Like this stunning old Rolls Royce spotted:
Or this vanity plate, just for Aquila:
You also get to appreciate the classic Mercedes you're travelling in. I could so do a road-trip in that car! It's perfect for cruising...
Spotted in Traffic
The nice thing about not being in the driver's seat is you get to take pictures!
Like this stunning old Rolls Royce spotted:
Or this vanity plate, just for Aquila:
You also get to appreciate the classic Mercedes you're travelling in. I could so do a road-trip in that car! It's perfect for cruising...
Like this stunning old Rolls Royce spotted:
Or this vanity plate, just for Aquila:
You also get to appreciate the classic Mercedes you're travelling in. I could so do a road-trip in that car! It's perfect for cruising...
GoGoGo
Right, so it's Friday. Hallelujah and amen.
EXCEPT...
I feel like my working week's only just getting going! I've got quite a busy day at work ahead, with a big job to finish off and a meeting in town mid-day. Right after work I have to go do a "hand-over", ie get the keys to our new house, do a walk-through, make sure everything's OK etc. And then try find out where the heck they sell pre-paid electricity.
Back home I have a hand-over of another kind. Our lone goldfish is being rehomed, with tank. And the tank needs a clean. So need to sort that out right away, and take poor Fishy in a bag to the neighbours. They'll fill up his tank and set him free again.
In the meantime, my dad's out from Australia for a month, and will be staying with us for a while. Amid boxes and other half-packed possessions! Thank goodness for inflateable mattresses. And extra hands to help move.. :-)
Talking of which, the truck arrives 8:00 on Sunday morning. I suspect there will be little rest this weekend. I've got some fine planning to do to accomplish all my usual weekend tasks (washing) AND still move in to a new place. I think I'm going to be glad to come to work and "rest" on Monday!!!
Next weekend the family is going away. Except for me. I've decided to stay home and sort out the loose ends of the move, do dog-sitting, and perhaps take a breather. Home alone in a brand new house for an entire long weekend. I was thinking that it's the first time I've done that, been on my own for that long, since my son was born! That's nearly 14 years..! Sjoe.
Right now though it's back to the grindstone in a big way. One task at a time, one foot in front of the other - only way to do this.
EXCEPT...
I feel like my working week's only just getting going! I've got quite a busy day at work ahead, with a big job to finish off and a meeting in town mid-day. Right after work I have to go do a "hand-over", ie get the keys to our new house, do a walk-through, make sure everything's OK etc. And then try find out where the heck they sell pre-paid electricity.
Back home I have a hand-over of another kind. Our lone goldfish is being rehomed, with tank. And the tank needs a clean. So need to sort that out right away, and take poor Fishy in a bag to the neighbours. They'll fill up his tank and set him free again.
In the meantime, my dad's out from Australia for a month, and will be staying with us for a while. Amid boxes and other half-packed possessions! Thank goodness for inflateable mattresses. And extra hands to help move.. :-)
Talking of which, the truck arrives 8:00 on Sunday morning. I suspect there will be little rest this weekend. I've got some fine planning to do to accomplish all my usual weekend tasks (washing) AND still move in to a new place. I think I'm going to be glad to come to work and "rest" on Monday!!!
Next weekend the family is going away. Except for me. I've decided to stay home and sort out the loose ends of the move, do dog-sitting, and perhaps take a breather. Home alone in a brand new house for an entire long weekend. I was thinking that it's the first time I've done that, been on my own for that long, since my son was born! That's nearly 14 years..! Sjoe.
Right now though it's back to the grindstone in a big way. One task at a time, one foot in front of the other - only way to do this.
Clarity
The mountains are knife-edge sharp against the sky this morning. There's a nip in the air (though the day promises to be quite warm) and the breeze has put paid to any haze that thought it might hang around. Looking out my early-morning office window everything is clear and bright.
Wish my head would do that too. I obviously didn't get enough rest last night. Following on from my last late-night post my brain's still slightly befuddled. I find myself wondering if I'm doing the right thing, if my gut can be trusted on some stuff, if I'm being too bold or too confident in what I think I know. I can't seem to figure my train of thought out too well at times.
This too shall pass. Befuddlement will clear up with some deep breaths and a bit of distraction. Such as the big job that's awaiting my attention today... No time to be too befuddled on that one. I'm simply going to have to shed whatever strange head-space I've hit and get on with it.
Wish my head would do that too. I obviously didn't get enough rest last night. Following on from my last late-night post my brain's still slightly befuddled. I find myself wondering if I'm doing the right thing, if my gut can be trusted on some stuff, if I'm being too bold or too confident in what I think I know. I can't seem to figure my train of thought out too well at times.
This too shall pass. Befuddlement will clear up with some deep breaths and a bit of distraction. Such as the big job that's awaiting my attention today... No time to be too befuddled on that one. I'm simply going to have to shed whatever strange head-space I've hit and get on with it.
Never blog when you're..
Why do I get so irrationally fearful when I'm far past over-tired? Is it reality descending to cloak my dreams, or simply the shadows pushing in on me out of the corners - the ones that daylight keeps at bay?
Kaput
I'm completely and utterly worn out tonight. It's just gone 7:30 and I'm ready to take a hot bath and hop into bed! So much for those buzz-vitamins.. :-)
But it has been a long and tiring day. I've been at it constantly - hard at work with brain-draining stuff, building up tight knots in my shoulders and a good deal of eye-strain. Too little fresh air and exercise, probably too little water (though I have yet to succumb to the marvellous free coffee at work - so I'm doing sorta OK).
Suddenly I've crashed. There was a whole lot I wanted to get done tonight, things I HAVE to get done. I suspect my time will be much better used simply resting. Sleeping. Relaxing. Unwinding.
I could really do with a proper, lengthy massage tonight...
But it has been a long and tiring day. I've been at it constantly - hard at work with brain-draining stuff, building up tight knots in my shoulders and a good deal of eye-strain. Too little fresh air and exercise, probably too little water (though I have yet to succumb to the marvellous free coffee at work - so I'm doing sorta OK).
Suddenly I've crashed. There was a whole lot I wanted to get done tonight, things I HAVE to get done. I suspect my time will be much better used simply resting. Sleeping. Relaxing. Unwinding.
I could really do with a proper, lengthy massage tonight...
Sun, surf and such
I've just popped out onto the work balcony for a quick breath of fresh air (and to hear a voice that makes me happy) - it's a STUNNING day out there! Sitting in an airconditioned climate-controlled flourescent-lit building, you forget how the seasons come and go, how the temperature fluctuates and the wind blows. No wonder so many folk feel out of kilter, off-balance after a day at the office where sunrise and sunset don't feature as even a blip on the screen.
So... I was thinking... I may need to haul this laptop outdoors a bit later - using the excuse of working where my brain can function well, of course (which it does much easier when surrounded by nature). Set up in the sun, connect up the wireless surf option to access what I'm working on, and take it from there!
I don't see anyone taking advantage of the fact that we have a stunning view, portable workspaces (in many ways) or fresh air just other side this wall (which today, quite frankly, I'd like to knock down to give unrestricted access to the great outdoors). The balcony is the domain of the chain-smokers, not the alternative-space workers.
