In addition to my full-time day job, my sideline is suddenly taking off like nobody's business. Every night after work (and my quick walk), I dive into the kitchen and cook for a few hours to fill orders for cake, granola, chocolate brownies, savory snacks. No, I'm not complaining (though I may when the electricity bill arrives) - it's helped enormously in the past month to keep us going. And given me hope that I can actually make enough out of food and wooden toys to be able to go solo one day.
But all this cooking has got me thinking. I operate out of a tiny kitchen, with a single small electric oven/stove (well, your normal household size one). I use the average housewife-size mixers and bowls. But I should really be investing in an industrial-size mixer and a catering-size gas oven! I need storage room and stacking room too.
I just don't know where I'd put everything - unless I went uphill and converted my garage into a fully-fledged kitchen. Which would be great! But would it work? I'd have to cover the one wall shared with the neighbours (pure chicken wire between wood posts at the moment), put in a decent ceiling, and redo the lighting. It would mean a much bigger space to work, but also an initial cash injection to get going. And as I'm renting, I have to wonder if it's worth the effort/time. Of course, I could take everything with me when I move (not IF anymore), re-using or transferring all my stuff elsewhere. And if I were to use cheap chipboard or plywood... Hmmm, I wonder!
But until I can do that, the house looks like a chef-gone-wild nearly every night, with cakes and baked goodies stacked not only in the kitchen, but on the chest freezer, fridge, tables, in the bedroom and on the piano!
As I said, I'm not complaining - it's just a heck of a lot of work some days. And if the saying in the header is true, I must be wicked indeed! :)
Start the day with a smile
Hot on the heels of last night's belly laugh come two funnies, just for you:
* The De Walt Code (the South African version of the Da Vinci Code), via Aquila.
* Door-to-door spam (only in Australia!), over at Backyardmissionary Hamo.
* The De Walt Code (the South African version of the Da Vinci Code), via Aquila.
* Door-to-door spam (only in Australia!), over at Backyardmissionary Hamo.
Heart Attack!
I nearly had a heart attack just now!
I've taken to doing a fast walk (about 2km) after work each day, and today decided to walk to the local graveyard and back (where my mom is buried). You may remember I've determined to capture a "ghost" with my digital camera - as that seems to be the medium (scuse the pun) they show up in the most. And haven't had any luck yet.
So I'm standing in the graveyard, and remember that all the ghost hunting sites say you're supposed to "give them permission" so they'll show themselves on film. Well, I'm willing to try anything once, so under my breath I say "come out, come out, wherever you are", so softly that I can't even hear it - but I hope them ghosts would.
And suddenly, from behind the tree next to me, is this huge throat-clearing coughing sound!
I nearly fell over the gravestone with fright!!!
After I'd picked up my nerves, I walked forward - and there, on a wall behind the tree (adjoining a house next door) is a guy sitting plastering the wall. It was him!
So now I can't stop laughing. I seriously nearly collapsed! :)
But I'll get my ghost - and hopefully not die in the attempt.
::update::
Well, the photos are downloaded - and still no ghost! But I managed to capture my "real" ghost on film - here he is on the wall in the background.
I've taken to doing a fast walk (about 2km) after work each day, and today decided to walk to the local graveyard and back (where my mom is buried). You may remember I've determined to capture a "ghost" with my digital camera - as that seems to be the medium (scuse the pun) they show up in the most. And haven't had any luck yet.
So I'm standing in the graveyard, and remember that all the ghost hunting sites say you're supposed to "give them permission" so they'll show themselves on film. Well, I'm willing to try anything once, so under my breath I say "come out, come out, wherever you are", so softly that I can't even hear it - but I hope them ghosts would.
And suddenly, from behind the tree next to me, is this huge throat-clearing coughing sound!
I nearly fell over the gravestone with fright!!!
After I'd picked up my nerves, I walked forward - and there, on a wall behind the tree (adjoining a house next door) is a guy sitting plastering the wall. It was him!
So now I can't stop laughing. I seriously nearly collapsed! :)
But I'll get my ghost - and hopefully not die in the attempt.
::update::
Well, the photos are downloaded - and still no ghost! But I managed to capture my "real" ghost on film - here he is on the wall in the background.
Becoming
I've been on a bit of a journey recently, toward becoming the Woman I feel I've lost. Over the past 10 years or so, I've often felt as if I've let go of myself, lost touch with who I am, and especially who I am as a woman.
It's like I've become just another dot in the species, another human plodding the life/death journey, with nothing remarkable or beautiful about me or the road I travel.
But it's all busy changing. I've been delving into texts and ideas and explorations of Woman, of Goddess. Taking back my power as a unique member of the human race, and setting my feet on a path to deep-seated contentment.
Much of this involves discovering where my future needs to be, how to manage my work and home, how to find my true potential.
I recently picked up two back issues of the Australian magazine Notebook (love the print issue layout!). I hadn't seen the magazine before, but found a wealth of info between its covers.
This morning (while occupying the Great White Throne next to which a pile of magazines resides for my perusal), I read part of an article on working and mothering. One woman had used a 4-block plan to plot direction, which I found completely inspiring. The basics (as far as I can remember) are:
In addition to finding direction, I'm working on the Goddess thing. In other words, reclaiming my power as a woman. Again, I'm turning to reading matter, and found a completely inspirational book (now on order!) that goes into the historical concept of Goddess/Seductress. A concept that has been muddied and obscured through time, religion and society, to the point where it's no longer empowering.
It's a complicated matter, this Becoming thing. But one that is both eye-opening and inspiring. It's a journey that I've come to relish each day, as new opportunities and ideas present themselves, and I start to slowly discover the me hidden under layers and layers of not-me.
It's like I've become just another dot in the species, another human plodding the life/death journey, with nothing remarkable or beautiful about me or the road I travel.
But it's all busy changing. I've been delving into texts and ideas and explorations of Woman, of Goddess. Taking back my power as a unique member of the human race, and setting my feet on a path to deep-seated contentment.
Much of this involves discovering where my future needs to be, how to manage my work and home, how to find my true potential.
I recently picked up two back issues of the Australian magazine Notebook (love the print issue layout!). I hadn't seen the magazine before, but found a wealth of info between its covers.
This morning (while occupying the Great White Throne next to which a pile of magazines resides for my perusal), I read part of an article on working and mothering. One woman had used a 4-block plan to plot direction, which I found completely inspiring. The basics (as far as I can remember) are:
Divide a page into four blocks. In block 1 write "things I enjoy doing and am good at". In block 2 write down "things I enjoy doing but am not good at". In block 3 write "things I don't enjoy doing but am good at". And in block 4 write "things I don't enjoy doing and am not good at".Which makes a lot of sense to me!
Draw a line through block 4 - you don't want to do those things. Then draw a line through block 3 - life is too short to do things you don't enjoy. Draw a line through block 1 - these are things you've already accomplished. The items you've written in block 2 are the way forward - challenging, enjoyable, and afford an opportunity for growth.
In addition to finding direction, I'm working on the Goddess thing. In other words, reclaiming my power as a woman. Again, I'm turning to reading matter, and found a completely inspirational book (now on order!) that goes into the historical concept of Goddess/Seductress. A concept that has been muddied and obscured through time, religion and society, to the point where it's no longer empowering.
