I've just had a call from my dad to discuss "final arrangements" with regard to my mom. It seems that this really is the end. We were hoping for a better outcome, but the treatment she's on my not help prolong her life in time. And if it does, it will not be more than a few months at best.
Her birthday is 29 November. I was scared she may not make it to her birthday - and it seems my fears were well-founded.
Please keep my dad, her family, and us in your prayers as we near the end of her long journey. Thanks.
It's been a bit of a green weekend.
First off, we spent a couple of hours on Saturday at the nearby nature reserve - joining half of Somerset West, one entire church and a good few parts of Cape Town in hanging out on the extensive lawns, following overgrown paths and dabbling in mountain streams. I sent the boys off to explore and play while I chose a secluded bench and simply sat quietly. It's amazing what one sees when one is still. I had 4 different varieties of bird stop by, mere metres away and unafraid (but then again birds aren't scared of me anyway - something to do with my "karma" I think! :) ). The hand-sized frogs started up their chorus in the lake as soon as I'd settled. Dragonflies landed nearby, and I watched a shrike feeding off insects in mid-air. Behind me in the grass, a furtive creature rustled around - perhaps a bird, or a lizard, or something else too timid to show its face. If you think nature is quiet - open your ears to the world filled with birdsong and creature voices. (And if you think you can't get hayfever by simply sitting - think again!)
Sunday morning I made my annual trip to the garden centre to stock up on a car-load of potting soil, kraalmis (cattle poop, sorta) and rose/shrub planting mix. Along with 8x6 tubs of seedlings (lettuce, salad greens, coriander, cherry tomatoes, basil, flat-leaf parsley, golden oregano & rosemary) and packets of seeds (roma tomatoes, round tomatoes, baby marrow, watermelon, peas and bush beans). You see, I'd picked up a few discounted British magazines on Friday afternoon, including Country Living, English Garden and Period & Traditional Homes - all of which have the most wonderful English gardens in them, brimming with flowers, plants, veggies, herbs - and acres of space. I got drooling, and then took a look at my neglected space.... (I also got drooling over 17th century stone houses, wood beams and fire-places, but those are things I can't do anything about). Being unsure as to where we'll be soon, I've decided that we're going potty this season - all our veggies and herbs will be portable, not only to follow the sun, but also to follow US should we move. So I got cracking on planting out goodies in pots yesterday. I love growing things. If I don't get my hands into soil regularly I start to shrivel up inside. And with the price of certain things soaring (tomatoes at nearly 10 bucks a kilo this week!), I look forward to growing my own. There is nothing as delicious as just-picked, warm from the sun, organic tomatoes.
All this plant-related stuff got me thinking about how far I've come in the past few years with regard to the environment. Living in ignorance a while back, I wasted resources of every variety. But now that I know better I've:
1. Started recycling - paper, vegetable matter (compost), whatever is useable or re-useable.
2. Gone off that damaging injection for both my sake and the sake of everything else it affects.
3. Watched my use of electricity (using energy-efficient light bulbs etc.), water (no waste!) and my car (drive only when necessary).
4. Switched to as much natural, organic stuff as I can - growing much of what we can use fresh, and sourcing other bits locally. I still have a ways to go on this one though, as we don't yet eat right and I could be growing a lot more of our food.
5. Cut back on over-packaged goods - buying in bulk where I can, recycling paper packaging.
I'm not going to go join Greenpeace anytime soon, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that I aspire to be more in tune with the world around me. I want to not only live lightly, but make it a better place too. It's a journey of education, of mind-changing and perception adjusting. It's one that you can't turn back on once started.
(Oh - and on a related note, it seems my little business has just gotten a boost. A friend is seeking suppliers of the natural and organic, which is exactly what I'm working on.)
I like the fact that I'm more mindful of my impact on my environment. I enjoy seeing the difference just one person can make, and I hope I can inspire those around me to do it too. Many don't care, but perhaps I can lead by example...
I drove through to Cape Town on Saturday afternoon to see my newest nephew. What a cutie! Well, as cute as babies can be at that age. Unlike many, I can see they're not THAT beautiful... :)
I even got to hold him briefly, and I can't believe my hulking big son was once that size. He lay on my (ample, therefore comfortable) chest, curled up like a little frog with his tiny bottom cradled in one of my hands. New life is always a wonder to behold.
Of course his parents are rightly proud and ecstatic over his arrival. They were due to check out of hospital and take him home shortly after I left. With her mom staying over, I presume there are more than enough hands to share in the care, to adjust to schedules and how to bath the baby, and all that.
Max's other aunt and uncle have indicated they will babysit - but they "don't do babies under 4 months". I, on the other hand, DO! :) I've been there, done that, and am good with little ones. I have this "magic trick" to get them sleeping fast, and am able to tune in quickly to what they're in need of.
Funny thing is, I think I've been doing something similar lately.
You see, the e-pet my son got a while back seems to have become my responsibility. I get to watch it during the day - and now also at night. We managed to kill off 2 e-pets in a row last week, thanks to my son not hearing them beep for food in the night, and their resulting starvation to death by morning. I sleep lightly, and DO hear the beeps, so the thing is deposited next to my bed each night.
Silly, I hear you say. Why not just take out the batteries and kill the thing off permanently?
I don't honestly know. I'm just weird that way. Or perhaps I want to see how long I can keep it alive, and what happens when it reaches a certian age. Curiosity keeps me at it.
Thankfully, I've managed to get it "asleep" by my bedtime most nights, so there's peace and quiet until morning comes. Other than the dogs wandering on and off the bed, and the neighbours getting up at all hours to bang around the flat upstairs, that is.
So, if my new little nephew DOES need babysitting, I've been practising. I'm ready. Got the e-pet, used to waking up and checking on things, the works.
Yea, I'm strange. So what. :)
Yes, I did it! I made it through a whole 48 hours or so of sleep-over time! And here's how you can do it too:
1. Ensure that no-one runs after anyone else in a shop one hour into the weekend - losing their balance and knocking an egg into their skull in the process, and making them fed-up with their supposed best friend.
2. Provide copious amounts of food. The stuff they don't get every day and will love you for. Like a whole bar of choc each for Friday night. And home-made-from-scratch pizza for Saturday lunch (yes, even the base!). And waffles for supper.
3. Allow them to spend all their money on whatever sweets their heart desires, and don't moan when the floor is strewn with sweet wrappers by morning, or they're bouncing off the walls in sugar-induced hyperactivity.
4. Give them their space. In other words, make sure you exit the area (to visit a newborn baby, for example) for about 2 hours on Saturday afternoon. Try not to sigh heavily when you come back to find they've been irritated by each other since the minute after you left.
5. Let them experience the joys of self-entertainment. Don't give them anything to do, even when they beg you for hours for ideas to keep occupied. Send them off to find someone to play with, or for a walk around the neighbourhood, or to watch a movie in the other room.
6. Ensure that the neighbourhood is filled with mutual friends. When they grate on each other, send them in opposite directions to find someone else to play with for a bit.
7. Make sure you take time out. Get well away from the action, breathe deeply and try not to panic.
8. Attempt to sleep in when they get up at an ungodly hour to whisper and play. Ignore any lack-of-sleep induced bad dreams that may occur during this time.
9. Reassure the dogs that they have not lost their place in the heirarchy, and thus do not need to beat themselves (or anyone else) up. Nor do they need to bark at the friend every time he makes an appearance.
10. Return friend to home punctually. As soon as is graciously possible. Assure parents of friend that everything went well, then split before friend can claim otherwise.
11. Remind self not to do this again. At least not for an entire weekend. Maybe just overnight.
Meet Max (I think - name still to be confirmed...), born to my youngest brother and his wife (their first child!) yesterday afternoon. I'm an aunt again!
My son has a new-ish best friend. Elden replaces the one that lives 3 doors down, who got a bit irritating after 6 years. He stays quite a distance from us, so we thought it would be cool if he could come by sometime. Perhaps on Friday afternoon, or even to stay overnight on Friday, and then meet up with his parents at church the next day.
Well, we put the idea to him yesterday, and not only was he enthusiastic, but proposed to extend it to the Whole Weekend!
Of course I wasn't consulted - but why should I be? I'm just the mom...
Today we hear, yes - he's coming. Yes - for the entire weekend, right up to Monday morning!!!
I sincerely hope these guys don't get sick of each other after 3 hours. I hope he doesn't go carrying stories to his more-coveservative-than-us parents about what heathens we are. I hope he doesn't mind attending his church on his own, or mind going along to our church! And I hope we get the house cleaned up in time and find an extra mattress tomorrow, so the kid is at least comfortable.
We're not really set up for sleepovers. Our place is very small. We don't have an extra bed, just a rather narrow couch that I end up on if my bed is used for visitors. I ain't going there for a kid though. So I'm going to be looking for one of those inflatable ones that we can stick away in a cupboard when not in use.
Today I've set my son to cleaning up his toys. I'll do a bit of extra scrubbing once I get home. And then start thinking up ways (other than the PS2) to keep two pre-teen boys occupied for an Entire Weekend. Pray that the weather holds and we're not all stuck indoors...
And pray for me! :)
1. Breathe deeply.
2. Stare regularly out the window at non-manmade things.
3. Liberally apply stress anti-perspirant (don't sweat - especially not the small stuff).
4. Blink - don't stare. Give eyes break from the flickering computer screen of death every so often.
5. Smile. Even if it's that bloke you truly can't stand.
6. Sit up straight.
7. Eat slowly - don't gobble. You're not a turkey.
8. Stand up straight.
9. Find something to laugh out loud at today.
10. Work more, blog less.
11. Get a bit of daydreaming in, in lieu of a tea-break.
12. Take a walk.
13. Swallow irritation. Don't let it fester and turn into something much worse.
14. Find the good in people, situations and life.
15. Drink lots of water.
It's a pity visitor number 39,000 to this blog, from Saint Johns Wood, Newham, UK didn't leave their details.
All I know is they're using a FireFox browser, domain blueyonder.co.uk, and prefer WinXP.
If I knew more, they may just have won a prize! :)
Tell me that wireless internet (and possibly a major computer upgrade) is coming to my home, soon. Free. For both connection and computer.
If that isn't a day-lifter, I dunno what is! Other than a box of dark choc truffles, which I don't have, so the internet thingy will have to do.
I admit it. I'm a sucker for moonstone. I have been ever since I saw a drawing of it in a mineral book years back (rediscovered the same book in a box in the garage recently...). The play of light and hint of milky blue in an opaque base is marvellous!