Dare I claim it as mine?
So... I was thinking... I may need to haul this laptop outdoors a bit later - using the excuse of working where my brain can function well, of course (which it does much easier when surrounded by nature). Set up in the sun, connect up the wireless surf option to access what I'm working on, and take it from there!
I don't see anyone taking advantage of the fact that we have a stunning view, portable workspaces (in many ways) or fresh air just other side this wall (which today, quite frankly, I'd like to knock down to give unrestricted access to the great outdoors). The balcony is the domain of the chain-smokers, not the alternative-space workers.
Dare I claim it as mine?
Backlog
Now that I've cleared Google Reader of all 397 unread items... I can blog! :-)
GR isn't the only thing that's been backing up lately, I have to admit it. I'm still trying to find my rhythm in a new routine, figure out how much time I need to do things, get places - how to budget my time so I can fall peacefully into bed at the end of the day and not panic. Mornings are a bit of a struggle - this morning I was eating breakfast while doing the face. It isn't easy putting on mascara and chowing peanut-butter! :-) With winter approaching the mornings are still dark when the alarm goes off - but I can see I'm going to have to push it even earlier. Making weekend sleep-in's that much more enjoyable as a contrast. Bit of an organization backlog at the moment though.
I feel like I need some time to catch up with my soul too. Although I by no means have more than I can handle going on, I do feel like I've been lacking time to breathe. I've got a backlog of relaxation to experience - just that needed amount of quiet space and time where I'm not constantly running. (And yes, those vitamins are still making me bounce! But not quite as much as over the weekend) Besides the moving/sorting needed, I think that's another reason I'm considering spending Easter at home while the family goes elswhere. Well, that and the dog-care factor. New home etc., no known people to dog-sit.
Yes, there's the packing backlog too. And the car-sorting one. And the pot-the-strawberries one. But in some cases I've just given up on the backlog completely. The roses are being rehomed, not relocated. Sometimes it's easier to just leave it well alone.
Tonight I think I'll catch up on the sleep backlog a bit. Last night I had the weirdest dream, which definitely skimmed off some of my rest..
(Wondering what the piece of wood has to do with this post? It's an Australian Blackwood. Black.. log... oh, nevermind)
Procrastination
As I mentioned, I signed our lease agreement at lunchtime, and we're good to go. HOWEVER - we're not really that good to go. I've packed a few boxes, and the rest are standing around waiting to be filled, with cupboards still as they were, garage still half-sorted etc etc etc....
I really should get to it, hey! 'cept I come home tired after work and then feel like doing other things instead of pack. It's not like it's a huge distance away - a couple trips with the car will sort whatever hasn't gone in the truck. If I can rope in the rellies to help, we should be done very quickly! Dad's here from Australia as of this weekend (blow up the mattresses...), so he can help too. See - not too bad. I'll get it all done - eventually.
As for unpacking on the other end, well I'm probably going to be on my own over Easter weekend. The rest of the family's going away - but being in a new area I don't have dogsitters, and am going to instead use the time to be home on my own a little, sort out all the house goodies, get settled and take a bit of time out. Will send the son off with his uncles, aunts, cousins and gramps, leaving me to do what needs doing.
Unless, of course, I procrastinate.. :-)
I really should get to it, hey! 'cept I come home tired after work and then feel like doing other things instead of pack. It's not like it's a huge distance away - a couple trips with the car will sort whatever hasn't gone in the truck. If I can rope in the rellies to help, we should be done very quickly! Dad's here from Australia as of this weekend (blow up the mattresses...), so he can help too. See - not too bad. I'll get it all done - eventually.
As for unpacking on the other end, well I'm probably going to be on my own over Easter weekend. The rest of the family's going away - but being in a new area I don't have dogsitters, and am going to instead use the time to be home on my own a little, sort out all the house goodies, get settled and take a bit of time out. Will send the son off with his uncles, aunts, cousins and gramps, leaving me to do what needs doing.
Unless, of course, I procrastinate.. :-)
Grrr...
Here I sit again, sukkeling with technology - and the Standard Bank internet banking site in particular.
I went to go sign my lease agreement today, and was supposed to transfer the deposit this evening - only Standard Bank hid info away somewhere on setting a transfer limit, and mine is currently at 0!!! So no go. Emailed them - of course got the autoresponse thing telling me "you're important"... Back home I phone customer care and found a very nice lady on the other end (eventually), very helpful - who told me EXACTLY what to do to get my limit set. On the site. Not at the branch as the site told me I had to do. Would be nice if that info were online too...
EXCEPT now suddenly I can't log in again. Dammit. More "technical errors" with the site, ie it's kaput. And so it goes.. a few days of everything-works, then it all collapses in a crying heap of mush again.
However I will persevere. The transfer MUST go through by tomorrow night, and I'll ensure it does. Provided my internet connection holds up (grrrr... again).
I went to go sign my lease agreement today, and was supposed to transfer the deposit this evening - only Standard Bank hid info away somewhere on setting a transfer limit, and mine is currently at 0!!! So no go. Emailed them - of course got the autoresponse thing telling me "you're important"... Back home I phone customer care and found a very nice lady on the other end (eventually), very helpful - who told me EXACTLY what to do to get my limit set. On the site. Not at the branch as the site told me I had to do. Would be nice if that info were online too...
EXCEPT now suddenly I can't log in again. Dammit. More "technical errors" with the site, ie it's kaput. And so it goes.. a few days of everything-works, then it all collapses in a crying heap of mush again.
However I will persevere. The transfer MUST go through by tomorrow night, and I'll ensure it does. Provided my internet connection holds up (grrrr... again).
Hit the road
I have a marvellous commute.. through Cape winelands that would make some folk get the goosebumps! This morning the sun was just coming up as I got about half-way here. The mountains were crystal-clear, with a layer of misty smoke just showing up in the early morning sun over one valley. Absolutely beautiful.
All around me there were other commuters - some rushing to get past, others moseying along. I wonder how many of those took a deep breath and admired the view. Or were so stressed out by avoiding traffic and getting to their destinations that they didn't see a thing.
One of these days I'm going to have to stop and take some photos.. :-)
All around me there were other commuters - some rushing to get past, others moseying along. I wonder how many of those took a deep breath and admired the view. Or were so stressed out by avoiding traffic and getting to their destinations that they didn't see a thing.
One of these days I'm going to have to stop and take some photos.. :-)
Buy Me!
After a bit of a late start to the day, I spent the entire morning wandering various shops in an attempt to get things we require.
First stop was a new one - Mr Price Home has moved and we thought we'd stop in. When we turned the corner and saw how absolutely huge the place was our mouths dropped open collectively. We spent nearly 2 hours wandering around before coming home with ONLY what I'd gone there to get (good girl, I am). Funny though, in spite of the hugeness there were a couple of things I had hoped to find that were in short supply, like plain-colour duvet cover sets. Everything's printed and pimped these days.
Next up was a kid drop-off at Toys 'R Us while I got post, then a peruse of HiFi Corp before it was on to Fruit & Veg City (via a clothing and a second-hand goods shop). Got the essentials at F&V, and from there it was Pick 'n Pay for groceries. Also just got the essentials.
