideal, although almost everyone I know just doesn't seem to care these days), or even "don't do it until you're at least out of your teens" when I not only "did it" with my first boyfriend at 15 (below the legal consent age), but did it again and again, and ended up pregnant at 20.
To say "do as I say, not as I did" is a little unrealistic, a bit two-faced, coming from me, don't ya think?
On the plus side, he's seen what before-marriage sex can do - how a single parent family looks and what struggles there can be between estranged parents, struggles for finances, struggles for many, many things. And that may make him think twice perhaps.
But there's also times I feel I need to share with him what my past has done to me - what scars it has left so that I can no longer love, trust or even think about s*x without a huge pile of negative emotions coming down hard on me. I want him to know what damage random s*x can do - especially to girls, who invest more emotionally in it than guys do. He knows about diseases and viruses, but there's so much more behind the scenes he knows nothing about.
Until recently he showed no interest in girls. But it's coming. He's not so "NEVER, no way!" when I talk about girlfriends in his future. Things are changing. His body is changing - elongating, filling out, growing "hair in funny places". :)
And kids these days do things a lot sooner than they did even in my day...
I know I've got to do this, talk seriously to him, no matter how embarrassing it may be at the time. I wish there were a manual (and no, I'm not going to sit him down in front of a video, or hand him a book then flee the room!). I wish someone else could do it.
But it's up to me. If only I knew where to start!
Photomania
You may wonder why I've been pretty quiet lately here - well, the past two computer-access days I've been uploading and organizing new photos to Flikr!
This weekend I spent some time wandering locally and taking pics of things that caught my eye - 95 pics to be exact, though I haven't uploaded all of those. Some came out better than others, but I'm pretty pleased at the lot of them.
My son got in on the action too, and went off to find some things to photograph. He's got an excellent eye for good shots, and I've added some of his to my collection too - with credit to him given.
If you're interested in seeing what I saw, you're welcome to go check out my albums!
This weekend I spent some time wandering locally and taking pics of things that caught my eye - 95 pics to be exact, though I haven't uploaded all of those. Some came out better than others, but I'm pretty pleased at the lot of them.
My son got in on the action too, and went off to find some things to photograph. He's got an excellent eye for good shots, and I've added some of his to my collection too - with credit to him given.
If you're interested in seeing what I saw, you're welcome to go check out my albums!
'Tis Done
Well, I've applied. Let's see what happens next!
In the meantime I'm going to seek out info on the area, options for housing and schooling, and give some serious thought to this whole story. It's still a bit on the scary side - but I know it probably won't present as many problems as I initially thought. Or so I hope.
Busy day today - not much blogging going on.
In the meantime I'm going to seek out info on the area, options for housing and schooling, and give some serious thought to this whole story. It's still a bit on the scary side - but I know it probably won't present as many problems as I initially thought. Or so I hope.
Busy day today - not much blogging going on.
Dilemma
I'm "sitting on the horns of a dilemma", so to speak - and they're pretty sharp horns at that.
I made an innocent enquiry by email (fortunately used Gmail and not the work address) re a position advertised nearby, just whether it was still open. And got a "desperate" email back saying they're urgently looking for someone and please submit my CV right away!
Then asked about salary - and it seems not much better than I'm getting here, but I can't quite figure out how their payment plan works, as there are a few confusing typos in the email. On the plus-side it's in an area where living is cheap, so could survive on much less. On the minus side, that area is also way out in the bush (OK, about 2 hour's drive from here in a little town by the name of Bonnievale), and I'm not sure there's an English primary school there for the kid. But then again we've wanted to live more rurally, and this is DEFINITELY rural. It's also a beautiful area to be, a cheese & winelands valley with broad river and low mountains and all that stuff.
I have yet to send in my CV. I'm almost scared to do so! If they're that desperate, and can use the skills I currently have (I've seen examples of the work they'd need done online), then I'm very likely to get the job.
Which means a big move.
To a little town.
Out in the bundu's.
And a dramatic change in EVERYTHING we know, love and do in our lives - from shopping each week at a big mall, to having access to all the city ameneties, to being 10 minutes from the beach and a half-hour from our relatives in Cape Town (who I haven't heard from in 2 months, so perhaps that one doesn't matter as much).
As I said - these are very sharp horns! :)
I'll probably end up submitting the CV, but the hard part will come if they want me...
I made an innocent enquiry by email (fortunately used Gmail and not the work address) re a position advertised nearby, just whether it was still open. And got a "desperate" email back saying they're urgently looking for someone and please submit my CV right away!
Then asked about salary - and it seems not much better than I'm getting here, but I can't quite figure out how their payment plan works, as there are a few confusing typos in the email. On the plus-side it's in an area where living is cheap, so could survive on much less. On the minus side, that area is also way out in the bush (OK, about 2 hour's drive from here in a little town by the name of Bonnievale), and I'm not sure there's an English primary school there for the kid. But then again we've wanted to live more rurally, and this is DEFINITELY rural. It's also a beautiful area to be, a cheese & winelands valley with broad river and low mountains and all that stuff.
I have yet to send in my CV. I'm almost scared to do so! If they're that desperate, and can use the skills I currently have (I've seen examples of the work they'd need done online), then I'm very likely to get the job.
Which means a big move.
To a little town.
Out in the bundu's.
And a dramatic change in EVERYTHING we know, love and do in our lives - from shopping each week at a big mall, to having access to all the city ameneties, to being 10 minutes from the beach and a half-hour from our relatives in Cape Town (who I haven't heard from in 2 months, so perhaps that one doesn't matter as much).
As I said - these are very sharp horns! :)
I'll probably end up submitting the CV, but the hard part will come if they want me...
Return to Innocence
Have you ever wished you could become the kid you were pre-school-age again? I get that now and then - which is why my profile photo has reverted back to the child-like innocence look I had, and not the wrinkly, saggy, seen-too-much-of-the-world look I have now. :)
I think I must have been about 4 in that photo. Little, blonde thing running barefoot through a war-torn Rhodesia, exploring the great outdoors (remember the days before TV?) and making mud-pies, dressing up as a bride (I wanted to be one then - now I never want to be one) and just starting to learn how to read (yes, at age 4!).
I had not a care in the world. The parents took care of food, safety, warmth, love, clothing, and all the other things one starts to worry about when you grow up. I could spend my days hanging out with the dog, the gardener (we all had one, who doubled as house-help and cook usually), my Sindy doll (why did the inferior-quality Barbie ever take over the world?), and my little brothers.
We lived in a semi-rural area. The town was small enough to walk through in a few minutes. Everyone knew everyone. The war raging across the country hardly touched us kids - until primary school when the parents of friends were brutally massacred.
I know many adults choose to explore their child-like side in order to find out more about themselves. Good idea perhaps, but some days I just want to BE that child again. Just for a day.
I think I must have been about 4 in that photo. Little, blonde thing running barefoot through a war-torn Rhodesia, exploring the great outdoors (remember the days before TV?) and making mud-pies, dressing up as a bride (I wanted to be one then - now I never want to be one) and just starting to learn how to read (yes, at age 4!).
I had not a care in the world. The parents took care of food, safety, warmth, love, clothing, and all the other things one starts to worry about when you grow up. I could spend my days hanging out with the dog, the gardener (we all had one, who doubled as house-help and cook usually), my Sindy doll (why did the inferior-quality Barbie ever take over the world?), and my little brothers.
We lived in a semi-rural area. The town was small enough to walk through in a few minutes. Everyone knew everyone. The war raging across the country hardly touched us kids - until primary school when the parents of friends were brutally massacred.
I know many adults choose to explore their child-like side in order to find out more about themselves. Good idea perhaps, but some days I just want to BE that child again. Just for a day.
Jumping Ship
Just had a chat to one of my (many) bosses (I seem to fall under at least 4 different departments - which means I can do my own thing without anyone checking up on me, as they all assume it's someone else's job! :)).
And it looks like I'm not the only one trying to jump ship. He is, his assistant is, my nearest colleague is... and who knows how many others are trying without saying so!
It must be a symptom of SOMETHING serious. One person recently commented that things are such a mess we should just close the place down and start again - I suspect she's on the right track.
Staff morale is very low, it's a generally-known fact. We're all paid well below competitive market levels, to the effect that no-one here could afford to buy a house, and very few can afford to live off-campus. Decisions are made that affect you - without you finding out about it until you put your foot in your mouth over something you're supposed to have known. There are so many loose ends that are never completed / followed up on / sorted out, that it seems everything is simply unravelling. Certain managers constantly get their own way, to the detriment of everyone else, and one in particular over-rules any committee decision he secretly disagrees with to do his own thing while our backs are turned. It's pretty horrific, to tell the truth.
So I've told my boss that I'm looking for another job, and why. And that I hope to be gone by the end of the year - but have already drawn up a "here's what I do and how to do it" manual for whomever they choose to appoint in my position (well, ONE of my positions - dunno what will happen to the two others that are "unofficially" mine) when I'm gone. I've sorted out files and office stuff, computer directories and junk. I'm basically set to go! But now just need to find somewhere to go to...
So yet again this weekend I'll be buying the local newspaper and scouring the classifieds for job opps. Because it's gotten to the stage where I HAVE to.
