No, really, I don't.
I can't mutter on about the weather (it's hot and windy, same as every other day recently). I can't tell you about work (same old same old). I can't say much about the future (except for a random job application submitted yesterday to Australia for the heck of it). I can't expound on my plans (brain-freeze, exhaustion, can't think) or my achievements (done nothing). I can't even tell you what I'm having for lunch (dunno yet).
I truly got nothing.
Not even a decent photo to post. Well, I guess there are a couple but I took nearly 200 on Saturday alone and I don't feel like trawling the files picking out the good ones.
So sorry if you came here looking for something, simply because your RSS feed thingy said the blog was updated.
I got nothing.
Ex-Thoughts
I had an unexpected visitor last night. An ex-boyfriend from about 10 years ago, who is still a super friend - even if we've been out of contact for ages.
For the life of me I can't find it in my blog archives, but I tracked him down a while back to return a Bible of his I'd found while cleaning the garage. He'd been given it by my parents in the days when he boarded with us (post-relationship with me). And from there he got in contact with my brother, then my dad called him while he was here to try hook up - but we all just missed each other when it came down to the wire.
Until last night. I got a call from him saying "I'm just down the road and dropping by". And there he was!
It was really cool to see him again. We've both changed, but in some ways we're still the same. He's been shooting upward in the world, I've been biding my time in one place. He's still nuts, I'm still reasonably sane (or have forgotten how to be nuts). We caught up on a lot of things, talked and talked and talked - and then emailed this morning.
You see, I suddenly remembered late last night how we'd ended. He was sure he'd caught me kissing some other bloke. He's wrong. It wasn't my fault - it was his. He's dying to know, but I ain't telling. Gonna keep him in suspense a little longer! :)
What he doesn't know is that the way our relationship ended had a profound effect on me, and not in a good way. It was the begninning of a downward spiral that emotionally I'm still dealing with. I don't think I'll tell him that though. Let's just hold on to the happy stuff and not sweat the bad stuff.
For the life of me I can't find it in my blog archives, but I tracked him down a while back to return a Bible of his I'd found while cleaning the garage. He'd been given it by my parents in the days when he boarded with us (post-relationship with me). And from there he got in contact with my brother, then my dad called him while he was here to try hook up - but we all just missed each other when it came down to the wire.
Until last night. I got a call from him saying "I'm just down the road and dropping by". And there he was!
It was really cool to see him again. We've both changed, but in some ways we're still the same. He's been shooting upward in the world, I've been biding my time in one place. He's still nuts, I'm still reasonably sane (or have forgotten how to be nuts). We caught up on a lot of things, talked and talked and talked - and then emailed this morning.
You see, I suddenly remembered late last night how we'd ended. He was sure he'd caught me kissing some other bloke. He's wrong. It wasn't my fault - it was his. He's dying to know, but I ain't telling. Gonna keep him in suspense a little longer! :)
What he doesn't know is that the way our relationship ended had a profound effect on me, and not in a good way. It was the begninning of a downward spiral that emotionally I'm still dealing with. I don't think I'll tell him that though. Let's just hold on to the happy stuff and not sweat the bad stuff.
The well-known South African
Here's the pic taken with the well-known South African at the airport yesterday. Trust me to be pulling a face of some sort...
Don't know who he is? Here's a clue.
Don't know who he is? Here's a clue.
Just 2 things
Within the hour we'll be leaving for the airport, to see my dad off back to Australia. We've enjoyed having him here, although it was initially for a very sad reason (if you're new here, my mom died in December, and was buried in SA at the beginning of January).
Last night, as the day was winding down, we had a chance to chat. He told me there are two things he's looking forward to seeing me do this year.
One: get that late-afternoon church thing (code-named @5 perhaps?) up and running (yes, it's in the pipeline, but I need prayer and direction).
Two: get my new business started and successful (also in the pipeline, needing prayer and direction).
I guess I'll have a lot of prayer and direction time coming up! :)
But two things are not a lot. If it were a list of 20, it would seem impossible to achieve. It's just two. Two is do-able. Two is not overwhelming. Two is good - and each has the potential to make a huge change in my life.
So here's to Two. And a whole lot of praying.
::update::
Saw a well-known South African at the airport. Pic will be posted tomorrow.
Last night, as the day was winding down, we had a chance to chat. He told me there are two things he's looking forward to seeing me do this year.
One: get that late-afternoon church thing (code-named @5 perhaps?) up and running (yes, it's in the pipeline, but I need prayer and direction).
Two: get my new business started and successful (also in the pipeline, needing prayer and direction).
I guess I'll have a lot of prayer and direction time coming up! :)
But two things are not a lot. If it were a list of 20, it would seem impossible to achieve. It's just two. Two is do-able. Two is not overwhelming. Two is good - and each has the potential to make a huge change in my life.
So here's to Two. And a whole lot of praying.
::update::
Saw a well-known South African at the airport. Pic will be posted tomorrow.
Cape Town by night
Apparently there's the usual disaster-related competition going on to see who has the best pics from last night's fire... and here's a good one!
Yeah, I know it's small. Click here for a big(ger) one.
(Pity the horizon was a bit out of kilter last night... I guess that's what happens when you put a heavy mountain on a peninsula!)
Yeah, I know it's small. Click here for a big(ger) one.
(Pity the horizon was a bit out of kilter last night... I guess that's what happens when you put a heavy mountain on a peninsula!)
It's a no
Oh well, it seems we're staying and not going to Australia.The rules have changed for airline employees (which is how I was going to get the ticket). Now they can only nominate a wife or child for a free ticket - not a total stranger. I've been promised that if the rules change, I'm first in line for a trip. Cool.
The irony is the guy who is giving them away is not married. Neither am I! Think we could swing a 6-month multi-cultural (he's Indian) marital situation??? :)
There is an alternative. Save like crazy to raise the R20,000 required to travel. Yeah, right. We're only scraping through on what I make already, and I doubt that's gonna happen.
In the meantime, my poor credit card will get a breather and time to recover from over-use. We'll see what happens later in the year. All those delicious men will just have to do without me.
(Talking of delicious young men, I rushed up to the field above my house just after 7 to try get a shot of Cape Town on fire - from a distance - and discovered a neighbour walking his dogs. All SEVEN Big Dogs! We've lived within a few houses of each other for years, and never met. Well, being a dog person, I got down on their level and was sniffed and tail-whipped and said hello. Also had a chat to their owner. Definitely a delicious young man. I think I need to start walking my dogs around 7 at night... :) )
Runaway Fire
As I type this, there's a runaway fire threatening many lives in Cape Town. The fire started around 4 this afternoon. By the time I left at 5 to collect my son from art, a huge smoke cloud was making its way up the sky. I stopped to snap a shot - never realizing just how bad it was. (Pics tomorrow when I have access to my camera cable to download)
The news reavealed that. One person has died already, many are having to evacuate the city bowl under Table Mountain. The fire has jumped a road and is tearing down Signal Hill. People have given up trying to save possessions - they are throwing their kids and their pets into the car and getting out while they still can. A gale-force wind is making the fire unfightable, unquencheable. A few houses are already gone.
My family is still safe. They're a few blocks from the hill, but the sky is black. You can't see your hand in front of your face, and they've got ears glued to the radio for the latest info.
Your prayers for the Cape Town dwellers are appreciated. If I hear any updates, I'll post them.
images from IOL
::update::
Photo gallery from News24
Foreigner arrested for setting fire.
::update2::
Photos on Mandy Watson's blog - from Cape Town city.
DazLife checks in with more.
So does QuarterSpeed.
::update 3::
This image was taken from where I live, an hour after the fire started.
This morning's news says the fire is sorta under control, and there was no further loss of life or serious property damage - though it came very close.
I'm still amazed at how we sometimes think we rule the world. It takes just one act of nature to send us all scurrying for safety.
Your prayers for the Cape Town dwellers are appreciated. If I hear any updates, I'll post them.
images from IOL
::update::
Photo gallery from News24
Foreigner arrested for setting fire.
::update2::
Photos on Mandy Watson's blog - from Cape Town city.
DazLife checks in with more.
So does QuarterSpeed.
::update 3::
This image was taken from where I live, an hour after the fire started.
This morning's news says the fire is sorta under control, and there was no further loss of life or serious property damage - though it came very close.
I'm still amazed at how we sometimes think we rule the world. It takes just one act of nature to send us all scurrying for safety.
Waiting...
Tomorrow morning I hear whether we will have tickets to Perth or not for the month of April (having worked here for 10 years, I get an extra 20 day's leave this year).
If we do, we'll spend a whole month exploring Australia. On a very limited budget. Perhaps even see some of those delicious young men I've already met, an old childhood friend (the friendship's old, not the friend) and a couple of bloggers. We'll have to organize house and dog and fish care.
If we don't, I'll spend it putting in extra work on my business start-up. No delicious young men, no old friends, no bloggers, and no need to organize any pet care.
Almost sounds like a win-win situation, doesn't it? :)
But for today I'm waiting....
If we do, we'll spend a whole month exploring Australia. On a very limited budget. Perhaps even see some of those delicious young men I've already met, an old childhood friend (the friendship's old, not the friend) and a couple of bloggers. We'll have to organize house and dog and fish care.
If we don't, I'll spend it putting in extra work on my business start-up. No delicious young men, no old friends, no bloggers, and no need to organize any pet care.
Almost sounds like a win-win situation, doesn't it? :)
But for today I'm waiting....
Backing up the Blog
This morning I realized just how much I've written in the 2 1/2 years I've been blogging, and that it's a priceless track of the journey I'm on.
Which started the quest for how to back up the blog.
Unsuccessfully tried to save a month's archive page as an HTML file. Found Blogger's long and complicated instructions. Turned to Google (don't too many of us!).
And found this. HTTrack, the "website copier", a nifty little free software thingy that with a few simple clicks took the many, many MB's of info on my blog and stored them safely in a mirror site on my computer. And, to give credit where credit is due, I found it via Lifehacker, whom I also borrowed this handy graphic from. I downloaded the Windows version, but it also has options for Linux, and other things I know nothing about.
If you're looking for Mac support, Lifehacker suggests Webgrabber.
See - I CAN produce at least one useful post in a day! :)
So what am I going to do with my backed-up blog? Well, a while back I threatened to compile my wandering-in-the-dark journey into a book, and keep it going until there's at least direction in sight, in order for it to have a sorta-ending. Having thoughts from 2 years ago available is going to come in handy if I ever should. We'll see though. For now, my words are safe.
Which started the quest for how to back up the blog.
Unsuccessfully tried to save a month's archive page as an HTML file. Found Blogger's long and complicated instructions. Turned to Google (don't too many of us!).
And found this. HTTrack, the "website copier", a nifty little free software thingy that with a few simple clicks took the many, many MB's of info on my blog and stored them safely in a mirror site on my computer. And, to give credit where credit is due, I found it via Lifehacker, whom I also borrowed this handy graphic from. I downloaded the Windows version, but it also has options for Linux, and other things I know nothing about.If you're looking for Mac support, Lifehacker suggests Webgrabber.
See - I CAN produce at least one useful post in a day! :)
So what am I going to do with my backed-up blog? Well, a while back I threatened to compile my wandering-in-the-dark journey into a book, and keep it going until there's at least direction in sight, in order for it to have a sorta-ending. Having thoughts from 2 years ago available is going to come in handy if I ever should. We'll see though. For now, my words are safe.
More Video Goodness
For your viewing pleasure, watch this one first:
..then this one:
And then try get the darned song out of your head for the rest of the day.
..then this one:
And then try get the darned song out of your head for the rest of the day.
The Ghostly Car Ad
Have you seen the car ad that went paranormally wrong? The write-up is as follows:
Now I'm going to warn you - this gave me such a fright the first time I saw it that my butt tingled! :) I showed it to my son last night and he nearly died (laughing). It's very freaky, and very scary. So be warned!!! Click "play" at your own peril.
Strange but interesting.
This was sent to me from an ad agency guy I know in Dallas. The clip is a car commercial filmed in Great Britain. During filming, the crew all thought they noticed something strange, but finished the shoot anyway, and moved on. When the footage went to post-production, the editors noticed the same something moving along the side of the car, like a ghostly white mist. After researching the location for the shoot, they found out that a person had been killed a year earlier in that exact same spot.