I'm starting to feel glad I'm not a shopaholic. 5 shops, all crying out "buy me!" - so many nifty and nice things trying to grab your attention and get you to splash the plastic at the tills. It's all too easy to go into shopping overdrive and come home both loaded and bankrupt.
But I've wised up to quality and cost. I know when they slap on a price tag of a few thousand on a veneered-wood chipboard item, that I could make it for a whole lot less, in exactly the colour and style and size I want - and probably out of solid wood too. When they go asking for a couple hundred for a duvet cover, I bear in mind that I know where to get fabric - cheap. And that I own both a sewing machine and an overlocker. Same thing with curtains and cushions. What costs R200 in the shops I've made for R50 or less before.
Today I managed to resist all the buy-me's. Got what we need, nothing more. I'm actually pretty chuffed.
First stop was a new one - Mr Price Home has moved and we thought we'd stop in. When we turned the corner and saw how absolutely huge the place was our mouths dropped open collectively. We spent nearly 2 hours wandering around before coming home with ONLY what I'd gone there to get (good girl, I am). Funny though, in spite of the hugeness there were a couple of things I had hoped to find that were in short supply, like plain-colour duvet cover sets. Everything's printed and pimped these days.
Next up was a kid drop-off at Toys 'R Us while I got post, then a peruse of HiFi Corp before it was on to Fruit & Veg City (via a clothing and a second-hand goods shop). Got the essentials at F&V, and from there it was Pick 'n Pay for groceries. Also just got the essentials.
I'm starting to feel glad I'm not a shopaholic. 5 shops, all crying out "buy me!" - so many nifty and nice things trying to grab your attention and get you to splash the plastic at the tills. It's all too easy to go into shopping overdrive and come home both loaded and bankrupt.
But I've wised up to quality and cost. I know when they slap on a price tag of a few thousand on a veneered-wood chipboard item, that I could make it for a whole lot less, in exactly the colour and style and size I want - and probably out of solid wood too. When they go asking for a couple hundred for a duvet cover, I bear in mind that I know where to get fabric - cheap. And that I own both a sewing machine and an overlocker. Same thing with curtains and cushions. What costs R200 in the shops I've made for R50 or less before.
Today I managed to resist all the buy-me's. Got what we need, nothing more. I'm actually pretty chuffed.
Additional disjointed thoughts
Why does my cellphone start getting so hot after about 5 minutes of talk? Hmmm... hope it doesn't explode. Perhaps it's the heated debates going on, melting the airwaves?
Chocolate. That's what I'm missing today!
I'm not as attached to my rose bushes as I thought I was. Ringing up the garden lady this week to donate them to a suitable spot. Perhaps they can sprinkle my ashes over the blerry things one day or something in return.
Did you know a single tomato bush, randomly growing in the daisies, can produce 5kg of tomatoes? Or more? Pity I found the perfect spot for tomatoes just as I'm leaving here.
I'm still bouncing (darn vitamins) - but half of me feels like I've already burnt out. Either this Siberian Ginseng is the bee's knees or I'm having one of those "individual results may vary" experiences.
Got words? "Dazzle Me" the second is on!
Some of these totally rock. Reminds me - I have a few t-shirt designs I should get printing...
Right. That should do it for today's over-blogging. Before Sunday strikes let me hit the sack.
Chocolate. That's what I'm missing today!
I'm not as attached to my rose bushes as I thought I was. Ringing up the garden lady this week to donate them to a suitable spot. Perhaps they can sprinkle my ashes over the blerry things one day or something in return.
Did you know a single tomato bush, randomly growing in the daisies, can produce 5kg of tomatoes? Or more? Pity I found the perfect spot for tomatoes just as I'm leaving here.
I'm still bouncing (darn vitamins) - but half of me feels like I've already burnt out. Either this Siberian Ginseng is the bee's knees or I'm having one of those "individual results may vary" experiences.
Got words? "Dazzle Me" the second is on!
Some of these totally rock. Reminds me - I have a few t-shirt designs I should get printing...
Right. That should do it for today's over-blogging. Before Sunday strikes let me hit the sack.
House-Warming
Yeah, I'm a blogging demon today! :-) Making up for a week of not many words (at least not here). And with the brain still running on high revvs. Though I did crash rather suddenly last night.
Anyhoo.. enough about me (yah right - this entire blog's about ME! :-)).
I was thinking. New house coming up. Perhaps I should do the whole housewarming thing?
When we first moved in here 10 years or so ago, I wasn't particularly flush, nor did I have many possessions to seat guests on or feed them off or any such thing. Single mom with a 3 1/2 year old kid. Just out of parent's house. Never really got around to warming up the house in any manner or form. I kept thinking I should do it, and never did.
Now it's a different story. Although I'm about to get rid of a couple furnishings, they'll be replaced forthwith. New house, new neighbourhood, still single mom but with a teen son this time. Would be nice to have a bash to get to know the neighbours and show current friends where we are (other than a Google Earth link).
So here's some options:
1. Bring and braai. Stick a big sign up on my new sliding security gate giving a time and a date and a "bring your own...", fire up the fire in the front yard and see who pitches.
2. Housewarming weekend. To put paid to the "we have something on" crowd who always can't make it. Send out a message saying: "On Friday night we're serving soup and rolls. On Saturday night we've got a big braai. On Sunday we'll have the whole Sunday lunch and roast thing going. Pick one and tell me when you're coming so we can cater for you."
3. Ongoing housewarming. One for the fandamily. One for the friends. One for whomever else I need to invite. In dribs and drabs as folk are available.
4. Leave the thing. Again. Just move in quietly and unobtrusively.
Whatcha think? Any other ideas? Do it, don't do it? Have your say before I have to put up one of those poll things again! :-)
Anyhoo.. enough about me (yah right - this entire blog's about ME! :-)).
I was thinking. New house coming up. Perhaps I should do the whole housewarming thing?
When we first moved in here 10 years or so ago, I wasn't particularly flush, nor did I have many possessions to seat guests on or feed them off or any such thing. Single mom with a 3 1/2 year old kid. Just out of parent's house. Never really got around to warming up the house in any manner or form. I kept thinking I should do it, and never did.
Now it's a different story. Although I'm about to get rid of a couple furnishings, they'll be replaced forthwith. New house, new neighbourhood, still single mom but with a teen son this time. Would be nice to have a bash to get to know the neighbours and show current friends where we are (other than a Google Earth link).
So here's some options:
1. Bring and braai. Stick a big sign up on my new sliding security gate giving a time and a date and a "bring your own...", fire up the fire in the front yard and see who pitches.
2. Housewarming weekend. To put paid to the "we have something on" crowd who always can't make it. Send out a message saying: "On Friday night we're serving soup and rolls. On Saturday night we've got a big braai. On Sunday we'll have the whole Sunday lunch and roast thing going. Pick one and tell me when you're coming so we can cater for you."
3. Ongoing housewarming. One for the fandamily. One for the friends. One for whomever else I need to invite. In dribs and drabs as folk are available.