And it looks like I'm not the only one trying to jump ship. He is, his assistant is, my nearest colleague is... and who knows how many others are trying without saying so!
It must be a symptom of SOMETHING serious. One person recently commented that things are such a mess we should just close the place down and start again - I suspect she's on the right track.
Staff morale is very low, it's a generally-known fact. We're all paid well below competitive market levels, to the effect that no-one here could afford to buy a house, and very few can afford to live off-campus. Decisions are made that affect you - without you finding out about it until you put your foot in your mouth over something you're supposed to have known. There are so many loose ends that are never completed / followed up on / sorted out, that it seems everything is simply unravelling. Certain managers constantly get their own way, to the detriment of everyone else, and one in particular over-rules any committee decision he secretly disagrees with to do his own thing while our backs are turned. It's pretty horrific, to tell the truth.
So I've told my boss that I'm looking for another job, and why. And that I hope to be gone by the end of the year - but have already drawn up a "here's what I do and how to do it" manual for whomever they choose to appoint in my position (well, ONE of my positions - dunno what will happen to the two others that are "unofficially" mine) when I'm gone. I've sorted out files and office stuff, computer directories and junk. I'm basically set to go! But now just need to find somewhere to go to...
So yet again this weekend I'll be buying the local newspaper and scouring the classifieds for job opps. Because it's gotten to the stage where I HAVE to.
Two in one day
Why do people do this? Why do they throw a newborn baby out into the cold, to live or die as fate decrees?
First, Hope was found just down the road from me (in a nearby suburb), newly born and crying in cold, wet weather. If she hadn't been found, she would not have made it through the night. She's now warm and safe at our local hospital.
And a baby boy was found stuffed into a shoebox, newly born, lying in an alley in Johannesburg. He was taken to a home for abandoned babies - just in time. Doors of Hope operates a "baby post box". Mothers may anonymously place a baby in a specially-prepared box in the wall, and an alarm will sound to let the charity know a baby has been left there. But this little boy was simply dumped.
It tears at my heart to see children's lives thrown away like this. (I have the same problem with animals being abused or neglected) Sometimes I just want to say "hey, give them to me instead of throwing them away!" (And sometimes I want to load up all the animals at the SPCA and give them a home too) I know it's not realistic - as a single mom in SA I can't even apply to adopt a child, never mind take one off the streets and give it a home.
The only thing I can do is head on down to the hospital here, armed with a pack of nappies and a baby blanket to donate to those that have landed up in a cruel, cold world with absolutely nothing.
First, Hope was found just down the road from me (in a nearby suburb), newly born and crying in cold, wet weather. If she hadn't been found, she would not have made it through the night. She's now warm and safe at our local hospital.
And a baby boy was found stuffed into a shoebox, newly born, lying in an alley in Johannesburg. He was taken to a home for abandoned babies - just in time. Doors of Hope operates a "baby post box". Mothers may anonymously place a baby in a specially-prepared box in the wall, and an alarm will sound to let the charity know a baby has been left there. But this little boy was simply dumped.
It tears at my heart to see children's lives thrown away like this. (I have the same problem with animals being abused or neglected) Sometimes I just want to say "hey, give them to me instead of throwing them away!" (And sometimes I want to load up all the animals at the SPCA and give them a home too) I know it's not realistic - as a single mom in SA I can't even apply to adopt a child, never mind take one off the streets and give it a home.
The only thing I can do is head on down to the hospital here, armed with a pack of nappies and a baby blanket to donate to those that have landed up in a cruel, cold world with absolutely nothing.
Feeding the Poor
Feeding the Poor
I’m in the process of creating a photo album for our website of the recent trip made by students, chaplain and “interested parties” to Feed the Poor in one of our local suburbs.
And as good as that event may have been, it grates on me to have to:
What’s my problem with these?
Well, firstly – why put up photos of your good deeds? Sure, I guess the students want to see themselves online and remember what happened, but it kinda feels like we’re looking down our nose at others – we’re better than them, and from the photos you can distinguish “the poor” from “the givers”, all too clearly.
And secondly, what gives us the right to make a foray into an unknown area, judge who is poor and who is not, and then give out food – only to retreat to the safety of our security-gate guarded campus again? We don’t live next to these folk, we don’t know them, we don’t understand them or get to learn their REAL needs – and we won’t ever see them again, most likely.
But this is the way of many church groups. They’re happy within their walls each week, venturing out now and then to “make a difference” – i.e. give of cash or goods or food or time. Then they go back to their impenetrable huddle again. Geez…
Not that there’s anything necessarily “wrong” with what they do. Much evangelism and social service is done like this, the world over. It’s an accepted method of doing good, after all!
But wouldn’t it be so much better if, instead of maintaining a building and cars and programmes and ministries, all that cash, effort and passion went into getting down and dirty with the neighbours they don’t see – the beggar they ignore on the street corner, the struggling single mom who prays her car here and there every day (and will never be able to completely fix or replace it – no, not me, but I have a friend like this), the friend who struggles with addictions which no-one mentions (politely), the families at the Hospice or the abused children at the shelter. What if we lived next to these people, shared who we are and what we’re blessed with instead of making them a “special project”? What if our giving was constant and open-handed and trusting of God to provide our needs if we give for the needs of others? What if we actually lived the principles we talk about and became servants of the lowest?
That’s why getting this photo album online today is grating on my soul. It’s so “artificial” an effort. It may have provided a single meal for some – but what of the day-to-day life they’re still left with? Why should we boast when in essence we haven’t made an ounce of difference…?
::update::
And then I received this email from another local church:
This is to remind you that the evangelist, John McGregor from Canada, will be ministering in both our morning and evening services on Sunday, 28th August. We encourage you all to join us and invite your friends to these outreach services. Also please be in prayer for John and that many would come to Christ on that Sunday.
Here’s an idea – let’s rather take Christ to them! Oh, never mind – no one’s listening anyway.
I’m in the process of creating a photo album for our website of the recent trip made by students, chaplain and “interested parties” to Feed the Poor in one of our local suburbs.
And as good as that event may have been, it grates on me to have to:
- Create a photo album of good works
- See what is considered mission
What’s my problem with these?
Well, firstly – why put up photos of your good deeds? Sure, I guess the students want to see themselves online and remember what happened, but it kinda feels like we’re looking down our nose at others – we’re better than them, and from the photos you can distinguish “the poor” from “the givers”, all too clearly.
And secondly, what gives us the right to make a foray into an unknown area, judge who is poor and who is not, and then give out food – only to retreat to the safety of our security-gate guarded campus again? We don’t live next to these folk, we don’t know them, we don’t understand them or get to learn their REAL needs – and we won’t ever see them again, most likely.
But this is the way of many church groups. They’re happy within their walls each week, venturing out now and then to “make a difference” – i.e. give of cash or goods or food or time. Then they go back to their impenetrable huddle again. Geez…
Not that there’s anything necessarily “wrong” with what they do. Much evangelism and social service is done like this, the world over. It’s an accepted method of doing good, after all!
But wouldn’t it be so much better if, instead of maintaining a building and cars and programmes and ministries, all that cash, effort and passion went into getting down and dirty with the neighbours they don’t see – the beggar they ignore on the street corner, the struggling single mom who prays her car here and there every day (and will never be able to completely fix or replace it – no, not me, but I have a friend like this), the friend who struggles with addictions which no-one mentions (politely), the families at the Hospice or the abused children at the shelter. What if we lived next to these people, shared who we are and what we’re blessed with instead of making them a “special project”? What if our giving was constant and open-handed and trusting of God to provide our needs if we give for the needs of others? What if we actually lived the principles we talk about and became servants of the lowest?
That’s why getting this photo album online today is grating on my soul. It’s so “artificial” an effort. It may have provided a single meal for some – but what of the day-to-day life they’re still left with? Why should we boast when in essence we haven’t made an ounce of difference…?
::update::
And then I received this email from another local church:
This is to remind you that the evangelist, John McGregor from Canada, will be ministering in both our morning and evening services on Sunday, 28th August. We encourage you all to join us and invite your friends to these outreach services. Also please be in prayer for John and that many would come to Christ on that Sunday.
Here’s an idea – let’s rather take Christ to them! Oh, never mind – no one’s listening anyway.
Job Application
Finally heard back, after a month, re the job. Application unsuccessful, but "we'll keep your CV on file".
I guess it was not meant to be.
But it DOES give me time to hone my skills in areas I want to work with in the future. And perhaps make more of a case for myself next time around.
(I now return you to the promised blog silence)
I guess it was not meant to be.
But it DOES give me time to hone my skills in areas I want to work with in the future. And perhaps make more of a case for myself next time around.
(I now return you to the promised blog silence)
"...when you say nothing at all"
To avoid making an ass of myself (again), I'm going to give blogging a break until I have something useful and/or interesting to say. May post pictures, but words will be in short supply for now.
Later...
Later...