The ad was never put on TV because of the unexplained ghostly phenomenon. Watch the front end of the car as it clears the trees in the middle of the screen and you'll see the white mist crossing in front of the car then following it along the road....Spooky!
Is it a ghost, or is it simply mist? You decide. Because of the oddity, the editors left on the unfinished edit some of the off-camera sounds. If you listen to the ad, you'll hear the main cameraman whispering in the background about it near the end of the commercial.
A little creepy but pretty cool
Now I'm going to warn you - this gave me such a fright the first time I saw it that my butt tingled! :) I showed it to my son last night and he nearly died (laughing). It's very freaky, and very scary. So be warned!!! Click "play" at your own peril.
Scents
Yesterday was payday (YAY! Last one was mid-December....), so I ducked out in the afternoon to go replenish my very lean credit card account.
Traditionally, it's also eat-at-the-Spur day on payday, which we did. However, it may be the last time we eat out this month, as we need to save our pennies a bit. Anyway, I'm getting off track. After lunch we decided to wander the mall and stopped in at one home shop to see what they had. Just looking, not buying or anything. Until we hit the home scents section.
My house is awful. The carpets are crummy and the damp-seal along the wall is shot. If you don't leave windows and/or doors open, it starts to smell like damp rotten flooring with a tinge of mushrooms behind the couch, which is unfortunately what it is. Add to that a couple of dogs who live indoors when we're home, and it basically stinks. I can wash carpets over and over, but the parquet flooring underneath keeps trapping dirt and junk, and every wash just pulls more of that up into the fitted carpeting.
So when I can, I like to light up the scent-oil burner, spray the air full of something good, and hope it masks any other odours.
But not just any scent. I love the fruity kind of smells, and yesterday we came across a couple of those at bargain prices. I ended up with hands full of Spiced Berry oil and associated room spray, Mandarin & Thyme oil, and a Vanilla room and linen spray.
And now the house smells simply delicious! I've sprayed the couches and bedding with Vanilla, and been burning the berry oil for most of the morning before work.
So much better than Scent of Dog.
Traditionally, it's also eat-at-the-Spur day on payday, which we did. However, it may be the last time we eat out this month, as we need to save our pennies a bit. Anyway, I'm getting off track. After lunch we decided to wander the mall and stopped in at one home shop to see what they had. Just looking, not buying or anything. Until we hit the home scents section.
My house is awful. The carpets are crummy and the damp-seal along the wall is shot. If you don't leave windows and/or doors open, it starts to smell like damp rotten flooring with a tinge of mushrooms behind the couch, which is unfortunately what it is. Add to that a couple of dogs who live indoors when we're home, and it basically stinks. I can wash carpets over and over, but the parquet flooring underneath keeps trapping dirt and junk, and every wash just pulls more of that up into the fitted carpeting.
So when I can, I like to light up the scent-oil burner, spray the air full of something good, and hope it masks any other odours.
But not just any scent. I love the fruity kind of smells, and yesterday we came across a couple of those at bargain prices. I ended up with hands full of Spiced Berry oil and associated room spray, Mandarin & Thyme oil, and a Vanilla room and linen spray.
And now the house smells simply delicious! I've sprayed the couches and bedding with Vanilla, and been burning the berry oil for most of the morning before work.
So much better than Scent of Dog.
Peace on Earth
No, I'm not doing an EXTRA-early Christmas post. Although we're already getting Easter-related ads on TV (can't they leave us season-less for just a little while???).
Rather, the peace on earth is what I experience a tiny slice of this morning.
While school is on, I have a half-hour between when my son leaves for school and when I leave for work. I miss that time of quiet aloneness when it's school holidays.
This morning I made full use of the moments by eating breakfast outside in the early-morning sunshine. With a big cup of fresh coffee in hand, I had time to sit and watch the natural world go by - and it was a riot of birdlife!
Within the space of 10 minutes I had received visits (up really close!) from 3 starlings, a flock of mouse birds (mice birds?), 4 shrikes ("jackie hangers"), a hoepoe, 2 white-eyes, 2 sunbirds, a skein of geese and a bulbul. Many were in the small mulberry tree right over my head, no more than a metre or so away. On calm, warm mornings like this they all come out to play and eat and throw up glitters of water in the birdbath.
I'm a lover of simple pleasures. A sunny morning full of birdlife is one of them. It's a soul-feeder, a calmer of worried minds, a feel-good happy start to what will likely be a busy day full of stress.
I don't think I'd survive living in a concrete jungle.
Rather, the peace on earth is what I experience a tiny slice of this morning.
While school is on, I have a half-hour between when my son leaves for school and when I leave for work. I miss that time of quiet aloneness when it's school holidays.
This morning I made full use of the moments by eating breakfast outside in the early-morning sunshine. With a big cup of fresh coffee in hand, I had time to sit and watch the natural world go by - and it was a riot of birdlife!Within the space of 10 minutes I had received visits (up really close!) from 3 starlings, a flock of mouse birds (mice birds?), 4 shrikes ("jackie hangers"), a hoepoe, 2 white-eyes, 2 sunbirds, a skein of geese and a bulbul. Many were in the small mulberry tree right over my head, no more than a metre or so away. On calm, warm mornings like this they all come out to play and eat and throw up glitters of water in the birdbath.
I'm a lover of simple pleasures. A sunny morning full of birdlife is one of them. It's a soul-feeder, a calmer of worried minds, a feel-good happy start to what will likely be a busy day full of stress.
I don't think I'd survive living in a concrete jungle.
Please, no more!
It was all going swimmingly. My new students, the ones I always bend over backwards to help, streamed in. Everyone a smiling face.
Until...
Last year we ran into problems with one prospective student and her daughter. Major miscommunication, but they ended up withdrawing their applications and doing their best to lay blame on me. If I hadn't bent so far over backward to help them, it may have worked. But I have a big, thick file of correspondence, proving my side of the story.
Now there's a big hoo-ha over the situation as we try to close it off. It comes at the end of a long, hard day that has utterly exhausted me. I don't need it.
But I've come to one conclusion. I can only do my best - that's all. Sometimes it's enough, other times not. I can live with my concience though. I know I've gone above and beyond what was required, even if it was not perceived as such.
On days like this I want to go home and crawl into a corner. I was never really good at conflict...
--
Just as I was about to post this, someone came in and thanked me for being "the only one who works hard here". I needed to hear that someone has noticed, and appreciates what I'm trying to do - even if otehrs destroy those efforts by their inaction later down the line. That, on top of a hard day, has me sitting here with watery eyes. Life goes up, life goes down. That's just life.
Until...
Last year we ran into problems with one prospective student and her daughter. Major miscommunication, but they ended up withdrawing their applications and doing their best to lay blame on me. If I hadn't bent so far over backward to help them, it may have worked. But I have a big, thick file of correspondence, proving my side of the story.
Now there's a big hoo-ha over the situation as we try to close it off. It comes at the end of a long, hard day that has utterly exhausted me. I don't need it.
But I've come to one conclusion. I can only do my best - that's all. Sometimes it's enough, other times not. I can live with my concience though. I know I've gone above and beyond what was required, even if it was not perceived as such.
On days like this I want to go home and crawl into a corner. I was never really good at conflict...
--
Just as I was about to post this, someone came in and thanked me for being "the only one who works hard here". I needed to hear that someone has noticed, and appreciates what I'm trying to do - even if otehrs destroy those efforts by their inaction later down the line. That, on top of a hard day, has me sitting here with watery eyes. Life goes up, life goes down. That's just life.
Of Churches
I attended two churches this weekend - two very different churches.
The first is a typical conservative denominational one. Large mostly-empty cathedral-type building, hymns, "reverent" silence, un-miked-up piano (the organ broke years ago, and funds are lacking to replace it. Thank goodness), Afrikaans sermon, same style and order of service as every other week, and you'd better leave before they lock you in the church after the service is done. (Dad missed his home church in Australia)
The second is a non-denominational cell-based church. Small room, bring out more chairs because the congregation just doubled thanks to a baby dedication, band, short and relevant sermon, bits added as needed to the service, freedom to applaud at the good stuff, and coffee & cake afterwards. (Dad had been singing one of the contemporary songs chosen just that morning - it felt like home)
No prizes as to which one I enjoyed more.
My dad being my dad, and me being me, we had to get into a discussion about the vision we both have for the former church, where I'm still officially a member. I've blogged about my ideal church a few weeks back. It's an ideal that won't happen easily, and while sitting through the Afrikaans sermon (a background noise similar to the F1 Grand Prix, international golf tournaments or 5-day cricket on TV - very "lulling"!), I wondered if they'd let me try to get a late-afternoon contemporary meditative gathering going.
You see, late afternoon doesn't clash with any other meetings, so would not be "competition". As not an official service, it wouldn't have to be regulated by the all-powerful Church Board. All I basically request is a space to meet, and freedom for people to experiment with what is done.
Which I mentioned to dad.
Unfortunately we had lunch at the assistant head elder's (AHE) house, right after service #1. And dad, being dad, started a 4-hour discussion, introduced by mentioning my idea - but branching off into Being church and all sorts of other things. Even more unfortunately, although the AHE is my age, he's the opposite end of the conservative scale to me, and I really should have warned dad first! :)
He grasped the basic concept of living our faith and that it impacts worship, but doesn't see the need for a space and place for those who do not fit into any of the three ultra-conservative models available here. That there are talents going unused because drums and electric guitars are frowned upon (well, a bit more than frowned upon!). And that not being able to express an experiential, creative worship intead of a logical head-ruled one is leaving a lot of (postmodern, creative and other) folk out in the cold.
I honestly think dad was fighting a bit of a losing battle. And at times I felt like crying. The needs and views of myself and others simply don't feature on their radars. They don't have a mindset that can grasp something bigger, more life-encompassing than what they are already doing.
Too many people simply endure their weekly church attendance duty. I've had my ear bent by quite a few of them.
Granted, there is change. I saw many young folk in the service, and some have just returned from a year with a travelling youth group - which could bring a breath of fresh air to goings-on. The head elder is doing much to find ways of injecting life back into the church, and has been touring those who longer attend (including me).
And yet there is still not a space for something out-of-the-ordinary. Not just a different form of worship, but a whole different living-out of faith. An acceptance of the "weird" AND the "wonderful" as children of God, brothers and sisters - no need to first be/dress/act perfect. There is no space to relate to God in a way other than the all-important Service. And there is no real service to the community outside of said "Service".
But there is also hope. There are a number of new folk around who can help initiate something great. If they refuse us use of the building, I DO posess an empty garage.... :) And personally I'm starting to feel I'm almost at the point where my sitting/waiting is over - time to get up off the bench at the side of the road to continue on the journey.
It's strange. I've felt from many that 2006 will be a year of positive change. People are optimistic across beliefs (or lack thereof), continents, lifestyles. All anticipating a good year. It's like we've taken a deep breath and woken up to a bright new day.
A few days ago I had an email from the elderly man working to get us to Australia, through his important contacts there. He asked if I were still trying, and I had to reply that perhaps God wants me (and my visions) here. Perhaps all these closed Australian doors will mean I get to open a few right at home. I've been given a vision, a heart that can see possibilities.
Maybe this year I will be asked to turn those visions into reality. Maybe, just maybe, it's time.
The first is a typical conservative denominational one. Large mostly-empty cathedral-type building, hymns, "reverent" silence, un-miked-up piano (the organ broke years ago, and funds are lacking to replace it. Thank goodness), Afrikaans sermon, same style and order of service as every other week, and you'd better leave before they lock you in the church after the service is done. (Dad missed his home church in Australia)
The second is a non-denominational cell-based church. Small room, bring out more chairs because the congregation just doubled thanks to a baby dedication, band, short and relevant sermon, bits added as needed to the service, freedom to applaud at the good stuff, and coffee & cake afterwards. (Dad had been singing one of the contemporary songs chosen just that morning - it felt like home)
No prizes as to which one I enjoyed more.