It's a complicated matter, this Becoming thing. But one that is both eye-opening and inspiring. It's a journey that I've come to relish each day, as new opportunities and ideas present themselves, and I start to slowly discover the me hidden under layers and layers of not-me.
Hunger in the Bones
We were required to pack up and trek yesterday - all the way to the foreign land of Cape Town (which does require some planning, and packing, and doing to get there, us being the Country Cousins). It was my nephew's 2nd birthday party, and boy, did we party! There's nothing like an over-catered feast, a hint of warm sunshine after days of cold, and a get-together with maniac family & friends for a good time.
But on the way there, we hit traffic (no, not literally, silly!). Snaking through the Mother City we found ourselves stopped at the traffic lights leading to our world famous Waterfront. The place of shopping malls and history, the launching point for catamarans to Robben Island, the home of berthed rich-folk yachts, and ending point for any journey from Cairo to the Cape.
Which is what we found sitting next to us at the red light. Three vehicles of foreign registration-plate, lead driver consulting a city map, dust covering them from top to bottom, stickers from places far, wide and exotic, and every essential piece of equipment for the Modern Traveller strapped onto and into their off-road high-wheeled goodness. Turning off in convoy to end an epic journey in style.
And I started to drool. To feel that hunger in the bones that my daydream of a trip through Africa first initiated. A jealousy and to-hell-with-life breath of new air that says "Hey, what happened to our Big Plan?"!
Those itchy feet started up again. The urge to travel and explore and see the middle of nowhere. To spend a day crossing a river with difficulty and digging your car from the mud, to camp out with the only light from stars and fire. Damn. I still want it so much I can taste it.
Life, however, took over in the year since I got all excited (and started yet another petered-out blog). My son's application for the local high school has been submitted. My business plans are falling into place. I'm looking for a fixed address in the area for next year... All the usual, expected, mundane life stuff. Damn again.
While my son and I were ogling the adventurers, I asked "what if we did that instead next year?". And the boy, the horribly unadventurous turned-into-a-technology-geek boy said, "But what about The Hub*?" and "Would we have to move?"! Damn a third time. The kid has become a couch potato! A rut-dweller! Which is probably more than a little my fault, as I keep bringing on the computers, the games, the internet wonders.
Yet my itchy feet persist. My visions of what can be go on. My desire for adventure and exploration will never fade. Nor the hunger in my bones...
So I'm thinking options. A friend from the USA daydreams of a bike trip through Africa, a whole lot of us together, with supporting Landrovers. Perhaps we should pool our dreams?
* "The Hub" is a local computer network between users in this community. Chat and all that are pretty addictive, as is a constant internet access line...
But on the way there, we hit traffic (no, not literally, silly!). Snaking through the Mother City we found ourselves stopped at the traffic lights leading to our world famous Waterfront. The place of shopping malls and history, the launching point for catamarans to Robben Island, the home of berthed rich-folk yachts, and ending point for any journey from Cairo to the Cape.
Which is what we found sitting next to us at the red light. Three vehicles of foreign registration-plate, lead driver consulting a city map, dust covering them from top to bottom, stickers from places far, wide and exotic, and every essential piece of equipment for the Modern Traveller strapped onto and into their off-road high-wheeled goodness. Turning off in convoy to end an epic journey in style.
And I started to drool. To feel that hunger in the bones that my daydream of a trip through Africa first initiated. A jealousy and to-hell-with-life breath of new air that says "Hey, what happened to our Big Plan?"!Those itchy feet started up again. The urge to travel and explore and see the middle of nowhere. To spend a day crossing a river with difficulty and digging your car from the mud, to camp out with the only light from stars and fire. Damn. I still want it so much I can taste it.
Life, however, took over in the year since I got all excited (and started yet another petered-out blog). My son's application for the local high school has been submitted. My business plans are falling into place. I'm looking for a fixed address in the area for next year... All the usual, expected, mundane life stuff. Damn again.
While my son and I were ogling the adventurers, I asked "what if we did that instead next year?". And the boy, the horribly unadventurous turned-into-a-technology-geek boy said, "But what about The Hub*?" and "Would we have to move?"! Damn a third time. The kid has become a couch potato! A rut-dweller! Which is probably more than a little my fault, as I keep bringing on the computers, the games, the internet wonders.
Yet my itchy feet persist. My visions of what can be go on. My desire for adventure and exploration will never fade. Nor the hunger in my bones...
So I'm thinking options. A friend from the USA daydreams of a bike trip through Africa, a whole lot of us together, with supporting Landrovers. Perhaps we should pool our dreams?
* "The Hub" is a local computer network between users in this community. Chat and all that are pretty addictive, as is a constant internet access line...
Coming out of the fog
It's been a tough few weeks here. I've had a situation to deal with that required me to keep my mouth shut - and as such, I had to internalize everything. Confidentiality required not a word, and where others involved chose to see professionals to work through the issues, I only had my dog to talk to! :) There was no way in hell to blog it, to get it off my chest - at any one of my many blogs.
Although I hadn't instigated anything, I'd found myself swept up as a bystander to become part of the problem. Without even knowing it. And it required a lot of working through.
Last week I had an epiphany. I finally managed to extricate myself from the situation, take a very big step back and set up boundaries. I got out of the "let me help you" mode, and decided that for my own survival I had to leave well alone. I can't solve the world's problems, and I'm not going to try. Those involved need to sort themselves out without my interferance. And I'm finally there this morning.
It feels like I'm coming out of the fog. My mind has cleared, I've got perspective, and my random ramblings here are likely to step up a bit. Yup, back to mindless drivel and posting whatever comes into this head of mine.
You have been warned! :)
Although I hadn't instigated anything, I'd found myself swept up as a bystander to become part of the problem. Without even knowing it. And it required a lot of working through.
Last week I had an epiphany. I finally managed to extricate myself from the situation, take a very big step back and set up boundaries. I got out of the "let me help you" mode, and decided that for my own survival I had to leave well alone. I can't solve the world's problems, and I'm not going to try. Those involved need to sort themselves out without my interferance. And I'm finally there this morning.
It feels like I'm coming out of the fog. My mind has cleared, I've got perspective, and my random ramblings here are likely to step up a bit. Yup, back to mindless drivel and posting whatever comes into this head of mine.
You have been warned! :)
Photoblog: Glare
I love the sun, I really do. It's been a few cold wet days. The warmth is greatly appreciated. But this is ridiculous!
Can you see anything on the screen? Me neither...
Torn between enjoying the sun and closing the blinds so I don't add to the already-present premature wrinkles around my eyes.
Can you see anything on the screen? Me neither...
Torn between enjoying the sun and closing the blinds so I don't add to the already-present premature wrinkles around my eyes.
Frozen
I think winter's done something to my head. I can't find a blessed thing to say these days. It's been icy-cold outside, with snow on the mountains near here and rain pouring down constantly. Fortunately, the promised blackouts have stayed away - and we've been able to employ our trusty heaters and microwaves to stay warm. Nope, no central heating here... And today, we see the sun at last.
At this time of year I always feel sorry for the homeless folk, and those in flimsy sheet-metal shacks. If the penetrating cold gets to me, who is well-fed and sheltered, I can only imagine how terrible it must be for them.
I often wish I had a big house, where I could offer winter accommodation to those who needed it - a few extra rooms built on, just for those who need shelter. I know it's probably not "safe" in this day and age to simply invite strangers to share your house, but I would like to be able to, nonetheless.