Been too long
It's been too long since I
painted without frustration - freely scattering colour and light and not obsessing over the details
took photographs of things that only my eye may notice
made music with abandon - or even touched my piano for a purpose other than dusting it
sewed something - anything!
took a long walk and breathed deeply
used my hands, their touch, their strength, to create from wood or clay
sang.loudly
felt the earth under my fingernails as I planted seeds
sat and watched the sunset in silence
got up early simply to see the sun rise
had a long, leisurely meal with good friends
laughed out loud
felt every muscle in my body working hard at a task
wrote something other than my name
loved
Are you talking to me?
Someone seems to be trying to get a message through.
I turn on Oprah and it's all about reworking your body or looking better with mere clothes changes (today we get a dose of "look 10 years younger instantly", which I also need). I watch ads and Clicks is advertising a special on a little box of home-exercise stuff (resistance band, big rubber ball thingy etc). I turn on Three Talk (local talk show) and it's about probiotic foods and healthy eating. I watch Top Billing and see the cast of Chicago sweating it out at the gym - and looking damn fine too! (oh jealousy!) And Dr Phil's at it again with his Weight Loss Challenge.
I put on my jeans, and they're more than a little on the tight side...
Everywhere I turn someone seems to be saying I need to get back in shape, and offering me advice/equipment to do so. Or there are gorgeous bods advertising BioSlim or some other wonder pill. Or just plain good-looking people feeling healthy and fit - while I slouch around in slippers and tracksuits, feeling neither healthy nor fit.
Or maybe it's that this is (officially) the last month of winter. Spring's up next, then summer - and we ALL want summer-bods, don't we? It's getting lighter earlier in the mornings. It's still extremely chilly, but one of these days I could actually wake up early and go walk the dogs again (goodness knows they need it almost as much as I do). Or get up and actually USE those Tae-Bo tapes I bought a year or so back. Or something like that.
Perhaps the media is focusing on all us winter-bods out there, targeting us for their products and "look like this" campaigns. Maybe someone's trying to tell me something. Or it might just be my guilty conscience speaking. Um, SHOUTING.
I turn on Oprah and it's all about reworking your body or looking better with mere clothes changes (today we get a dose of "look 10 years younger instantly", which I also need). I watch ads and Clicks is advertising a special on a little box of home-exercise stuff (resistance band, big rubber ball thingy etc). I turn on Three Talk (local talk show) and it's about probiotic foods and healthy eating. I watch Top Billing and see the cast of Chicago sweating it out at the gym - and looking damn fine too! (oh jealousy!) And Dr Phil's at it again with his Weight Loss Challenge.
I put on my jeans, and they're more than a little on the tight side...
Everywhere I turn someone seems to be saying I need to get back in shape, and offering me advice/equipment to do so. Or there are gorgeous bods advertising BioSlim or some other wonder pill. Or just plain good-looking people feeling healthy and fit - while I slouch around in slippers and tracksuits, feeling neither healthy nor fit.
Or maybe it's that this is (officially) the last month of winter. Spring's up next, then summer - and we ALL want summer-bods, don't we? It's getting lighter earlier in the mornings. It's still extremely chilly, but one of these days I could actually wake up early and go walk the dogs again (goodness knows they need it almost as much as I do). Or get up and actually USE those Tae-Bo tapes I bought a year or so back. Or something like that.
Perhaps the media is focusing on all us winter-bods out there, targeting us for their products and "look like this" campaigns. Maybe someone's trying to tell me something. Or it might just be my guilty conscience speaking. Um, SHOUTING.
Really Bad Songs
Sitting here listening to something (will get to just what it is in a minute) and realized that I have an embarrassing problem - I like some songs that are generally known as "the worst of" and end up stuck on "corny junk" CDs!
Like "Two Princes", which I am listening to. A couple of other horrors in my media files are:
Ballroom Blitz - Tia Carrera (which reminds me that I like "Sweet Transvestite" from the Rocky Horror Picture Show too... and I honestly don't know what the two have in common)
The Race - Yello
Black Betty - SpiderBait (guess it's a throwback to my semi-headbanging days)
Shout - Tears for Fears
Cotton-Eyed Joe - Scatman John
Jump - Van Halen
Music - John Miles
We Buit This City - Jefferson Starship
The Final Countdown - Europe
Love Bites - Def Leppard
Horse with No Name - America
Living in a Box - Living in a Box (again?!)
And a couple of ones without artist (or I can't remember who they are)
Rhythm of the night, Radar Love, Our House (in the middle of the street), Everybody have Fun Tonight, the HAMSTER song of all things...
To my credit though I have some extremely cool music too, which hopefully will redeem my absolutely atrocious choices in sound above. Dunno though - think I'm redeemable, or should I just be cast into a lake of eternal 80's on-repeat music?
::update::
Have just rediscovered a love for the Crash Test Dummies, thanks to a copy of "God Shuffled His Feet". I guess there's really no hope for me after all.
Like "Two Princes", which I am listening to. A couple of other horrors in my media files are:
Ballroom Blitz - Tia Carrera (which reminds me that I like "Sweet Transvestite" from the Rocky Horror Picture Show too... and I honestly don't know what the two have in common)
The Race - Yello
Black Betty - SpiderBait (guess it's a throwback to my semi-headbanging days)
Shout - Tears for Fears
Cotton-Eyed Joe - Scatman John
Jump - Van Halen
Music - John Miles
We Buit This City - Jefferson Starship
The Final Countdown - Europe
Love Bites - Def Leppard
Horse with No Name - America
Living in a Box - Living in a Box (again?!)
And a couple of ones without artist (or I can't remember who they are)
Rhythm of the night, Radar Love, Our House (in the middle of the street), Everybody have Fun Tonight, the HAMSTER song of all things...
To my credit though I have some extremely cool music too, which hopefully will redeem my absolutely atrocious choices in sound above. Dunno though - think I'm redeemable, or should I just be cast into a lake of eternal 80's on-repeat music?
::update::
Have just rediscovered a love for the Crash Test Dummies, thanks to a copy of "God Shuffled His Feet". I guess there's really no hope for me after all.
New Neighbours
You'd think after nearly 9 years in the same house, we would have seen all the natural wildlife there is to see here - right? Apparently not.
As loud as TV and computer were, the strident chant of an unknown bird had my son and I at the front windows in seconds. It's the way our ears work - picking out unusual bird song in an instant and zoning in on its location.
Sure enough, shyly perched on a fence post was something we had to seek out in the Bird Book, something we hadn't seen or heard before. After paging at least 5 times through all the colour plates, we found it - we hoped. A Bokmakirie, resplendant in olive green and yellow, with a dashing black bib hooked up to its eyeballs and flung across its chest!
Being shy though, it flew off as soon as it noticed our peering eyes next to the curtains.
Later in the day, I heard the unmistakeable (LOUD!) call yet again, and there it was - perched on the same pole. But the call came in stereo - another hid in the mulberry bush.
It seems we have a pair.
I have yet to be woken up in the early morning by them (which is more than I can say for the assorted guineafowl and francolins, doves, pigeons and weavers who bombard the bird food before it's properly light), but I suspect it would be a call that's kinda hard to sleep through. For a little bird they make one heck of a noise!
Wonder if there are any other birdish surprises in store for us, as spring arrives and winter (we hope, one day, eventually) dissapates? We're armed and ready, Bird Book, binoculars, camera and pencil at the ready. Come forth and be identified!
-----
As an aside, we're pretty keen on identifying stuff in nature. Recently we were in a local bookstore and realized we may just have to take an entire library with us on our Africa Trek - there are books for everything from beasty-footprints, to birds, to mammals, to trees, to snakes & reptiles, to rocks & minerals, to... well, you get the idea.
Pity there's not internet-by-satellite in the middle of the bush (Google Bush?) - but perhaps we can find CDRom versions of these. If not, we'll have to either cut back on the food or the sleeping bags...
And just as I was about to hit "publish" I found the PDA version of our bird book. There's hope!
- photo credit
As loud as TV and computer were, the strident chant of an unknown bird had my son and I at the front windows in seconds. It's the way our ears work - picking out unusual bird song in an instant and zoning in on its location.
Being shy though, it flew off as soon as it noticed our peering eyes next to the curtains.
Later in the day, I heard the unmistakeable (LOUD!) call yet again, and there it was - perched on the same pole. But the call came in stereo - another hid in the mulberry bush.
It seems we have a pair.
I have yet to be woken up in the early morning by them (which is more than I can say for the assorted guineafowl and francolins, doves, pigeons and weavers who bombard the bird food before it's properly light), but I suspect it would be a call that's kinda hard to sleep through. For a little bird they make one heck of a noise!
Wonder if there are any other birdish surprises in store for us, as spring arrives and winter (we hope, one day, eventually) dissapates? We're armed and ready, Bird Book, binoculars, camera and pencil at the ready. Come forth and be identified!
-----
As an aside, we're pretty keen on identifying stuff in nature. Recently we were in a local bookstore and realized we may just have to take an entire library with us on our Africa Trek - there are books for everything from beasty-footprints, to birds, to mammals, to trees, to snakes & reptiles, to rocks & minerals, to... well, you get the idea.
Pity there's not internet-by-satellite in the middle of the bush (Google Bush?) - but perhaps we can find CDRom versions of these. If not, we'll have to either cut back on the food or the sleeping bags...
And just as I was about to hit "publish" I found the PDA version of our bird book. There's hope!