My dad being my dad, and me being me, we had to get into a discussion about the vision we both have for the former church, where I'm still officially a member. I've blogged about my ideal church a few weeks back. It's an ideal that won't happen easily, and while sitting through the Afrikaans sermon (a background noise similar to the F1 Grand Prix, international golf tournaments or 5-day cricket on TV - very "lulling"!), I wondered if they'd let me try to get a late-afternoon contemporary meditative gathering going.
You see, late afternoon doesn't clash with any other meetings, so would not be "competition". As not an official service, it wouldn't have to be regulated by the all-powerful Church Board. All I basically request is a space to meet, and freedom for people to experiment with what is done.
Which I mentioned to dad.
Unfortunately we had lunch at the assistant head elder's (AHE) house, right after service #1. And dad, being dad, started a 4-hour discussion, introduced by mentioning my idea - but branching off into Being church and all sorts of other things. Even more unfortunately, although the AHE is my age, he's the opposite end of the conservative scale to me, and I really should have warned dad first! :)
He grasped the basic concept of living our faith and that it impacts worship, but doesn't see the need for a space and place for those who do not fit into any of the three ultra-conservative models available here. That there are talents going unused because drums and electric guitars are frowned upon (well, a bit more than frowned upon!). And that not being able to express an experiential, creative worship intead of a logical head-ruled one is leaving a lot of (postmodern, creative and other) folk out in the cold.
I honestly think dad was fighting a bit of a losing battle. And at times I felt like crying. The needs and views of myself and others simply don't feature on their radars. They don't have a mindset that can grasp something bigger, more life-encompassing than what they are already doing.
Too many people simply endure their weekly church attendance duty. I've had my ear bent by quite a few of them.
Granted, there is change. I saw many young folk in the service, and some have just returned from a year with a travelling youth group - which could bring a breath of fresh air to goings-on. The head elder is doing much to find ways of injecting life back into the church, and has been touring those who longer attend (including me).
And yet there is still not a space for something out-of-the-ordinary. Not just a different form of worship, but a whole different living-out of faith. An acceptance of the "weird" AND the "wonderful" as children of God, brothers and sisters - no need to first be/dress/act perfect. There is no space to relate to God in a way other than the all-important Service. And there is no real service to the community outside of said "Service".
But there is also hope. There are a number of new folk around who can help initiate something great. If they refuse us use of the building, I DO posess an empty garage.... :) And personally I'm starting to feel I'm almost at the point where my sitting/waiting is over - time to get up off the bench at the side of the road to continue on the journey.
It's strange. I've felt from many that 2006 will be a year of positive change. People are optimistic across beliefs (or lack thereof), continents, lifestyles. All anticipating a good year. It's like we've taken a deep breath and woken up to a bright new day.
A few days ago I had an email from the elderly man working to get us to Australia, through his important contacts there. He asked if I were still trying, and I had to reply that perhaps God wants me (and my visions) here. Perhaps all these closed Australian doors will mean I get to open a few right at home. I've been given a vision, a heart that can see possibilities.
Maybe this year I will be asked to turn those visions into reality. Maybe, just maybe, it's time.
Passions
Oh joy! The new students have arrived, and I've done nothing but (literally) run all morning. Let's see if I can get a post off, without it becoming too fragmented by typing in free moments....
----
I've been pondering passion lately, trying to make out what I'm passionate about. I've realized that if I'm to work with things I love to make a living, I'll need to do so clearly understanding just what it is I love - not just what I like.
Here's what I've discovered so far:
* I'm passionate about nature. I enjoy being in the natural world, learning about how nature operates and working with growing things. I love my gardening, and helping to create organic produce (together with the soil, water, sun and other miracles not of my doing).
* I'm passionate about organic. I believe naturally-grown, unharmed by chemicals and with as little interference on the part of man as possible is the best way to go. Everything from food to cotton, houses to clothing.
* I'm passionate about the environment. I don't believe it's too late for us to make positive changes, and I want to be sure I do as little damage to it as possible. I want to help others realize what their action/inaction can do too.
* I'm passionate about food. Good food, crafted with love and enjoyed with relish. Home-made, from-scratch, using the best natural and local ingredients. I need to practice what I'm passionate about though, as too often I settle for less.
* I'm passionate about texture. I love the feel of raw silk, real heavy linen, pure cotton, wood grain, soft wool. Natural textures that I can run my hands over and feel against my skin.
* I'm passionate about light. I relish the natural daylight as it changes from morning to night, and can't live without windows. I love candle-light and firelight, the reflection of the moon on water.
* I'm passionate about colour. The kind of colour you'd find in the sky and the ground and the trees. Smokey blues, undyed and unbleached textiles, the hints of grey after the rain, sunset purples against a midnight-blue sky, deep greens in a forest. Splashes of paint on canvas in bold and muted tones. Glints of gold and the sparkle of crystals.
* I'm passionate about comfort. I believe in soft edges in life and in living. A place to be where you can just be yourself, and comfortable surroundings to do so. Warm blankets to cuddle up with, soft floors to walk on, clothes that look good and feel good, and of course comfort food! :)
* I'm passionate about nifty, cool goodies. Technology that helps you live, but not by destroying things in the process. Things that make you go "WOW!". New ideas and innovations.
* I'm passionate about hand-made. I believe in lovingly crafted items that last for generations, not mass-produced plastic junk. I know that the thought and creativity that goes into planning, designing and creating something is worth more than simply buying and discarding.
* I'm passionate about nostalgia. I enjoy realizing there's a history to me, my family, the world I live in - and looking back to see what's made us who/where we are.
* I'm passionate about simplicity and serenity. I believe things should be as simple as possible, but no simpler. I know that an uncrowded existence enhances serenity in mind and body and soul, that your environment and way of life influences how you'll cope with both.
Looking at these passions, I've found I have direction. I'm starting to know what I need to do, and how I need to do it. I think I've discovered a work I can love and where I'm headed next. Passionately.
----
I've been pondering passion lately, trying to make out what I'm passionate about. I've realized that if I'm to work with things I love to make a living, I'll need to do so clearly understanding just what it is I love - not just what I like.
Here's what I've discovered so far:
* I'm passionate about nature. I enjoy being in the natural world, learning about how nature operates and working with growing things. I love my gardening, and helping to create organic produce (together with the soil, water, sun and other miracles not of my doing).
* I'm passionate about organic. I believe naturally-grown, unharmed by chemicals and with as little interference on the part of man as possible is the best way to go. Everything from food to cotton, houses to clothing.
* I'm passionate about the environment. I don't believe it's too late for us to make positive changes, and I want to be sure I do as little damage to it as possible. I want to help others realize what their action/inaction can do too.
* I'm passionate about food. Good food, crafted with love and enjoyed with relish. Home-made, from-scratch, using the best natural and local ingredients. I need to practice what I'm passionate about though, as too often I settle for less.
* I'm passionate about texture. I love the feel of raw silk, real heavy linen, pure cotton, wood grain, soft wool. Natural textures that I can run my hands over and feel against my skin.
* I'm passionate about light. I relish the natural daylight as it changes from morning to night, and can't live without windows. I love candle-light and firelight, the reflection of the moon on water.
* I'm passionate about colour. The kind of colour you'd find in the sky and the ground and the trees. Smokey blues, undyed and unbleached textiles, the hints of grey after the rain, sunset purples against a midnight-blue sky, deep greens in a forest. Splashes of paint on canvas in bold and muted tones. Glints of gold and the sparkle of crystals.
* I'm passionate about comfort. I believe in soft edges in life and in living. A place to be where you can just be yourself, and comfortable surroundings to do so. Warm blankets to cuddle up with, soft floors to walk on, clothes that look good and feel good, and of course comfort food! :)
* I'm passionate about nifty, cool goodies. Technology that helps you live, but not by destroying things in the process. Things that make you go "WOW!". New ideas and innovations.
* I'm passionate about hand-made. I believe in lovingly crafted items that last for generations, not mass-produced plastic junk. I know that the thought and creativity that goes into planning, designing and creating something is worth more than simply buying and discarding.
* I'm passionate about nostalgia. I enjoy realizing there's a history to me, my family, the world I live in - and looking back to see what's made us who/where we are.
* I'm passionate about simplicity and serenity. I believe things should be as simple as possible, but no simpler. I know that an uncrowded existence enhances serenity in mind and body and soul, that your environment and way of life influences how you'll cope with both.
Looking at these passions, I've found I have direction. I'm starting to know what I need to do, and how I need to do it. I think I've discovered a work I can love and where I'm headed next. Passionately.
Fire, fire, everywhere!
It's a hot, dry summer here in the Cape. Fire-fighters have been constantly on the go with runaway veld fires, shack fires, arson, the rich folk's stuff going up in smoke. Yesterday, on the way to drop my son off at art class, we found two in the area:
This was just over the mountain, barely started when the pic was taken. I don't know if it was a bush fire, or something else, but it looked like a tanker-truck that had gone up in flames! Unfortunately, a gale-force wind urged it on, and it spread rapidly over the mountain. It was dark before it was put out.
This one was next to the road, a bit further on. We drove through thick choking smoke, but the emergency and fire guys were already on the scene. By the time I picked my son up 2 hours later, it was a mere whiff of smoke.
But as we arrived home, I could see another fire burning between us and Cape Town. The water-dumping helicopter and spotter plane came over our house a few times before everything died down.
We haven't had a good burn on the mountains for a while now. Plants such as the protea depend on fire for their reproduction. It's all good and well that we are trying to protect our houses and people, but nature sometimes has a cycle it must follow. And as much as we fight it, we are mere visitors in the environment. If all humans disappeared tomorrow, it wouldn't take long for nature to reclaim her space and reinstate her rhythm.
This was just over the mountain, barely started when the pic was taken. I don't know if it was a bush fire, or something else, but it looked like a tanker-truck that had gone up in flames! Unfortunately, a gale-force wind urged it on, and it spread rapidly over the mountain. It was dark before it was put out.
This one was next to the road, a bit further on. We drove through thick choking smoke, but the emergency and fire guys were already on the scene. By the time I picked my son up 2 hours later, it was a mere whiff of smoke.
But as we arrived home, I could see another fire burning between us and Cape Town. The water-dumping helicopter and spotter plane came over our house a few times before everything died down.
We haven't had a good burn on the mountains for a while now. Plants such as the protea depend on fire for their reproduction. It's all good and well that we are trying to protect our houses and people, but nature sometimes has a cycle it must follow. And as much as we fight it, we are mere visitors in the environment. If all humans disappeared tomorrow, it wouldn't take long for nature to reclaim her space and reinstate her rhythm.
To quit a day job
I wonder what it takes to quit a day job...
A substantial pile of carry-over cash? A plan? An inheritance granted by some rich ancestor who has shuffled off this mortal coil? A steady source of alternative income? A parent's lounge to crash in until you find your feet?
Or is it simply stepping out of your comfort zone? Taking a chance? Trusting that God and life will make everything OK - or better than OK? Believing in your abilities and dreams and skills? Believing in your Self?
It's comfortable in a socially-acceptable rut, a day job. It's easy to accept paycheque after paycheque and endure the crap. It's routine and boring and ... safe.
I can sit here and make up a myriad of excuses. School fees, food, housing, future plans - they all need a steady income. I can say I'm not ready, I'm not marketable, I have to be responsible, I'm too scared. I could be missing out big-time, or I could be right.
Quitting takes a leap of faith, a willingness to be unsafe and unsure. A committment to give your all to making life happen, instead of waiting for it to pass.
I wonder if I have it in me.
A substantial pile of carry-over cash? A plan? An inheritance granted by some rich ancestor who has shuffled off this mortal coil? A steady source of alternative income? A parent's lounge to crash in until you find your feet?
Or is it simply stepping out of your comfort zone? Taking a chance? Trusting that God and life will make everything OK - or better than OK? Believing in your abilities and dreams and skills? Believing in your Self?
It's comfortable in a socially-acceptable rut, a day job. It's easy to accept paycheque after paycheque and endure the crap. It's routine and boring and ... safe.
I can sit here and make up a myriad of excuses. School fees, food, housing, future plans - they all need a steady income. I can say I'm not ready, I'm not marketable, I have to be responsible, I'm too scared. I could be missing out big-time, or I could be right.