There's only so much a soup kitchen or blanket hand-out can do. I think in the back of my mind, I've had this idea that perhaps I can make more of a difference. A long time ago I mentioned that if I won the lotto I'd like to give just one person the means to change their life totally. But without winning the lotto, perhaps there's still much I can do in a tangible manner to help out those who don't have what I have.
So, as my toes slowly freeze today - that's where my thoughts are.
At this time of year I always feel sorry for the homeless folk, and those in flimsy sheet-metal shacks. If the penetrating cold gets to me, who is well-fed and sheltered, I can only imagine how terrible it must be for them.
I often wish I had a big house, where I could offer winter accommodation to those who needed it - a few extra rooms built on, just for those who need shelter. I know it's probably not "safe" in this day and age to simply invite strangers to share your house, but I would like to be able to, nonetheless.
There's only so much a soup kitchen or blanket hand-out can do. I think in the back of my mind, I've had this idea that perhaps I can make more of a difference. A long time ago I mentioned that if I won the lotto I'd like to give just one person the means to change their life totally. But without winning the lotto, perhaps there's still much I can do in a tangible manner to help out those who don't have what I have.
So, as my toes slowly freeze today - that's where my thoughts are.
Photoblog
I poked my nose out the front door briefly on Saturday morning to take this shot. Hell, it's cold out there lately!
Rumour has it our power will go off at 5... thank goodness it's not a good TV night. We'll have to huddle under our blankets and read by candlelight instead.
::update::
Municipality says the power will be off from 8-10:30 tonight. Which means it's probably going off at 5... :)
Rethinking
It's been a bit of a weekend, one where my head felt full of cobwebs and viruses - literal and figurative. My brain was in such a mess that I even dreamt about Chitty! :)
And then, as the clouds started to clear out this morning, I found myself doing some thinking about the future again.
It's a fact that I'll need to make a move from this job and this life around the end of the year if I'm to survive financially, emotionally and spiritually. That leaves me with about 7 months to come up with a definitive plan of action, and enough of a headstart to make it happen.
I was planning on taking the extra month I was due in June/July to start my business and launch it toward profitability - but have been asked to move that leave now to August/September, as it interferes with too many other folk being out of office, and a couple of deadlines. That of course means there's less up-time available for making cash before the end of the year, if I only get started on business matters then! So I've got to take another look at my timetable, goals and plans.
I have to start putting in more time after hours to get things going, and spend less time lying around the house relaxing. Along with that, I'm also looking at all my other options.
In short, I'm thinking as far outside the box as I can manage when it comes to my future. I've said it before - I've got a chance that few have to do whatever I want with my/our life/lives. I don't have a spouse upon whose job we depend to go here or there (nor the extra salary, but nevermind that), I don't have any solid committments to anything anywhere. I can go anywhere or do anything, as long as I'm not scared to.
But I am scared to, in a way. I'm a logical as well as creative thinker - I weigh up things carefully, I like to have a crystal ball to tell me what will happen so I can plan accordingly now. Of course, the latter doesn't really work - but I like to make sure I don't veer off into disaster as much as possible. So there are some givens I need when looking at the future. I need a house, food and schooling for the kid. A yard for the dogs and space for me to create - especially if it's part of my income-earner.
And then one of the old dreams reared up today. There's a 650 ha piece of empty mountain land (with spring water) for sale near here, at a very small cost - well, it's not too small a cost, but you wouldn't get a shack in a back yard here for that amount. I've been chatting to a couple of friends about a sustainable community... What would it take for us to fund that place jointly and start it?
That takes care of house, and maybe food (we'd get growing..!), and if there's a teacher in the community, perhaps even schooling.
Now I don't want to go all isolated-treehugger-weirdo, but it's one of those out-of-the-box future options I can afford to look at.
There are others too - lines of work I never thought I'd be into, but which I can see myself freelancing for, and which have the potential to bring in a load of cash. If I can get up the courage to give them a go.
Anyway, all this thinking is starting to wear down my brain into little ball-bearing things that are simply rolling around creating static electricity. So let me hit "post" and submit this one to cyberspace as evidence of yet another step on this journey called life.
And then, as the clouds started to clear out this morning, I found myself doing some thinking about the future again.
It's a fact that I'll need to make a move from this job and this life around the end of the year if I'm to survive financially, emotionally and spiritually. That leaves me with about 7 months to come up with a definitive plan of action, and enough of a headstart to make it happen.
I was planning on taking the extra month I was due in June/July to start my business and launch it toward profitability - but have been asked to move that leave now to August/September, as it interferes with too many other folk being out of office, and a couple of deadlines. That of course means there's less up-time available for making cash before the end of the year, if I only get started on business matters then! So I've got to take another look at my timetable, goals and plans.
I have to start putting in more time after hours to get things going, and spend less time lying around the house relaxing. Along with that, I'm also looking at all my other options.
In short, I'm thinking as far outside the box as I can manage when it comes to my future. I've said it before - I've got a chance that few have to do whatever I want with my/our life/lives. I don't have a spouse upon whose job we depend to go here or there (nor the extra salary, but nevermind that), I don't have any solid committments to anything anywhere. I can go anywhere or do anything, as long as I'm not scared to.
But I am scared to, in a way. I'm a logical as well as creative thinker - I weigh up things carefully, I like to have a crystal ball to tell me what will happen so I can plan accordingly now. Of course, the latter doesn't really work - but I like to make sure I don't veer off into disaster as much as possible. So there are some givens I need when looking at the future. I need a house, food and schooling for the kid. A yard for the dogs and space for me to create - especially if it's part of my income-earner.
And then one of the old dreams reared up today. There's a 650 ha piece of empty mountain land (with spring water) for sale near here, at a very small cost - well, it's not too small a cost, but you wouldn't get a shack in a back yard here for that amount. I've been chatting to a couple of friends about a sustainable community... What would it take for us to fund that place jointly and start it?
That takes care of house, and maybe food (we'd get growing..!), and if there's a teacher in the community, perhaps even schooling.
Now I don't want to go all isolated-treehugger-weirdo, but it's one of those out-of-the-box future options I can afford to look at.
There are others too - lines of work I never thought I'd be into, but which I can see myself freelancing for, and which have the potential to bring in a load of cash. If I can get up the courage to give them a go.
Anyway, all this thinking is starting to wear down my brain into little ball-bearing things that are simply rolling around creating static electricity. So let me hit "post" and submit this one to cyberspace as evidence of yet another step on this journey called life.
"Home" sick
I just had a lengthy call from my dad. And suddenly I'm homesick for a place that's never been my home. I guess I enjoyed my stay in Australia (this time last year!) way too much. I just seemed to fit in so well there, to the culture, the lifestyle, the friendships. I loved the food, the places, the people. And it doesn't help that today is not one of those good days. It's a day when I want out of my life, my existance, my rut.
Instead of being where I am, I suddenly find myself wanting to shop at Hornsby mall (though our local one is better), to eat Kebabs at Manly Wharf (though we have a Spur lunch coming up), to go to church at dad's church (there's nothing here I can compare it to), to hang out with dad and our friends there, to wake up to the darn kookaburra outside, or the sounds of cockatoos overhead.
I miss it, though I was only there briefly.
Very strange, this feeling is....