- photo credit
Because we can
(Sometimes words and thoughts don't line up. You write and write, and what you really want to say just doesn't come out well. This is one of those posts. I simply can't put into words well what struck me this weekend, the feeling of freedom and realization that I'm un-trapped. It's a clumsy attempt to do so, but I won't take the post down. It's up, it's there for all to see, even if it doesn't say what I want it to)
Being a slow weekend, my brain got to work out more than the rest of me. And I've come to the conclusion that my son and I are really, really lucky!
You might think living in cramped quarters on minimal cash with no dad around unlucky, but not us.
You see, to tell the honest truth we're in a fairly unique position - we can do whatever we want with our lives. We see things from a sufficiently different angle that we don't feel pressured to conform to what "society" expects us to do. That goes for school, work, living arrangements - whatever!
Thus we could, quite easily:
* take off across Africa (etc.) for an indefinite period of time, living out of a Landy
* rethink the whole schooling thing and find a better-for-the-kid option that works with both the way he learns and the time he takes to complete things - along with stuff he's passionate about or finds interesting.
* move countries (visas allowing) - the world's your oyster!
* do something unexpected for a living - pick anything from finding minerals (eg semi-precious stones) to sell to collectors, working through archeological digs as hired help for a season, fruit picking, or whatever your imagination can come up with. And ALSO not do the same thing for a living forever, but chop and change as skills, interest and current location allow.
* spend a year (or so) walking a continent for a cause (if I can get the kid off his butt in front of the PS2), or working to help in an area of need.
* join Greenpeace (unlikely!)
* trek the Amazon and get to know the locals
* do anything else our hearts desire!
We don't have much keeping us in one place and although there are financial limitations, we've made do in the past, and we can do so again. We've both got a deeply ingrained spirit of adventure and desire to see places and things, a love of nature and its wonders, and excitement for travel. We don't have many ties here - no circle of friends that our lives depend on, no romantic interests (let me get the kid out of here before he develops some! :) ), no obligations to the bank or society that would tie us down. We don't own a home, the car is paid for.
So why should we stay put and tread an expected line all our lives? Why shouldn't we become nomads and adventurers and wanderers of the planet? Why shouldn't we learn from the world instead of stuffy institutions? Why sit still when we can get out and see the things the books try to explain!
I realized this weekend just how privaleged we are, able go anywhere, do anything, be whatever we want.
Simply because we can.
Being a slow weekend, my brain got to work out more than the rest of me. And I've come to the conclusion that my son and I are really, really lucky!
You might think living in cramped quarters on minimal cash with no dad around unlucky, but not us.
You see, to tell the honest truth we're in a fairly unique position - we can do whatever we want with our lives. We see things from a sufficiently different angle that we don't feel pressured to conform to what "society" expects us to do. That goes for school, work, living arrangements - whatever!
Thus we could, quite easily:
* take off across Africa (etc.) for an indefinite period of time, living out of a Landy
* rethink the whole schooling thing and find a better-for-the-kid option that works with both the way he learns and the time he takes to complete things - along with stuff he's passionate about or finds interesting.
* move countries (visas allowing) - the world's your oyster!
* do something unexpected for a living - pick anything from finding minerals (eg semi-precious stones) to sell to collectors, working through archeological digs as hired help for a season, fruit picking, or whatever your imagination can come up with. And ALSO not do the same thing for a living forever, but chop and change as skills, interest and current location allow.
* spend a year (or so) walking a continent for a cause (if I can get the kid off his butt in front of the PS2), or working to help in an area of need.
* join Greenpeace (unlikely!)
* trek the Amazon and get to know the locals
* do anything else our hearts desire!
We don't have much keeping us in one place and although there are financial limitations, we've made do in the past, and we can do so again. We've both got a deeply ingrained spirit of adventure and desire to see places and things, a love of nature and its wonders, and excitement for travel. We don't have many ties here - no circle of friends that our lives depend on, no romantic interests (let me get the kid out of here before he develops some! :) ), no obligations to the bank or society that would tie us down. We don't own a home, the car is paid for.
So why should we stay put and tread an expected line all our lives? Why shouldn't we become nomads and adventurers and wanderers of the planet? Why shouldn't we learn from the world instead of stuffy institutions? Why sit still when we can get out and see the things the books try to explain!
I realized this weekend just how privaleged we are, able go anywhere, do anything, be whatever we want.
Simply because we can.
Shabbat Shalom
Blessed are you, Lord our God, king of the universe, who causes the bonds of sleep to fall on my eyes, and slumber on my eyelids.
May it be acceptable in your presence, O Lord my God, and God of my fathers, to cause me to lie down in peace, and to raise me up again in peace; and suffer me not to be troubled with evil dreams, or evil reflections; but grant me a calm and uninterrupted repose in your presence; and enlighten my eyes again, lest I sleep the sleep of death.
Blessed are you, O Lord, who gives light to the whole universe in your glory.
- Jewish Prayer
Starting a Trend
Oh dear - I think I may have set the course for a whole bunch of armchair travellers to become addicted to Google Earth!
On a whim, I posted a question on the Lonely Planet Travel forum, to ask who else had been virtually visiting all those places we dream about and ask about, and plan to travel to. Who else had found anything interesting (like that strange huge blue patch in the middle of the Sahara, which seems to be a type of sand/soil/rock colouring a large area). And my first response was from someone who hadn't heard of it - but knew now, and was downloading it immediately!
I forsee a bad network overload at Google as the entire travel community gets online and starts drooling over places yet unseen, following roads up mountains and down the other side, across plains, into the Ngorongoro crater....
What have I done???? :)
On a whim, I posted a question on the Lonely Planet Travel forum, to ask who else had been virtually visiting all those places we dream about and ask about, and plan to travel to. Who else had found anything interesting (like that strange huge blue patch in the middle of the Sahara, which seems to be a type of sand/soil/rock colouring a large area). And my first response was from someone who hadn't heard of it - but knew now, and was downloading it immediately!
I forsee a bad network overload at Google as the entire travel community gets online and starts drooling over places yet unseen, following roads up mountains and down the other side, across plains, into the Ngorongoro crater....
What have I done???? :)
The Ghost Dog
This is Spinney, my former lap-dog and lovely girl, who died on 1 August last year.And seems to have taken to visiting us now and then.... Not that we believe in ghosts or ghost-dogs, but something strange happens every so often.
It happened again this past Saturday night.
I had gone to bed and was waiting to fall asleep. The Usual Dog (Didi) had yet to pitch up and plonk himself on the bed. But I felt light doggy footsteps on the corner where Spinney used to be - not a "jump up" feeling, just the footsteps as if she was finding her place and settling in. I felt the blankets move slightly with the feet - ever so lightly.
And then Didi came bounding in with his clonking big paws, jumped on the bed at the same spot I'd felt the doggy feet and collapsed in his usual place.
It's not the first time we've felt a dog on the bed who isn't there. Shortly after she died, we'd be watching TV and feel her jump up and walk across the bed behind us - but there was nothing there. It happened to my son too, he felt the same thing. We could dismiss it as 20-year old bedsprings moving, but it's a specific movement of dog feet, not bedsprings.
It's so weird and freaky. Not in the scary sense of the word - it's more like something we smile over and laugh at. "Felt the ghost dog again last night".
Strange...
Random Sillliness
Because it's a grey day, inside and out.
The thundergod rode out, upon his finest filly. "I'm Thor!" he cried. The horse replied: "You forgot your thaddle, thilly".
Mary had a little lamb - the doctor was surprised. When Old McDonald had a farm, the vet - he nearly died!
Add your own in the comments...
---------------------------
And if you're simply not amused, then here's some serious stuff for you. Well, sorta.
Cool street art, why men have nipples, and why - in spite of Google Earth - we're still looking for bigfoot.
More?
OK - but it gets weirder from here on out:
There's Ancient Egyptian gossip, the earliest Bible manuscript coming soon to an internet near you, a croc in a London river, and a couple of UFO files from Australia.
Knock yourself out.
The thundergod rode out, upon his finest filly. "I'm Thor!" he cried. The horse replied: "You forgot your thaddle, thilly".
Mary had a little lamb - the doctor was surprised. When Old McDonald had a farm, the vet - he nearly died!
Add your own in the comments...
---------------------------
And if you're simply not amused, then here's some serious stuff for you. Well, sorta.
Cool street art, why men have nipples, and why - in spite of Google Earth - we're still looking for bigfoot.
More?
OK - but it gets weirder from here on out:
There's Ancient Egyptian gossip, the earliest Bible manuscript coming soon to an internet near you, a croc in a London river, and a couple of UFO files from Australia.
Knock yourself out.
Snippets
OK, so maybe I DO have a little to blog about today. I didn't only sit on my butt and veg out, to tell the truth.
My son and I dropped by the local craft market, which only comes to town once a month. And I'm glad I did - I've been looking for a certain something to add to a parental-care package I'm sending off, and finally found it there! From the craft market we went the opposite direction and ended up at the strawberry farm - where we invested in our first large punnet of strawberries. The price was rather excessive, but hey - I had cash in the pocket and it was burning a hole. Do you know how wonderful strawberries taste after winter? That first sweet promise of sun-warmed, cream-dipped spring to follow, and then pots and pots of home-made strawberry jam, the best you've ever tasted - just a whiff will send you into ecstasy!