I'm a sucker for opals too, except they have a lot more fire in them. I have a few cut opals and one raw piece of stone with an opal vein in it, given to me years ago by an old guy in Australia (who later asked for my hand in marriage, but I refused - the age gap of more than 50 years was a bit off-putting! :) ).
Whenever my son and I wander malls, we inevitably end up in front of jewellery stores. He's a sucker for crystals, so we go drooling after the shiny, the sparkly, the gigantic, the unique. The bigger the better - and we know it's just wishing, as we'd never be able to fork out so much cash for a little bright rock.
But I have been hankering after a rather large moonstone ring (a bit like this one, image at right), set in silver. I know I can't afford it, and the wearing of jewellery is not encouraged here at work, especially excessive jewellery (another quirk in the rules that I don't see eye-to-eye on, but nevermind). So if I were to find a spare few hundred bucks lying around and bought it, I'd have to save it for special occasions.
But I'm thinking.... (which is generally a dangerous persuit for a blonde)
If anyone asks what I want for my birthday, I'm going to ask for cash (or a gift voucher for a massage, hot rock treatment, floatation tank time perhaps). I won't hand over my own money for a triviality like ornamentation, but I may be willing to hand over someone else's! :)
You see, yesterday my son and I did a quick trip to the shops to restock the food basics, ending up at a newly-built mall we hadn't visited yet. And right outside our grocery place was a tiny shop with the most incredible semi-precious stone goodies! Of course, we had to stop and drool on the windows. And there, front and centre, was the most incredible, huge moonstone ring I've ever seen! If you're going to wear a ring, make it worth noticing! And this is...
Unfortunately it's priced at around R450, way out of my league. And so are the other absolutely-incredible ones there. They have some beautifully unique goodies.
Of course, my concience starts kicking in when I think about cash and ornamentation. I could use that money for a whole lot of other, much more needed things. (Which is a moot point, as I don't have the money in the first place) I don't really need to spend piles on trinkets. So I'm torn between my desire for something beautiful, and the practical stuff.
Silly me. Nevertheless, I keep dreaming, and drooling on windows, and enthusing over moonstone. Whether I get my heart's desire or not, that isn't going to change. :)
Listing 20 things about me a few days ago has got me pondering where I've come from, how the person that's "me" has been formed, and where I'm at now.
A little thing like the tale of the horse that threw me twice.in 5 minutes.same horse, had me wondering where that daring, wild, enthusiastic person has gone. My days used to be filled to the brim with adventure, exploration of life and the world around me, jaunts in the great outdoors, intrigue and secrets with my friends, and a whole lot more exercise than I currently get.
Now they just seem to plod on in a linear direction. Sleep, eat, work, home, sleep, eat, work, home, weekend, sleep, eat, work, home.... It's all a oneness, a sameness, a single dimension.
I feel like I'm missing out on the Really Big Stuff, the things that make life constantly worth living. Each day approached with wonderment, ready to milk it for all you can get out of it, falling into a deep untroubled sleep with dust between your toes at the end.
I wonder what happened to that 3-D girl, the one who ran free and Did Things instead of merely putting one foot in front of another. The one who dared walk a long, slippery, aluminium-powder coated water pipe over a deep gully. Or climb a tumble of balancing rocks without a rope (even though she always carried both rope and pocket-knife). The one who spent hours sitting in a tree and dreaming. The one who rode horses, who sped no-handed on her 12-speed bike down long hills, the one who had a tree house and a foofy-slide. Who dared to dream.
Where have all my dimensions gone? Has adult life completely killed them off?
I know it's possible to remain 3-D - to recapture it if you've lost it. I see folk my age and older who know how to Really Live. Who are fun to be around, who radiate joy and excitement at the mere passing of moments, every one a chance to find something new worth doing or seeing or experiencing. They dance with abandon, they laugh out loud, they savour their meals and preserve their relationships.
Have I lost that much?
I want to be 3-D again. I don't want "life" to take over, I want to truly live. I want to re-learn to splash through puddles, run my hands over rough bark simply to feel it, indulge in a lengthy meal and good conversation without clock-watching. I want to feel wind in my hair (other than the darned South-Easter) and movement under my feet, to watch my shadow flick over the landscape and feel free again. I want to breathe deeply and remember how to love, to feel like a magnificent woman instead of just a shell that keeps my essential bits all in one place.
I think I need to buy a bike.
We've just received our payslips - and I noticed that there were two items on mine that didn't match up with what I'd claimed. To the tune of 1/5th of my salary!
How nice it would have been to have that little bit extra. I have quite a few out of the ordinary expenses to cover this month - books & stationery for my son's schooling for next year, brake pads for the car, summer uniform for the kid, the start of the usual Xmas shopping (though I'm making many of the gifts again this year).... Those few extra bucks would come in handy.
And yet I know they don't really belong to me.
So I traipsed off to our salary guy to ask what's what. And the guy whose name is alphabetically after mine is missing some cash. Pity. Was hoping it might be a "gratuity".
To correct it I had to write out a cheque to the company for the difference. Fortunately remembered I've also been taxed on that amount, so found out what it should be without the tax. But I will still be charged a fee by the bank for the cheque I've handed them.
It would have been a lot easier to just keep quiet about this. But I know it would have been noticed and adjusted somewhere down the line, leaving me that amount short for the month. That's something I simply can't afford. The other bloke is probably also budgeting on the amount he'll receive, which is now a few hundred bucks out. Things don't happen in isolation, but create ripples.
So I guess honesty has been the best policy, even if I've been a little shortchanged in the deal.
At least it's payday, after a rather tough month, and we eat again! :)
Looking for something or other online, I hit a "404 error", and the following popped up, one line at a time:
The document you requested is not here.
I even tried looking under some other files,
and even behind the hard drives.
The document you wanted is totally not here!
I'm really depressed about this.
You see, I'm just a web server...
...here I am, with a brain the size of the universe,
trying to serve you a simple web page,
and then it doesn't even exist!
Where does that leave me?!
I mean, I don't even know you.
How should I know what you wanted from me?
You honestly think I can *guess*
what someone I don't even *know*
wants to find here?
*sigh*
Man, I'm so depressed I could just cry.
And then where would we be, I ask you?
It's not pretty when a web server cries.
And where do you get off telling me what to show anyway?
Just because I'm a web server,
and possibly a manic depressive one at that?
Why does that give you the right to tell me what to do?
Huh?
I'm so depressed...
I think I'll crawl off into the trash can and decompose.
I mean, I'm gonna be obsolete in what, two weeks anyway?
What kind of a life is that?
Two stinking weeks,
and then I'll be replaced by a shiny new .01 release,
that thinks it's God's gift to web servers,
just because it doesn't have some tiddly little
security hole with its HTTP POST implementation,
or something.
I'm really sorry to burden you with all this,
I mean, it's not your job to listen to my problems,
and I guess it is my job to go and fetch web pages for you.
But I couldn't get this one.
I'm so sorry.
Believe me!
Maybe I could interest you in another page?
There are a lot out there that are pretty neat, they say,
although none of them were put on *my* server, of course.
Figures, huh?
Everything here is just mind-numbingly boring.
That makes me depressed too, since I have to serve them,
all day and all night long.
Two weeks of information overload,
and then *pffftt* :(, consigned to the trash.
What kind of a life is that?
Now, please let me sulk alone.
I'm so depressed.
Makes me want to go "there, there" and pat the poor web server on its back, before it's relegated to obsolution.... :)
I've been trying to put into words what "church" looks like for me these days, and why I find I'm "doing church" more on the internet than physically.
But Zeke has said it all, and much better than I could. If you'd like to know where my headspace is at, go read what he's written....
You probably noticed by now - Haloscan commenting is playing up. So if it can wait, hold that thought! If not, email me and spill your guts. Either way, I hope to hear from you soon. Really, I do. If not, the Haloscan guys can expect stalking from a few million of their subscribers within a day or so....
I've got a slight case of around-the-neck sunburn, all thanks to a day in the great outdoors.
This weekend saw a local dog show take place - of the "beauty" variety, where dogs are judged on their attributes as they run or stand around a ring. We thought we'd drop by, as we love dogs. Were also hoping to finally meet the breeder of one of ours.
We were surprised by the extent of the show. It probably wasn't huge by show standards, but it covered a lot of space with each owner having set up a tent around the ring where they'd be judged, to keep the sun off their little darlings, contain the cages and provide room for grooming and chatting.
First things first, we went looking for Schipperkes - and found at least 6 of them, farmed out between 2 tents. Including the breeder! And one arrogant uncle who claimed that "this is the BEST Schipperke in South Africa". May have been, but it wasn't too friendly.
We wandered around a bit, and saw more varieties of beast than we could remember seeing in one place ever before.
Of course I was snapping happily away, and you can see an abbreviated photo album right here. (If you go there for nothing else, go to check out the "Like dog like owner" pics!!!)
It was on the hot side, and after a few hours and a Coke each, my son started to feel a bit ill. Sunstroke. Oh great. We always seem to forget the hats and sunscreen. The last time this happened I ended up with the worst burn I've ever had, turning nearly black as the red faded to a "tan", which then peeled off in patches later.
Well, I sent him off to the car to rest up in the shade. And throw up, as I found out later. Which cut short our day outdoors.
But we had a great time while it lasted!
This area is SO into horses and dogs and country persuits, that any such event is not only well-supported, but a lot of fun to attend. Next year we'll bring our hats!
I was hanging out in my garden this weekend, watching people come and go, and having a few stop by to talk, when it struck me.
I no longer give a damn about the place I work, or the place where my church membership resides. I'm not interested in their issues, I'm not interested in what they are or aren't up to, and I have absolutely no loyalty to either.
Which is kinda a dangerous place to be.
I'm expected to be loyal to both, so that I'll put a lot of time and energy into supporting their goals, their mission. Solving their problems or making life at either place better. I'm expected to be devoted to the future of both, to invest both office hours and after hours in their care. I'm expected to turn my life over to both of them, to be ruled and controlled and stuffed into a sameness that I'm no longer willing to put up with.
Yet I can't say a word to anyone. I just keep up appearances.
I had a call from a neighbour yesterday - one who enjoys a good jaw over the fence about this or that problem, who regularly asks my perspective on the latest controversy in one of the above insitutions. It took all my effort to keep up the concerned attitude and put in my two cents worth on whatever she was talking about. I had this urge to say, "You know, I really don't care. Talk to someone else" - but I didn't.