Conspiracy Theories
For as long as I can remember I've been fascinated by conspiracy theories (here's one of my faves, though the site has deteriorated since my last visit - message board is better), the paranormal, the unknown, the ancient. Perhaps it's a legacy left from my formative years. Dad was an evangelist who used a lot of slide footage etc from ancient Egypt to talk about Biblical truths, and my crib during those meetings was the equipment box.. :)
This morning, of course, the big news is the release of two "videos" - more like stills from a security cam, but nevertheless - of the plane that apparently hit the Pentagon on 9/11. There's something to be said about viral internet there, as they're hosted on YouTube!
OK, I watched them, and did a back-and-forward, and still can't see any real plane. But I guess that's to be expected when shots are taken a second or so apart, and an object like a plane is moving quickly.
However, these videos are supposed to counter the conspiracy theories flying around the internet, a few of which are listed here.
Now I'm not one to go off half-cocked and believe anything and everything that's out there. But I do find it fascinating to hear two sides (or more!) to the story. I suspect that's carried over into my spiritual life too (see yesterday's entry on Evolving Theology!), now that I think about it.
What really happened? Perhaps the official version is right. Perhaps any one of the conspiracies has an element of truth too. Maybe it's a mix of both. Who's to know?
Whatever truth is "out there" (yup, I'm an X-Files fan too), I do enjoy a good investigation. Biased or not! :)
This morning, of course, the big news is the release of two "videos" - more like stills from a security cam, but nevertheless - of the plane that apparently hit the Pentagon on 9/11. There's something to be said about viral internet there, as they're hosted on YouTube!
OK, I watched them, and did a back-and-forward, and still can't see any real plane. But I guess that's to be expected when shots are taken a second or so apart, and an object like a plane is moving quickly.
However, these videos are supposed to counter the conspiracy theories flying around the internet, a few of which are listed here.
Now I'm not one to go off half-cocked and believe anything and everything that's out there. But I do find it fascinating to hear two sides (or more!) to the story. I suspect that's carried over into my spiritual life too (see yesterday's entry on Evolving Theology!), now that I think about it.
What really happened? Perhaps the official version is right. Perhaps any one of the conspiracies has an element of truth too. Maybe it's a mix of both. Who's to know?
Whatever truth is "out there" (yup, I'm an X-Files fan too), I do enjoy a good investigation. Biased or not! :)
An Evolving Theology
Was chatting to a friend yesterday, and got onto the subject of how his theology has changed as his views on some aspects of life change.
And I realized mine has too! Where I was a few years ago, I'm far away from today. What I would have considered awful, terrible, not at all Christian, today I accept as part of the God-child I am.
It's a journey, and I'm not terribly worried about the destination. Which probably sounds strange. It's just that I've changed from a "this is right, you are wrong" type into one far more accepting of the many views and perspectives present in this world. I find myself irritated at folk who are intolerant of others. I'm also finding it more and more difficult to conform to expectations that don't measure up to what I now believe.
I don't know yet how my theology will change - how it will grow and evolve, or fall away and die in places. But I don't have sleepless nights because of it. I'm willing to simply continue walking the path, discovering interesting new turns and vistas. It may run parallel to others, or it may take a wide swing into its own direction.
Wherever it goes, it's a fascinating ride.
And I realized mine has too! Where I was a few years ago, I'm far away from today. What I would have considered awful, terrible, not at all Christian, today I accept as part of the God-child I am.
It's a journey, and I'm not terribly worried about the destination. Which probably sounds strange. It's just that I've changed from a "this is right, you are wrong" type into one far more accepting of the many views and perspectives present in this world. I find myself irritated at folk who are intolerant of others. I'm also finding it more and more difficult to conform to expectations that don't measure up to what I now believe.
I don't know yet how my theology will change - how it will grow and evolve, or fall away and die in places. But I don't have sleepless nights because of it. I'm willing to simply continue walking the path, discovering interesting new turns and vistas. It may run parallel to others, or it may take a wide swing into its own direction.
Wherever it goes, it's a fascinating ride.
Time Out
I realized yesterday that I have a mere 3 weeks until my reward for 10 years of work here arrives. An entire month off.
And I still haven't decided what to do with it!
I'd love to travel a bit, but there's no cash to do so. Not even for a meagre road-trip. Being the middle of winter, camping is not the best option either.
I'd like to get a course of some sort under the belt - but what? And why should I use my extra leave up for that, when we have a "staff development programme" that will let me do it during working hours? :)
The other option is to get my business up and running - website, stock, advertising, labelling & logo etc. I think this is the one I'll be running with. Provided I can come up with the extra cash required to get things needed, like ingredients and equipment and printing costs and website hosting fees. I think I can manage that. And a long block of time (during which my son will be at school for most of it) will give me a chance to sit quietly, plan well, and work hard.
Leave? What leave? A working holiday - that's what!
(I also suspect I may be called in to work now and then to handle "emergencies"... but what can one do if not out of the country)
And I still haven't decided what to do with it!
I'd love to travel a bit, but there's no cash to do so. Not even for a meagre road-trip. Being the middle of winter, camping is not the best option either.
I'd like to get a course of some sort under the belt - but what? And why should I use my extra leave up for that, when we have a "staff development programme" that will let me do it during working hours? :)
The other option is to get my business up and running - website, stock, advertising, labelling & logo etc. I think this is the one I'll be running with. Provided I can come up with the extra cash required to get things needed, like ingredients and equipment and printing costs and website hosting fees. I think I can manage that. And a long block of time (during which my son will be at school for most of it) will give me a chance to sit quietly, plan well, and work hard.
Leave? What leave? A working holiday - that's what!
(I also suspect I may be called in to work now and then to handle "emergencies"... but what can one do if not out of the country)
Best Friends
A little while back, I was bemoaning my lack of close female friends here. Until this weekend.
I've had cause to ponder friendships lately, and did some mental digging into my past to find out just when last I had a close female friend. And to tell the truth, I've only had 3 in my entire life!
Terry in grade 1 or so, Laura-Anne in upper primary school, Liezel in high school, and Cathy 2 years ago.
The rest have all been GUYS. Yes, my best friends were guys.
I was a bit of a tomboy growing up. I was always out running with the boys, armed with a pocket knife and roll of rope on the handlebars of my 12-speed bike. I took great delight in being rough and tough (still do, to tell the truth), and showing any guy that I was equal to or better than they were. I still have the scars of bumps, knocks, falls and gouges to prove it.
Consequently I related better to the guys than the girls. And still do. As appealing as female company sometimes is, I find myself drawn into deeper friendships with guys, on a very different level to the girls.
Which of course comes with its own set of issues. Many women can't understand how I can form such a deep, platonic bond with a guy and not take things any further. I find myself battling those perceptions regularly - and not quite sure how to handle them. With more and more of my friends and age-group peers married (while I stay single, probably forever), it gets even MORE complicated! :) A lot of my friends have responsibilities to wives and children now. That takes priority over friendships with "outsiders", and requires a new set of relational rules.
I find myself talking to my guy friends about things I can't or won't discuss with the girls. I find a meeting of minds, if you will, a sharing of perspectives and experiences. Somehow my inner journey seems to have trod a different path than that of most women. (In fact, when I mentioned some of what's going on in my head to a sister-in-law yesterday, her jaw dropped... :) )
So it's a funny place I find myself at. Taking a good look at where I'm coming from, and where others are coming from. Trying to find a compromise and a bit of middle ground in the friendship scene without causing negative effects for others. Rather confusing, but I think I'll get there eventually.