And then the cold front moved in. It was pretty chilly this weekend, and it rained a lot. All of which is very conducive to sleeping until 10 and not setting a foot outdoors. A good day to watch The Day After Tomorrow, which we did. Nothing like the USA getting it's butt kicked by nature (with apologies to the USAs among us) to brighten a winter's day! And have you noticed that other than playing the occasional baddy, South Africa doesn't feature tht much in movies? Heck - we were in the Zone of Safety! :)
I also got to watch The Others - what a twist in the tale that one has! And Constantine - excellent graphics, Gabriel VERY well portrayed as neither male nor female, but I didn't like how it ended. The Love Letter was one of the TV movies this weekend. Amazing how a random love note can turn a pile of people's lives upside down.
And then my latest buy-from-the-net box arrived today, with Spy Kids 3D, Johnny English and The Four Feathers in. Something for me, something for the kid, and something for both of us. Neighbour dropped off Hellboy too! See what I meant by not doing much other than watch movies? :)
However, I did take time to educate my son - in the joys of Google-Earthing! He spent 2 hours finding interesting stuff and marking it while I attempted to sleep off the headache that signals approaching flu. If only he didn't phone me every so often to tell me what he'd found, it might have worked...
I did some internal and external decluttering as well this weekend. The rooms I have sole control over (my room, bathroom and kitchen) are spotless. Strange how I feel a sense of peace when not surrounded by towering this and dirty that - how I enjoy walking into that room, and how it gives me space, both inside and out, to think and breathe.
And it was at that stage I realized what's bugging me. I'm 33 - I'm supposed to be at my prime. Mature, knowing where I'm headed, settled, looking good, sexual peak, all that stuff. But I'm not. I feel old and tired, worn out and beaten down, unsure of myself and hating what the mirror tells me, long past getting a second look from passers-by. It's like I've lost the plot, missed the plan, got left out in the rain while the rest of the 33-year-old world parties on, being successful and age-appropriate. So I'm working on changing it, one bit at a time. I can picture the me that's fighting to get out, the who and what and where I am. But it needs supergluing to the current me, it needs to stick.
So that's where I'm at after too much weekend, too much time to think and veg.
And no, before you ask - yet again the thought of actually going to a church didn't cross our minds. I don't know when it next will, but probaby not soon. For now we're still "free"...
My son and I dropped by the local craft market, which only comes to town once a month. And I'm glad I did - I've been looking for a certain something to add to a parental-care package I'm sending off, and finally found it there! From the craft market we went the opposite direction and ended up at the strawberry farm - where we invested in our first large punnet of strawberries. The price was rather excessive, but hey - I had cash in the pocket and it was burning a hole. Do you know how wonderful strawberries taste after winter? That first sweet promise of sun-warmed, cream-dipped spring to follow, and then pots and pots of home-made strawberry jam, the best you've ever tasted - just a whiff will send you into ecstasy!
And then the cold front moved in. It was pretty chilly this weekend, and it rained a lot. All of which is very conducive to sleeping until 10 and not setting a foot outdoors. A good day to watch The Day After Tomorrow, which we did. Nothing like the USA getting it's butt kicked by nature (with apologies to the USAs among us) to brighten a winter's day! And have you noticed that other than playing the occasional baddy, South Africa doesn't feature tht much in movies? Heck - we were in the Zone of Safety! :)
I also got to watch The Others - what a twist in the tale that one has! And Constantine - excellent graphics, Gabriel VERY well portrayed as neither male nor female, but I didn't like how it ended. The Love Letter was one of the TV movies this weekend. Amazing how a random love note can turn a pile of people's lives upside down.
And then my latest buy-from-the-net box arrived today, with Spy Kids 3D, Johnny English and The Four Feathers in. Something for me, something for the kid, and something for both of us. Neighbour dropped off Hellboy too! See what I meant by not doing much other than watch movies? :)
However, I did take time to educate my son - in the joys of Google-Earthing! He spent 2 hours finding interesting stuff and marking it while I attempted to sleep off the headache that signals approaching flu. If only he didn't phone me every so often to tell me what he'd found, it might have worked...
I did some internal and external decluttering as well this weekend. The rooms I have sole control over (my room, bathroom and kitchen) are spotless. Strange how I feel a sense of peace when not surrounded by towering this and dirty that - how I enjoy walking into that room, and how it gives me space, both inside and out, to think and breathe.
And it was at that stage I realized what's bugging me. I'm 33 - I'm supposed to be at my prime. Mature, knowing where I'm headed, settled, looking good, sexual peak, all that stuff. But I'm not. I feel old and tired, worn out and beaten down, unsure of myself and hating what the mirror tells me, long past getting a second look from passers-by. It's like I've lost the plot, missed the plan, got left out in the rain while the rest of the 33-year-old world parties on, being successful and age-appropriate. So I'm working on changing it, one bit at a time. I can picture the me that's fighting to get out, the who and what and where I am. But it needs supergluing to the current me, it needs to stick.
So that's where I'm at after too much weekend, too much time to think and veg.
And no, before you ask - yet again the thought of actually going to a church didn't cross our minds. I don't know when it next will, but probaby not soon. For now we're still "free"...
Because
Because I have not much of anything to say, and because it would be more of the "I'm troubled" crap, and because I don't feel like depressing anyone who happens by here...
Because I still haven't sorted out my views on everything from church to the local rugby team to climate changes to sex (or a lack of it)...
Because I'm in work mode for a change and am forging ahead with things that were gathering dust...
Because I think I may be coming down with the flu, but can't afford to go home, as I'm still waiting for That Call re the job...
Because I watched way too many movies and way too much TV and hung around in my bra-less tracksuited slippered state for most of the weekend, thus am still living in a bit of a movie-induced fantasy world...
Because I'm fighting a losing battle with my addiction to Google Earth (and have found my parent's house, their church, Sea World on the Gold Coast, the holiday house we stayed in, Babylon's ruins, a pentagram in the USA desert and many other oh-too-cool things)...
... I probably won't be blogging much today.
Because I still haven't sorted out my views on everything from church to the local rugby team to climate changes to sex (or a lack of it)...
Because I'm in work mode for a change and am forging ahead with things that were gathering dust...
Because I think I may be coming down with the flu, but can't afford to go home, as I'm still waiting for That Call re the job...
Because I watched way too many movies and way too much TV and hung around in my bra-less tracksuited slippered state for most of the weekend, thus am still living in a bit of a movie-induced fantasy world...
Because I'm fighting a losing battle with my addiction to Google Earth (and have found my parent's house, their church, Sea World on the Gold Coast, the holiday house we stayed in, Babylon's ruins, a pentagram in the USA desert and many other oh-too-cool things)...
... I probably won't be blogging much today.
"Let not your heart be troubled"
Blogging is likely to be light around here until Wednesday. Not only do I have Monday and Tuesday off, and never blog on the weekends, but I've got a Troubled Heart. Nothing major, just some issues in my head to sort out asap, as well as a slightly flu-ish feeling that isn't making things any better.
I plan to rest up in a big way this extra-long weekend, take time out to finish a thought or two and spend time outdoors (cold front after cold front permitting...!), or just breathe deeply for a while. Clearing the brain, untroubling the heart. I need to gather beauty to surround myself with too, and have a couple of ideas that must be brought to fulfilment.
If you want some things to read, try this (food for thought) or this (not really reading, but more a line-drawing movie, if you will).
I plan to rest up in a big way this extra-long weekend, take time out to finish a thought or two and spend time outdoors (cold front after cold front permitting...!), or just breathe deeply for a while. Clearing the brain, untroubling the heart. I need to gather beauty to surround myself with too, and have a couple of ideas that must be brought to fulfilment.
If you want some things to read, try this (food for thought) or this (not really reading, but more a line-drawing movie, if you will).
Why I should go home at 4
Every afternoon at 4, the sun hits my office at precisely this angle. And continues hitting it for the remainder of the afternoon. It's worse in winter, when it angles in to cover most of the office. The blinds don't close all the way, so I'm left with this large chunk of sunlight on the desk, computer and wall - and in my eyes.
Not that I don't like the sun! I love it, believe me!
It's just that after 4 I can't see a blessed thing on the compter screen, no matter how far to one side I sit. There's either sun in my eyes, or a big reflection of the wall behind me obliterating the screen.
Which is why I should leave at 4. If I could only convince the bosses...
Stressed?
(This in from my mom - test it yourself!)
The pictures attached are used to test the level of stress a person can handle. The slower the pictures move the better your ability of handling stress.
Alleged criminals that were tested see them spinning around madly; however, senior citizens and kids see them standing still. None of these images are animated - they are perfectly static. None of them move, it's amazing !!
(if you ask me it has more to do with "shifty eyes" than stress...!)
The pictures attached are used to test the level of stress a person can handle. The slower the pictures move the better your ability of handling stress.
Alleged criminals that were tested see them spinning around madly; however, senior citizens and kids see them standing still. None of these images are animated - they are perfectly static. None of them move, it's amazing !!
(if you ask me it has more to do with "shifty eyes" than stress...!)