Quitting takes a leap of faith, a willingness to be unsafe and unsure. A committment to give your all to making life happen, instead of waiting for it to pass.
I wonder if I have it in me.
More Guerilla Things
This time it's the Guerilla Gardening!
There are a number of blank bits of land around me, generally overrun by large sticky spikey weeds, grass and litter. I can't help eyeing these every day, as someone who has to get her hands into the soil regularly, and wondering if there's more that can be done with them.
Case in point is the slope below my house. The building is on a steep hill, so earth was brought in to level it out, the back cut into the hill, and where my lawn ends the ground drops steeply. It affords a wonderful view over the neighbour's roofs, but is neglected and unsightly.
I'm all for edible landscaping. I believe in random planting - throwing plants together, or chucking a few handfuls of seeds around, and watching what happens. My own garden is a mix of things that are good to look at and things that are good to eat. I guess it's an unofficial form of companion-planting, but it seems to work (most times - onions don't grow next to carrots too well, we noticed).
At the moment it's dry season here. The grass is brown, the soil dusty - ideal for digging out the roots of grass and weeds, shaking off the dust to maintain soil volume, and sticking in something to replace it. The slope is right near my garden tap, makes for easy watering and keeping an eye on the growing things. Growing a few food items for public consumption may help solve the "hungry student" problem we've been told about, and adding in things good to look at will get rid of the eyesore.
There's just one problem. Garden services. They have the run of the campus, and are headed up by an English lady who prefers neatly ordered, trimmed to death landscaping. I'm more in favour of rambling natural habitats, so we sometimes clash when it comes to what's acceptable. I've banned them from my property for taking out every living thing with their weedeaters (those electric things with a plastic cord that spins and cuts and destroys whatever it passes over). They've just been over that slope and cut to root level whatever was growing. Fortunately the arums planted along the fence are past their season, and will regrow come winter. But I fear that if I should plant out that slope, they won't notice. While I'm at work, they'll come through and mow it down again before things can take root and flourish. I can warn the lady in charge of what I'm up to (which would then not really be guerilla gardening), but her workers may not get the message.
And there's another problem. My neighbours (recently moved in, and now taking over where they see fit). Along with my little front yard, I also have a side garden, being on the end of the flats. Part of it I've planted out with roses, herbs and a few watermelon seeds. The end of it was a compost heap, recipient of all my garden waste for the past 4 years, percolating nicely into soil enrichment. Yesterday I arrived home for lunch - and the compost heap, accompanying grass and a creeper were GONE. My garden tools were lying around the cleared area, all that remained on that end were two poles. I was p'd off. Completely. And (nicely) informed the neighbour that he needs to butt out of my area. It's not the first time they've done this. There are a few trees over the parking place, which I have been trimming to help grow up and still provide shade. They decided one was overhanging a bit and simply broke out half the tree's branches on one side. I said nothing - but THIS time they've gone a bit too far.
Will what I want to plant on my slope (which also borders their slope) survive? Not if they keep this up. Perhaps once the wife is out of the house during the day and studying, they'll have less time to mess with my stuff and clear out my garden.
But I'll warn them too.
And this is starting to look a lot less like guerilla gardening! Perhaps I should rather call it extended gardening? Gardening without borders? Intervention gardening? Feed-the-public gardening? Greening the verges?
There are a number of blank bits of land around me, generally overrun by large sticky spikey weeds, grass and litter. I can't help eyeing these every day, as someone who has to get her hands into the soil regularly, and wondering if there's more that can be done with them.
Case in point is the slope below my house. The building is on a steep hill, so earth was brought in to level it out, the back cut into the hill, and where my lawn ends the ground drops steeply. It affords a wonderful view over the neighbour's roofs, but is neglected and unsightly.
I'm all for edible landscaping. I believe in random planting - throwing plants together, or chucking a few handfuls of seeds around, and watching what happens. My own garden is a mix of things that are good to look at and things that are good to eat. I guess it's an unofficial form of companion-planting, but it seems to work (most times - onions don't grow next to carrots too well, we noticed).
At the moment it's dry season here. The grass is brown, the soil dusty - ideal for digging out the roots of grass and weeds, shaking off the dust to maintain soil volume, and sticking in something to replace it. The slope is right near my garden tap, makes for easy watering and keeping an eye on the growing things. Growing a few food items for public consumption may help solve the "hungry student" problem we've been told about, and adding in things good to look at will get rid of the eyesore.
There's just one problem. Garden services. They have the run of the campus, and are headed up by an English lady who prefers neatly ordered, trimmed to death landscaping. I'm more in favour of rambling natural habitats, so we sometimes clash when it comes to what's acceptable. I've banned them from my property for taking out every living thing with their weedeaters (those electric things with a plastic cord that spins and cuts and destroys whatever it passes over). They've just been over that slope and cut to root level whatever was growing. Fortunately the arums planted along the fence are past their season, and will regrow come winter. But I fear that if I should plant out that slope, they won't notice. While I'm at work, they'll come through and mow it down again before things can take root and flourish. I can warn the lady in charge of what I'm up to (which would then not really be guerilla gardening), but her workers may not get the message.And there's another problem. My neighbours (recently moved in, and now taking over where they see fit). Along with my little front yard, I also have a side garden, being on the end of the flats. Part of it I've planted out with roses, herbs and a few watermelon seeds. The end of it was a compost heap, recipient of all my garden waste for the past 4 years, percolating nicely into soil enrichment. Yesterday I arrived home for lunch - and the compost heap, accompanying grass and a creeper were GONE. My garden tools were lying around the cleared area, all that remained on that end were two poles. I was p'd off. Completely. And (nicely) informed the neighbour that he needs to butt out of my area. It's not the first time they've done this. There are a few trees over the parking place, which I have been trimming to help grow up and still provide shade. They decided one was overhanging a bit and simply broke out half the tree's branches on one side. I said nothing - but THIS time they've gone a bit too far.
Will what I want to plant on my slope (which also borders their slope) survive? Not if they keep this up. Perhaps once the wife is out of the house during the day and studying, they'll have less time to mess with my stuff and clear out my garden.
But I'll warn them too.
And this is starting to look a lot less like guerilla gardening! Perhaps I should rather call it extended gardening? Gardening without borders? Intervention gardening? Feed-the-public gardening? Greening the verges?
Schoolbooks and Cocktails
The school year started yesterday, after the long summer holidays, and this year I managed to get all the schoolbooks covered well ahead of time! No sitting up until unearthly hours, with bits of brown paper and plastic and tape all over the room. I simply did a little each night during the news, and got it all finished ahead of time.
Or so I thought.
New teacher, new regulations. My son came home with half the books again, and instructions to re-cover them with a colour-coded insert that the teacher had devised to keep track of different subjects. Thankfully, for us it only involved undoing one part of the cover plastic, sliding in the sheet, and re-taping it.
But during this whole long process I had to wonder what's the logic behind all this book-covering. Every single book comes already printed with space for a name and subject and grade. Most have quite nice covers, although they probably aren't as durable as ones with a few extra layers of paper and plastic. Perhaps it's simply another one of those inane school regulations that don't really make sense - like the fact that my son's class is near the school exit by the office, but they have to walk in a line all the way down to the other end of the school to exit the building... Many times it seems to me that order, rules and "discipline" take precedence over logical thinking.
Perhaps it's just me.
And then last night I attended a "cocktail" at the other school he's at, the art school where he'll be full-time next year. I didn't exactly dress up, but was still overdressed. I was the only parent of a part-time learner there (but they did say "all parents of enrolled learners", so off I went). Perhaps I was the odd one out in many ways, but I came away with a lot of info.
I've realized that I crave information. I operate best when I have a clear idea of what is required, or all the angles I need to think it through and plan properly. Last night provided much of that. I've got a better idea of how the school runs, what equipment will be needed, and how strict/relaxed they are about various issues. They have a very clear anti-drug policy - drugs perhaps being more strongly linked to the arty bunch than the academic types. I can start acquiring the equipment he'll need this year already, including some rather expensive design kits which are long-lasting enough that he'll be using them for years after school.
I've also got a squiz at some of the other parents, which is more than I can say for our primary school. In grade one we met with the teacher as a group - but she sat up front, did her thing, and we left. I still don't know most of the parents of my son's peers, after 7 years there. I hope that art school will be a bit different, and that I'll make connections with staff, students and parents through the many opportunities they provide to socialize.
And so begins another year of learning. Two different schools, two different learning methods, two different views of the education experience. Quite a few adjustments to fit into both at the same time. But it's started on a positive note, and maybe, just maybe, it's going to be a really good one.
Or so I thought.
New teacher, new regulations. My son came home with half the books again, and instructions to re-cover them with a colour-coded insert that the teacher had devised to keep track of different subjects. Thankfully, for us it only involved undoing one part of the cover plastic, sliding in the sheet, and re-taping it.
But during this whole long process I had to wonder what's the logic behind all this book-covering. Every single book comes already printed with space for a name and subject and grade. Most have quite nice covers, although they probably aren't as durable as ones with a few extra layers of paper and plastic. Perhaps it's simply another one of those inane school regulations that don't really make sense - like the fact that my son's class is near the school exit by the office, but they have to walk in a line all the way down to the other end of the school to exit the building... Many times it seems to me that order, rules and "discipline" take precedence over logical thinking.
Perhaps it's just me.
And then last night I attended a "cocktail" at the other school he's at, the art school where he'll be full-time next year. I didn't exactly dress up, but was still overdressed. I was the only parent of a part-time learner there (but they did say "all parents of enrolled learners", so off I went). Perhaps I was the odd one out in many ways, but I came away with a lot of info.
I've realized that I crave information. I operate best when I have a clear idea of what is required, or all the angles I need to think it through and plan properly. Last night provided much of that. I've got a better idea of how the school runs, what equipment will be needed, and how strict/relaxed they are about various issues. They have a very clear anti-drug policy - drugs perhaps being more strongly linked to the arty bunch than the academic types. I can start acquiring the equipment he'll need this year already, including some rather expensive design kits which are long-lasting enough that he'll be using them for years after school.
I've also got a squiz at some of the other parents, which is more than I can say for our primary school. In grade one we met with the teacher as a group - but she sat up front, did her thing, and we left. I still don't know most of the parents of my son's peers, after 7 years there. I hope that art school will be a bit different, and that I'll make connections with staff, students and parents through the many opportunities they provide to socialize.
And so begins another year of learning. Two different schools, two different learning methods, two different views of the education experience. Quite a few adjustments to fit into both at the same time. But it's started on a positive note, and maybe, just maybe, it's going to be a really good one.
Mystery Solved!
Remember Monday's mysterious letter? The answer has been found! Just received this email:
Someone is in deep, DEEP trouble! :) He can be lucky this whole thing never got as far as the police....
We seem to have problems with **** as he may not have send the papers at all. His mum lives in UK and she came to Zimbabwe on the 6th and she was anxious to know outcome as she wanted to pay everything required. As the pressure was mounting due to me following up on application with you. He and his friend may have hatched up a plan to dupe the mother not knowing you and me were in touch. I am sure he had used the money we gave him to DHL. I think he has been a disgrace and I am so sorry. The mother is very stressed about this whole issue and I dont even know what to say to you except that I am sorry I believed he was genuine.
Someone is in deep, DEEP trouble! :) He can be lucky this whole thing never got as far as the police....
Guerilla Art
Yesterday I got all sidetracked and ended up looking at guerilla art sites. You know - the "attack, art, and leave" stuff like graffiti, temporary art, and such.
Kel challenged us a while back to a bit of public dancing, or performance, or exuberance - which I guess you could also classify guerilla art.
The coolest one I've seen is this idea. Park(ing) was created as a temporary urban "intervention", providing a little green public space for the price of a parking place. Way cool, totally creative - and not something I would have come up with!
My son and I have done a bit of guerilla art in our time. (The term "Terrorist Evangelism" got me in a whole lot of comment hot water at the time!) We had fun with it, but that was a very long time ago.