I've had cause to ponder friendships lately, and did some mental digging into my past to find out just when last I had a close female friend. And to tell the truth, I've only had 3 in my entire life!
Terry in grade 1 or so, Laura-Anne in upper primary school, Liezel in high school, and Cathy 2 years ago.
The rest have all been GUYS. Yes, my best friends were guys.
I was a bit of a tomboy growing up. I was always out running with the boys, armed with a pocket knife and roll of rope on the handlebars of my 12-speed bike. I took great delight in being rough and tough (still do, to tell the truth), and showing any guy that I was equal to or better than they were. I still have the scars of bumps, knocks, falls and gouges to prove it.
Consequently I related better to the guys than the girls. And still do. As appealing as female company sometimes is, I find myself drawn into deeper friendships with guys, on a very different level to the girls.
Which of course comes with its own set of issues. Many women can't understand how I can form such a deep, platonic bond with a guy and not take things any further. I find myself battling those perceptions regularly - and not quite sure how to handle them. With more and more of my friends and age-group peers married (while I stay single, probably forever), it gets even MORE complicated! :) A lot of my friends have responsibilities to wives and children now. That takes priority over friendships with "outsiders", and requires a new set of relational rules.
I find myself talking to my guy friends about things I can't or won't discuss with the girls. I find a meeting of minds, if you will, a sharing of perspectives and experiences. Somehow my inner journey seems to have trod a different path than that of most women. (In fact, when I mentioned some of what's going on in my head to a sister-in-law yesterday, her jaw dropped... :) )
So it's a funny place I find myself at. Taking a good look at where I'm coming from, and where others are coming from. Trying to find a compromise and a bit of middle ground in the friendship scene without causing negative effects for others. Rather confusing, but I think I'll get there eventually.
The REAL Mother's Day
I have found the meaning of Mother's Day. The REAL meaning.
Basically, it's what you do every day - with some added tasks thrown in for good measure! :)
Sure, we had a nice brunch with the relatives in Cape Town - but we do that now and then anyway, and will be back there in 2 weeks for my nephew's birthday party.
Other than that, I did the washing, cleaning, driving, meal-making... and the kid only said "happy mother's day (it's mother's day?)!" when my dad sent a text-message through for him to give me a hug for the occasion.
He spent all his money (and some of mine) on a new PS2 game on Friday, so no box of choccies, no flowers, no card for me... Instead he lay around on his game while I had to fetch and carry. As usual. In other words, it was just another Sunday.
I guess that's what being a mom is really all about after all.
(And although I've never been one for sentimental holidays, somehow it just makes me feel really down tonight. Perhaps just overtired)
Basically, it's what you do every day - with some added tasks thrown in for good measure! :)
Sure, we had a nice brunch with the relatives in Cape Town - but we do that now and then anyway, and will be back there in 2 weeks for my nephew's birthday party.
Other than that, I did the washing, cleaning, driving, meal-making... and the kid only said "happy mother's day (it's mother's day?)!" when my dad sent a text-message through for him to give me a hug for the occasion.
He spent all his money (and some of mine) on a new PS2 game on Friday, so no box of choccies, no flowers, no card for me... Instead he lay around on his game while I had to fetch and carry. As usual. In other words, it was just another Sunday.
I guess that's what being a mom is really all about after all.
(And although I've never been one for sentimental holidays, somehow it just makes me feel really down tonight. Perhaps just overtired)
New Blogs on the Block
New to my blogroll this week are:
* Gomoto diaries - the story of adventures in taking a 125cc bike where you didn't think you could.
* Ramblings of a single mom - which is what a whole lot more single moms should be doing. Rambling. Believe me, it helps.
Go give them some traffic, leave a comment and link-love them! They're worth the click.
* Gomoto diaries - the story of adventures in taking a 125cc bike where you didn't think you could.
* Ramblings of a single mom - which is what a whole lot more single moms should be doing. Rambling. Believe me, it helps.
Go give them some traffic, leave a comment and link-love them! They're worth the click.
Exhaustion
After a rough week, I find myself sitting before the computer screen, utterly emotionally and physically exhausted.
I've had so much going on in my head and around me that needs sorting through and working out, that I've been run ragged inside. And what goes on in the mind affects the body too.
Usually Sabbath is a day of rest for me. Recovery from the week, revitalizing for the one ahead. But somehow this week my brain refuses to let go of everything and just be still. Thoughts are still swirling, playing on emotions that are already stretched thin. I find myself in tears suddenly, then laughing.
Perhaps I need silence, time out, sleep - and some proper food? I just haven't had the energy required to do anything properly. I'm hungry, but can't eat. Tired, yet can't sleep.
And so saying, I think I'll go take an early-afternoon nap. One of the best things I could probaly do! :)
I've had so much going on in my head and around me that needs sorting through and working out, that I've been run ragged inside. And what goes on in the mind affects the body too.
Usually Sabbath is a day of rest for me. Recovery from the week, revitalizing for the one ahead. But somehow this week my brain refuses to let go of everything and just be still. Thoughts are still swirling, playing on emotions that are already stretched thin. I find myself in tears suddenly, then laughing.
Perhaps I need silence, time out, sleep - and some proper food? I just haven't had the energy required to do anything properly. I'm hungry, but can't eat. Tired, yet can't sleep.
And so saying, I think I'll go take an early-afternoon nap. One of the best things I could probaly do! :)
Shabbat Shalom
Instead of my usual self-made photo, I'm posting a YouTube video for your viewing pleasure. It's all about church, and if you're attending one this weekend, may just give you some food for thought. It may, even if you're not! :)
(Via just about everyone who has anything to do with a church and a blog)
(Via just about everyone who has anything to do with a church and a blog)
Open Your Heart
I was lucky enough to read an awesome book this week, lent to me by a friend. So awesome that it took me only a few hours to do so! Once I started, I couldn't put it down.
It's "Now is the time to open your heart", by Alice Walker of "The Colour Purple" fame. It's billed as a novel, but it's so much more than that.
On every page there were "aha!" moments for me. But only because I read it at precisely the right time. If I'd read it 2 years ago, I would have simply dismissed many of the concepts as heresy, or way-out weird, or not even thinkable. Now I find myself embracing them. It's as if a part of me I didn't even know about wrote the book.
It explores everything from purging your past, finding a spiritual path, love between women and women - and women and men, the role of men in guiding the future, permission to journey... well I could go on and on, but there is just so much in that book. You'd simply have to read it yourself.
And it's not the kind of book one can summarize either. It reminds me of a chapter in one of the Narnia series, "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader". Lucy ends up reading a magic book, containing a story "for the refreshment of the soul". She's just done something terrible and feels awful, so this is exactly what she needs. And it's the most wonderful story she's ever read. But as soon as she finishes it, she finds it's fading from memory. It even disappears from the page, and somehow the pages stick together so she can't turn back and start it again. She can remember it's about a sword and a hill and a well - but not much else. Try as she might, she can't remember the whole thing. But forever after, when she thinks of a "good story", in reality it's one that reminds her of that story.