4. Leave the thing. Again. Just move in quietly and unobtrusively.
Whatcha think? Any other ideas? Do it, don't do it? Have your say before I have to put up one of those poll things again! :-)
Perception
Ever noticed how you have the strangest dreams and thoughts when you're taking an afternoon nap? And how sometimes you sleep more soundly in that hour or so than you ever can manage at night? Well, being Saturday - afternoon nap time it was!
And I woke up with all sorts of things going around in my head (these darn vitamins are doing things to me.. :-) ). The very last thought was all about perception.
I've noticed it in photos of me - I think "that doesn't look like me!". I have a totally different image of myself in my head, so look askance at the reality others see when it comes out on digital.
There's the voice I hear in my head too (no, not the "voices"...). When I hear my recorded voice it sounds so very different to what I think I sound like!
But the big difference comes in with how others perceive me. Let's say you only read this blog - you know nothing more about me than what I write here. You'd get a certain idea of who I am from the words on this screen, and assume that's the real me. Or perhaps you read one of my other blogs - with a different angle on things - and assume that's the whole me. You may not read ANY of my blogs, but know me in person. Or at least know who you think I am in person, since I may not say a lot in your presence or give much of myself away. Maybe all you know about me is a couple brief lines via Skype or GChat or an email - again, merely words typed on a screen.
All of this ends up filtered through your worldview - the reality you see thanks to who you are. You might notice things about me I'm not aware of, or jump to conclusions and assume you know what I'm on about - when perhaps I'm on about something completely different! :-) I may remind you of someone you used to know, or something you thought you'd forgotten. I might sound arrogant, or depressed, or weird, or funny, or crazy, or normal - all depends on how you perceive what I say and do.
I've mentioned before that there are very few people who know me completely - quite possibly not enough to tick off the fingers on one hand. Circumstance, fear of judgement, opportunity or choice might mean parts of myself are never fully revealed. Some have simply never taken enough time, dug deep enough to understand what makes me tick. If you were to get everyone who knows anything about me together, add in my pen & ink journal and blogs, and pool all that knowledge - you may end up with a fair idea of who I am. Yet probably not all of it. In spite of regularly spouting off about everything and nothing here, there are still bits no-one knows anything about. There are still parts only some people know - sometimes only one person knows. There are still facets that end up getting the most exposure in some situations, but completely hidden in others.
And the same goes for every one of us! We only really know what we perceive about each other, filtered through how our brains work and dependent on what we choose to share.
Is it any wonder we all too often misunderstand each other? :-)
And I woke up with all sorts of things going around in my head (these darn vitamins are doing things to me.. :-) ). The very last thought was all about perception.
I've noticed it in photos of me - I think "that doesn't look like me!". I have a totally different image of myself in my head, so look askance at the reality others see when it comes out on digital.
There's the voice I hear in my head too (no, not the "voices"...). When I hear my recorded voice it sounds so very different to what I think I sound like!
But the big difference comes in with how others perceive me. Let's say you only read this blog - you know nothing more about me than what I write here. You'd get a certain idea of who I am from the words on this screen, and assume that's the real me. Or perhaps you read one of my other blogs - with a different angle on things - and assume that's the whole me. You may not read ANY of my blogs, but know me in person. Or at least know who you think I am in person, since I may not say a lot in your presence or give much of myself away. Maybe all you know about me is a couple brief lines via Skype or GChat or an email - again, merely words typed on a screen.
All of this ends up filtered through your worldview - the reality you see thanks to who you are. You might notice things about me I'm not aware of, or jump to conclusions and assume you know what I'm on about - when perhaps I'm on about something completely different! :-) I may remind you of someone you used to know, or something you thought you'd forgotten. I might sound arrogant, or depressed, or weird, or funny, or crazy, or normal - all depends on how you perceive what I say and do.
I've mentioned before that there are very few people who know me completely - quite possibly not enough to tick off the fingers on one hand. Circumstance, fear of judgement, opportunity or choice might mean parts of myself are never fully revealed. Some have simply never taken enough time, dug deep enough to understand what makes me tick. If you were to get everyone who knows anything about me together, add in my pen & ink journal and blogs, and pool all that knowledge - you may end up with a fair idea of who I am. Yet probably not all of it. In spite of regularly spouting off about everything and nothing here, there are still bits no-one knows anything about. There are still parts only some people know - sometimes only one person knows. There are still facets that end up getting the most exposure in some situations, but completely hidden in others.
And the same goes for every one of us! We only really know what we perceive about each other, filtered through how our brains work and dependent on what we choose to share.
Is it any wonder we all too often misunderstand each other? :-)
Photoblog: Glitter
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I've been admiring this chandelier in a small diamond shop for ages. Photos don't do it justice, but it's absolutely beautiful. A literal cascade of crystals.
I dig glittery stuff! :-)
Jeani
Just for the record (route-marker time again)... I really really need new jeans. I'm not skinny (yet - then again, I don't think I'm built for skinny), but the past few months have seen enough weight loss that my jeans are falling off of me! Literally! Even the just-washed-shrunken ones that used to be tight! Yay! :-)
No, I don't know how much I've lost - I don't own a scale. I do know that I have a bit more to go still before I'm where I want to be, and that there's firming up and definition needed in places. But whatever I'm not doing seems to be working.
I forsee a bit of shopping coming up. The skirts are falling off me too...
No, I don't know how much I've lost - I don't own a scale. I do know that I have a bit more to go still before I'm where I want to be, and that there's firming up and definition needed in places. But whatever I'm not doing seems to be working.
I forsee a bit of shopping coming up. The skirts are falling off me too...
Cut it out
My mind's on overdrive lately (damn vitamins! :-) hmmm.... didn't check if they're compatible with Bioplus...). This morning I woke up thinking, figuring stuff out, with the brain going full-speed. And one conclusion I came to is that this is the perfect time to start afresh on some home contents.
A lot of our furnishings have been:
a) "recycled" from road-side throw-aways
b) accumulated cheaply from those leaving the country
c) inherited from the parents
d) around too long
Our new place doesn't have a garage to dump things in, so it's the perfect time to not only pare down what we have, but replace a lot of things with better things.
A year or so back I started to practice living with "open hands" - not getting attached to my stuff, or bound by clutter and sentimental junk. I wanted to be able to let it all go if I had to - to pack up Olivia with mere essentials and disappear, or to cleanse my space completely in an effort to live more simply. I viciously attacked the contents of my garage, joined up with my local freecycle group and got rid of tons of stuff. An entire car-load of old clothes went within half an hour, and a good deal more disappeared in intervals thereafter. Leaving me enough space to stick the vehicle in the garage for the first time ever. Unfortunately it soon filled up again - mostly with rescued wood I wanted to do stuff with. Half an Australian blackwood too, which I donated on Wednesday to a guy that does woodwork and who will repay me with some turned items from my wood later. The rest I may hold a braai with! :-) But there's some sentimental stuff there too - Jason's school goodies through Primary School, diaries of mine from years ago etc. Some will stay (diaries), a lot will go (old notebooks). Other stuff may be re-organized (photos) or put out as "free to a good home" (house leftovers I don't feel like selling, but which are still useful).
I'm going to be sweeping through our goodies like one possessed - cutting out things I don't plan to cart around.