Thought Processes
If you don't particularly want to know what I'm mulling about why's and where's of my life, leave now! This is a "sorting out my head" post, writing things down so I have clarity.
Why do I want to change my job/life so badly?
Call it a vicious circle. First, we've been living in a one-bedroom flat for 9 years, with my son's "room" being behind the couch. He has, quite literally, outgrown it. My parents mentioned Every Single Day when they last visited that he needs his own space, and went so far as to try wheedle another place on campus for me, or prominently circle ads for places to rent off-campus.
A few weeks ago I promised my son that this time next year he would have his own room. But watching how quickly he's changing and growing, he needs it a lot sooner. He needs his privacy, his place to be without being a part of the lounge room. I feel so bad that he's had to endure my being stuck in a half-asleep life rut and not making a move for so long already, that I haven't worked us into a better life position before now. How could I not have seen this coming?
I turned down one house offered shorty after it was built. Although a three-bedroom place, it's barely bigger than my flat. The rooms take a double bed at most - and nothing else. And it's made of styrofoam, which I'm convinced is not a healthy thing. Heat it up, and it releases some awful chemicals - especially since the ceilingboards are also styrofoam, including those over the stove. No fire-extinguisher in site, yard was cemented over. No thanks. Perhaps I was seen as stupid, but I haven't regretted that decision!
I turned down another one-bedroom flat with no yard (I have 2 dogs for goodness sake!) and an upstairs two-bedroom flat for the same reason.
Then I went to our payroll guy and asked what my salary would look like if I wasn't being charged (before tax) for "free" housing. The increase, with additional tax, is not enough for me to move off-campus. There are no options on campus - there's a waiting list a mile long!
So, for me to get a place for my son to live and breathe and have his own space, I would need a salary increase. BIG increase. I've been here for nearly 10 years, and am still only clearing R3,000 a month (US$455 approx.), after they take off various charges. There, I said it. My pay sucks. Food takes most of that every month (R2,000 or so, just the basics), and if I have to commute, petrol will take the rest. Rent in this area is around R2,500-3,000 per month for a 2 to 3 bedroom house. Leaving nothing to live on.
See my problem?
I'm so tired of struggling. I'd like to be able to afford to live, and have both space and cash to do so. I can't if I stick around here, and I can't wait out a "providential change" (ie chances falling into my lap) without any effort on my part.
I'm also tired of being expected to conform to the culture on campus of ultra-Conservative Christianity. It's driving me nuts, because I'm not an ultra-conservative Christian. I feel oppressed, unable to express who I really am, weighed down by watching what I say, do, look like. I need out, for my own sanity, and for a chance to develop into the Real Me.
Change has become more than a want. It's a need. I've realized that my underpaid job has influenced my self-perceptions too. It's like I'm not paid decently, not treated right because I don't deserve it. I don't deserve it because I'm not worthy... etc. etc. etc. But I've realized that is SO wrong. I AM worth it, and I do deserve more. I've contributed a lot here, but it's simply skimmed over and made into nothing. There's no acknowledgement of achievement, motivation for doing better, reward for a great job done. Not even in non-monetary terms.
I can no longer let myself be beaten down like this. It's time to match self-worth, value and achievement. I have to realize that I'm worth a lot as an individual, and set my standards of expectation to match. I know what I'm capable of, and now it's time to prove it.
A few weeks back I mentioned how I've let certain family members tell me how to live my life. I've let their perceptions of what I should do, be and look like influence how I go about things. But no more. I haven't mentioned a word about my latest endeavours to find a better way - simply because they might not support it, or may tell me I'm not good enough to do that, or I should rather do something else. I'm still new at this "walk your path and let people talk" thing. I'm not quite ready to meet criticism head-on and do it anyway. So I've kept this whole thing very hush-hush. There may be repercussions on that though! "Why didn't you tell us FIRST/immediately/whatever?" Too bad. This time I'm putting our life first ahead of other's opinions, doing it and then telling them after it happens.
With all this going around in my head, I think I know now why I need to do what I need to do - and what I will/won't settle for to get it. I have direction and a purpose, and the beginnings of a plan.
And out means a new job, a new place to stay, and a new lifestyle. Before the end of this year. Sooner, if I can manage it.
Why do I want to change my job/life so badly?
Call it a vicious circle. First, we've been living in a one-bedroom flat for 9 years, with my son's "room" being behind the couch. He has, quite literally, outgrown it. My parents mentioned Every Single Day when they last visited that he needs his own space, and went so far as to try wheedle another place on campus for me, or prominently circle ads for places to rent off-campus.
A few weeks ago I promised my son that this time next year he would have his own room. But watching how quickly he's changing and growing, he needs it a lot sooner. He needs his privacy, his place to be without being a part of the lounge room. I feel so bad that he's had to endure my being stuck in a half-asleep life rut and not making a move for so long already, that I haven't worked us into a better life position before now. How could I not have seen this coming?
I turned down one house offered shorty after it was built. Although a three-bedroom place, it's barely bigger than my flat. The rooms take a double bed at most - and nothing else. And it's made of styrofoam, which I'm convinced is not a healthy thing. Heat it up, and it releases some awful chemicals - especially since the ceilingboards are also styrofoam, including those over the stove. No fire-extinguisher in site, yard was cemented over. No thanks. Perhaps I was seen as stupid, but I haven't regretted that decision!
I turned down another one-bedroom flat with no yard (I have 2 dogs for goodness sake!) and an upstairs two-bedroom flat for the same reason.
Then I went to our payroll guy and asked what my salary would look like if I wasn't being charged (before tax) for "free" housing. The increase, with additional tax, is not enough for me to move off-campus. There are no options on campus - there's a waiting list a mile long!
So, for me to get a place for my son to live and breathe and have his own space, I would need a salary increase. BIG increase. I've been here for nearly 10 years, and am still only clearing R3,000 a month (US$455 approx.), after they take off various charges. There, I said it. My pay sucks. Food takes most of that every month (R2,000 or so, just the basics), and if I have to commute, petrol will take the rest. Rent in this area is around R2,500-3,000 per month for a 2 to 3 bedroom house. Leaving nothing to live on.
See my problem?
I'm so tired of struggling. I'd like to be able to afford to live, and have both space and cash to do so. I can't if I stick around here, and I can't wait out a "providential change" (ie chances falling into my lap) without any effort on my part.
I'm also tired of being expected to conform to the culture on campus of ultra-Conservative Christianity. It's driving me nuts, because I'm not an ultra-conservative Christian. I feel oppressed, unable to express who I really am, weighed down by watching what I say, do, look like. I need out, for my own sanity, and for a chance to develop into the Real Me.
Change has become more than a want. It's a need. I've realized that my underpaid job has influenced my self-perceptions too. It's like I'm not paid decently, not treated right because I don't deserve it. I don't deserve it because I'm not worthy... etc. etc. etc. But I've realized that is SO wrong. I AM worth it, and I do deserve more. I've contributed a lot here, but it's simply skimmed over and made into nothing. There's no acknowledgement of achievement, motivation for doing better, reward for a great job done. Not even in non-monetary terms.
I can no longer let myself be beaten down like this. It's time to match self-worth, value and achievement. I have to realize that I'm worth a lot as an individual, and set my standards of expectation to match. I know what I'm capable of, and now it's time to prove it.
A few weeks back I mentioned how I've let certain family members tell me how to live my life. I've let their perceptions of what I should do, be and look like influence how I go about things. But no more. I haven't mentioned a word about my latest endeavours to find a better way - simply because they might not support it, or may tell me I'm not good enough to do that, or I should rather do something else. I'm still new at this "walk your path and let people talk" thing. I'm not quite ready to meet criticism head-on and do it anyway. So I've kept this whole thing very hush-hush. There may be repercussions on that though! "Why didn't you tell us FIRST/immediately/whatever?" Too bad. This time I'm putting our life first ahead of other's opinions, doing it and then telling them after it happens.
With all this going around in my head, I think I know now why I need to do what I need to do - and what I will/won't settle for to get it. I have direction and a purpose, and the beginnings of a plan.
And out means a new job, a new place to stay, and a new lifestyle. Before the end of this year. Sooner, if I can manage it.
Creative Juices
Accidental Mother posted a W H Auden poem today that had me remembering my love of poetry - this one:
Funeral Blues
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
~ W.H. Auden
You may remember it, if you've watched Four Weddings And A Funeral. It's a poem that makes me choke up every time, just a little.
Made me realize I haven't actually read any poetry in a very long time, never mind write some. I used to write prolifically in high school, when the trials of the teen years gave me much fodder for the pen. Then life panned out, got routine, got rutty, and I stopped writing.
A year or so back I shared some poetry with my son, fun stuff like Ogden Nash (a favourite of mine) and The Sad Tale Of A Motor Fan and The Highwayman (upon which the rhythm of my only published poem was based). Tried reading him the extra-long Albatross & Sea-man thingy, but didn't make it too far before he lost interest.
I was once given a book of Australian love-poems by some bloke that proposed, which has some interesting stuff in it. Never made it through the whole book though, as I just browsed here and there. (YES, Australians can write love-poems, silly! :) They're not all crass and tough, you know.)