After we said goodbye I had to take a stroll around the garden and a few deep breaths, simply to con my body into thinking what I'm doing is OK. I know it isn't. I know it's likely I'll have such a conflict of willpower and reality that I may start foaming at the mouth and have to be restrianed in a nicely-padded room with a door that locks from the outside!
So what to do?
Well - I could move, to start. That would mean less over-the-fence, we-see-what-you're-doing examination from those around me. I'd have a bit more freedom to be and do what I am and want. Unfortunately it may not be an option (a bit pricey!), but I'm thinking of it. I even started circling potential houses to rent in the newspaper!
Again, the subject of job-change comes up. I'm still dithering on this one. I really want to get my business off the ground, but am having second thoughts as to its sustainability. I'm wondering if my ideas are good enough to even make a dent in the market. But if it IS sustainable and good and marvellous and money-worthy, it will still take a very long time until it reaches that level. The other option is to find another job, but I can't see anything available that I can do well, am sufficiently qualified for, or will pay enough. At least while I'm here I have the time and resources to develop my business - elsewhere I may not.
The only option I seem to have is to keep myself to myself, not to mention where my headspace is going, and to wipe the foam off my lips as it appears. To work steadily, silently, toward goals only I know about, keep my head down and stay out of fights.
So I'm keeping it quiet. Not saying a word, but desperatly hoping I can find a way to make the changes I need.
I do this every year (well, both years so far). I forget that my Blogversary is up, and I forget to celebrate it!
So, here's a belated one. Blogging for 2 years, as of 22 October. Wow - has it been that long? Some days it feels like I've just begun, others like I've been at it forever! I can't express what I've learnt, how many friends I've made, how inspired I've been by this community of virtual people.
Thanks for reading my ramblings, and long may I waffle! :)
Cake for anyone?
Ballad of the Breadman
Mary stood in the kitchen
Baking a loaf of bread.
An angel flew in the window
‘We’ve a job for you,’ he said.
‘God in his big gold heaven
Sitting in his big blue chair,
Wanted a mother for his little son.
Suddenly saw you there.’
Mary shook and trembled,
‘It isn’t true what you say.’
‘Don’t say that,’ said the angel.
‘The baby’s on its way.’
Joseph was in the workshop
Planing a piece of wood.
‘The old man’s past it,’ the neighbours said.
‘That girls been up to no good.’
‘And who was that elegant fellow,’
They said. ‘in the shiny gear?’
The things they said about Gabriel
Were hardly fit to hear.
Mary never answered,
Mary never replied.
She kept the information,
Like the baby, safe inside.
It was the election winter.
They went to vote in the town.
When Mary found her time had come
The hotels let her down.
The baby was born in an annexe
Next to the local pub.
At midnight, a delegation
Turned up from the Farmers’ club.
They talked about an explosion
That made a hole on the sky,
Said they’d been sent to the Lamb and Flag
To see God come down from on high.
A few days later a bishop
And a five-star general were seen
With the head of an African country
In a bullet-proof limousine.
‘We’ve come,’ they said ‘with tokens
For the little boy to choose.’
Told the tale about war and peace
In the television news.
After them cam the soldiers
With rifle and bombs and gun,
Looking for enemies of the state.
The family had packed up and gone.
When they got back to the village
The neighbours said, to a man,
‘That boy will never be one of us,
Though he does what he blessed well can.’
He went round to all the people
A paper crown on his head.
Here is some bread from my father.
Take, eat, he said.
Nobody seemed very hungry.
Nobody seemed to care.
Nobody saw the god in himself
Quietly standing there.
He finished up in the papers.
He came to a very bad end.
He was charged with bringing the living to life.
No man was that prisoner’s friend.
There’s only one kind of punishment
To fit that kind of crime.
They rigged a trial and shot him dead.
They were only just in time.
They lifted the young man by the leg,
Thy lifted him by the arm,
They locked him in a cathedral
In case he came to harm.
They stored him safe as water
Under seven rocks.
One Sunday morning he burst out
Like a jack-in-the-box.
Through the town he went walking.
He showed them the holes in his head.
Now do you want any loaves? He cried.
‘Not today’ they said.
- Charles Causley
I had a whole pile of things to say when I spent half the night tossing and turning (and waking up to the "beep-beep" of my son's e-pet wanting food or poop-scooping etc.). Unfortunately they evaporated with the morning light, and in the rush to get an order for 4 huge cakes finished before work...
So have a photo for now, until I come up with something remotely intelligent! :)
Bigric tagged me last week on an off-day, and I did promise to get around to it this week. So while I'm fulfilling tags, let me get at it.
Rules
Remove the blog at #1 from the following list and bump every one up one place;
add your blog’s name in the #5 spot;
link to each of the other blogs for the desired cross pollination effect.
1. Dandelions & Roses
2. Never promised you a rose garden
3. ShutterJane
4. Bigric
5. Seeking Serenity
Next: select four new friends to add to the pollen count.
(No one is obligated to participate and anyone can play if they want to).
1. The Saint
2. Tom at Effortless Grace.
3. Liz (Messy Christian).
4. Rachelle the Truth-Seeker.
What were you doing 10 years ago?
Second-year technikon studies, learning to "langarm".
What were you doing 5 years ago?
Almost the same thing I am now, except I was a secretary too.
What were you doing one year ago?
Learning Dreamweaver and starting to redesign a huge website.
What were you doing yesterday?
Reading PyroMarketing, trying to get My SQL into my head and blogging - non-stop.
5 snacks you enjoy
1. Chutney-flavoured Simba potato chips
2. Nestle Albany dark choc
3. Stuffed olives right out of the fridge
4. Popcorn sprinkled with minimal Aromat and garlic salt
5. Sweet & Sour pickles right out of the fridge
5 songs you know all the words to
1. One night in Bangkok
2. Power of Love (Jennifer Rush, not Huey Lewis)
3. Most of Hillsong's stuff
4. Enter Sandman (Metallica) - thought I'd forgotten it, until I heard it a few days ago.
5. A good few of the Crash Test Dummies ones... and many, many more.
5 things you would do if you had a million dollars
Let's see - that would be about R6,5 million in our currency, quite a bit to play with! :)
1. I'd buy a house in Somerset West (where I live) cash,
2. resign to get my business going full-time,
3. and learn how to play again.
4. A good few bucks will go to PATCH in town (they help abused children).
5. And I'd try to sponsor at least once person who can't afford it to study and change the direction of their life permanently.
5 things you like doing
1. Afternoon naps
2. Fresh coffee in early morning sunshine
3. Reading
4. Watching nature pass by
5. Growing things in my garden and getting my hands dirty regularly
5 bad habits
1. Coffee (but who cares)
2. Not enough exercise
3. Trichotillomania (which some may say is more than just a bad habit, but I'm working on it)
4. Staring at a computer screen without a break all day
5. Not shaving my legs all winter - who is going to see, anyway?
5 things you would never wear again
1. Frilly dresses with sweetheart necklines
2. Full-cover panties (granny panties!)
3. Striped leggings
4. Flourescent green socks
5. Socks and high-heels (oh my, what were we thinking in the 80s??)
5 favourite toys
1. My dogs (do they count?)
2. Internet
3. My car (if boys can call theirs toys, so can I)
4. Camera
5. I think I need more toys...
Tagged by the guy who takes things apart and then can't put them back together again so buys a new one secretly
How's that for a record? My longest blog heading ever! You can thank Chitty, the demolisher of all things mechanical.
So here goes. 20 random things about me, and then I get to tag a few of you - so don't skip over to the next blog just yet...
1. I'm considering dying my hair red. But I think I'm a bit too scared to.
2. My first boyfriend was an American named Jason. It lasted all of 2 days, because his family moved back to the USA just after he asked me out. I was 8, I think.
3. However, I didn't kiss a guy until I was 15!
4. I still have the first black lace G-string I ever bought. But it's for sentimental value only, not daily use.
5. I sometimes give my son the slice of bread I've dropped on the floor. What he doesn't see won't hurt him... :)
6. I was born in East London, South Africa. I've only been back there once.
7. I love the feel of mud squishing through my toes.
8. I don't like the beach. Too much sand. And that little cold breeze thing? No thanks.
9. Darn, this is harder than I thought. I must be a really boring person! :)
10. I have a scar on one knee where I fell out of a moving train in front of a carriage full of good-looking guys.
11. I have a scar on the other knee where I wiped out on a tar road age 6, in Mutari - Zimbabwe.
12. I love climbing trees. Haven't done it in years, but still admire a good climbing tree when I see one.
13. I got thrown by a galloping horse when I was a kid. Twice. Within 5 minutes. By the same darned horse.
14. I would love to be an archeologist.
15. I have no fillings in my teeth.
16. I pick my nose when no-one's looking.
17. I once skinny-dipped with sharks. Not that I knew they were there. Only found out when the sun came up a few hours later over the sea...
18. I have joined the mile-high club.
19. I once dressed up as a bride, got my brother to hold the end of the blanket which served as a veil, and walked up the aisle in church while my dad was preaching and my mom was outside watching the other brother, singing "here comes the bride" under my breath. It's likely to be the only time I walk up the aisle dressed as a bride.
20. One of the above is not true.
OK, that took me 12 minutes thanks to an interrupting phone call. So the 12 folk I'm tagging are:
1. Bill at Achieveable Ends (because I'm still getting to know you).
2. Marc at Durbzblog (to help your resolution to blog more often along a bit).
3. Kel at X-facta (because I'm feeling guilty that I haven't done your 31 things tag yet).
4. Patchouli (just because).
5. Kendra at Tagebuch (if you can find time between Nathaniel, husband and work!).
6. Ian at his Messy Desk (not that you need post-fodder!).
7. Thomas at Willams World (because you haven't updated anything since Monday).
8. Laura at Been There / Still There (because it's been a while).
9. Buddess (because Chitty tagged you, and I'm going to too, so you HAVE to do it now! :) ).
10. Christine at Epiphany (because I said so).
11. IreneQ (so you have something to do other than look for a date... :) ).
12. Kelly at KellyWell (so I have lots to read on your blog and an excuse to stick around).
I'm pretty sure most of you will not get around to it, but if you do I'm there and reading! :)
The South African government has declared today car-free day, encouraging us to rather take the public transport, car-pool or catch a ride with someone else. At least 2 people to a car, if possible more. Doesn't make much difference to me, as I walk to work.
It doesn't seem to have made that much of an impact. Our morning TV show was checking out traffic and such, and it's still just as congested, there is still nearly always only one person to a car, and the bare minimum of the population has embraced the idea.
Why?