This book is a bit like that. So full and deep, yet at the end I find I can't describe it in depth. It's a soul-connect thing, and little things that happen will remind me of a phrase or a situation in it, popping up from the subconcious where it rests and seems to fill a hole.
Strange to talk this way about words on a page, but there you have it! And if you're at a point where you're questioning everying, questing for different answers to the ones you thought you had, asking for permission to explore territory you have never been to, and finding a way to be comfortable with who you are, where you are - then do yourself a favour. Go read it.
It's "Now is the time to open your heart", by Alice Walker of "The Colour Purple" fame. It's billed as a novel, but it's so much more than that.
On every page there were "aha!" moments for me. But only because I read it at precisely the right time. If I'd read it 2 years ago, I would have simply dismissed many of the concepts as heresy, or way-out weird, or not even thinkable. Now I find myself embracing them. It's as if a part of me I didn't even know about wrote the book.
It explores everything from purging your past, finding a spiritual path, love between women and women - and women and men, the role of men in guiding the future, permission to journey... well I could go on and on, but there is just so much in that book. You'd simply have to read it yourself.
And it's not the kind of book one can summarize either. It reminds me of a chapter in one of the Narnia series, "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader". Lucy ends up reading a magic book, containing a story "for the refreshment of the soul". She's just done something terrible and feels awful, so this is exactly what she needs. And it's the most wonderful story she's ever read. But as soon as she finishes it, she finds it's fading from memory. It even disappears from the page, and somehow the pages stick together so she can't turn back and start it again. She can remember it's about a sword and a hill and a well - but not much else. Try as she might, she can't remember the whole thing. But forever after, when she thinks of a "good story", in reality it's one that reminds her of that story.
This book is a bit like that. So full and deep, yet at the end I find I can't describe it in depth. It's a soul-connect thing, and little things that happen will remind me of a phrase or a situation in it, popping up from the subconcious where it rests and seems to fill a hole.
Strange to talk this way about words on a page, but there you have it! And if you're at a point where you're questioning everying, questing for different answers to the ones you thought you had, asking for permission to explore territory you have never been to, and finding a way to be comfortable with who you are, where you are - then do yourself a favour. Go read it.
Photoblog: Fragile
Finding it hard to put pen to paper - or rather, words to screen - right now. It's funny how my stats jump through the roof every time this happens! :)
Normal blogging resumes eventually.
Expect the unexpected
Murphy's Law (one of them) states that when you don't have your camera handy, something interesting will happen. Well, I lent mine to a friend overnight, and would you know - something did! :)
This morning, as my son left for school, there was a real-live pheasant outside. Young, not fully coloured, but with all the beautiful long feathers that a pheasant could have. It was pecking around in the parking area, trying to find breakfast, so I went out with a cup of bird seed to give it another option.
I don't know where it is now, but there usually aren't pheasants in the area. I'll make sure I keep an eye out for it from now on! And hope no-one decides it deserves to be cooked...
This morning, as my son left for school, there was a real-live pheasant outside. Young, not fully coloured, but with all the beautiful long feathers that a pheasant could have. It was pecking around in the parking area, trying to find breakfast, so I went out with a cup of bird seed to give it another option.
I don't know where it is now, but there usually aren't pheasants in the area. I'll make sure I keep an eye out for it from now on! And hope no-one decides it deserves to be cooked...
Escape 2
At the end of this day, I've realized that I need a holiday. Not just a break from work where I stay here, but a holiday far away from home where I don't know anyone and nothing is familiar.
I have had the day from hell. I spent a good deal of it in tears, and some other bits of it being cheered up by a funny friend. I have had my mind battered around in my head, and my emotions tossed every which way.
Add that to a lack of sleep, a lack of food (food makes me feel ill just looking at it), and constant noise - and I'm starting to get very, very irritable.
I've shouted at the kid this evening, at the dogs (who somehow seem to bark louder and harder and more constantly when I'm like this), at inanimate objects like the hosepipe. I have a headache to die for/from and just noticed I'm grinding my teeth.
A road trip won't do it. Nor will a change of scenery for a day. I need to leave, completely. Just go. Disappear. Get the hell away from it all.
Trouble is, I can't. Instead I'll need to find ways to stay sane without heading for that dark downward spiral of slow insanity, where it feels the walls are pressing in and if someone looks at me wrong they'll end up dead.
The only question is - how?
I have had the day from hell. I spent a good deal of it in tears, and some other bits of it being cheered up by a funny friend. I have had my mind battered around in my head, and my emotions tossed every which way.
Add that to a lack of sleep, a lack of food (food makes me feel ill just looking at it), and constant noise - and I'm starting to get very, very irritable.
I've shouted at the kid this evening, at the dogs (who somehow seem to bark louder and harder and more constantly when I'm like this), at inanimate objects like the hosepipe. I have a headache to die for/from and just noticed I'm grinding my teeth.
A road trip won't do it. Nor will a change of scenery for a day. I need to leave, completely. Just go. Disappear. Get the hell away from it all.
Trouble is, I can't. Instead I'll need to find ways to stay sane without heading for that dark downward spiral of slow insanity, where it feels the walls are pressing in and if someone looks at me wrong they'll end up dead.
The only question is - how?
Escape
Ever had one of those days where you just want to escape? Get out of your life, away from everything, somewhere very very different from where you're at?
I'm having one of those.
I've been under a lot of stress and pressure in the past few days. Facing situations I would rather have nothing to do with, but forced to stick it out and solve them. In the aftermath of trying to sort out the mess, and the fact that it's a stunning day outside, all I want to do is lock the office and leave. Just drive, get away, be somewhere else where I can't be touched, soak up some warm sun and think.
Unfortunately it's not an option. One cannot always run.
I'll have to content myself with a mind trip and a bit of very loud Evanescence. And in that try to find a way forward.
::update::
One bright spot today is that my Skype phone has arrived. Delivered promptly. Can't wait to go try it out. And here it is:
nice...
::update 2::
SO..... who of my blog buddies can I Skype first? I know of only 2 bloggers openly Skyping (though I'm probably wrong) and one of them doesn't have his contact listed! If you'd like to be added to my list, please leave a comment or email me. The more the merrier! Thanks.
I'm having one of those.
I've been under a lot of stress and pressure in the past few days. Facing situations I would rather have nothing to do with, but forced to stick it out and solve them. In the aftermath of trying to sort out the mess, and the fact that it's a stunning day outside, all I want to do is lock the office and leave. Just drive, get away, be somewhere else where I can't be touched, soak up some warm sun and think.
Unfortunately it's not an option. One cannot always run.
I'll have to content myself with a mind trip and a bit of very loud Evanescence. And in that try to find a way forward.
::update::
One bright spot today is that my Skype phone has arrived. Delivered promptly. Can't wait to go try it out. And here it is:
nice...
::update 2::
SO..... who of my blog buddies can I Skype first? I know of only 2 bloggers openly Skyping (though I'm probably wrong) and one of them doesn't have his contact listed! If you'd like to be added to my list, please leave a comment or email me. The more the merrier! Thanks.
Photoblog
My apologies that posting here has been so light recently. Got a lot on my mind, but it's nothing I can blog about.
Here's today - autumn, clear, cool. Summer is definitely over.
Isolated, but here?
It's the weirdest thing. After Saturday night's exciting outing (not!), I got to thinking about why I did it alone. And find myself in a strange place.