Lately I've been wondering how I can be publicly and anonymously creative - ie guerilla art! As I walk my town and community, my eye picks up potential walls and roads and such that would be really good canvasses. I would love to cover them in something non-permanent, surprising, beautiful - random art. A bit like the street chalk my son and I used perhaps, or a couple of posters, stickers, sculpture installations in unexpected places.
And talking of the unexpected, I've always has this secret desire to go build Cape Dutch style buildings in places you wouldn't expect to find them - atop the Himalayas, deep in a rainforest, in the middle of the Sahara...
But back to the subject at hand.
With an urge to be creative, I've been trying to find the outlets that will allow me to express this, but without making myself too visible. I'm no artist when it comes to spray-paint, huge murals or standing in a park painting the scenery. I can't cover skyscrapers in fabric to create an art piece, and have never yet sneaked one of my own drawings into a gallery. But I can manage the draw-and-dash (or stencil-and-dash) style required for instant and temporary art.
I just need to find medium, method and place. And if I do, you may just see the results right here.
Kel challenged us a while back to a bit of public dancing, or performance, or exuberance - which I guess you could also classify guerilla art.
The coolest one I've seen is this idea. Park(ing) was created as a temporary urban "intervention", providing a little green public space for the price of a parking place. Way cool, totally creative - and not something I would have come up with!
My son and I have done a bit of guerilla art in our time. (The term "Terrorist Evangelism" got me in a whole lot of comment hot water at the time!) We had fun with it, but that was a very long time ago.
Lately I've been wondering how I can be publicly and anonymously creative - ie guerilla art! As I walk my town and community, my eye picks up potential walls and roads and such that would be really good canvasses. I would love to cover them in something non-permanent, surprising, beautiful - random art. A bit like the street chalk my son and I used perhaps, or a couple of posters, stickers, sculpture installations in unexpected places.
And talking of the unexpected, I've always has this secret desire to go build Cape Dutch style buildings in places you wouldn't expect to find them - atop the Himalayas, deep in a rainforest, in the middle of the Sahara...
But back to the subject at hand.
With an urge to be creative, I've been trying to find the outlets that will allow me to express this, but without making myself too visible. I'm no artist when it comes to spray-paint, huge murals or standing in a park painting the scenery. I can't cover skyscrapers in fabric to create an art piece, and have never yet sneaked one of my own drawings into a gallery. But I can manage the draw-and-dash (or stencil-and-dash) style required for instant and temporary art.
I just need to find medium, method and place. And if I do, you may just see the results right here.
I wonder...
...if my son is enjoying his day out with his Gramps, playing Putt-Putt and "other things"? If he's doing well at it?
...if I can actually make a living from the creativity tingling in my hands, small as it may be?
...if I'll ever get a full, undisturbed night's sleep - even though I work myself into a state of exhaustion during the day?
...if dreams really do come true?
...if I have the courage to take some really big steps this year, and overcome the feeling of little self-worth that's been imprinted on me by my current employers?
...if I'll manage to get completely debt-free in a few months?
...if I'll ever get healthy and strong again, instead of desk-weak and office-flabby?
...if having one male dog snipped will really help prevent competitive peeing, fighting/biting and other struggles for Alpha-maledom between the two of them?
...if I'll ever be able to afford my own house, farm or piece of land?
...if I could ever bring myself to marry? Or even consider it as an option for the future, decent-male dependant?
...if I can stop blogging nonsense and just get back to work?
...if I can actually make a living from the creativity tingling in my hands, small as it may be?
...if I'll ever get a full, undisturbed night's sleep - even though I work myself into a state of exhaustion during the day?
...if dreams really do come true?
...if I have the courage to take some really big steps this year, and overcome the feeling of little self-worth that's been imprinted on me by my current employers?
...if I'll manage to get completely debt-free in a few months?
...if I'll ever get healthy and strong again, instead of desk-weak and office-flabby?
...if having one male dog snipped will really help prevent competitive peeing, fighting/biting and other struggles for Alpha-maledom between the two of them?
...if I'll ever be able to afford my own house, farm or piece of land?
...if I could ever bring myself to marry? Or even consider it as an option for the future, decent-male dependant?
...if I can stop blogging nonsense and just get back to work?
Summer Clean-up
In about 20 minutes I'm going to have a lot less stuff. I phoned a lady who aquires second-hand goods and clothing, and asked her if I could dump half a garage's worth in her possession. She agreed, so it's a done deal. AND I get paid for it!
On Sunday morning and did a quick once-over the garage, and piled all the stuff I want to give her against one side. It literally IS half the garage, and mainly clothing. There's also a fridge, thanks to the neighbours donating one - the old one goes, the donated one stays, though we still have to sort out a rattling at the back every time it starts up.
Already I feel lighter. More space to live, work and breathe. More room to create and even park the car! :)
There's much more that could go. I've weeded out the doubles of my Reader's Digest Condensed Books collection to start a friend off with his own library. There's still things I haven't used in years in one cupboard, which I'm sure I won't miss. Much is sentimental stuff, much is just plain junk.
But it's a start. A good start.
And being given cash for my junk is going to help the poor credit card recover from annual school fees paid to two schools in advance yesterday....
::update::
Well so much for that! She came, she took the fridge, a couple of CDs, a box of wool and a chalkboard, and gave me a mere R170. Garage still full, wallet still empty (though enough for food until payday, which is ALWAYS late in January thanks to too many people taking too long on holiday to close off the accounts).
Next plan? Call the bloke who wants clothes for free to come get the rest! And then hold open house to rid myself of whatever remains, thanks to the locals.
On Sunday morning and did a quick once-over the garage, and piled all the stuff I want to give her against one side. It literally IS half the garage, and mainly clothing. There's also a fridge, thanks to the neighbours donating one - the old one goes, the donated one stays, though we still have to sort out a rattling at the back every time it starts up.
Already I feel lighter. More space to live, work and breathe. More room to create and even park the car! :)
There's much more that could go. I've weeded out the doubles of my Reader's Digest Condensed Books collection to start a friend off with his own library. There's still things I haven't used in years in one cupboard, which I'm sure I won't miss. Much is sentimental stuff, much is just plain junk.
But it's a start. A good start.
And being given cash for my junk is going to help the poor credit card recover from annual school fees paid to two schools in advance yesterday....
::update::
Well so much for that! She came, she took the fridge, a couple of CDs, a box of wool and a chalkboard, and gave me a mere R170. Garage still full, wallet still empty (though enough for food until payday, which is ALWAYS late in January thanks to too many people taking too long on holiday to close off the accounts).
Next plan? Call the bloke who wants clothes for free to come get the rest! And then hold open house to rid myself of whatever remains, thanks to the locals.
Weird things going on...
Back at work on a Monday morning, it seems I may have landed in a parallel universe! All is as it should be. Almost. But not quite.
Firstly, I have been in contact with a prospective student who sent application forms to me by DHL in December. I didn't receive them, so hadn't responded. Then I get an email saying "don't worry, you already sent us a letter of rejection on 4 January"! No, I didn't. So I asked for a copy to be faxed to me.
It arrived this morning. Letterhead not ours, email address not mine, website not ours (doesn't exist, nor does the email addy), postal addrss wrong - but my direct number correct.
The font in the letter is one I never use, the grammar is awful - again, not me! - and it's signed by an unknown person, with no printed name under the signature. The letter states we're full. We're not, we're desperately seeking students.
The megaboss is considering opening a fraud docket with the police, as soon as we can track down where the package was sent to and who signed for it. I only hope this is a once-off incident, and not one of a string of sabotaged applications we don't even know about!
But that's not the only weird thing going on.
We have guest rooms on campus. A couple and their kids had booked into two adjacent ones. While there, some guy they (and we) don't know opened up the security gate and one of their rooms with a key in his possession, took a packet of biscuits, and walked out again. When confronted he just shrugged and walked off.
A little later on, the lady in charge let another visitor into their room and found the bed covers didn't match. She moaned at the cleaning girl who was supposed to put matching covers in the room - and the cleaning girl had! They don't know how they got swapped.
Which implies we are seriously doing the parallel-universe thing here today. Perhaps I don't even really exist... :)
Firstly, I have been in contact with a prospective student who sent application forms to me by DHL in December. I didn't receive them, so hadn't responded. Then I get an email saying "don't worry, you already sent us a letter of rejection on 4 January"! No, I didn't. So I asked for a copy to be faxed to me.
It arrived this morning. Letterhead not ours, email address not mine, website not ours (doesn't exist, nor does the email addy), postal addrss wrong - but my direct number correct.
The font in the letter is one I never use, the grammar is awful - again, not me! - and it's signed by an unknown person, with no printed name under the signature. The letter states we're full. We're not, we're desperately seeking students.
The megaboss is considering opening a fraud docket with the police, as soon as we can track down where the package was sent to and who signed for it. I only hope this is a once-off incident, and not one of a string of sabotaged applications we don't even know about!
But that's not the only weird thing going on.
We have guest rooms on campus. A couple and their kids had booked into two adjacent ones. While there, some guy they (and we) don't know opened up the security gate and one of their rooms with a key in his possession, took a packet of biscuits, and walked out again. When confronted he just shrugged and walked off.
A little later on, the lady in charge let another visitor into their room and found the bed covers didn't match. She moaned at the cleaning girl who was supposed to put matching covers in the room - and the cleaning girl had! They don't know how they got swapped.
Which implies we are seriously doing the parallel-universe thing here today. Perhaps I don't even really exist... :)
Friday the 13th
I noticed the date while making breakfast this morning. Oh dear, it's that unlucky day again.
And it seems it's kicked in! Not only for me...
That spider that's made a nest in my outdoor table? After weeks of happy, safe living, the shrike discovered it this morning and pecked away the protective web it had woven. It couldn't get in deep enough to actually eat the spider, and we've rescued it by placing a rock over the hole. But it was a close call.
I did my usual garden-watering this morning. The hose got a kink in, and as I un-kinked it, mud splashed up against my pants. The ones I have to wear to work today.
Walking to work, an over-ripe plum dropped off the tree as I passed, landed in my shoe as I walked, and squashed as my heel came down before I could stop. Stained heel, plummy shoe - fortunately had some tissue here to remove the plum parts.
Now I'm sitting with a headache and eyestrain, and I haven't been looking at the computer for more than 10 minutes! I'm typing badly, constantly having to go back and correct mistakes. I got up with a sore back thanks to a 20-year old mattress - woken by the fridge's elements at the back starting up with a rattle (thought I'd fixed that days ago!) and a dog growly-rolling on my feet.
Dare I get in my car and go shopping this afternoon???
And it seems it's kicked in! Not only for me...
That spider that's made a nest in my outdoor table? After weeks of happy, safe living, the shrike discovered it this morning and pecked away the protective web it had woven. It couldn't get in deep enough to actually eat the spider, and we've rescued it by placing a rock over the hole. But it was a close call.
I did my usual garden-watering this morning. The hose got a kink in, and as I un-kinked it, mud splashed up against my pants. The ones I have to wear to work today.
Walking to work, an over-ripe plum dropped off the tree as I passed, landed in my shoe as I walked, and squashed as my heel came down before I could stop. Stained heel, plummy shoe - fortunately had some tissue here to remove the plum parts.
Now I'm sitting with a headache and eyestrain, and I haven't been looking at the computer for more than 10 minutes! I'm typing badly, constantly having to go back and correct mistakes. I got up with a sore back thanks to a 20-year old mattress - woken by the fridge's elements at the back starting up with a rattle (thought I'd fixed that days ago!) and a dog growly-rolling on my feet.
Dare I get in my car and go shopping this afternoon???
And, and, and...
Have you ever stopped to ponder your legacy? No, not the lucky few of you who have inherited castles and estates and millions in the bank. Rather, the legacy that's flowed down the family tree through parent after parent, until it got to you.
Here's an example.
My grandpa is a farmer, a handyman, a builder, a man of the earth. He's got a dry, strange sense of humour and can do anything he puts his hand to. My mom had a love of nature, a curiosity for the small and the big things, creativity in every fibre of her being, and a stubborn determination. I inherited much of both - the hands that get themselves dirty and do hard work, the love of soil and growing things, fascination with nature, and stubborn set of the chin. My son has inherited a lot of these - and then had me add in things like an awareness of environmental issues, a love of archeology and ancient sites that I got from my dad, plus an interest in the strange and unusual like ley lines, standing stones and cryptozoology. He's also got his gran's creativity, his great-gramps's love of nature...