Well, firstly our public transport sucks. Not only is it irregular, or broken down, or about to break down - most of it is scarily dangerous. I used to take a train to college, my brother did too. These days we wouldn't dare. There are rapes, murders, muggings and serious diseases going around those coaches - which are no longer kept in very good condition, so it's at your risk to sit on something, touch anything, squash up next to a stranger on a seat. Trains only run on certain lines - if you want to be somewhere else, you either have to go way past your destination, then backtrack with another line, or stop off at the nearest station and walk for ages.
Then there's the taxis. In South Africa, this is what they look like - a mini-bus, sometimes in good condition, sometimes falling apart (and driven using a spanner as steering wheel...), always with sound-systems pumping at levels that burst your eardrums if you're stuck in traffic nearby. They are mostly used by the black population (here's a rather amusing article published yesterday as a how-to for those who haven't tried them). They DO go to a lot of places other transport doesn't, at a good price. But with taxi wars (and shoot-outs), dodgy vehicles and dangerous passengers, it's taking your life into your own hands to use them. They are one of the biggest causes of road-deaths in our country. Driven too fast by folk who may or may not have a licence, taking chances overtaking, overloaded, they too easily career into other vehicles, killing as they go. Just driving near them is dangerous enough, thanks. (I have a friend in Johannesburg who has put huge bull-bars on his 4x4, which will do more damage to a taxi cutting in than the taxi will do to him - and it seems to help minimize that kind of behaviour! :) )
Which leaves us with busses. They don't run around this area, and I'm not sure how well they function elsewhere. I remember taking the bus years ago in Cape Town along major routes in the city (mostly covered by trains too), but haven't taken one since - other than in Sydney, where all public transport seems to run pretty well, in good condition!
There are lift clubs - which are illegal still.
What are you left with? Walk, ride a bike, take your car. Not much else.
Until the government steps up their public transport system, I don't think car-free day is going to be a viable option. First fix the infrastructure, and then we'll use it.
I'm new to this open-source terminology, so forgive me if I stuff up with my assumptions in this post...
The more I trawl the net, the more I learn from those who inhabit it, the more I realize how everything is changing.
Cartographers are in danger of going out of business as Google gets the locals to mark their own maps, taken by high-flying satellites, with information that you'd never ordinarily find. Personal experiences with places that put a spin on them no geographic markings ever could. Explainations of "what's that?" from guys on the ground, who drive past it every day or live in it or have been there - and know.
Teachers turn into directors (or they should) as they simply point students in the right direction. Give them a few hints, guide how they apply them, but let them learn on their own. Answer questions raised within their field of expertise. Blog their lessons or post them on message boards. Your students can talk back, and you can't tell them not to.
Bloggers rule the news. You saw it "here" first - not on CNN, Reuters or your local news service. Bloggers change the way the pulic perceives, interprets, lives. They sway opinions, cement thoughts, express what the media dare not. They infiltrate where news is banned, and get the word out under the wire.
Open-source software, free tutorials, coding cheats undercut the mainstream, we'll-take-the-shirt-off-your-back Big Guns. It is more blessed to share than to sell...
Authors throw stories into cyberspace, create e-books, collaborate with each other. They're no longer on a distant pedestal, obscured behind a publishing house - you can subscribe to their blog feed and actually tell them what you think. What you think might end up in their next book.
Businesses deal in virtual cash. A transfer of numbers from one place to the next. Can't find you online? - you simply don't exist. Website and email locations overrule physical addresses. Anyone can do business, from their home office, garage or back yard. An online rumour can sink you.
Knowlege is free. Brainstorming with the major players is a given. Your nifty idea can get noticed and the word spread like wildfire as a network of "you gotta see this" runs loose.
The world is opening up. What was sacred, secret is flung wide open, accessible to all.
Flippin' amazing. I love it.
Thanks for all the continuing prayers for my mom, and cyber-support for the entire family. Latest news is a biopsy shows treatment with Herceptin may be possible. Unfortunately it needs to be in conjunction with chemo, and mom's body's not up to that at the moment. Her liver isn't working well, leaving her tired and listless.
She's resting up a lot, and many folk have stepped in to provide meals, house-work and other things. They have an awesome group around them for support.
We still have hope for the future, as irrational as it seems some days.
WARNING - "women's" issues post ahead!!! If you're a guy, if you're not comfortable talking about women's issues, or if you think this is not in good taste for a public blog (akin to talking about bra's and stuff, only worse!), feel free to skip this one. You have been warned.
I've been on the 2-month injectable contraceptive Nur Isterate (also called NetEn) for over 10 years now. Not that I need "contraception" as such (I'm a recycled virgin! :) ), but rather for its side-effects.
The women in our family on mom's side have always suffered the most awful period pains. So much so that my mom ended up having a hysterectomy a while back. They found nothing wrong with the uterus, but still can't tell us women-folk what's causing the 3-days-of-not-being-able-to-move pain. We've just had to cope.
Injectable contraceptives have provided a semi-solution. A year or so's use, and "that time of the month" starts to gradually disappear, to the point where I have not had to spend a single cent on women's products for at least 8 years, probably more. Marvellous. No more pain, no more period, no more PMS, no more nothing.
Except perhaps weight gain. Though I could probably find other causes for that one, instead of shifting blame to an innocent syringe.... :)
However, I'm rethinking this injectable thing. And the contraceptive thing too. For a number of reasons.
Firstly, I'm weeks overdue for my next shot. I simply keep forgetting to pop in at the clinic while they're still open. Being a recycled virgin, that's nothing too worrying - no sex in sight. And "that time of the month" has yet to make an appearance, as my body is so stocked up on those particular hormones that it will take a while to wake up to the fact that normal cycles may resume.
Secondly, because I'm well aware that the levels of hormonal contraceptives that end up in our water systems (after water treatment, which removes impurities, but not the hormones) are killing off species like frogs and fish, who can no longer reproduce normally. And that bugs the heck out of me. There's also rumours that this stuff is affecting humans - male AND female - and their fertility. I don't want to be the cause of that either!
And thirdly, because I'm currently browsing the web to actually check on what this stuff is doing to my body long-term. And it's not a pretty picture. Granted, Depo is more dangerous than the one I'm using, but there are joint issues like, and I quote: "skin disorders, tiredness, headaches, nausea, depression, hair loss, loss of libido, weight gain and delayed return to fertility". There's an increasing bone-mass loss percentage for every year you're on this stuff (osteoporosis later on), and "and a possible link to breast, endometrial, and cervical cancers" (from the same article).
Do I REALLY want to submit my already-not-in-optimal-health body to all THAT?
No, I don't. And I suspect that because I've been on it so long, the risk is pretty high.
But then I think about what it's going to be like coming off this stuff - the return to pain, and bleeding, the expense of women's products, the monthly mood swings, the erratic behaviour of my body as it purges these artificially-introduced chemicals and stabilizes itself once more. (Explaining to my son what all those things in the cupboard are...)
Yuk. Not nice. Don't want to go there. But I don't think I can avoid it, knowing what I do.
I have to admit, when I started on this injectable stuff, no-one really sat me down and said "here's what you're risking". They just got out the syringe and needle, popped the top of the little vial, and stuck it in my hip area. No counselling, no information, no nothing. Which is pretty scary.
Typing this, I think I've made my decision. I'm not going to go in for my next injection. I'm going to suck it up and face whatever my body has to do to deal with my choice, and work at cleansing my system of something that shouldn't be there in the first place. I'm going cold-turkey, not taking something else like the pill to gradually wean me and stabalize my cycles.
Wish me luck! And if you find any mad, ranting posts here in the next few months - you'll know why! :)
Whoever assumed today's cloud doesn't have a silver lining didn't get the Webshots background and Konfabulator weather perfectly lined up, quite by accident! :)
While bread-crumbing through cyberspace (following a trail of links, which completely eats up an entire day on occasion), I came across a link to a site called 365 tomorrows. If I could remember where, I'd give due credit, but it escapes me.
Basically, the site gives you a short sci-fi story every day. Some are wild, some are wacky, some are horribly close to where we'll end up if we're not careful. Most are very well written.
If you're into sci-fi (even just mild versions of it), you'll enjoy this one.
Doesn't that heading sound just like a 2-year old? You know how they want to get their hands in and try it, without your help. If you're a parent, babysitter, aunt, uncle, grandparent - you KNOW how it goes! :)
And yes, I'm starting to sound like a 2-year old again, strangely.
You see, I've always been the independent type who likes to know how things work, how to fix or make or do things on my own - from the car and its bits, to home-baked bread (from SCRATCH), to my latest issue. Websites.
OK, I can do the basic website. I know HTML and Dreamweaver and a few other things, but when it comes to this darned business of mine, it gets a whole lot more complicated. Registering a domain - fine. Finding a hosting service - fine. Doing the basic site design - fine. Figuring out oscommerce, MySQL, PHP, credit card transactions, secure servers etc etc etc - not quite so fine!
I'm trawling through "PHP and MySQL for Dummies" at the moment. Brain overload alert! Geez... there's so much to learn before I can even start setting up the site. Got the products (minus packaging, but working on it), got the photos ready to go. Don't got the database or the programming knowledge to organize it all.
I know, I could cave and actually ask an expert to set the thing up for me. I could pay someone to get a slick-working, good-looking site online. But the old independant streak kicks in. I want to do it MYSELF! I want to know how it works and interacts, so I can add things, take things away, re-arrange pages or whatever. Without help.
I'm starting to realize just how complicated this entire exercise in online commerce is going to become! But once it's up and running - pure bliss. And that's what's keeping me at it, getting my head around languages and programmes and concepts and stuff that I may ordinarily just move on from.
Expect a good few 2-year old tantrums before this is all over! :) (yes, that's me in the pic, age 2)
In the course of an online chat with my dad recently, he mentioned he was deep into a book he'd picked up at mom's oncologist's office - on euthenasia.
When your mom is not doing well (in fact, headed rapidly downhill) and your dad says the "e" word, time seems to stop. Can they be considering it? Is the future that grim? Or is it just being read about because death is lurking constantly in the background?
I didn't dare ask. My mind closed completely down on that one, and all I could do was discuss what the author had written for a bit before changing the subject. So I still don't know what thoughts are floating around, or not.
But it did get me thinking. Especially after chatting to my mom. She's having it very hard physically, with lots of pain deep in her bones and body at night, extreme exhuastion, itches and sensitivities, rashes and open sores. That alone is enough to break one. But she also has to deal with mental dips into deep dark places, a sense of hopelessness, the endless night hours when pain prevents sleep and the most horrible thoughts clamour for attention. In the early hours of the morning, one could so easily be tempted by a promise of eternal relief, ending it all, leaving the struggle behind. I know I would. It's hard to find hope in the cloying black night.