Reading through some online poems today, I remembered the ease with which they flowed onto paper in the past. Wondering if I still have it in me now. Or did they disappear when the passion/s went out of my life?
Funeral Blues
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
~ W.H. Auden
You may remember it, if you've watched Four Weddings And A Funeral. It's a poem that makes me choke up every time, just a little.
Made me realize I haven't actually read any poetry in a very long time, never mind write some. I used to write prolifically in high school, when the trials of the teen years gave me much fodder for the pen. Then life panned out, got routine, got rutty, and I stopped writing.
A year or so back I shared some poetry with my son, fun stuff like Ogden Nash (a favourite of mine) and The Sad Tale Of A Motor Fan and The Highwayman (upon which the rhythm of my only published poem was based). Tried reading him the extra-long Albatross & Sea-man thingy, but didn't make it too far before he lost interest.
I was once given a book of Australian love-poems by some bloke that proposed, which has some interesting stuff in it. Never made it through the whole book though, as I just browsed here and there. (YES, Australians can write love-poems, silly! :) They're not all crass and tough, you know.)
Reading through some online poems today, I remembered the ease with which they flowed onto paper in the past. Wondering if I still have it in me now. Or did they disappear when the passion/s went out of my life?
Ups and Downs of Job Hunting
I caved and phoned the employment agency to find out what's happening re my job application.
It seems the guys that host the website for this company are now being sticky about someone other than themselves working on its design, and so there are negotiations going on to sort that out. If they won't give permission, obviously hiring a web designer is going to be pointless!
And then there's my competition - I'm still one of two in this area, but the company also advertised via a Cape Town agency. And apparently some big-shot web designer has applied, with qualifications a mile long and experience in areas I forgot to mention on my CV (like HTML skills - my first site I wrote completely in HTML using a text editor!).
My chances are looking slimmer and slimmer for this one. I can almost feel it slipping away...
I'll know a definite yes or no tomorrow sometime, so now I can get on with the day and stop sitting here waiting for the phone to ring.
It seems the guys that host the website for this company are now being sticky about someone other than themselves working on its design, and so there are negotiations going on to sort that out. If they won't give permission, obviously hiring a web designer is going to be pointless!
And then there's my competition - I'm still one of two in this area, but the company also advertised via a Cape Town agency. And apparently some big-shot web designer has applied, with qualifications a mile long and experience in areas I forgot to mention on my CV (like HTML skills - my first site I wrote completely in HTML using a text editor!).
My chances are looking slimmer and slimmer for this one. I can almost feel it slipping away...
I'll know a definite yes or no tomorrow sometime, so now I can get on with the day and stop sitting here waiting for the phone to ring.
Morbid Fascination
If I haven't turned you off reading this blog yet, you may about to be.
A year ago (1 August 2004), my beautiful lap-dog Spinney died. I buried her near my house in a large field, under a pine tree where she used to love to run.
And lately I've had this urge to dig her up and see what a year's decomposition on a dog looks like. Will she just be bones? Will there be half-a-dog left and a bit of fur? Will her eyeballs have melted away? Will it smell awful?
No, I'm not going to indulge in grave-robbing, but I still wonder... I have no idea how long it takes for an animal to "return to the ground", nor how the conditions of the soil/clay where she's buried would have affected her. I know nothing's dug her up (I piled the place high with stones and covered it with heavy branches), so whatever has happened would have been the normal processes of nature. I wonder whether the tree she's buried under has grown thanks to the nutrients she provided.
Morbid hey?
You can move on now. Nothing to see here, folks (be thankful!).
A year ago (1 August 2004), my beautiful lap-dog Spinney died. I buried her near my house in a large field, under a pine tree where she used to love to run.
And lately I've had this urge to dig her up and see what a year's decomposition on a dog looks like. Will she just be bones? Will there be half-a-dog left and a bit of fur? Will her eyeballs have melted away? Will it smell awful?
No, I'm not going to indulge in grave-robbing, but I still wonder... I have no idea how long it takes for an animal to "return to the ground", nor how the conditions of the soil/clay where she's buried would have affected her. I know nothing's dug her up (I piled the place high with stones and covered it with heavy branches), so whatever has happened would have been the normal processes of nature. I wonder whether the tree she's buried under has grown thanks to the nutrients she provided.
Morbid hey?
You can move on now. Nothing to see here, folks (be thankful!).
Resolution Broken
I wasn't going to blog again until I had heard re the job, as in whether I'll get it or not. But to heck with resolutions - right?:)
It's strange, I'm going from "definitely will" to "definitely won't" on this one. I know I can do the work, but am not sure what my competition is like. If my communicaiton skills are better, I'm in. If he has more web design experience, he's in. If they can see my potential and give me a chance, I'm in. If they would rather go for proven abilities, he's probably in (though I have no idea what he's done). If they look at the current site I'm responsible for - I'm OUT! :) But the new one is almost ready to go, and still on track for an upload on Friday. The current one has had a mini-spring-clean in certain areas too.
I just wish I knew already.
If it's a yes, then one huge plan of action goes into effect - finding a new home, changing postal addresses (deciding whether to get a box at the post office or use a street address wherever I'll be living, which would have to be changed whenever I move), writing that letter of resignation (yay!) and handing it in, planning the weekend's clean-up-and-pack (extra-long weekend for me, with both Monday and Tuesday off, so lots of time to do things), as well as potting the roses, bulbs and other bits I want to take with. Yup, I plan WAY ahead of events - whether they actually happen or not...!
Silly me.
If it's a no, well - that gives more time to work on the site here, build up skills and experience, learn new things and perhaps try for another job elsewhere. Having not told anyone really, I won't have to "unspread" the news. But I will be disappointed.
So here I sit - hardly daring to go to the loo in case I miss that call.
I wish they'd phone already! They did say Tuesday, latest. And there's only one hour of Tuesday (as such) left...
It's strange, I'm going from "definitely will" to "definitely won't" on this one. I know I can do the work, but am not sure what my competition is like. If my communicaiton skills are better, I'm in. If he has more web design experience, he's in. If they can see my potential and give me a chance, I'm in. If they would rather go for proven abilities, he's probably in (though I have no idea what he's done). If they look at the current site I'm responsible for - I'm OUT! :) But the new one is almost ready to go, and still on track for an upload on Friday. The current one has had a mini-spring-clean in certain areas too.
I just wish I knew already.
If it's a yes, then one huge plan of action goes into effect - finding a new home, changing postal addresses (deciding whether to get a box at the post office or use a street address wherever I'll be living, which would have to be changed whenever I move), writing that letter of resignation (yay!) and handing it in, planning the weekend's clean-up-and-pack (extra-long weekend for me, with both Monday and Tuesday off, so lots of time to do things), as well as potting the roses, bulbs and other bits I want to take with. Yup, I plan WAY ahead of events - whether they actually happen or not...!
Silly me.
If it's a no, well - that gives more time to work on the site here, build up skills and experience, learn new things and perhaps try for another job elsewhere. Having not told anyone really, I won't have to "unspread" the news. But I will be disappointed.
So here I sit - hardly daring to go to the loo in case I miss that call.
I wish they'd phone already! They did say Tuesday, latest. And there's only one hour of Tuesday (as such) left...
Does Feng Shui Actually Work?
Earlier this year, just for the heck of it, I set up my office along Feng Shui principles. Something red on the south side, crystal on the north, all that stuff.
I'm starting to wonder if it works. And if I should change my cynical stance to one of believer!
You see, this year our finances have come right. I haven't done anything really different, but they've been more than adequate. We haven't gone short on food, or had to scrape a barrel to make do, or go into debt. I've been gradually able to get the credit card out of the seriously-red, and even "upgrade our lives" by investing in more than just essentials every month (like 2-ply toilet paper and not-the-cheapest margarine!). I've been able to donate where I see a need, or sponsor a school fund-raiser, and afford to have the car sorted out.
In addition to the finances, things have been less stressful at work. There's still the same insanity, pressure and junk flowing around, but it seeps past my door instead of under it.
I've gotten more done here, I've learnt a lot, I've had an ongoing peace in spite of some pretty big things happening.
And there's change in a lot of different aspects of my life - positive change!
OK, I know it's stupid to think it's all thanks to a re-arranging of objects in the office, a crystal here and there and a desk facing a different direction.
But still - it can't ALL be co-incidence. Can it?
I'm starting to wonder if it works. And if I should change my cynical stance to one of believer!
You see, this year our finances have come right. I haven't done anything really different, but they've been more than adequate. We haven't gone short on food, or had to scrape a barrel to make do, or go into debt. I've been gradually able to get the credit card out of the seriously-red, and even "upgrade our lives" by investing in more than just essentials every month (like 2-ply toilet paper and not-the-cheapest margarine!). I've been able to donate where I see a need, or sponsor a school fund-raiser, and afford to have the car sorted out.
In addition to the finances, things have been less stressful at work. There's still the same insanity, pressure and junk flowing around, but it seeps past my door instead of under it.
I've gotten more done here, I've learnt a lot, I've had an ongoing peace in spite of some pretty big things happening.
And there's change in a lot of different aspects of my life - positive change!
OK, I know it's stupid to think it's all thanks to a re-arranging of objects in the office, a crystal here and there and a desk facing a different direction.