You see how it goes? You get this AND that AND the next thing, all inherited without you even realizing it.
It makes me wonder what's been passed down from generations even further back. What quirks and characteristics have I got that seeped through the gene pool? How much is environment, and how much simply bred into me?
I wonder...
(And yes, it's a pity that no ancestor has left me a castle - but I guess my ancestors were more of the serf varitey than the nobleman)
Here's an example.
My grandpa is a farmer, a handyman, a builder, a man of the earth. He's got a dry, strange sense of humour and can do anything he puts his hand to. My mom had a love of nature, a curiosity for the small and the big things, creativity in every fibre of her being, and a stubborn determination. I inherited much of both - the hands that get themselves dirty and do hard work, the love of soil and growing things, fascination with nature, and stubborn set of the chin. My son has inherited a lot of these - and then had me add in things like an awareness of environmental issues, a love of archeology and ancient sites that I got from my dad, plus an interest in the strange and unusual like ley lines, standing stones and cryptozoology. He's also got his gran's creativity, his great-gramps's love of nature...
You see how it goes? You get this AND that AND the next thing, all inherited without you even realizing it.
It makes me wonder what's been passed down from generations even further back. What quirks and characteristics have I got that seeped through the gene pool? How much is environment, and how much simply bred into me?
I wonder...
(And yes, it's a pity that no ancestor has left me a castle - but I guess my ancestors were more of the serf varitey than the nobleman)
Just one thing
Inspired by this (one paragraph out of a larger post elsewhere, and for the life of me I can't remember how to trackback to it! :) ), I've restarted my paper recycling drive here at work. I've given everyone notices that we're back on track, I've stuck up notices by all the copy machines - though both use paper, which is probably not a good start, but I don't have any plasma screens handy, especially not solar-powered ones... (vicious circle!)
Two years ago, the primary school on campus made cash from recycling company Sappi by collecting waste paper for them. Last year, Sappi decided not to pay anymore as the demand is not great enough for them to make a profit on recycled paper. However, we can still collect it, they'll pick it up and process it.
So that's what we're doing. Everything goes to the primary school (my son gets a chocolate every term for bringing the most paper too!), and we prevent all that excess stuff landing on the rubbish heap.
Why am I doing this, if we don't get paid for it? Because not everything is about money. Because in my effort to live greener, more eco-sensitive this year, I can't afford not to care about waste paper. Because I can do something about it, and because I'm the only one who will do something about it.
And because I hope that by using recycled paper to package my products later this year, I'll be able to close the circle in at least one part of my life.
Baby steps. Change doesn't necessarily require giant steps.
----
By the way, I only just handed out recycling notices to the office folk, and I've already received 3 boxes of waste paper! "If you provide it, they will come", to paraphrase a church-planter's saying. It seems that people really do want to make a difference, and all it takes is the opportunity to do so.
Can I challenge you to find a cause and to provide the opportunity? Then consider yourself challenged!
::update::
I just noticed two old textbooks I hauled out of the rubbish a while back, sitting on top of the filing cabinet. Next big recycling project? A second-hand "store" inspired by Robbymac's recent post on his college days. A place where staff and students can dump unwanted books, clothes, furniture etc - and where others who could use such things can pick them up or swap something else for them. As soon as both staff and students are back on campus....
Two years ago, the primary school on campus made cash from recycling company Sappi by collecting waste paper for them. Last year, Sappi decided not to pay anymore as the demand is not great enough for them to make a profit on recycled paper. However, we can still collect it, they'll pick it up and process it.
So that's what we're doing. Everything goes to the primary school (my son gets a chocolate every term for bringing the most paper too!), and we prevent all that excess stuff landing on the rubbish heap.
Why am I doing this, if we don't get paid for it? Because not everything is about money. Because in my effort to live greener, more eco-sensitive this year, I can't afford not to care about waste paper. Because I can do something about it, and because I'm the only one who will do something about it.
And because I hope that by using recycled paper to package my products later this year, I'll be able to close the circle in at least one part of my life.
Baby steps. Change doesn't necessarily require giant steps.
----
By the way, I only just handed out recycling notices to the office folk, and I've already received 3 boxes of waste paper! "If you provide it, they will come", to paraphrase a church-planter's saying. It seems that people really do want to make a difference, and all it takes is the opportunity to do so.
Can I challenge you to find a cause and to provide the opportunity? Then consider yourself challenged!
::update::
I just noticed two old textbooks I hauled out of the rubbish a while back, sitting on top of the filing cabinet. Next big recycling project? A second-hand "store" inspired by Robbymac's recent post on his college days. A place where staff and students can dump unwanted books, clothes, furniture etc - and where others who could use such things can pick them up or swap something else for them. As soon as both staff and students are back on campus....
More Disorganized Thoughts
* Have "discovered" the "music" of Diary of Dreams. Suitably strange music for my strange mood - optimistic, purposed, panicked, creative, stressed and fed-up all at once. No other soundtrack to my headspace will do.
* The waiter hits the nail on the head again.
* My business website and labels and business card thingies are finally getting a cohesive "look". Much work ahead, but I've made a start at last. I've been pushed to get going by the realization that this time next year I will have heck-of-a school fees to cover, and can't manage on current salary. If I don't make a move this year to either change jobs or get business going, it's tickets. Still much to do, but the hard part is always starting.
* I wouldn't mind one of these. Saw one parked outside a shop two days ago for the first time.
* This time next week my son's in school for his last year of primary school, and we'll be attending a cocktail at his art school in the evening. Life has taken a turn toward the future. Hold on, enjoy the ride....
* Was watering the garden this morning and noticed just how much edible landscaping I've been able to introduce. Too cool. We're soon going to be over-run with "eyeballs" (cherry tomatoes), green beans, a variety of other tomatoes, peas, zucchini and watermelon - provided the latter two actually produce something this year other than flowers and soon-rotted mini-fruits. And while all that goes on, we provide for the creatures around us who must eat, giving up part of our garden and crops to the insects, birds and other beasts that have as much right to live as we do. We do enjoy watching them, so they have entertainment value and we simply make sure we plant enough to keep both them and us happy.
* There's a brown widow spider laying eggs in a hole in my picnic table. Pretty freaky, but cool at the same time. Just don't stick your legs too far under it or you might run into problems!
* Why do I get so hungry at work during the day, when at home I can go the entire day and simply forget to eat? So strange. But at least I'm going to polish off the Haystacks we're up for in a few minutes.
Organized thoughts will resume here eventually.
* The waiter hits the nail on the head again.
* My business website and labels and business card thingies are finally getting a cohesive "look". Much work ahead, but I've made a start at last. I've been pushed to get going by the realization that this time next year I will have heck-of-a school fees to cover, and can't manage on current salary. If I don't make a move this year to either change jobs or get business going, it's tickets. Still much to do, but the hard part is always starting.
* I wouldn't mind one of these. Saw one parked outside a shop two days ago for the first time.
* This time next week my son's in school for his last year of primary school, and we'll be attending a cocktail at his art school in the evening. Life has taken a turn toward the future. Hold on, enjoy the ride....
* Was watering the garden this morning and noticed just how much edible landscaping I've been able to introduce. Too cool. We're soon going to be over-run with "eyeballs" (cherry tomatoes), green beans, a variety of other tomatoes, peas, zucchini and watermelon - provided the latter two actually produce something this year other than flowers and soon-rotted mini-fruits. And while all that goes on, we provide for the creatures around us who must eat, giving up part of our garden and crops to the insects, birds and other beasts that have as much right to live as we do. We do enjoy watching them, so they have entertainment value and we simply make sure we plant enough to keep both them and us happy.
* There's a brown widow spider laying eggs in a hole in my picnic table. Pretty freaky, but cool at the same time. Just don't stick your legs too far under it or you might run into problems!
* Why do I get so hungry at work during the day, when at home I can go the entire day and simply forget to eat? So strange. But at least I'm going to polish off the Haystacks we're up for in a few minutes.
Organized thoughts will resume here eventually.
Coping skills
What do you do when you're faced with a situation you don't want to deal with?
I find myself simply avoiding it. Shying away from having to push through and sort it out.
I ran into two of those first thing this morning while dealing with student applications. I have one parent insisting I put aside a policy regarding late applications, as he had already applied for his daughter elsewhere before applying here - so reckons he shouldn't have to pay the late fee (which really isn't my problem - it was his choice to apply to two places at once). Another has paid a portion of what is required, and wishes me to assure the embassy that he has paid the full amount, so his sons can receive visas.
Both, I'm not sure how to handle. We need students, and insisting on policy implementation in the former case may cause this man to take his child elsewhere. Waiting for outstanding fees in the latter will mean those two boys may not be able to register in time this year, and have to wait until next year - or withdraw and go elsewhere.
So do I bend rules? Do I do some careful dancing around issues and try to please everyone?
I don't know.
Instead I find myself doing other things. Like blogging. And fiddling with my Konfabulator settings. And cleaning out a desk drawer.
I know I'll have to sort it out this morning. I need to find a solution, quickly. But I've never been one for conflict, and I'd rather avoid it than deal with it. It's a personality thing. I have to grit my teeth and go forward, make myself do something that doesn't come naturally for me.
But not just yet.
I find myself simply avoiding it. Shying away from having to push through and sort it out.
I ran into two of those first thing this morning while dealing with student applications. I have one parent insisting I put aside a policy regarding late applications, as he had already applied for his daughter elsewhere before applying here - so reckons he shouldn't have to pay the late fee (which really isn't my problem - it was his choice to apply to two places at once). Another has paid a portion of what is required, and wishes me to assure the embassy that he has paid the full amount, so his sons can receive visas.
Both, I'm not sure how to handle. We need students, and insisting on policy implementation in the former case may cause this man to take his child elsewhere. Waiting for outstanding fees in the latter will mean those two boys may not be able to register in time this year, and have to wait until next year - or withdraw and go elsewhere.
So do I bend rules? Do I do some careful dancing around issues and try to please everyone?
I don't know.
Instead I find myself doing other things. Like blogging. And fiddling with my Konfabulator settings. And cleaning out a desk drawer.
I know I'll have to sort it out this morning. I need to find a solution, quickly. But I've never been one for conflict, and I'd rather avoid it than deal with it. It's a personality thing. I have to grit my teeth and go forward, make myself do something that doesn't come naturally for me.
But not just yet.
Bits & Pieces
Time flew today, and is still crashing past. I looked at the clock at 9, and the next I knew it was nearly 1! So here are a few brief snippets from a distracted brain:
* I finally saw Narnia yesterday with my son and my dad. Great movie, a bit of artistic license taken but great! It stayed along the lines of the book in many ways, and didn't swerve so much as to be distracting. The only downside was watching it with dad, who insisted on telling us what was going on at inopportune moments... :) Eventually got my son to whisper to him, "We DO know the story, you know!" It helped. A little. Ah well! :)
* Article research is both more enjoyable and stickier than I thought. I met up with a guy that helps out in conservation of the local river yesterday, then talked to two others of his organization. One was extremely helpful and friendly. The other was the chairman, and he wants to see anything I write about their actions before it goes to press. Not that there's anything damning in my article - it's not specifically about their work here, but rather using this river as an example for what's going on nationally. Let's hope he'll approve.
For the third article I've been in contact with every political party that has an email address in SAfrica - around 7 of the 50-odd. I've had responses from 2 of them, for which I'm very grateful. Especially with the deadline of next Monday looming!
* It's Monday, and I can tell. One minute after I got to work I had a call from someone who gave me grief over one of our policies, not letting up nor giving me a chance to respond. Although I do enjoy what I do, it's folk like that who get to me. The rest of the day has been reasonable, but stressed. I find myself questioning whether I can hold out an entire year, or if I'll try make a run for it sooner...
* Siesta's - why don't we all have them? Post-lunch sleepiness has kicked in, after a weekend of not much rest. I tried an afternoon nap or two, but wish I could get one every day.