I'm one of the few people my age who is still single. Most of my friends are married and have lives that keep them very busy. There's kids and husbands/wives to care for, a family routine to follow, other committments. It's hard to find someone who can dash out for a cup of coffee on a few minute's notice.
I tend to get along better with guys than with girls. But as most of my friends are married, I've taken to keeping a bit of a distance. I don't want to incite jealousy from a wife who thinks I'm a bit too chummy with her husband! The single guys are generally way too young - at a completely different stage in life, where we find it difficult to relate to each other. The girls I'm friendly with, but it's been years since I had a Best Friend. Most simply don't have the time to develop those deep relationships. And the only single mom I know who might live in a similar mind-space, I don't really get along that great with.
So I find myself a bit isolated. I've got friends, but none too close, none that I can just drop by and see or spend hours talking to over a cup of coffee. None that I can grab at the last minute to simply get out of the house a bit.
It's not that I'm lonely - just every now and then it would be nice to not do things alone.
I've been trying to figure this one out - to find a solution. My online community is one place where I hang, and enjoy it. But the off-line one? Not quite so easy...
I'm one of the few people my age who is still single. Most of my friends are married and have lives that keep them very busy. There's kids and husbands/wives to care for, a family routine to follow, other committments. It's hard to find someone who can dash out for a cup of coffee on a few minute's notice.
I tend to get along better with guys than with girls. But as most of my friends are married, I've taken to keeping a bit of a distance. I don't want to incite jealousy from a wife who thinks I'm a bit too chummy with her husband! The single guys are generally way too young - at a completely different stage in life, where we find it difficult to relate to each other. The girls I'm friendly with, but it's been years since I had a Best Friend. Most simply don't have the time to develop those deep relationships. And the only single mom I know who might live in a similar mind-space, I don't really get along that great with.
So I find myself a bit isolated. I've got friends, but none too close, none that I can just drop by and see or spend hours talking to over a cup of coffee. None that I can grab at the last minute to simply get out of the house a bit.
It's not that I'm lonely - just every now and then it would be nice to not do things alone.
I've been trying to figure this one out - to find a solution. My online community is one place where I hang, and enjoy it. But the off-line one? Not quite so easy...
Spick 'n Span
When I need to think, I clean. Busy hands, and the brain goes into overdrive.
I had so much to think about today that my house is literally spotless! :)
It's a good day for it though - warm after a week of freezing temps, sun's out, light breeze to dry the washing. So I've done many loads, scrubbed things down, even washed the windows. And added a few more things to the pile in the garage by moving it out of the house.
So far, so good.
The cleaner the house, the better I feel about coming home...
I had so much to think about today that my house is literally spotless! :)
It's a good day for it though - warm after a week of freezing temps, sun's out, light breeze to dry the washing. So I've done many loads, scrubbed things down, even washed the windows. And added a few more things to the pile in the garage by moving it out of the house.
So far, so good.
The cleaner the house, the better I feel about coming home...
Saturday night out
I had to get out of the house. Had some thinking to do and this sudden urge for Spur chips. So I left the (old enough at last!) kid to his own devices on the computer, climbed in the Friggin'Ford and headed for the mall.
It's sad, really, this thing I do when I have nothing to do. Basically nothing, in other words. I'm terribly unimaginative these days!
So I wandered the mall, drooled over jewellery in Swish, popped in at 2 bookstores, examined the movies advertised, then got a table for one at the Spur to people-watch.
Here's what I discovered while sitting and pondering:
* All the good men are taken. Most of the bad ones too.
* However, there were at least 3 men of the non-dodgy variety who went to buy single movie tickets, whom I would not have minded accompanying.
* It's going to take more than an hour at the Spur to sort out my head.
* My night vision sucks.
* There's an awful lot of unsupervised kids in the mall...
* Winter has arrived. And I remembered that the car doesn't possess a heater.
It's sad, really, this thing I do when I have nothing to do. Basically nothing, in other words. I'm terribly unimaginative these days!
So I wandered the mall, drooled over jewellery in Swish, popped in at 2 bookstores, examined the movies advertised, then got a table for one at the Spur to people-watch.
Here's what I discovered while sitting and pondering:
* All the good men are taken. Most of the bad ones too.
* However, there were at least 3 men of the non-dodgy variety who went to buy single movie tickets, whom I would not have minded accompanying.
* It's going to take more than an hour at the Spur to sort out my head.
* My night vision sucks.
* There's an awful lot of unsupervised kids in the mall...
* Winter has arrived. And I remembered that the car doesn't possess a heater.
Nearly Skyped...
For those of you who have progressed far beyond me technologically, I'm about to catch up!
Yesterday I ordered a very fancy desktop Skype phone, which should be delivered right to my office early in the week. At a cost, of course. But I figure all of that will be covered by the charges I'll save to family and friends all over the world, very soon.
I'm looking forward to talking to some of my blogger friends already on Skype and encouraging a few other folk to get connected to.
And once we have our phone up and running, you can be sure I'll post my details right here, hoping to hear from many of you! :)
Yesterday I ordered a very fancy desktop Skype phone, which should be delivered right to my office early in the week. At a cost, of course. But I figure all of that will be covered by the charges I'll save to family and friends all over the world, very soon.
I'm looking forward to talking to some of my blogger friends already on Skype and encouraging a few other folk to get connected to.
And once we have our phone up and running, you can be sure I'll post my details right here, hoping to hear from many of you! :)
Shabbat Shalom
Another cold, wet weekend for us as winter makes its way here. I'm cocooning in this weather, and it's given me the opportunity to do some head-searching.
Whether you're in winter or summer this weekend - may you have time to think, or time to simply be still.
Open-sourcing
The more I find out, the more I like this whole open-source thing that's cropping up all over the place. I'm fascinated by the ability to create super things oneself (provided you're not an idiot), motivated completely by your particular needs. And then share them with the world for tweaking, improvement and use.
And suddenly I wish I could split myself into a couple of parts, to learn everything I don't seem to have the time to as a single person. Sure I could sacrifice my eyesight and sleeptime by sitting up all night on the computer. But not thanks.
The thing is, open source is so varied, so deep and high and wide, that the tempting snippets I occasionally grasp seem insignificant. I'm just not getting enough knowledge and info to satisfy my curiousity and let me get at it to play.
Yet the world seems to be moving in that direction, and I need to keep up. Think OSOffice, Web 2.0, innumerable computer programmes - and many, many non-computer products made better by the people, for the people. All it takes is a bit of out-of-the-box thinking and off you go! Solving the world's irritations, one open-source goody at a time. Heck, even musicians have done it - encouraging their fans to record live events and share them with their friends. Movie guys have done it - getting bloggers to help write scripts and tweak them. Wind-surfing guys have done it - adding improvments to the basics to change the entire way the sport functions. Free collaborration abounds, and the world is better because of it. Take an open-source product, add your unique skills and perspective, and it only improves. Or make your ideas, your carefully-created goodies freely available - even your art...
It's all about sharing, giving, living with open hands and mind.
I like, I seriously like. (and I'm becoming geekier by the day... :) )
::disclaimer::
I still know next-to-nothing, and it's driving me nuts. So if I go off in the wrong direction, leave me to blush later in peace when discovered... :)
And suddenly I wish I could split myself into a couple of parts, to learn everything I don't seem to have the time to as a single person. Sure I could sacrifice my eyesight and sleeptime by sitting up all night on the computer. But not thanks.