There's furniture going too. Quite a bit of it. My piano, the beds, the fridge and freezer, the desks, some bookshelves - those stay. The rest goes, to be replaced by goodies I've been wanting to acquire for ages, things that are more my taste and style, which I'll be happy to come home to. This is going to be a very busy week!
In the meantime the lease application has been signed and submitted, to be processed on Monday. We should be good to go by next weekend. Settled in quickly if I can help it.
Now however it's cutting out time. The garbage guys are going to have a lot of stuff to cart away on Monday!
A lot of our furnishings have been:
a) "recycled" from road-side throw-aways
b) accumulated cheaply from those leaving the country
c) inherited from the parents
d) around too long
Our new place doesn't have a garage to dump things in, so it's the perfect time to not only pare down what we have, but replace a lot of things with better things.
A year or so back I started to practice living with "open hands" - not getting attached to my stuff, or bound by clutter and sentimental junk. I wanted to be able to let it all go if I had to - to pack up Olivia with mere essentials and disappear, or to cleanse my space completely in an effort to live more simply. I viciously attacked the contents of my garage, joined up with my local freecycle group and got rid of tons of stuff. An entire car-load of old clothes went within half an hour, and a good deal more disappeared in intervals thereafter. Leaving me enough space to stick the vehicle in the garage for the first time ever. Unfortunately it soon filled up again - mostly with rescued wood I wanted to do stuff with. Half an Australian blackwood too, which I donated on Wednesday to a guy that does woodwork and who will repay me with some turned items from my wood later. The rest I may hold a braai with! :-) But there's some sentimental stuff there too - Jason's school goodies through Primary School, diaries of mine from years ago etc. Some will stay (diaries), a lot will go (old notebooks). Other stuff may be re-organized (photos) or put out as "free to a good home" (house leftovers I don't feel like selling, but which are still useful).
I'm going to be sweeping through our goodies like one possessed - cutting out things I don't plan to cart around.
There's furniture going too. Quite a bit of it. My piano, the beds, the fridge and freezer, the desks, some bookshelves - those stay. The rest goes, to be replaced by goodies I've been wanting to acquire for ages, things that are more my taste and style, which I'll be happy to come home to. This is going to be a very busy week!
In the meantime the lease application has been signed and submitted, to be processed on Monday. We should be good to go by next weekend. Settled in quickly if I can help it.
Now however it's cutting out time. The garbage guys are going to have a lot of stuff to cart away on Monday!
What was good about today
I know there's a song or a movie or a musical group or something by that name. But it's rather appropriate to this particular Friday, cos a lot of good stuff happened.
Actually, it started last night with something (unbloggable) and just carried on from there with another couple somethings that kept me grinning all day (still unbloggable.. sorry ;-) ) - but before this turns into an entire post about not much of anything, let me list the things that ARE bloggable.
I'm settling in at the new job (bit of a longer commute this morning thanks to heavy rain and one traffic light out - remind me to get a car with a heater and/or window defroster. Lights would be nice too!). There's a ways to go in getting to know my colleagues (I'm shy, so have to work up courage to connect with others sometimes), but I've starting in on some of the stuff I was hired to do. With looming deadlines and all! I'm still feeling my way, but getting the hang of the company, the products, and how things work a little better than I did yesterday. Today I found the boiling water dispenser and made some tea!
HOWEVER - I still need to sort out the whole meals thing. I tend to get so busy I don't eat, or don't feel like eating.. and then I come home and am too tired to make an effort. Tonight it was merely avo toast (and one small choccie to celebrate what's in the next paragraph). I did get some fruit in at lunchtime, and a lot of water during the day, but I need to get the pack-a-lunch routine sorted before I kill myself. I'm not going to fall into the buy-your-lunch trap.
So.. this paragraph. Right after work I went to have a walk-through of the house I drove past yesterday. From the security gate I already had a good vibe. Walking through the front door I almost said "we'll take it" without seeing anything else. It's not that it's fantastically great - but it's just what we need now, at a price I can afford. It's a great starter. Before I'd even got out of my car I ran into someone I know (neighbours!) - no, not literally, silly.... The complex is busy but quiet, well-kept and orderly, and right down the road is a big Landy with an Overland sticker - only the second I've seen! Here's something funny about that. I've stuck Overland stickers on both the Landy and the Ford, hoping to spot another forum member on the roads, but for months there's been nothing. Yesterday I walked out the front door from my new work, and there was a Landy with an Overland sticker sitting right in front of me. Today I go look at a house, and spot another! Sjoe! Anyhoo.... it's a 2-bedroom duplex with enough space for the 2 of us. Bricked yards front and back, but pet-friendly. Sliding security gate at front, room to park 3 cars (seriously considering putting up cover over part of it, with permission), dog friendly (though may still try rehome the two beasts). The complex comes with a pool and a load of kids my son's age. It has a great feel to it, and it's in exactly the spot I was hoping for with regards to post-school transport. Safe enough that my son can do his own thing over holidays without me worrying. It's missing a few things that were on my wishlist (ADSL line, lock-up garage, 3rd bedroom, real soil & greenery garden), but for now it's good. Having said that, this weekend I'm chucking out a lot of stuff that I don't plan to take with - and may organize sale of some bulky furniture to a second-hand shop, with an eye on an upgrade.
And then I came home to find I can actually log in to my internet banking, and have received a boost to my accounts thanks to salary payments from two places. Nice! I suddenly feel rich.. :-) Of course much of it is going toward moving, rent, and a few other essentials. But there's enough left over for a few good things. Including starting us off on the road I've hoped for toward the future. Financial recovery, and living instead of surviving.
Before I forget - my son had a good day too. It was supposed to be sports day, but when the school saw the immense amounts of rain coming down they sent everyone home at 9! So he had an off-day instead and spent it hanging around on the internet. (I think he's doing pretty well coming home on his own, actually enjoying it...sshhh.. :-) )
The good day continues with hearing a voice that makes me happy, savouring an Inside Story chocolate as a treat, and the fact that it's Friday! Weekend! Sleeping in! OK, perhaps not sleeping in TOO late - got some papers to sign for that house and many boxes to fill.
I seem to be running on adrenalin again tonight - two in a row - makes for late nights, matchstick-open eyes, an urge to fidget, and the occasional acting out of character. Or perhaps that's just the effects of a "natural energy boost" vitamin supplement I decided to start taking 2 days ago..? What do they put in these things??? :-)
Actually, it started last night with something (unbloggable) and just carried on from there with another couple somethings that kept me grinning all day (still unbloggable.. sorry ;-) ) - but before this turns into an entire post about not much of anything, let me list the things that ARE bloggable.
I'm settling in at the new job (bit of a longer commute this morning thanks to heavy rain and one traffic light out - remind me to get a car with a heater and/or window defroster. Lights would be nice too!). There's a ways to go in getting to know my colleagues (I'm shy, so have to work up courage to connect with others sometimes), but I've starting in on some of the stuff I was hired to do. With looming deadlines and all! I'm still feeling my way, but getting the hang of the company, the products, and how things work a little better than I did yesterday. Today I found the boiling water dispenser and made some tea!