But still - it can't ALL be co-incidence. Can it?
Our Daily Bread
We're bread addicts. We go through loaves each week, simply because it's a nice stand-in for all those times we don't feel like cooking.
Breakfast for me is two slices of bread (one with Marmite, one with peanut butter) and a large cup of coffee. My son has 2 slices of toast (one with peaunut butter & Marmite, the other just peanut butter) and some milk. He gets a sandwhich for break mid-morning, while I snack on a handful of peanuts & raisins.
We eat our main meal at lunchtime, either pasta&sauce or potatoes&protein&salad, or spaghetti&sauce, or macaroni or something like that. We like a little something sweet afterwards in the form of ice-cream or a frozen popsicle or a piece of fudge or a cookie - if we've got them.
But we all fall down at suppertime. Most days I'm clueless as to what to make, and it ends up being bread. Granted, Thursday seems to have become pancake night, and now and then I'll do apple or banana muffins for supper. But that's about it. Suppers are boring.
So, I was wondering. What do you eat for your OTHER meal, that isn't breakfast or your main meal with veg etc.?
Come on - inspire me!
Breakfast for me is two slices of bread (one with Marmite, one with peanut butter) and a large cup of coffee. My son has 2 slices of toast (one with peaunut butter & Marmite, the other just peanut butter) and some milk. He gets a sandwhich for break mid-morning, while I snack on a handful of peanuts & raisins.
We eat our main meal at lunchtime, either pasta&sauce or potatoes&protein&salad, or spaghetti&sauce, or macaroni or something like that. We like a little something sweet afterwards in the form of ice-cream or a frozen popsicle or a piece of fudge or a cookie - if we've got them.
But we all fall down at suppertime. Most days I'm clueless as to what to make, and it ends up being bread. Granted, Thursday seems to have become pancake night, and now and then I'll do apple or banana muffins for supper. But that's about it. Suppers are boring.
So, I was wondering. What do you eat for your OTHER meal, that isn't breakfast or your main meal with veg etc.?
Come on - inspire me!
Facts of Life
1. I will never be an Idol. Even if I were not too old to enter, there is no way in hell I'd submit myself to either the 4 judges, or the scrutiny of millions of other folk - and I don't want the "worst singer" award. Some of last night's initial entries in the new season were BAAAADDDD! And if I should ever try to enter, in a moment of sheer madness, will someone kindly throw me off the tallest building they can find? Thank you.
2. I will never be Miss South Africa either. Not only am I way too old, but I'm ugly too. And my thighs wobble. And there's no way I'm walking in front of millions in my bikini. I'm not even going to try and enter the Mrs South Africa. For many of the same reasons. And because they don't have a "best wobbly thighs" category.
3. I may make Star Maker Story. Or Extreme Makeover. But I don't think I'd like to have plastic surgery. Not that it scares me, it's just that I don't want to become a clone - the "perfect" smile, etc. As wobbly as my thighs can be, they're me and mine. And there's no telling what plastic surgery will make you look like in 50 years.
4. I love dark choc. Yes I do! I ate almost an entire bar of it this weekend. And you know what? There's scientific proof that 50g (half a normal bar) per day is darned good for you. Here's to research!
5. It's lunchtime. And I'm going home to eat pasta.
2. I will never be Miss South Africa either. Not only am I way too old, but I'm ugly too. And my thighs wobble. And there's no way I'm walking in front of millions in my bikini. I'm not even going to try and enter the Mrs South Africa. For many of the same reasons. And because they don't have a "best wobbly thighs" category.
3. I may make Star Maker Story. Or Extreme Makeover. But I don't think I'd like to have plastic surgery. Not that it scares me, it's just that I don't want to become a clone - the "perfect" smile, etc. As wobbly as my thighs can be, they're me and mine. And there's no telling what plastic surgery will make you look like in 50 years.
4. I love dark choc. Yes I do! I ate almost an entire bar of it this weekend. And you know what? There's scientific proof that 50g (half a normal bar) per day is darned good for you. Here's to research!
5. It's lunchtime. And I'm going home to eat pasta.
Pomp and Ceremony
The college president is being inaugurated today. He's been promoted from lower down the ranks (but still well above us bottom-dwellers), so has been around a while. He was previously my boss. Fact is he's been president since 1 June, but is now only getting the official treatment.
And boy, are they going all-out.
All us "admin ladies" had to go set out copious amounts of grape juice (being a conservative Christian institution) and snacks (no meat here!), along with flowers and glasses and plates - and yes, even the chairs. It falls in our job descriptions as "and any other duties as required by the president" - as many of our daily tasks do.
At the moment the college staff, students and Honoured Guests are in the hall, going through quite a ceremony. So why am I bunking? Well, see the "faking it" post below. That, and I came up with some good excuses as to why I shouldn't be there - urgent student processing, camera just kicked the bucket so can't take photos (I hope it's only batteries that need changing...!), etc. Besides, admin is nice and quiet now, so I can get some work done in peace.
I can hear the singing, and the college bell being run (it's what we like to call the "slave bell", see image below).
There will be speeches, there will be messages, there will be at least one local person from government. There are a lot of dressed up students doing important things on stage. There are a heap of lecturers in gowns and mortar-boards, sitting uncomfortably on a high platform.
Ah well. The joys of pomp and ceremony.
I must say I much prefer the flattened-out management structures rapidly taking over this day and age, where the mega-boss knows the work of the lowest of the low, and the lowest of the low has some influence in how the company works - and is paid, respected and cherished for being a valuable part of it. No high-and-mighties, no bottom-dwellers. Just ain't gonna happen here anytime soon.
But I'll raise a toast to the new president. May he succeed where others have failed, and may he be fair to all.
And boy, are they going all-out.
All us "admin ladies" had to go set out copious amounts of grape juice (being a conservative Christian institution) and snacks (no meat here!), along with flowers and glasses and plates - and yes, even the chairs. It falls in our job descriptions as "and any other duties as required by the president" - as many of our daily tasks do.
At the moment the college staff, students and Honoured Guests are in the hall, going through quite a ceremony. So why am I bunking? Well, see the "faking it" post below. That, and I came up with some good excuses as to why I shouldn't be there - urgent student processing, camera just kicked the bucket so can't take photos (I hope it's only batteries that need changing...!), etc. Besides, admin is nice and quiet now, so I can get some work done in peace.
I can hear the singing, and the college bell being run (it's what we like to call the "slave bell", see image below).
There will be speeches, there will be messages, there will be at least one local person from government. There are a lot of dressed up students doing important things on stage. There are a heap of lecturers in gowns and mortar-boards, sitting uncomfortably on a high platform.
Ah well. The joys of pomp and ceremony.
I must say I much prefer the flattened-out management structures rapidly taking over this day and age, where the mega-boss knows the work of the lowest of the low, and the lowest of the low has some influence in how the company works - and is paid, respected and cherished for being a valuable part of it. No high-and-mighties, no bottom-dwellers. Just ain't gonna happen here anytime soon.
But I'll raise a toast to the new president. May he succeed where others have failed, and may he be fair to all.
Faking it
One of my colleagues came up to me this morning to moan about certain aspects of our work-place - aspects that could potentially influence the job I do here.
But it's strange. I don't really care about it! I still haven't told anyone I'm in the market for a different job (I will hear tomorrow, latest, if I have it or not). I'm trying to pretend I care about the petty little issues, and mismanagement and all that stuff. But I don't. Even if this job doesn't come through I'm going to keep trying for another - and that means all those petty little issues can go jump in the lake, it's no skin off my back nor will I spend time worrying over them.
In the meantime though I have to fake it. Act like I'll still be here forever, like what happens at the end of this year will still be my concern. And in the meantime I'm pretty sure it won't be.
Strange, this living in 2 worlds. Acting wholly here, while my mind's moved on and is making to-do lists. Distancing myself mentally from the day-to-day millstones weighing down the rest of the folk.
I'm pretty confident I'll get this job. I still really, really want it. I can't wait to suprise everyone and hand in a month's notice... I'm kinda living with that hope, keeping me going through each work day as I tie up loose ends here (unofficially) and complete Big Jobs (unofficially).
I'm getting pretty good at faking it!
But it's strange. I don't really care about it! I still haven't told anyone I'm in the market for a different job (I will hear tomorrow, latest, if I have it or not). I'm trying to pretend I care about the petty little issues, and mismanagement and all that stuff. But I don't. Even if this job doesn't come through I'm going to keep trying for another - and that means all those petty little issues can go jump in the lake, it's no skin off my back nor will I spend time worrying over them.
In the meantime though I have to fake it. Act like I'll still be here forever, like what happens at the end of this year will still be my concern. And in the meantime I'm pretty sure it won't be.
Strange, this living in 2 worlds. Acting wholly here, while my mind's moved on and is making to-do lists. Distancing myself mentally from the day-to-day millstones weighing down the rest of the folk.
I'm pretty confident I'll get this job. I still really, really want it. I can't wait to suprise everyone and hand in a month's notice... I'm kinda living with that hope, keeping me going through each work day as I tie up loose ends here (unofficially) and complete Big Jobs (unofficially).
I'm getting pretty good at faking it!
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