* I was at church again this week with dad and the son, and it was like night and day from last week. My dad commented (not exactly in a whisper either!) that the preacher was rambling, no coherent thoughts, no progression. On the way home he had more to say. The preacher was the first guy my dad worked under as pastor after he graduated, so my dad knows he could do wonders. Unfortunately he didn't. A colleague who was also there found herself drifting off into dreamland - but caught herself in time. 5 others in the immediate vicinity were not as lucky... Me, well I sat there wondering if my vision of church and what it could be would ever happen. Dreaming of the preacher just keeping that heading he had up on screen, reading the verse he read, then telling us to "discuss among yourselves" and sitting down. We may then have come away with more than we did...
* I woke up to the most wonderful sound of rain on Saturday morning, after weeks of stifling heat. It was positively chilly all day, winter in the middle of summer. There's nothing quite like rain after hot, dry weather. Soul quenching.
* Why do people dump dead dogs in plastic bags in public parks? Spotted while doing article research on Sunday. It looked like the kind of dog a family would care for and love, not your average skinny street variety. Yet there it lay, abandoned in death.
* Also while doing article research, I spotted a couple of guinea-fowl in the undergrowth. Bent to take a photo, only to find SIXTEEN babies running around their knees at ground level! Never have I seen such a brood in one place in my life. The river may be half-dead, but some species still flourish.
* Siesta's - why the heck can't I take one now???
* I finally saw Narnia yesterday with my son and my dad. Great movie, a bit of artistic license taken but great! It stayed along the lines of the book in many ways, and didn't swerve so much as to be distracting. The only downside was watching it with dad, who insisted on telling us what was going on at inopportune moments... :) Eventually got my son to whisper to him, "We DO know the story, you know!" It helped. A little. Ah well! :)
* Article research is both more enjoyable and stickier than I thought. I met up with a guy that helps out in conservation of the local river yesterday, then talked to two others of his organization. One was extremely helpful and friendly. The other was the chairman, and he wants to see anything I write about their actions before it goes to press. Not that there's anything damning in my article - it's not specifically about their work here, but rather using this river as an example for what's going on nationally. Let's hope he'll approve.
For the third article I've been in contact with every political party that has an email address in SAfrica - around 7 of the 50-odd. I've had responses from 2 of them, for which I'm very grateful. Especially with the deadline of next Monday looming!
* It's Monday, and I can tell. One minute after I got to work I had a call from someone who gave me grief over one of our policies, not letting up nor giving me a chance to respond. Although I do enjoy what I do, it's folk like that who get to me. The rest of the day has been reasonable, but stressed. I find myself questioning whether I can hold out an entire year, or if I'll try make a run for it sooner...
* Siesta's - why don't we all have them? Post-lunch sleepiness has kicked in, after a weekend of not much rest. I tried an afternoon nap or two, but wish I could get one every day.
* I was at church again this week with dad and the son, and it was like night and day from last week. My dad commented (not exactly in a whisper either!) that the preacher was rambling, no coherent thoughts, no progression. On the way home he had more to say. The preacher was the first guy my dad worked under as pastor after he graduated, so my dad knows he could do wonders. Unfortunately he didn't. A colleague who was also there found herself drifting off into dreamland - but caught herself in time. 5 others in the immediate vicinity were not as lucky... Me, well I sat there wondering if my vision of church and what it could be would ever happen. Dreaming of the preacher just keeping that heading he had up on screen, reading the verse he read, then telling us to "discuss among yourselves" and sitting down. We may then have come away with more than we did...
* I woke up to the most wonderful sound of rain on Saturday morning, after weeks of stifling heat. It was positively chilly all day, winter in the middle of summer. There's nothing quite like rain after hot, dry weather. Soul quenching.
* Why do people dump dead dogs in plastic bags in public parks? Spotted while doing article research on Sunday. It looked like the kind of dog a family would care for and love, not your average skinny street variety. Yet there it lay, abandoned in death.
* Also while doing article research, I spotted a couple of guinea-fowl in the undergrowth. Bent to take a photo, only to find SIXTEEN babies running around their knees at ground level! Never have I seen such a brood in one place in my life. The river may be half-dead, but some species still flourish.
* Siesta's - why the heck can't I take one now???
Shabbat Shalom
It's the 6th of January, and already I can feel stress rising up like a volcano to take over my life. Weekends, and especially Sabbaths, are crucial to my coping during the rushed start of the year.
Although it seems I'm in for a busy one (dad's here for the weekend, lots planned, including article research/writing), I know that I will not survive the coming work-week without at least a few hours of solitude, silence and refreshing.
Your year may not have started as mine has. You may feel all rested after the festive season time-off, but remember to take the time needed for your body and soul to recuperate this weekend, before it's too late.
The Red Hair
Just got some pics back that someone else took, and here's one that FINALLY shows up the nice reddish tinge chemicals have added to my hair! :) Also, how my son has grown so huge, that I feel short next to him...
Woomba!
Easily offended by talk of feminine hygiene products? Then skip this one - though it's not too bad... :)
Age and Spots
Those photos I took of myself this morning look blerry awful - again. I'm starting to realize that the me I think I see in the mirror is not necessarily the me that everyone else sees....
So I picked the one that looked the most decent, and then had a go at airbrushing away shine, freckles and wrinkles, the cupboard doors in the background and such. A little blurring instead of sharpening, hit the greyscale button, and I started to look half-decent.
Here's the improved me! :)
(best viewed as small as possible...)
So I picked the one that looked the most decent, and then had a go at airbrushing away shine, freckles and wrinkles, the cupboard doors in the background and such. A little blurring instead of sharpening, hit the greyscale button, and I started to look half-decent.
Here's the improved me! :)
(best viewed as small as possible...)
Early one morning...
"OK, Lord, I get it. You've woken me up at 5 every morning for weeks now. I'm up, OK!!!"
That was this morning. Between heat, neighbours and a dog with a goose-cough, it was time to get up and do something.
I took a long walk around the campus, taking the dogs for a leg-stretch too which seemed to help the goose-cough. I was up before most of the birds, though by 5:30 there were hints of sunlight on the clouds high overhead. The vaguest of pinks, on wind-feathered tendrils.
Not another soul around, just me and the dogs.
Last night I had wondered when I should attempt the huge pile of dishes that energyless heat had put at the bottom of the to-do list. This morning I had the answer. Hours to spare before work, and every dish is done.
I repotted a beautiful red-flowered plant to bring to work, I ate beneath the mulberry tree in early-morning sunshine, I took photos of the scenery. (I took photos of me, for article profile purposes)
Here's my view this morning:
A closer look - and that's not mist:
... it's wind-blown moisture off the clouds on the mountains, creating an artificial rain!
And check out the sea:
... that's not mist either - it's white-capped, wind-blown sea!
Ah, the joys of living in the Cape in summer. Fortunately, up where I'm at, the wind tends to drop overnight and sometimes it can look like that on the sea but never reach us.
It has now.
But early this morning, before the sun was up, all was peace, quiet and beauty. Thanks for waking me up, God!
That was this morning. Between heat, neighbours and a dog with a goose-cough, it was time to get up and do something.
I took a long walk around the campus, taking the dogs for a leg-stretch too which seemed to help the goose-cough. I was up before most of the birds, though by 5:30 there were hints of sunlight on the clouds high overhead. The vaguest of pinks, on wind-feathered tendrils.
Not another soul around, just me and the dogs.
Last night I had wondered when I should attempt the huge pile of dishes that energyless heat had put at the bottom of the to-do list. This morning I had the answer. Hours to spare before work, and every dish is done.
I repotted a beautiful red-flowered plant to bring to work, I ate beneath the mulberry tree in early-morning sunshine, I took photos of the scenery. (I took photos of me, for article profile purposes)
Here's my view this morning:
A closer look - and that's not mist:
... it's wind-blown moisture off the clouds on the mountains, creating an artificial rain!
And check out the sea:
... that's not mist either - it's white-capped, wind-blown sea!
Ah, the joys of living in the Cape in summer. Fortunately, up where I'm at, the wind tends to drop overnight and sometimes it can look like that on the sea but never reach us.
It has now.
But early this morning, before the sun was up, all was peace, quiet and beauty. Thanks for waking me up, God!
Renewal
I'm still in "thinking over the new year" mode, so bear with me - or move on. :)
I think what my innermost soul is longing for has a lot to do with renewal.
I've got images floating around my mind, things I want.
A meditation cushion, made from real linen and filled with buckwheat hulls, in a quiet corner of my room - just to sit and be me for a stretch. It's a rebirthing of who I feel I am inside, starting with centering silence to know what's really going on in my head.
A work that makes my heart glad. Working with my hands, crafting things of beauty, things of nature, things of health and wellbeing. A work I will spring into each day without a sinking sense of doom - and one that will adequately supply my needs instead of being just short (so we won't get deeper into debt with the bank each month just to survive). A work that feeds my soul as well as my living.
A space filled with things I love - a home more than a house, and one that I've struggled for years to achieve. I see things I've made myself, beautiful things, everywhere I turn - yet they exist only in my mind's eye thus far.
A personal place for my son to grow and become. A room of his own, that he can make his own. A place for me to respect his privacy, and for others to be barred entry if he so desires. A place for him to set limits and learn the power that is his.
A body that glows with health instead of vague aches, pains and ongoing nearly-there dis-ease. One that is nourished and rested and exercised. (Specifically I see a juicer-machine and a walk up the mountain every morning...:) )
I guess what I'm seeking is inner and outer renewal, a shedding of the old skin I've grown too comfy in.
In CS Lewis's book "Voyage of the Dawn Treader" (Narnia series), Eustace becomes a dragon, and has to be stripped of his old dragon skin to become human again. He tries and tries, and sheds skin after skin. But every time he looks into the pool, his reflection is still dragonish. To become human again, it requires Aslan's claws, deep incisions to the heart of him, tearing off more than mere skin to expose something delicate and pink underneath, far below the layers. Only then, once he is peeled and cleansed, can change occur. It "hurts like the blazes", but it's worth it.
Perhaps that's the kind of renewal I'm looking for, without really knowing it. A deep tearing into the layers I've grown, the hard and scaly skin I've developed, down to the raw and sensitive me - and then a rebuilding of who I am into something new and wonderful.
And perhaps only Aslan can achieve that....
I think what my innermost soul is longing for has a lot to do with renewal.
I've got images floating around my mind, things I want.
A meditation cushion, made from real linen and filled with buckwheat hulls, in a quiet corner of my room - just to sit and be me for a stretch. It's a rebirthing of who I feel I am inside, starting with centering silence to know what's really going on in my head.
A work that makes my heart glad. Working with my hands, crafting things of beauty, things of nature, things of health and wellbeing. A work I will spring into each day without a sinking sense of doom - and one that will adequately supply my needs instead of being just short (so we won't get deeper into debt with the bank each month just to survive). A work that feeds my soul as well as my living.
A space filled with things I love - a home more than a house, and one that I've struggled for years to achieve. I see things I've made myself, beautiful things, everywhere I turn - yet they exist only in my mind's eye thus far.
A personal place for my son to grow and become. A room of his own, that he can make his own. A place for me to respect his privacy, and for others to be barred entry if he so desires. A place for him to set limits and learn the power that is his.
A body that glows with health instead of vague aches, pains and ongoing nearly-there dis-ease. One that is nourished and rested and exercised. (Specifically I see a juicer-machine and a walk up the mountain every morning...:) )
I guess what I'm seeking is inner and outer renewal, a shedding of the old skin I've grown too comfy in.
In CS Lewis's book "Voyage of the Dawn Treader" (Narnia series), Eustace becomes a dragon, and has to be stripped of his old dragon skin to become human again. He tries and tries, and sheds skin after skin. But every time he looks into the pool, his reflection is still dragonish. To become human again, it requires Aslan's claws, deep incisions to the heart of him, tearing off more than mere skin to expose something delicate and pink underneath, far below the layers. Only then, once he is peeled and cleansed, can change occur. It "hurts like the blazes", but it's worth it.