I don't think it's gone that far, I don't think suicide or euthenasia is even an option. Life is hard, but life is also precious. And she's clinging to life with everything she has, no matter how hard it is.
So why is dad delving into this subject? Should we be worried? I don't think so.
He talked of the author's view of a "good death", of ensuring that the body is not kept artificially alive to the point of complete deterioration, when the person it encased has long passed on. We didn't get into some of the other issues the book brings up. That was about enough to discuss.
Perhaps when one sees one's soulmate, one's lifelove suffering so severely, there is an urge to find ways of making their transition easy, of finding out as much as possible about each option, just in case. Of ensuring a "good death" in whatever way is required. A death midwife, if you will.
I'm speculating, wildly, all based on a single mention of the "e" word. When one stares death in the face this closely, it's hard not to get carried away. There's still a long road ahead, a long, hard road. It doesn't help to call up ghosts where none exist.
I admit it. I succumbed to Borgmarketing. This just arrived in the post.
"Thank you for being assimilated"...
I'm such a mindless follower of the herd! :)
Sometimes I really, really doubt myself.
There I am, happily moseying along, planning my Big Business Idea - and wham! I hit a concrete wall of insecurity.
I know I've got the business sense to make numbers work, to make things happen. I know where my market is, I can see the gaps to fill, I have the skills to do so. But have I got the creativity? Have I thought this through properly, come up with a neat little unique angle that will hook people and keep them coming back for more, or am I just bumbling around in the dark, hoping things will work?
Now and then I think it's most definitely the latter! In the past few days I've come across so many cool "oh wow!" things, those snappy creative angles on products that make you wish you'd thought of them (but you know you NEVER would have, not in a million years). Like chopsticks that have a clothes-peg type end - you can easily manipulate them, grip your food, and release. Wow. Trawl through any magazine and check what makes your eyes pop, then look inwards and see that you could never hope to have that kind of creativity... How depressing! :)
And yet onward I go, planning and hoping and dreaming, and wondering if a dash of unique creativity will be accorded me before I launch this whole thing into the World. Sometimes I find that waiting brings the best angles - simply letting your mind work through a product name until it hits on the right one, or options for presentation until you get one that looks perfect. Rushing into things only leaves one wishing you hadn't.
But some days, like today, I feel I'm a grey cut-out in a world full of butterflies. That everyone else has the angle, the ideas, the awesome mind-space to make things happen, while I'm dull and boring and can't seem to clear enough brain-shelf space to store all the essentials, never mind the frilly bits. I get frustrated when I can't work out the basics, or learn the stuff I need to know to get launched.
And I think I know the solution to this whole dilemma.
I need to take time out to focus entirely on the one thing I want to do, without being distracted by everything else I need to do, and without comparing myself to the rest of humanity (especially the enviable parts). I need to work through an idea from one end to the other without interruption, exploring all the angles, countering any problems that pop up, cementing decisions instead of waffling around.
I haven't made that space in the week/day/hour to do this, I haven't had quiet and concentration and no distractions. I know I can't create creativity, but being overbusy certainly squashes what little I have.
I may never come up with the Next Big Thing. I have to accept that, then work with what I CAN do, what I DO have.
A definite work in progress. Kinda confusing at times, but progress.
(Has this been a bit on the rambling side? Yup - sorry. Written between a whole lot of other things going on, and I think I lost my train of thought after the first interruption...)
I've been addicted to my weekly dose of an online novel over at Salon recently. Chapters are published every Monday, and we're up to Ch 6 at the moment.
Check it out - Themepunks. So well written you think it's gonna happen. And soon, too.
Last night, too late to stay up and watch right through (at least for me), one of our TV channels screened "Those Maginificent Men In Their Flying Machines"! What a blast from the past, what a load of memories that brought up!
Living in Zimbabwe in the 70's and 80's, no-one had TVs. We made our own entertainment as kids (bikes, adventures, tree houses etc.), and as a community. Every Saturday night our church would gather in the church hall for a night of fun. Sometimes we had a taffy-pull, sometimes a talent show, or pick-a-box. Sometimes the kids put on their rollerskates and turned the hall into a roller rink. And now and then we saw a reel-to-reel movie.
"Those Magnificent Men" was right up there among the favourites.
I remember dad hauling out the reel-to-reel projector, ordering the movie, splicing out the one scene with a half-naked woman on the beach (and putting it back together with tape), then threading it carefully through the machine. (He re-spliced the scene back in before we returned it. When we ordered the film years later in another town, we found his splice-work in the exact same place - same film reel! Watching it last night, I noticed how "tame" that scene is compared to what's on general TV these days....)
We had a big screen at one end of the hall, plenty of floor space and chair space, and off we went.
The guy in charge of the projector had quite a job. He had to make sure the film moved smoothly, nothing overheated (and melted the film), the bulb kept shining, and most importantly, that when the back reel started to fill up, it wouldn't start tipping slowly over, the movie moving up the wall to the roof where it all collapsed in a heap and died.
We loved our movies, even if we only saw the same few over and over again.
But there was one movie my father absolutely refused to watch. He'd go and sit in the car or take a walk until we were done. He still refuses to watch it, can't stand it.
Which movie?
"The Sound of Music"!
Those were the days...
In addition to all our little forays away from home this weekend, we made it to the town's craft market - along with just about everyone else who lives here...!
There are many wonderful goodies on sale. Hand(mouth?)-blown glass, beaded African decorations, clothing (some tie-dyed and painted with dragons and fairies), home-made foodthings (the German ice-cream was divine!), wooden furniture - and BOOKS. Lots and lots of very cheap 2nd-hand books.
Which is where I made a bee-line for.
You see, I'm kinda addicted to Reader's Digest Condensed books. Above the TV, on all the lounge shelves, 120 volumes add their gold-embossed spines to my lounge decor. I read them in the bath - my "me" time every night, which often stretches to two hours of running out the cold water and running in more hot as I simply can't put the story down. I read them while the washing's doing its thing, out in the sun on a Sunday morning. I read them in TV ad breaks (especially if it's a gripping tale). I read them to my son at bedtime and while he plays with his toys.
And that's precisely why I was looking for those. Because I've done so much reading that I've read all of them at least twice. I'm cursed with a good memory, and can remember every single jolly one - so re-reading has to take place ages apart in order to engross me.
Well, we found a PILE of the things, many of which I already have. But 35 of which I didn't. And at one buck each, they were most certainly affordable! I borrowed a crate, loaded up my booty and stuck it in the car before we perused the rest of the market.
When I got home it was a question of "where the heck are we going to put these?"! They ended up piled nearly to the roof on the shelf above the TV, on top of the rows of already-owned books (pictorial evidence may be supplied on request). But it's starting to look a bit dangerous up there, as if it's going to topple over and kill someone...
So one of these days I'm going to have to get those bookshelves built. Lots of them.
I've always wanted a room just for books, a library full of precious words all my own. You know the type - walls lined to the roof with books, a big fireplace on one end, a couple of comfy chairs, a bay window for curling up in sunshine...
If I don't stop buying these things, I'm going end up with JUST THAT! And no room for the Official Occupants of our little dwelling to dwell.
Too bad. Books are worth it.
How's this for a twist:
It's bosses day. The ladies planned a special luncheon (but left me out of the planning) for the bosses, which was to take place at 11. I happened to hear about it "by the way", was ordered to attend as an afterthought, but simply couldn't. You see, I had 4 visa letters to get done and through to the country of origin for new students before 1:00, and it wasn't going to be easy.
Well, at 12:45 I see all the ladies packing up and leaving. Apparently, those who took off 2 hours for lunch were also given the afternoon off (which I now hear they twisted the bosses arms for)! And those of us who couldn't attend because we were Working (which we're paid to do, and some of us suffer from an over-inflated sense of duty), don't get off.
How weird is that?
I'm actually laughing, not complaining. It's the kind of thing you just have to shake your head about and shrug off.
With all the women gone, it's nice and quiet around here. I'm getting even more done than if they were at work, because there's no-one popping in to ask my help or whatever. And I honestly have so much to do this afternoon (including dropping my son at art classes), that I wouldn't have taken off anyway.
There's only one other lady here, who is preparing for a big meeting this afternoon, and she can't understand it either. She WAS at the luncheon, but has chosen to do her duty and make sure all is organized.
So here the two of us sit, kippies on a klip. The best thing about it? It's extremely hot outside - and we have aircon*! :)
*Unless you're wealthy, houses in SA are not generally heated/cooled, so if you're not in a shopping centre or office, you sweat.
"I owe, I owe"???? Considering the car, it's pretty likely...
Folk these days don't want to wait for trees to grow, hence the excellent market for ready-grown varieties. This truck had two huge specimens onboard, and only just made it under the bridge in the background...
Yesterday was the last day of a Natural & Organic product show at the CTICC (Cape Town International Conference Centre). Being on the way to that kind of business, I had to go see what was what. To make a few connections, find out where the market is glutted (organic rooibos tea!) and where there were gaps my products might fill.
We got there just after the doors opened, and immediately I set my son to pick up brochures and business cards from every single stall we passed. I have yet to look at them properly, but I have a whole bag of the things. I at first tried to stuff them all in my handbag, but when my shoulder started to cave in, I had to make another plan! :) All the free samples didn't help, either... but I'm not complaining. We're still testing the stuff we got.
There were some interesting things on offer, including these ionizing lamps - made from salt from the Himalayas, and marvellous to look at. There were foodstuffs, vitamins, miracle products, gym and spa stalls, a large central stage where yoga and tai-chi were demonstrated (along with some rather noisy dancing at one time, but we were elsewhere and didn't see it), green smoothies (wheat grass!!!) and all things natural and/or organic. Including make-up and feminine products.
What I DIDN'T see were some of the things I plan on selling, and that made my heart glad! :)
They also had a movie available, Woody Harrelson's "Go Further". It brought up some interesting topics regarding how we're treating our world. And although I'm by no means going to go "raw food" and start making avocado "chocolate" cakes or eating bowls of spirulina, there's more I could be doing to make this planet a better place to live - or to simply stop it from sliding down into chaos. They covered everything from clear-cutting, to what's in your milk, to you-name-it. My son actually sat through the entire thing, and it gave us much to discuss on the road home.