HOWEVER - I still need to sort out the whole meals thing. I tend to get so busy I don't eat, or don't feel like eating.. and then I come home and am too tired to make an effort. Tonight it was merely avo toast (and one small choccie to celebrate what's in the next paragraph). I did get some fruit in at lunchtime, and a lot of water during the day, but I need to get the pack-a-lunch routine sorted before I kill myself. I'm not going to fall into the buy-your-lunch trap.
So.. this paragraph. Right after work I went to have a walk-through of the house I drove past yesterday. From the security gate I already had a good vibe. Walking through the front door I almost said "we'll take it" without seeing anything else. It's not that it's fantastically great - but it's just what we need now, at a price I can afford. It's a great starter. Before I'd even got out of my car I ran into someone I know (neighbours!) - no, not literally, silly.... The complex is busy but quiet, well-kept and orderly, and right down the road is a big Landy with an Overland sticker - only the second I've seen! Here's something funny about that. I've stuck Overland stickers on both the Landy and the Ford, hoping to spot another forum member on the roads, but for months there's been nothing. Yesterday I walked out the front door from my new work, and there was a Landy with an Overland sticker sitting right in front of me. Today I go look at a house, and spot another! Sjoe! Anyhoo.... it's a 2-bedroom duplex with enough space for the 2 of us. Bricked yards front and back, but pet-friendly. Sliding security gate at front, room to park 3 cars (seriously considering putting up cover over part of it, with permission), dog friendly (though may still try rehome the two beasts). The complex comes with a pool and a load of kids my son's age. It has a great feel to it, and it's in exactly the spot I was hoping for with regards to post-school transport. Safe enough that my son can do his own thing over holidays without me worrying. It's missing a few things that were on my wishlist (ADSL line, lock-up garage, 3rd bedroom, real soil & greenery garden), but for now it's good. Having said that, this weekend I'm chucking out a lot of stuff that I don't plan to take with - and may organize sale of some bulky furniture to a second-hand shop, with an eye on an upgrade.
And then I came home to find I can actually log in to my internet banking, and have received a boost to my accounts thanks to salary payments from two places. Nice! I suddenly feel rich.. :-) Of course much of it is going toward moving, rent, and a few other essentials. But there's enough left over for a few good things. Including starting us off on the road I've hoped for toward the future. Financial recovery, and living instead of surviving.
Before I forget - my son had a good day too. It was supposed to be sports day, but when the school saw the immense amounts of rain coming down they sent everyone home at 9! So he had an off-day instead and spent it hanging around on the internet. (I think he's doing pretty well coming home on his own, actually enjoying it...sshhh.. :-) )
The good day continues with hearing a voice that makes me happy, savouring an Inside Story chocolate as a treat, and the fact that it's Friday! Weekend! Sleeping in! OK, perhaps not sleeping in TOO late - got some papers to sign for that house and many boxes to fill.
I seem to be running on adrenalin again tonight - two in a row - makes for late nights, matchstick-open eyes, an urge to fidget, and the occasional acting out of character. Or perhaps that's just the effects of a "natural energy boost" vitamin supplement I decided to start taking 2 days ago..? What do they put in these things??? :-)
Friday, March 23, 2007
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cool stuff,
dreams,
family,
food,
goals,
single parenting,
the journey,
work
Day One
So.. a whole new world! Yup, first day at the new job. I figured out that dropping the kid at school at 7:20, buying a paper and driving right through makes my commute... wait for it... SEVEN MINTUES! :-) Not bad, eh? So of course I beat everyone to work today - including those who were supposed to show me the ropes. Had a bit of time to catch my breath.
But it started off well. Got me a desk and a 'puter, and dug in to reading a whole lot of documentation, getting to know what the products are all about. Sat in on a meeting, had another later on - and in between had barely any time to eat, as my lunch hour was spent phoning around for housing. I could lose weight on this job! :-) Tomorrow I need to be a bit more organized though and get some food in.
Commute home took half an hour - but that was because I dropped by one of the places that I saw in the paper on the other side of town for a squiz. It seems to be in a good area, but it's behind inaccessibly security gates in a "rich man's squatter camp" (secure village), so will have to ask the agent to take me around this weekend. The price is affordable, and although it's not dream-perfect it's sufficient. Right area too for the kid to get a bus home from school at lunchtime. I've realized I need to go with what I can afford, not what I fantasize about.
So day one is under the belt. From here on out things will be speeding up a little as I play catch-up with knowledge and get stuck in to what I was hired to do. Car's still not too lekker (worried...) but it goes well enough. Will check out tyre balance, clutch "hiss" and one other engine thingie this weekend. Between finishing the packing.
Here's to day 2!
But it started off well. Got me a desk and a 'puter, and dug in to reading a whole lot of documentation, getting to know what the products are all about. Sat in on a meeting, had another later on - and in between had barely any time to eat, as my lunch hour was spent phoning around for housing. I could lose weight on this job! :-) Tomorrow I need to be a bit more organized though and get some food in.
Commute home took half an hour - but that was because I dropped by one of the places that I saw in the paper on the other side of town for a squiz. It seems to be in a good area, but it's behind inaccessibly security gates in a "rich man's squatter camp" (secure village), so will have to ask the agent to take me around this weekend. The price is affordable, and although it's not dream-perfect it's sufficient. Right area too for the kid to get a bus home from school at lunchtime. I've realized I need to go with what I can afford, not what I fantasize about.
So day one is under the belt. From here on out things will be speeding up a little as I play catch-up with knowledge and get stuck in to what I was hired to do. Car's still not too lekker (worried...) but it goes well enough. Will check out tyre balance, clutch "hiss" and one other engine thingie this weekend. Between finishing the packing.
Here's to day 2!
Reality
Isn't it nice when you have a bit of a run-in with reality! :-) I like to dream big, to picture what could be - but now and then cold hard fact likes to sneak up and crack me over the noggin.
Had one of those moments this evening. I went to see a very nice house, in a very nice area, at a price that is pretty big. When I sat down and worked out my sums, I realized that reality says "not a chance in hell". Not unless I either want us to starve or be out on the street chop-chop.
Reality also informed me that I need to sit up and take notice of a couple of other things around me, before it's too late. Although I go with gut-feel and instinct a lot, sometimes I have to examine the facts and work from those instead. To take a clinical look at things and not get carried away by imagination. Hard to do sometimes, I admit. There's a spark of creativity in me that likes to throw in pixie-dust now and again.
So anyway it's back to the drawing board with regards to accommodation. And back to real life with its associated issues - I have to deal and move on a number of things, and do it quickly. It's a bit of a snowball effect where not having one thing organized floods over into other things.
Once that's sorted - perhaps I can dream again. :-)
Had one of those moments this evening. I went to see a very nice house, in a very nice area, at a price that is pretty big. When I sat down and worked out my sums, I realized that reality says "not a chance in hell". Not unless I either want us to starve or be out on the street chop-chop.
Reality also informed me that I need to sit up and take notice of a couple of other things around me, before it's too late. Although I go with gut-feel and instinct a lot, sometimes I have to examine the facts and work from those instead. To take a clinical look at things and not get carried away by imagination. Hard to do sometimes, I admit. There's a spark of creativity in me that likes to throw in pixie-dust now and again.