Perhaps that's the kind of renewal I'm looking for, without really knowing it. A deep tearing into the layers I've grown, the hard and scaly skin I've developed, down to the raw and sensitive me - and then a rebuilding of who I am into something new and wonderful.
And perhaps only Aslan can achieve that....
The plans I have for you
I've never been good at quoting scripture, but I do know there's a verse that says "I know the plans I have for you...".
As I face a new year, I wish I knew those plans too! God's got 2006 mapped out. He knows the up's and down's I'll face, the triumphs and failures, and where I'll be this time next year. I don't, and the uncertainty makes me hesitant. Afraid to step too boldly in any direction, not knowing if it's part of the Big Plan.
Yet step I must. It's a new year, a chance to take a deep breath and try again.
I still haven't had my chance to sit in silence and think everything through. It's something I have to do though. I need to get my brain sorted before the rest of me can follow. I guess blogging about it is thinking, in a way.
Wouldn't it be nice to see the year ahead like looking down your street? To see the turns it will take and know you're on the right path? Crystal ball and all that? When I'm feeling stuck and directionless, it's what I wish for with all my heart! And I'm feeling a bit stuck and directionless today.
There is hope though. Hope at work - 3 new bosses out of the 4 in top management, and a new broom or two will hopefully sweep clean, if they can avoid being over-ruled by the megaboss at every turn. Hope at home - things are slowly being sorted out there, as I clear out junk and make space for change. Hope in my personal life - I am feeling positive, though I'm not yet sure about what. And we've got a basic plan in place to turn things around and get ready for big changes in the future.
Yet I still wish I knew the plans He has for me...
As I face a new year, I wish I knew those plans too! God's got 2006 mapped out. He knows the up's and down's I'll face, the triumphs and failures, and where I'll be this time next year. I don't, and the uncertainty makes me hesitant. Afraid to step too boldly in any direction, not knowing if it's part of the Big Plan.
Yet step I must. It's a new year, a chance to take a deep breath and try again.
I still haven't had my chance to sit in silence and think everything through. It's something I have to do though. I need to get my brain sorted before the rest of me can follow. I guess blogging about it is thinking, in a way.
Wouldn't it be nice to see the year ahead like looking down your street? To see the turns it will take and know you're on the right path? Crystal ball and all that? When I'm feeling stuck and directionless, it's what I wish for with all my heart! And I'm feeling a bit stuck and directionless today.
There is hope though. Hope at work - 3 new bosses out of the 4 in top management, and a new broom or two will hopefully sweep clean, if they can avoid being over-ruled by the megaboss at every turn. Hope at home - things are slowly being sorted out there, as I clear out junk and make space for change. Hope in my personal life - I am feeling positive, though I'm not yet sure about what. And we've got a basic plan in place to turn things around and get ready for big changes in the future.
Yet I still wish I knew the plans He has for me...
Funerals and Families
It was a good funeral, as funerals go. It wasn't over-the-top on emotion or wordyness. It had the right balance of public and private ceremony. And it brought together family that has never been together.
My grandpa hadn't yet met one of my brother's wives, or the other two great-grandchildren. My dad's brother hadn't met my grandpa or some of the other family. We saw folk who "came out of the woodwork", whom we haven't seen for years.
And after the morning's programme, close family gathered for lunch out. It gave us a chance to chat, laugh, talk, get to know each other again.
Out of the whole event has come not only a sense of release, but also promises to keep in contact, plans to meet up next weekend, email addresses exchanged, and help with yet another family funeral (my uncle's wife's dad - who died in the early hours of the new year from cancer).
It's been good, for a funeral.
(Dad, waiting with the box containing my mom's remains, at the gate to the graveyard. It struck me how all alone he looked...)
My grandpa hadn't yet met one of my brother's wives, or the other two great-grandchildren. My dad's brother hadn't met my grandpa or some of the other family. We saw folk who "came out of the woodwork", whom we haven't seen for years.
And after the morning's programme, close family gathered for lunch out. It gave us a chance to chat, laugh, talk, get to know each other again.
Out of the whole event has come not only a sense of release, but also promises to keep in contact, plans to meet up next weekend, email addresses exchanged, and help with yet another family funeral (my uncle's wife's dad - who died in the early hours of the new year from cancer).
It's been good, for a funeral.
(Dad, waiting with the box containing my mom's remains, at the gate to the graveyard. It struck me how all alone he looked...)
Special meals
I'm running out of "special meals"! You see, I've got family dropping by all the time, in prep for tomorrow. My grandpa is here right now, and is getting a "special meal" (he had one for lunch too). Yesterday it was dad who got one, and the day before. Who knows who will be here and need feeding tomorrow! And what, pray tell, will I give them?
It's a scary thought. I'm known in my family as a good cook - but they usually only get me for one meal, so they get the good stuff, the once-offs! :) But when I have to cook for days on end... well, that's a whole other story.
Eish - what to do! I may just have to go trawling the internet and start experimenting on them....!
It's a scary thought. I'm known in my family as a good cook - but they usually only get me for one meal, so they get the good stuff, the once-offs! :) But when I have to cook for days on end... well, that's a whole other story.
Eish - what to do! I may just have to go trawling the internet and start experimenting on them....!
What I did this summer
If I were to write an essay on what I did with my summer holidays (all 2 weeks of them), it would be a rather short one. Just as the holiday has been.
Week one was all about finishing off the Xmas prezzies, getting couches cleaned and feeding the ever-hungry kid.
Week two was all about getting ready for my mom's funeral and dad's arrival.
I'm currently at work, printing out the programmes for tomorrow. There's a colour printer/copier here, which is supposed to be doing the job. But somehow my connection to it is kaput, no reaction from the machine - so all 150 copies are being slow-printed on my HPDeskJet... After which the interior will be photocopied. It's taking a looooong time to print, so while I'm here I may as well blog.
I was supposed to be back at work tomorrow, but with mom's funeral I've postponed it for a day. Once I am back, it's going to be a mad rush for the rest of January - and there's also dad to look after, my son to get back to school, fees to pay, articles to submit... January is one long, tiring expedition into hard work and stress.
I was really hoping to sit down and get some quiet alone time this holiday, to sort out my head, to plan and think. Hard to do with the PS2 going in the background, the phone ringing, people dropping by, things to organize. I may have to do that thinking at work instead. Most of my colleagues only come back in a week's time, giving me a little space to get back into the swing of the working year.
And it is going to be a different year in a lot of ways. Where I've been muddling along, will come purpose. Where I've taken cr*p, will come a sense of self that doesn't allow it, refuses to be beaten into submission. Where I've failed to live, a deeper committment to life will kick in. And who knows - I may even go back to church now and then! I went with my dad and son this past week, and was surprised to find I survived it well.
We'll see though. I've started the year feeling very unspiritual, tired of caring whether I'm doing right or wrong, tired of trying to figure God out, tired of most of the Christians I find myself surrounded by, tired of having to put on a face that conforms to their rules. I just want to throw up my hands and forget the whole spiritual thing - but I know I can't. I simply need to find a new way, a way that's right for me.
What I've done this summer isn't much of what I planned, but I've discovered I'm getting pretty good at letting go. Letting the past go to move on, letting a sense of failure go in order to press toward success, letting not-so-subtle digs in the soul's ribs go as "their" problem, not mine. I'm learning to release instead of clutch - let go of stuff I've held on to, let go of years-old dreams. It's making space for new life, new plans, new goals and dreams.
And whatever I have or haven't done this summer, I think I may have accomplished more than I set out to do.
Week one was all about finishing off the Xmas prezzies, getting couches cleaned and feeding the ever-hungry kid.
Week two was all about getting ready for my mom's funeral and dad's arrival.
I'm currently at work, printing out the programmes for tomorrow. There's a colour printer/copier here, which is supposed to be doing the job. But somehow my connection to it is kaput, no reaction from the machine - so all 150 copies are being slow-printed on my HPDeskJet... After which the interior will be photocopied. It's taking a looooong time to print, so while I'm here I may as well blog.
I was supposed to be back at work tomorrow, but with mom's funeral I've postponed it for a day. Once I am back, it's going to be a mad rush for the rest of January - and there's also dad to look after, my son to get back to school, fees to pay, articles to submit... January is one long, tiring expedition into hard work and stress.
I was really hoping to sit down and get some quiet alone time this holiday, to sort out my head, to plan and think. Hard to do with the PS2 going in the background, the phone ringing, people dropping by, things to organize. I may have to do that thinking at work instead. Most of my colleagues only come back in a week's time, giving me a little space to get back into the swing of the working year.
And it is going to be a different year in a lot of ways. Where I've been muddling along, will come purpose. Where I've taken cr*p, will come a sense of self that doesn't allow it, refuses to be beaten into submission. Where I've failed to live, a deeper committment to life will kick in. And who knows - I may even go back to church now and then! I went with my dad and son this past week, and was surprised to find I survived it well.
We'll see though. I've started the year feeling very unspiritual, tired of caring whether I'm doing right or wrong, tired of trying to figure God out, tired of most of the Christians I find myself surrounded by, tired of having to put on a face that conforms to their rules. I just want to throw up my hands and forget the whole spiritual thing - but I know I can't. I simply need to find a new way, a way that's right for me.
What I've done this summer isn't much of what I planned, but I've discovered I'm getting pretty good at letting go. Letting the past go to move on, letting a sense of failure go in order to press toward success, letting not-so-subtle digs in the soul's ribs go as "their" problem, not mine. I'm learning to release instead of clutch - let go of stuff I've held on to, let go of years-old dreams. It's making space for new life, new plans, new goals and dreams.
And whatever I have or haven't done this summer, I think I may have accomplished more than I set out to do.
Before & After
I've been promising to post the results of my hair experiment for a while now. But I'm finally organized, so here's the entire process.
After a couple of washes, it looks more evenly ginger than it was, and sparkles red in the sun.
And one day, when I have the hair done and make-up on, I'll update my profile pic! :)
After a couple of washes, it looks more evenly ginger than it was, and sparkles red in the sun.
And one day, when I have the hair done and make-up on, I'll update my profile pic! :)
Forward, without hesitation
So this is what 2006 looks like. Funny, it's pretty similar to 2005... :) And yet, not.
Although sleeping on a couch is not conducive to starting the year fully-rested (dad stayed over and used my bed), there is this feeling that time is fresh and clean, open to whatever we wish to write on the pages of this segment of eternity. It's a time to reflect on the mini-steps that will take me closer to each goal I've set for the year ahead. Starting today.
Already I've been doing a bit of re-organization of our living space. There's a new fridge-freezer coming in from the neighbour's later this morning, the dishes are done and the washing is drying in yet another sweltering-hot day. I have completed one of the three articles due in 2 weeks, revised and polished - hopefully acceptable to the editor.
It's little steps on the journey. A journey I will not hesitate to travel this year. There is much to accomplish, much to look forward to. There will be hard times (funeral day after tomorrow, picking up roots here later in the year to move on, and other events we have yet to be blindsided by). There will be good times too. I aim to live both of these fully, immersing myself in the experiences each will bring, letting them seep into my soul and change me as they must.
So today I go forward, without hesitation. Looking to the future, shaking off the clinging past, building and becoming.
I wish ME a happy new year....
Although sleeping on a couch is not conducive to starting the year fully-rested (dad stayed over and used my bed), there is this feeling that time is fresh and clean, open to whatever we wish to write on the pages of this segment of eternity. It's a time to reflect on the mini-steps that will take me closer to each goal I've set for the year ahead. Starting today.
Already I've been doing a bit of re-organization of our living space. There's a new fridge-freezer coming in from the neighbour's later this morning, the dishes are done and the washing is drying in yet another sweltering-hot day. I have completed one of the three articles due in 2 weeks, revised and polished - hopefully acceptable to the editor.
It's little steps on the journey. A journey I will not hesitate to travel this year. There is much to accomplish, much to look forward to. There will be hard times (funeral day after tomorrow, picking up roots here later in the year to move on, and other events we have yet to be blindsided by). There will be good times too. I aim to live both of these fully, immersing myself in the experiences each will bring, letting them seep into my soul and change me as they must.
So today I go forward, without hesitation. Looking to the future, shaking off the clinging past, building and becoming.
I wish ME a happy new year....
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