The thing is, open source is so varied, so deep and high and wide, that the tempting snippets I occasionally grasp seem insignificant. I'm just not getting enough knowledge and info to satisfy my curiousity and let me get at it to play.
Yet the world seems to be moving in that direction, and I need to keep up. Think OSOffice, Web 2.0, innumerable computer programmes - and many, many non-computer products made better by the people, for the people. All it takes is a bit of out-of-the-box thinking and off you go! Solving the world's irritations, one open-source goody at a time. Heck, even musicians have done it - encouraging their fans to record live events and share them with their friends. Movie guys have done it - getting bloggers to help write scripts and tweak them. Wind-surfing guys have done it - adding improvments to the basics to change the entire way the sport functions. Free collaborration abounds, and the world is better because of it. Take an open-source product, add your unique skills and perspective, and it only improves. Or make your ideas, your carefully-created goodies freely available - even your art...
It's all about sharing, giving, living with open hands and mind.
I like, I seriously like. (and I'm becoming geekier by the day... :) )
::disclaimer::
I still know next-to-nothing, and it's driving me nuts. So if I go off in the wrong direction, leave me to blush later in peace when discovered... :)
Paradox
I wonder why nature works this way. Why it couldn't have assigned what I know about myself to someone else.
You see, I suspect I was created to bear children by the dozen. I've got the childbearing hips, I've got the build. I seem to be extremely fertile (as one friend says, hanging my underwear on the washing line next to a guy's could get me pregnant!). I loved being pregnant - even with 6 months of morning sickness. I gave birth after a mere 2 hours of uneventful labour, and with no complications. After 10 years of injectable contraceptive use, it's taken a mere 3 months for my body to regularize and normalize, back to it's monthly cycle without a single hitch. All indications that I could be the bearer of many babies. That the image of a large family burned into my brain might also be burned into my genes.
But, as the same friend says, she was made to bear many, but not mother many...
And here I am, a single woman, wasting all this fertility. While some married women try for years and years to conceive, go through fertility treatments, fall into anguish over their desire to have babies.
What a terrible, terrible paradox.
You see, I suspect I was created to bear children by the dozen. I've got the childbearing hips, I've got the build. I seem to be extremely fertile (as one friend says, hanging my underwear on the washing line next to a guy's could get me pregnant!). I loved being pregnant - even with 6 months of morning sickness. I gave birth after a mere 2 hours of uneventful labour, and with no complications. After 10 years of injectable contraceptive use, it's taken a mere 3 months for my body to regularize and normalize, back to it's monthly cycle without a single hitch. All indications that I could be the bearer of many babies. That the image of a large family burned into my brain might also be burned into my genes.
But, as the same friend says, she was made to bear many, but not mother many...
And here I am, a single woman, wasting all this fertility. While some married women try for years and years to conceive, go through fertility treatments, fall into anguish over their desire to have babies.
What a terrible, terrible paradox.
Africa's Own
Once you've trod the soil of Africa, you'll come back...
I grew up in Zimbabwe, spent the first 12 years of my life there. Our family was part of a community of missionary-types from all over the world. I had friends from the USA, Europe, Australia and other countries within the African continent. But, being missionaries, we've once again scattered to our own corners of the globe, and largely lost touch with each other.
Or have we?
The world is smaller than we imagine! And old friends have been popping up all over recently.
A couple of years ago I had this hankering to find my first boyfriend, an American who I'd known in early primary school days. I tracked his mom down and found out where he's at. He's been through hell after his wife left him, and had disappeared for a while to find direction - she suspected he'd come "home" to Africa. He eventually resurfaced, and yes - he'd been here. It had helped him get his life back on track.
Near the end of last year, I received an email from someone I'd lost contact with in Australia, the big sister of a guy I was in primary school with. She blogs, I blog - and now it's hard to lose each other again! :) She'll be out here next year for a few months, spending time on Africa's soil to rest, travel and think.
A few weeks ago I received another email from a guy I grew up with, and whose brother I came awfully close to marrying years ago (in hindsight thank goodness we didn't). We've been in contact since, and last night he phoned on a whim to chat for half an hour. He's in the process of a difficult divorce, and last year spent 6 months "home" in Africa with mutual friends, taking time out to save himself from emotional disaster, to think and recover. He'll be back again soon, come hell or high water (or financial difficulty) - this continent gets its claws into you and never lets go.
He's in contact with others of our scattered friends, all of whom still have roots here, all of whom seem to drift back at least once, and often when they need time out to rediscover where they're headed. We've made a pact to get together as many of us as we can, as often as we can - even if it's just virtually via webcam and internet line. (I'm ordering a Skype phone today too...)
There's something about the dust of Africa, the skies of Africa, the deep-down realness of Africa. Something that bears healing and authenticity to the soul. It gets under your fingernails, between your toes and into your heart, ensuring that once you're an African, you're always an African - even if it's only a borrowed homeland.
(one of the many friends and I at Mana Pools, Zimbabwe, early 1980's)
I grew up in Zimbabwe, spent the first 12 years of my life there. Our family was part of a community of missionary-types from all over the world. I had friends from the USA, Europe, Australia and other countries within the African continent. But, being missionaries, we've once again scattered to our own corners of the globe, and largely lost touch with each other.
Or have we?
The world is smaller than we imagine! And old friends have been popping up all over recently.
A couple of years ago I had this hankering to find my first boyfriend, an American who I'd known in early primary school days. I tracked his mom down and found out where he's at. He's been through hell after his wife left him, and had disappeared for a while to find direction - she suspected he'd come "home" to Africa. He eventually resurfaced, and yes - he'd been here. It had helped him get his life back on track.
Near the end of last year, I received an email from someone I'd lost contact with in Australia, the big sister of a guy I was in primary school with. She blogs, I blog - and now it's hard to lose each other again! :) She'll be out here next year for a few months, spending time on Africa's soil to rest, travel and think.
A few weeks ago I received another email from a guy I grew up with, and whose brother I came awfully close to marrying years ago (in hindsight thank goodness we didn't). We've been in contact since, and last night he phoned on a whim to chat for half an hour. He's in the process of a difficult divorce, and last year spent 6 months "home" in Africa with mutual friends, taking time out to save himself from emotional disaster, to think and recover. He'll be back again soon, come hell or high water (or financial difficulty) - this continent gets its claws into you and never lets go.
He's in contact with others of our scattered friends, all of whom still have roots here, all of whom seem to drift back at least once, and often when they need time out to rediscover where they're headed. We've made a pact to get together as many of us as we can, as often as we can - even if it's just virtually via webcam and internet line. (I'm ordering a Skype phone today too...)
There's something about the dust of Africa, the skies of Africa, the deep-down realness of Africa. Something that bears healing and authenticity to the soul. It gets under your fingernails, between your toes and into your heart, ensuring that once you're an African, you're always an African - even if it's only a borrowed homeland.
(one of the many friends and I at Mana Pools, Zimbabwe, early 1980's)
Parked
It's not that I have nothing to say. It's not even that I'm drowning in work (unlike this parking sign in the nearby dam..!.). It's just that I simply don't have the mental energy to blog right now.
So the blog's parked. Perhaps for a few days.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
.jpg)
Posts