So anyway it's back to the drawing board with regards to accommodation. And back to real life with its associated issues - I have to deal and move on a number of things, and do it quickly. It's a bit of a snowball effect where not having one thing organized floods over into other things.
Once that's sorted - perhaps I can dream again. :-)
Serene
It's a public holiday here in South Africa today, and many are chilling. Me, well I have a LOT to do. I need to do a drive-by of a house to check out what area it's in, get some stuff at the shops, repot my garden, pack/sort/chuck a multitude of things.
You'd think I'd be panicking! Especially as I only woke up at 8, sat around in my pj's until about 9:30 and an hour later am blogging...
But nope, no panic for me today. Serenity instead (found at last?). I think this flows out of what I've learnt in the past year. That things will happen in the time they need to, and they'll be just right when they do. Yes - you have to put in the effort. Yes - you can't just sit around waiting for life to fall into your lap. There is work required, and logical thought and a bit of activity. But as I've learnt, you don't go beating your head against closed doors. Instead you follow the open ones (what's right under your nose) - the path that has literally been laid out for you.
So today I'm working hard. I'm going to be playing a bit too (if you consider washing Olivia play). I'll be sorting out some essentials for the way forward - but I'll also be taking some breathing space. Balance, that's the key. Wrought from a deep inner peace that somehow has still gone unshaken during all the upheaval of the past year.
Oh - one more thing. This inner peace stuff has had me re-evaluating my possessions in a big way. I realize I've collected way too much clutter, the kind that makes my surroundings so busy that I start to feel angsty instead of relaxed at times. Today a lot of it goes. I'm paring down before the move, taking only what I really want with me, or is going to need to be used until it gets replaced (couches..). Any sentimental junk that isn't serving a purpose is going to end up either dumped or in someone else's hands.
That said - it's on to the day. Busy, but not rushed. Full, but not stressed-out. Mindful, focused, serene. I think it's going to be a good one.
::update::
Then again, sometimes you need a good cry in the car to maintain serenity... :-)
You'd think I'd be panicking! Especially as I only woke up at 8, sat around in my pj's until about 9:30 and an hour later am blogging...
But nope, no panic for me today. Serenity instead (found at last?). I think this flows out of what I've learnt in the past year. That things will happen in the time they need to, and they'll be just right when they do. Yes - you have to put in the effort. Yes - you can't just sit around waiting for life to fall into your lap. There is work required, and logical thought and a bit of activity. But as I've learnt, you don't go beating your head against closed doors. Instead you follow the open ones (what's right under your nose) - the path that has literally been laid out for you.
So today I'm working hard. I'm going to be playing a bit too (if you consider washing Olivia play). I'll be sorting out some essentials for the way forward - but I'll also be taking some breathing space. Balance, that's the key. Wrought from a deep inner peace that somehow has still gone unshaken during all the upheaval of the past year.
Oh - one more thing. This inner peace stuff has had me re-evaluating my possessions in a big way. I realize I've collected way too much clutter, the kind that makes my surroundings so busy that I start to feel angsty instead of relaxed at times. Today a lot of it goes. I'm paring down before the move, taking only what I really want with me, or is going to need to be used until it gets replaced (couches..). Any sentimental junk that isn't serving a purpose is going to end up either dumped or in someone else's hands.
That said - it's on to the day. Busy, but not rushed. Full, but not stressed-out. Mindful, focused, serene. I think it's going to be a good one.
::update::
Then again, sometimes you need a good cry in the car to maintain serenity... :-)
Wish
This is not a good thing - watching YouTube vids of blokes messing around in their Landies. Or reading about very clever guys who pimp things beyond my wildest imaginations and then take them out to play. Cos it's bad for me, yet also good for me.
I realize just why I got a Series Landy, why I love the beasts thoroughly and think they're the coolest things on 4 wheels (plus spares). I get all inspired again to get into mine and get going. To go play in the great outdoors instead of just fiddling around up and down the hill and wondering if I knew enough to fix what ailed her last time.
But it's a bad thing too - 'cos it makes me want to:
a) take a month or more off and fix her front to back - which is not possible at the moment.
b) chuck in life as I know it and hit the road for an extended period of time, with purpose and a destination in mind.
c) or just go places, see things, drive, camp, live, breathe...
Which is also a good thing - it's pushing me to get Olivia fixed up good and lekker so I can do all the above.
At the same time though I realize how much work I still need to put into her, and my heart quails. I've got a load of learning curves ahead if I'm to understand her workings sufficiently. I have to find experts to do a few things I can't do myself. I need to throw cash at her to get some bits sorted out. I need to find out EXACTLY what needs to be done before I stuff something up completely. I need time to do it all....
And before that can happen the spectre of urgent housing acquisition looms. I was informed today that "sorry, you don't earn enough to rent that house". I had absolutely no clue there was a sliding scale, but was working on what I could afford and taking it from there. Sometimes I think I'm way too naive. A lot less world-wise than I should be - as if I've been living in a bubble for too many years (perhaps I have). I'm still too trusting, too happy to assume the best of people and situations until proven otherwise... And too easily sidetracked while blogging! :-) Back to the subject at hand.
It's nights like this that I find myself wishing I had unlimited time, money, resources, knowledge. That I could just go DO this Olivia thing without looking at her every time I walk past and saying "not just yet - soon, but not immediately". I know the time's coming where I'll sort her out properly. Some days - like this - I just wish it were now.
I realize just why I got a Series Landy, why I love the beasts thoroughly and think they're the coolest things on 4 wheels (plus spares). I get all inspired again to get into mine and get going. To go play in the great outdoors instead of just fiddling around up and down the hill and wondering if I knew enough to fix what ailed her last time.
But it's a bad thing too - 'cos it makes me want to:
a) take a month or more off and fix her front to back - which is not possible at the moment.
b) chuck in life as I know it and hit the road for an extended period of time, with purpose and a destination in mind.
c) or just go places, see things, drive, camp, live, breathe...
Which is also a good thing - it's pushing me to get Olivia fixed up good and lekker so I can do all the above.
At the same time though I realize how much work I still need to put into her, and my heart quails. I've got a load of learning curves ahead if I'm to understand her workings sufficiently. I have to find experts to do a few things I can't do myself. I need to throw cash at her to get some bits sorted out. I need to find out EXACTLY what needs to be done before I stuff something up completely. I need time to do it all....
And before that can happen the spectre of urgent housing acquisition looms. I was informed today that "sorry, you don't earn enough to rent that house". I had absolutely no clue there was a sliding scale, but was working on what I could afford and taking it from there. Sometimes I think I'm way too naive. A lot less world-wise than I should be - as if I've been living in a bubble for too many years (perhaps I have). I'm still too trusting, too happy to assume the best of people and situations until proven otherwise... And too easily sidetracked while blogging! :-) Back to the subject at hand.
It's nights like this that I find myself wishing I had unlimited time, money, resources, knowledge. That I could just go DO this Olivia thing without looking at her every time I walk past and saying "not just yet - soon, but not immediately". I know the time's coming where I'll sort her out properly. Some days - like this - I just wish it were now.
Last day...