We succumbed and bought honeybush tea, bath salts and a crystal each (the latter from the "weirdo's" stall.. they had all sorts of interesting alternative therapies on offer), but managed to avoid spending too much cash on things other than lunch (at a fast-food place - terrible, after watching that darned movie!:) ).
Today I get to trawl through business cards, brochures and websites, having a good look at who does what and where I can find either competitors or allies in my foray into being my own boss. Turned out to be quite a profitable day, all round.
Yes, I am! And I'm babysitting today.
Although my son is only 12, he became a parent over the weekend. No, don't panic! It's just an e-pet that he received free with a pizza we bought. Here's the offspring:
He didn't want to take it to school, so I'm required to bring it to work, and feed it, scoop poop, check on whether it wants to play (and whether it still loves me), if it needs shelter etc. We don't want the poor thing to perish while we're not home! :) So when it beeps, I attend.
My son's getting a taste of parenting! :)
And on that subject, we FINALLY went to church last night. 15 minutes before it started my son decided we needed to go, so we rushed into appropriate attire, dashed off in the car, and got there when the singing was already underway.
We picked an interesting night to go... instead of a sermon, we all watched a DVD called "Sex has a price tag" by Pam Stenzel. Hard-hitting, extremely educational (I learnt a LOT that was never told me, and my son learnt even more...) and well presented. It gave us both a lot of food for thought, and I think is one of the best sex-education resources I've seen in a long time. So much so, that I'm going to see if my son's school will get their hands on it and show it to the upper grades. ASAP. It's stuff that's never mentioned in sex-ed, stuff that no-one seems to talk about, and yes - it's God-based too. A message of both warning and redemption. Excellent stuff. (I've emailed his school to request that they get a copy to share with the grade 6's and 7's (at least).)
We ran into another single mom and her daughter (same age as my son), so I guess there was a whole lot of educating going on last night! :)
A while back I blogged about the difficulty of sharing the damage that not waiting for sex in the context of marriage can do. I think this has opened up a chance to seriously discuss these issues with my son, as well as others we never thought of. I'm really glad we went to church last night!
Blogging is pointless today. I'm sorry if you came here looking for lightheartedness.
The reality is sinking in that my mom's health is most likely on a permanent downhill, and that we should be prepared for the worst - sooner rather than later. I can find no words to type, and there's not much to think. The silly stuff seems unimportant, my dreams and plans empty, all in the face of what's going on.
I'll be back when triviality once again seems right to blog about.
Just received a mid-size envelope from Zimbabwe. This stamp was on it.
Yup, that's Thirty-Thousand Dollars just to post an envelope. (One of our lecturers saw this and says he paid a half-million Zim Dollars for an apple, a pear and a bottle of fruit juice while there recently)
Count your blessings. You have more than you thought.
If you have a prayer to spare, please include my mom on your list. She's not doing well at all. The cancer is all over the place, they're not sure how to treat even the symptoms (nevermind the cancer), and her liver is not functioning well right now. She's back in hospital overnight to see what's what. Night before last she was in intense pain and itching all over. There's more, lots more. Don't know how she can handle it all...
Please remember her, and my dad too.
I got into conversation with a collegue a few minutes ago, and the subject of building using cheap and easy, sustainable means came up - she wants to buy a smallholding sometime, and will need to live on it. Being rather addicted to simple living, sustainable, green subjects, I promised her a couple of links. Can you believe she'd never heard of houses made from sandbags?? :)
While at it, I remembered there's a local company that provides wood flat-pack houses at a tiny cost. They come with walls already done, you just need to put them together upright. Anything from a one-room wendyhouse to a multi-room home, and they look amazing too!
But they don't have a website. Darn. See? Your business NEEDS to be online!
That didn't stop me from searching though, and in the course of Googling I came across a marvellous online magazine that looks at green housing and other goodies.
Treehugger (appropriately) lists some wonderfully nifty thingies, and some incredible jaw-dropping alternatives to your average 4 walls.
Apparently I have green blood - I WANT those! And I want to protest outside my boss's office that we need to implement things like a Living Wall too... :) Unfortunately, I'm kooky around here - no-one seems particularly concerned with environment, aesthetics, recycling or whatever.
Which leads me to conclude it's time I found that blank land I've been hankering for and did at little damage to it as possible, while building up my dream.
One day....
This week has completely flown past. Most of it I spent thinking it was Wednesday, but now it's nearly over.
Things I learnt/re-learnt this week:
1. Dancing is both an excellent mood lifter and darned good exercise. A recent TV ad uses the music from "Smoke on the Water" (Deep Purple) and my son loves it. So I found it on one of my CDs, turned it up loud, and danced around the lounge while waiting for him to finish his homework. Then found a couple more cool songs on the same CD, jumped around to them too - and found all that exercise had me way too awake. Didn't get to sleep until well after 11! :)
2. I love evening light. That bit where the sun is sinking, and everything turns golden. Last night was perfect. I hauled out my little camera and took over 100 pics while the sun slowly disappeared. Some awesome stuff. I think I can now count "photography" as an official hobby. I'm so glad I got my little camera!. Although it's small, it does some pretty good stuff.
3. I am not super-woman. Yeah, I know, none of you thought I was. But I tend to try act like it at times, putting too many things into my day, too many responsibilities, too much activity. I seriously need to get back to taking breaks, breathing deeply, relaxing more and leaving some things completely alone. I can't do or know or experience everything, especially not all at the same time.
4. Timing is everything. Seems our Shavathon event is not going to work out. Not only have we run out of registration time before we could get approval from the Powers That Be here, but the date is slap-bang in the middle of exams, the campus will be empty, and the other schools are baulking. If we'd woken up sooner and had time to advertise it would have been a lot better. So, instead of hosting a major event, I'm going to try find little ways to help CANSA, the folk affected by the illness and the organizations that support them. I may/may not yet shave the head, but there are probably more effective ways for me to make a difference than going bald.
5. I have an awesome son. He's 12, heading for teen years, and it's a stage most parents dread. But he's not your average almost-teen. Sure, we bump heads now and then, but it's more light-hearted than in-your-face serious. It may have something to do with me being a really lax parent - not worrying if he wants to go pierce things or dye things or wear stuff that I wouldn't be seen dead in. And not requiring him to be something he isn't. Or is that, perhaps, good parenting? Dunno, I've always just played the parenting game by ear. It's worked so far!
6. I can no longer "fart around" with my finances. It's time to think seriously about where we're going wrong and why, and how to fix it. Before it all goes completely pear-shaped and I end up deep in irretriveable debt for way too long. I know I sort this one out. Can't let it slide no more. I have the potential to fix it, and I'm gonna.
7. I've had this overwhelming desire for dark-choc truffles all week. Tomorrow being our shopping day, I may just succumb. Life is too short not to eat chocolate. I've said it before - there's no guarantee that the Hereafter contains any trace of chocolate, so let's just get all we can while on earth now, shall we? :)
Enough rambling. Going to get down to the business of clearing my desk, then get working on my business website.
TGIT!
Was absent-mindedly mulling this weekend, as I so often do, and had this crazy thought. What if we did away with all country borders? Just went geographical, so you live in Africa, or North America or Asia or whatever.
Of course, there would have to be no city-name duplication. Especially for postage purposes. But duplication would be handy if trying to "lose yourself".
Governments probably wouldn't want to give up control of their imaginary lines in the ground. What would a government worker do if they didn't have a government office to run? Would they even be employable? :) OK, that's a low blow, but you know what I mean. However, communities could re-take control of their own watershed, resources (human, physical, economic, structural, environmental etc.) and way of life. Re-establish inter-village trade and a reciprocal "swapping" system (replacing cash) to obtain essentials not available locally. Instead of relying on central government to do things, provide services, fix the mess - then complaining when they don't.
Cutting out the borders would mean humans can once again become migratory - changing location as drought takes hold, or crops increase, or needs ebb and flow. Unchecked by border controls, migration requirements or movement restrictions. Passports? What passports?
On the darker side, it would be a lot easier for a World Power to develop - a small group of individuals who may try to dictate to the rest of the world and run it their way. With government out of the way, it would likely be underground, subversive, intrusive into communities. Not a pretty picture.
But getting back to the lighter stuff. Or not.
Would wars cease? Would there be less "us" vs. "them"? And if there is no us and them, perhaps it would be easier to treat each other as fellow-humans instead of a lesser species or a fear-dominated power group. It would blur the lines of prejudice and responsibility, making us all accountable to each other, dependant on each other, right up the food chain (or watershed).
Would crime drop as commmunities close in around themselves to become mini-systems, care more and become increasingly accountable to each other as individuals?
The more I think about this random stuff, the deeper the implications go. Finance (money systems), travel, management of ecosystems and people groups. Agricultural issues - would we become seasonally-dependant once more, living on what grows in our area instead of importing nutrient-reduced GM crops? Would we be more careful with how we used our land, because we have a responsibility to our immediate community?
OK, before I go TOTALLY off on a tangent for the remainder of the day (what a pleasure that would be!), I'd better cut this short.
Unlikely scenario, but fun to think about...
I'm off to hand over my car this morning. It's time to get the door locks fixed, once and for all, so that we can actually lock the thing AND get back in later.
Unfortunately, thanks to a flat tyre on Monday, that's not where my car-related day is gonna end... I have the spare on, but need to fix or replace the flat and get the spare balanced (I keep wondering if the guys that helped me change it tightened the bolts sufficiently, or if it's going to come off while I'm driving!).
With everything that went wrong with the car this week, I've been wondering how on earth I can replace it. Unlike certain countries (USA, Australia), cars aren't cheap here. I hate getting into debt, and I'm not sure my salary is sufficient to warrent a decent car-loan anyway.
It's not that I don't like my car. It goes well, it's comfortable, but it's old - a 1982 model. Granted, I don't have finnicky microchips and electronics that can break. It's all solid, manual-working gadgetry inside and out.
But it can't go on forever. One of these days I'll need a new one. Especially if I have to start commuting to work or getting my son to another school every day.
I feel really financially stuck right now. There are many things that I not only want to do, but NEED to do - and I simply can't, thanks to cash-strapped-ness. Getting my business going so I can make cash is requiring cash, a bit of a vicious circle.
I hate living like this. I wish I could either win the lotto or find a way to make ends meet, quickly.
But for today, it's gonna be hand out more cash and sort out the car. Again.
::update::
A mere one hour later, and the locks were fixed - at half the cost I expected! If I'd known it was that quick and cheap, I would have done it years ago....
Precisely 2 months from this day, I will have another of those inevitable birthdays. And as uninclined as I was last year to celebrate, I suspect I'm even less inclined to do so this year!
Perhaps the old folk are right - after 30 you just stop remembering your birthdays and/or celebrating them.
But then there's the issue of prezzies and an excuse to make good food and have friends around...
I'm known for my son's fantastic, imaginative parties every year. His social standing goes up a few notches (briefly) in June as the boys rave about what we did this year.
But when it comes to me and my birthday, I somehow lose focus and can't think of a thing I'd like to do. I did a Chinese braai (stirfry over the fire) one year that went down well. I had a bunch of people around for snacky type food and a lay-on-the-lawn-and-chat the next year. And then last year I didn't do a blessed thing. Brothers insisted on coming by to wish me, so I baked a cake for them to eat. One or two friends dropped in too, which was nice. But I wasn't in a celebratory mood.
I guess it stems from my lack of confidence as a party-thrower. You're more likely to find me in the kitchen sorting out food or washing dishes, looking after the kids or out in the yard at parties - which is a bad place to be if you're the hostess, and not a very good place to be anyway if you're the guest. I over-cater, then don't eat a thing I've made, rather feeding others and worrying over details than stuffing my face. I'm not the life of the party, and I've never been too great at fun, adult events. I grew up sorta partyless (parties being equated with drunken behaviour and loud music), never really knowing how a "good" party looks (without the booze and inappropriate behaviour). I'm a bit fed-up with our living space too, so don't enjoy having folk over - there's not enough room to really do something good, hang out in a decent-sized yard or even find space for a dining table.
So what to do - do I just forgo the entire thing like I did last year? Do I have the rellies over for eat-till-you-explode good food again? Do I actually plan something? Dunno.
Hey, after all it's just another day on the calendar. And I've been around long enough to know I'm nothing spectacular. May just let it slide again. It certainly would be cheaper than throwing a do! :)
I've got an appointment with the acting megaboss (the real megaboss is in Brazil doing promotion). It's about time we had a cause, and I'm about to suggest one!
You see, CANSA is having a Shavathon again this year, raising money for research and treatment and support of cancer patients. Last year they raised R5,7 million - this year they want to make it R8 million. And, as my mother is a cancer sufferer with a not-very-good prognosis for the future, I reckon this is one cause I should be putting all I can into.
I was going to go it alone, try raise sponsors to shave my head on 4 November. Yes, you read that right. SHAVE MY HEAD. With longish hair (heading half-way down my back), it's a big step. The alternative is to have it colour-sprayed green, but that's hardly dramatic enough to raise significant sponsorship/donations, now is it? Besides, the idea of getting rid of it all and starting from scratch has been rather appealing lately. I'm tired of being "normal" and "expected" and unhappy with my hair.
So this morning I checked out the Shavathon site to see what's involved. And noticed that you can do a corporate thing, at the same time entering a Guiness World Record attempt!
Well, we don't have enough causes around here. Every week the newspaper is filled with OTHER folk doing things, but we're never there. So I thought that perhaps we can take this one up, make it a corporate event, include the high school and primary school on campus, and go for it! We have around 500 people on campus - I'm sure some of those, if not a great majority, will be willing to try it.
So now I've got a meeting with the acting megaboss, to put it to him and see if he will do something about it.
If he won't, I will most definitely do it myself anyway. This is the year not only for change, but for making a difference. And I aim to. I might even challenge you guys to join me or donate! Watch this space!!!
Now if only I can convince my son that shaving my head is a good thing....
::update::
Saw the boss, got a tentative OK, and spoke to the primary school. But then the issue of initial funds has come up - we need to pay certain things in advance - and that seems to have put a bit of a spanner in the works. As it would... Still working on it, and trying to get a few answers from the CANSA folk that aren't given on-site. Seems it's slightly more complicated than one would imagine to do this!
Usually IOL's new ideas page comes up with some pretty cool stuff. Handy goodies and inventions made to make our lives a whole lot easier.
Until today. Until this.
Granted, it could be a useful item, and someone struggling with their sunbathing towel, the angle of the sun and trying to change on the beach will find it handy.
But I think the picture scared me off. Hairy bloke in dress alert! Even his legs have stubble...
I've got a mini-committee room next door to my office. Unfortunately the walls are of the "two layers of cardboard on a metal frame" variety, which means it takes all my willpower not to get up and veto any decisions made next door. Generally, I simply turn up my music and hope it's to their taste.
Today, however, they're soundproofing the place.
They arrived early in the morning bearing who-knows-what and started drilling/unscrewing various objects next door. I popped in to see what they were up to and happened to mention that the 50-odd bags of mica soundproofing removed during renovations 3 years ago would work very well in this situation.
Next thing I know - they're doing it! They dragged over a couple of bags of the stuff (at left - who knew they still had it!), cut a few holes at ceiling level (one must endure initial noise and desk vibration for the greater cause), and now there's the joyous sound of mica granules pouring down between the walls. Thank goodness it's a light substance, or we'd have another Jericho* experience! It sounds a bit like a rather heavy downpour....
It remains to be seen how effective this will be, but I can't see a problem if they also block up the 5cm gap at the top of the walls and then request our adjoining window to be closed on meeting next door.
I'm just amazed they actually listened to me. Sometimes it takes a blonde...
*When they first started building with styrofoam blocks (which are then filled with cement), they got a retaining wall of the stuff up where new housing was needed. Unfortunately, they forgot to wait until the cement inside dried before filling in the back - the weight of the back-fill collapsed the entire wall and they had to re-do it! I had a hard time not laughing too loudly.
When last did you take a really deep breath while walking outside - other than panting up a hill? :) Modern humanity has become a shallow-breathing, stooped-back shell of its former self, fear of allergies and pollution preventing a rush of deep-drawn air into our half-used lungs...
I walk past this tree every day to and from work. It's been the last of the plums to flower, but it's making up for it! Every branch is a mass of white blooms. Usually I just rush past, intent on getting to/from wherever I'm going, puffing up the hill or descending it quickly. This morning I took a deep breath - and caught the whiff of Spring.
Faintly sweet, buzzing with bees, white against green of grass and blue of sky.
Just a whiff.
But have you ever walked past a plum tree in bloom at night? That's when the magnificent smells of Spring flowers really come alive!
Late Friday night we took the dogs for a quick run around the block, and noticed the air hung heavy with fragrance, tantalizing smells that don't show up in the day's heat. Amazing.
Scents and emotions often go hand in hand. I still feel ill when I smell the car fumes that made me horribly morning-sick while pregnant. As does my boss's cologne (I've taken to keeping a can of air-freshener in my desk for when he leaves the office) - a throw-back to a boyfriend's from the same period of time.
The aroma of fresh-cut grass brings images of summer. Just-baked bread conjures up warm, fuzzy feelings of snuggling in with comfort food. Crushed tomato plants, stepped-on snails, the smell of the neighbour's fire-cooked meat - all call up memories, flashing images, still-lifes and yearnings.
Smells and colours sometimes end up in a mixed-oil palette in our heads. What does purple smell like to you - a bunch of grapes still warm from the sun perhaps? And white? Blue? Gold? Are there tastes and sounds mixed in with the feel, the colour and the smell?
How seldom we stop and notice them in the hurry of our lives.
Right now the smells of Spring are all around - or perhaps in your part of the world it's Autumn.
We just have to remember to breathe deeply enough to capture them.
I've been coming dead up against a wall lately while trying to absorb spiritual stuff. Specifically the spiritual stuff written by well-known authors.
The basics I can understand. I get doing good, and bringing a taste of the Kingdom to those around you, and caring for creation, and rethinking all people as God's children. I can do those. They make sense to me and they're easy to put into practice.
But then I hit terms like "mysticism" and "orthodoxy" and "evangelical" and "incarnational" and others that a lot of folk seem to know a lot about. And suddenly it's like my brain has gotten swaddled in sound-proofing. Whatever's being said with the long words doesn't penetrate or make sense, or even get a nod of understanding.
I've just finished re-reading Brian McLaren's "A Generous Orthodoxy", this time slowly, over weeks, and not in bed just before I sleep. I thought I'd be able to better understand the more complicated stuff - although, to his credit, he's done as much talking down to us simple folk as is academically possible. Yet I still get the little stuff and can't make sense of the big things.
Same thing happened when I finally finished off his "The Last Word & The Word After That", concluding a couple of month's break to rethink what I thought I knew. And, contrary to developing, expanding or confirming what I believed about the Big Issues, all I came away with was a longing for the kind of friendship group he ends the book with - spiritual mentors and folk who can take you further on the journey, challenge you, or bear you up when you start questioning everything.
I have similar trouble with theological (or computer-related!) blogs or articles written by people who Know Stuff. Can't get the head around it and end up totally frustrated. I WANT to know what they're saying, but it's not getting through.
(I wonder if those couple of days of excessive drinking in my Wild Past actually did put paid to the last understand-this brain cells I possessed....? I wonder if I'm not eating enough veggies or drinking enough water to make the brain function efficiently? I wonder if, instead of using up to 10% of my brain, I've only been delegated 2% to work with?)
Allow me to show you a body part, although it is not HNT:
This, dear bloggers, is what happens when
1. Your car door locks have never worked, and you've relied on unlocking via the boot (trunk, if you live in an elephant-less country) with a long piece of rebar with a hooked end to reach the back door opening devices. (We like to call it our Hooker...)
2. The boot lock gives up working too, so you are now left either locked-out, or having to leave one of the back doors permanently unlocked (in a society that values car-theives) in order to access the interior.
3. You decide to get it fixed, but discover that it will take a few hundred bucks just to strip and look at. Nevermind fix.
4. So you go home and strip the doors down yourself to find the problem, in the process having to stick your hand up the interior of a few rather sharp pieces of metal to reach various bits and pieces. Not to speak of the spiders who have taken up residence in its dark recesses, the one essential screw whose head is stripped (necessitating manual removal with a pliers), and the various "interesting" things you find inside.
5. Thus bruising your arm. The "cut" stripes from the sharper bits have faded this morning though, or it would be a whole lot less of a pretty picture! :)
And no, the locks are still not fixed. After stripping the entire mechanism, both doors, it seems that it's an Actual Lock problem, and not an issue with any of the wires, bars or springs that make it work. I will be phoning my local Ford dealer later to see what replacing everything's gonna cost...
At least I got ONE thing right though. I successfully replaced a front light bulb that wasn't working, figuring out how as I went along.
Not bad for a blonde.
::update::
Seems it's not over yet. There's a funny rattling in the driver's side door, just noticed, which means I get to take the whole thing apart again! But while I'm at it, am going to try get a full set of 2nd-hand locks (all 3 of them) and put them in while the door's in pieces. Only hope I don't make things worse.
I've just registered a domain name for my business. You may think this is the "wrong end of the stick" when starting out, that I should rather have all my products lined up and be selling them before I get a website, but that's just how I'm going about things.
I want to make sure that along with each product, I have a website that lists the other things available, more info on what the business is all about etc. So first comes my domain name (and website, currently being worked on), which I can put on any business cards, product labels - heck, even my car! Though I'm not sure I'd want to advertise my business on my current, rather crummy car... :) It wouldn't exactly give the best impression of what it's all about!!!
So this is a start in the right direction. And a seemingly big step too, as it's cost me money to register, which now requires a committment to getting the darned thing finally off the ground. No more waffling around, no more humming and hawing, and hoping something else will come up that will take the pressure off me to get my thing going. It's a toe in the pool and I'm getting ready to dive right in.
Within 6 months I hope to have it running smoothly enough to be self-supporting, or as near to it as I can get. That means I'll have to hang around my current job for a little while longer, but with a goal in mind and something to work toward I'll be able to handle it better.
Wish me luck!
I think I've developed a case of Celebrity Crush. Not the I'll-stalk-you-until-you-marry-me variety, but the wow-what-an-actor kind.
Object of said crush? Nicholas Cage.
Now he may not be the best-looking dude, and I don't think I've ever drooled over his physique. He DOES have rather piercing eyes and I guess he's basically agreeable to look at. Movie hunk? Nah, not really.
And yet the boy can ACT!
Take Face/Off for example, where he easily switches between good guy / bad guy and back again. Awesome stuff. And City of Angels - a darned fine impression of a black-clothed angel. Snake Eyes - manic, slightly-dirty cop. And my current addiction, Gone in 60 Seconds (which my son absolutely loves too!) - the good guy reluctantly going bad (and enjoying the hell out of the trip). National Treasure - he did well there too. And he's done so many movies that I could go on and on and on.
Yup, I think I gotta crush.
A fine example of literal translation!
Nope, not another best-selling series. And I'm NOT about to go buy any Purpose-driven underwear, a Purpose-driven car, or any other Purpose-driven whatevers!
It's just that there's a bit of light in the tunnel (and not just at the end) today, and I have a couple of good things to work towards. That's always energy-producing, especially if they're things you like doing, and perhaps don't have much to do with Actual Work.
Things like registering my business's domain name and starting the website. Finding a good hosting service, investigating the how's of e-commerce to get the nitty-gritty right, and getting back to my Kenyan friend who has a lot of good contacts for the free-trade, organic, shade-grown coffee I plan to offer for sale soon...! :)
Then there's my newly-arrived Flash book that I need to open up and start learning from. Can't wait to get that stuff into my head!
And my Actual Work (which mostly I enjoy) has a few items needing attention, which I'll get to shortly.
It helps that the sun in shining, the south-easter tossing whitecaps on the sea has yet to reach here, birdlife is everywhere and spring is bursting from the plum trees. Very often the weather influences my outlook. Coffee in early-morning breezeless sunshine just somehow starts the day off on a good note.
So onwards to my Purpose-driven day! Here's to accomplishing good things.
Well, the appointment with the boss has been and gone, and I still have a job. Seriously, that's how dramatically worst-case-scenario things got in my head. I deserve to be locked up in a padded cell.
Most of it had to do with involving me in various committees, developing new policies and checking on my decision not to take another house on campus. But yes, I did get moaned at for taking leave instead of attending a group session, and for not informing him of the why's. He knows now though a mere droplet of the fact that I'm hanging on my by fingernails to my sanity. And fortunately was reasonably understanding.
I was wondering last night what it is that has previously kept me back from the edge of that Dark Place, and what is doing so now. And it's my son. If I give in to the delicious oblivion of descending night and let myself lose it, there will be no-one else there for him. He does NOT need a fallen-to-pieces mom, but one that can help him deal with his own problems at school and as the teen years approach. And that is truly the only thing making me push through.
But it's not the ideal situation. I'm so stressed out and beaten down that he's not getting all of my attention, love or security. He's getting the bare minimum I can manage. This is where single parenting sucks. Well, this and when you're so sick you can't stand up, yet you still have to function normally in making meals, getting the kid off to school etc. The phrase "you've made your bed, you lie in it" comes to mind. I guess it IS a choice I made, not to give him up but to raise him on my own. And I have to deal with it, come hell or high water. Most days it's great. Some days just suck. I guess they would for double-parents, single folk, and anyone else, regardless.
Anyway, I seem to be functioning a bit better today. Psalm 62 hit the nail on the head last night and reworked my spiritual focus. In all this I seem to have lost sight of God... I've also lost the ability to have a good cry to ease the internal pressure.
Oh, and here's something strange - although I hate being stuck in commute-world, I found the rush-hour traffic on Monday while picking up my son much less stressful than the working hours. Bad drivers, overheating engines, near-accidents and all! Too weird.
I had all sorts of good things to say today. Stuff I've been wanting to say since the weekend. But it's all gone, erased in the time it took for my boss's secretary to call me to make an appointment for tomorrow. Unfortunately she had no idea what he wants to see me for. And therein lies the problem!
I don't know why I'm anticipating a tongue-lashing. It seems to be the thought-process norm with me these days, and only serves to add to my "anticipation" stress each day. I arrive here expecting someone to moan at me - for what, I have no idea. (I should be praised for what I've recently accomplished instead, which is a hell of a lot, under extreme pressure)
I think it stems from a feeling of being far from fitting in around here lately, and wanting out. I don't want to conform to the norm, I don't want to put up with the norm, I don't want to BE the norm. So I expect to be raked over the coals for being different, every single day.
It has yet to actually happen, but as they say the anticipation of pain is worse than the pain itself.
Already I find myself having arguments with people in my head - pondering what they might say and what I'd respond. Trouble is, I go completely blank if someone actually says something to me - all that practising ends up nul and void. Oh joy.
So, yet again in the stress of the Continuing Week from Hell, sorry - the blog posts are either not going to happen, or they may not make much sense. I hope to be back to semi-normal later. But anything's possible.
The maintenance guys here have been renovating the college hall's exterior for the past few weeks. We've watched as they shift their scaffolding around the building, and feared for their lives as they all hung out on the SAME side of the scaffolding 4 stories up while painting - I hope that structure is not only balanced, but securely so!
They're nearly done, and it's just struck me that they've missed something (besides two spots still awaiting paint up near the roof).
There were a few damp patches on the walls thanks to leaking gutter systems. These, of course, developed a nice pattern of algae/mildew all the way down the building, so they scraped the plaster off, re-did it and painted it. They painted the gutters too. But I don't think anyone has actually FIXED the gutters! Nor cleaned them out...
What the...?
Within a couple of months, good rain willing, those ugly damp spots are going to start reappearing!
They did something similar on a house too. The roof was leaking, staining the ceiling boards inside. So of course they FIRST fixed the ceiling boards, then fixed the roof. While they were still hammering on supports for the new roof (they simply put it on over the old one), it rained heavily and work was halted for a few weeks. Undoing all their ceiling work inside...
Sometimes I wonder if there's a box at our security gate wherein all those who enter the grounds throw their logical thinking. I've seen evidence that it could be true, and not just in the maintenance department. It seems to run across the board of departments, industries, offices and institutions here.
Very, very strange.
Of course, I'm COMPLETELY immune to the syndrome! :)
It's just after 6pm - actually more like 6:30, and here I sit at work again.
It's been a continuation of last week's Week From Hell today. Just never seems to end! If I had only one function it would be fine, but suddenly I'm the expert on matters Printing and Computing and Advertising, even Translating!
In between all that, my son's first art lesson required a half-hour commute either way, the second time through rush-hour traffic. And I learnt what happens when you end up in the wrong lane at a single intersection and have to take the long way around through all the other traffic trying to find shortcuts... At least I've learnt my lesson on that one.
Just as we got home, the megaboss called. The thing I'd completed as I left needed to be emailed to him too for printing elsewhere and in another format, so I had to traipse down the hill to do just that and see the printer bloke (a relative of the megaboss) to make sure everything was OK. Sometimes living and working within metres of each other can be a pain in the rear end!
In the meantime the kid sits at home catching up on the afternoon's missed-but-taped TV shows and pondering what it is he would like to eat for supper. His first art class was not a raging success, but not a dismal failure either. Being on the shy side, he's going to take some time to warm up to both the teachers and the other students. He'll also need to learn how things happen there, and to speak up if he needs something or wants help. I felt a bit bad just dropping him in a strange environment and leaving, but that's how life happens.
And so the sun sets, I am ready to collapse (that for-massage-only-and-then-you-can-leave husband I blogged about a year back? I need him tonight...:) ), but I have to plod back up the hill home.
Perhaps THEN this working day will finally end.
Just my luck that on a day when I finally have something/s to say, I end up so dizzy (for no apparent reason) that I can barely see straight!
Back when the room stops spinning.....
I'm really bad a Spiritual Disciplines - those things you do regularly, repeatedly, which help you connect to God. I don't seem to recall any being taught to us growing up. We got the usual "prayer & Bible study" stuff, but never really anything else.
Which is perhaps why I find them both fascinating and frustration. Fascinating, in that I think I'd like to have some kind of routine discipline to help me keep focussed. Frustrating, because I mostly don't know where to begin.
And then I saw this at Rachelle's blog, and COMPLETELY stole the idea for our God-time this weekend! (Sorry Rachelle... :) ) She comes up with the most awesome stuff and inspires me regularly. The Prayer Chain her daughter made is only one example that she's passed on some good stuff to them too.
So during our shopping on Friday, my son and I chose beads and then on Sabbath spent time making our own Prayer Chains and learning the prayer that accompanies them.
Which got me thinking about a whole pile of other prayers that I could make chains for. If you write out the prayers and put them in a locket at the end, you could keep them handy until they're in your brain! Prayers like "God be in my head, and in my understanding...", or the Lord's Prayer (which, to my horror, my son says he doesn't know. Bad, bad parent!), or the Serenity Prayer - appropriate for this particular blog.
Beads being as pricey as they are, we won't get around to them all at once, but I may give it a shot. I've got my Prayer Chain here, and although it has yet to garner a vocal reaction, I've seen people eyeing it. They're probably thinking "rosary" and "what's she up to THIS time?"... :)
Here are the chains we made. The colourful one is my son's (with a rather pricey stained-glass cross on the end), mine is the purple and gold/silver one. 
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