Yup, last day of work here after exactly 11 years, 2 months and 2 days.
The first day here was "interesting" - I was dumped into the middle of student registration, sink or swim, expected to get everyone through the system! With no prior admin training and no-one to teach me how to do thing, I was now "secretary" (having just finished being "cheese & butter maker"), had to type stuff, answer questions etc. It wasn't until a few years down the line that internet/email arrived. Then I was running an extension over lunchtimes to the only phone line that could handle it! Until they gave me my own.. :-) That opened up a whole new world.
Few years later it was a job split - from handling both secretarial and admissions, I moved over purely to admissions. Well, not entirely accurate - the website was chucked at me to do "in my spare time" as a hobby (ie unpaid). And that managed to split me rather equally down the middle, wearing two hats and trying to balance them. Funny how I never actually ended up with an official job description...
Now it's off to something new and different. Another chance to learn, grow, change, innovate and get excited about filling up the brain with interesting stuff.
And today? Today I'm clearing the last of the office, the last of the computer files - and having tea at 10 in lieu of a farewell. :-) The official one will still take place next week in my absense.
I've hit this day with mixed feelings. I've had a good run here, and loved where I've lived and worked. I've had the chance to learn a lot, both about my work and about me - and to grow and develop in so many areas. So I'm sad to be leaving. But at the same time I'm looking forward to the change, the challenge, the chance to head off in a new direction and expand the skills I've built upon for years, ones that I really enjoy using. Although there are terror-tremors now and then at the process, I have a good gut-feel about it. It's a step toward a great future and one more marker on this long journey.
Here's to the last day! Dark choc and JCleRoux all round! :-)
The first day here was "interesting" - I was dumped into the middle of student registration, sink or swim, expected to get everyone through the system! With no prior admin training and no-one to teach me how to do thing, I was now "secretary" (having just finished being "cheese & butter maker"), had to type stuff, answer questions etc. It wasn't until a few years down the line that internet/email arrived. Then I was running an extension over lunchtimes to the only phone line that could handle it! Until they gave me my own.. :-) That opened up a whole new world.
Few years later it was a job split - from handling both secretarial and admissions, I moved over purely to admissions. Well, not entirely accurate - the website was chucked at me to do "in my spare time" as a hobby (ie unpaid). And that managed to split me rather equally down the middle, wearing two hats and trying to balance them. Funny how I never actually ended up with an official job description...
Now it's off to something new and different. Another chance to learn, grow, change, innovate and get excited about filling up the brain with interesting stuff.
And today? Today I'm clearing the last of the office, the last of the computer files - and having tea at 10 in lieu of a farewell. :-) The official one will still take place next week in my absense.
I've hit this day with mixed feelings. I've had a good run here, and loved where I've lived and worked. I've had the chance to learn a lot, both about my work and about me - and to grow and develop in so many areas. So I'm sad to be leaving. But at the same time I'm looking forward to the change, the challenge, the chance to head off in a new direction and expand the skills I've built upon for years, ones that I really enjoy using. Although there are terror-tremors now and then at the process, I have a good gut-feel about it. It's a step toward a great future and one more marker on this long journey.
Here's to the last day! Dark choc and JCleRoux all round! :-)
Enough
Have you ever wondered if you're "enough"? You know for a fact you're a great individual.. but...
I guess it's the old comparing-to-others junk that rears its ugly head now and then. Makes you wonder if you could ever measure up. It's a horribly slippery dangerous slope to navigate, a soul-destroying mind-jellifying circling of the self-confidence drain. Yet it happens. Not often - but it happens.
I wish I had a cure for it. That I could say "I AM good enough: attractive enough, interesting enough, strong enough, experienced enough, worth enough - worthy enough...." and it would all magically be instilled in that bit of the brain that doubts. Unfortunately there is no real cure, other than realizing and believing how very valuable you are as a unique individual - how the opinions of others don't make you who you are, don't determine the soul-kernel that determines how you shine.
Still.. sometimes I do struggle. Sometimes I don't feel like enough.
I guess it's the old comparing-to-others junk that rears its ugly head now and then. Makes you wonder if you could ever measure up. It's a horribly slippery dangerous slope to navigate, a soul-destroying mind-jellifying circling of the self-confidence drain. Yet it happens. Not often - but it happens.
I wish I had a cure for it. That I could say "I AM good enough: attractive enough, interesting enough, strong enough, experienced enough, worth enough - worthy enough...." and it would all magically be instilled in that bit of the brain that doubts. Unfortunately there is no real cure, other than realizing and believing how very valuable you are as a unique individual - how the opinions of others don't make you who you are, don't determine the soul-kernel that determines how you shine.
Still.. sometimes I do struggle. Sometimes I don't feel like enough.
Sense-ability
There's one thing I hate about being sick and all clogged up. Well other than being sick and all clogged up of course. It's the way your senses, particularly smell, start playing up.
This entire week I've been smelling pine. Not nice pine, but a strange mix of pine and stink (no there's nothing under my shoe). Just whiffs of it here and there. I thought at first it was the afternoon sun hitting my desk after the cleaning lady used a new type of furniture polish on it. But no, I can smell it here at home too. And I haven't used any of that particular brand/flavour on my desk at home.
Earlier in the week the ears went. Nice and peaceful in here with them blocked, but of course there's the hassle of your ears not "popping" when you deign to descend the mountain to sea-level. Had to be popped manually before they got overbearingly painful.
Once your smell sense starts to go, taste is affected too. My dark chocolate addiction hasn't been half as nice as it was 2 weeks ago! So I'm saving it up for when I'm completely back to normal and can enjoy it fully. No sense in wasting good chocolate on the unappreciative!
Last night I hauled out some indulgent comfort food - camembert, green fig preserve and crackers. Not as comforting as it was when I could taste it properly, so it's getting the dark-choc treatment too, languishing in storage for a few more days.
The only thing that hasn't been affected by the flu-or-whatever-it-was has been eyesight and touch. Unless you count being sore all over when very ill.
But I'm nearly all better. And I look forward to having my senses back, just the way they're meant to function.
(do you think I label some of these posts "random ramblings" for nothing?! :-) )
This entire week I've been smelling pine. Not nice pine, but a strange mix of pine and stink (no there's nothing under my shoe). Just whiffs of it here and there. I thought at first it was the afternoon sun hitting my desk after the cleaning lady used a new type of furniture polish on it. But no, I can smell it here at home too. And I haven't used any of that particular brand/flavour on my desk at home.
Earlier in the week the ears went. Nice and peaceful in here with them blocked, but of course there's the hassle of your ears not "popping" when you deign to descend the mountain to sea-level. Had to be popped manually before they got overbearingly painful.
Once your smell sense starts to go, taste is affected too. My dark chocolate addiction hasn't been half as nice as it was 2 weeks ago! So I'm saving it up for when I'm completely back to normal and can enjoy it fully. No sense in wasting good chocolate on the unappreciative!
Last night I hauled out some indulgent comfort food - camembert, green fig preserve and crackers. Not as comforting as it was when I could taste it properly, so it's getting the dark-choc treatment too, languishing in storage for a few more days.
The only thing that hasn't been affected by the flu-or-whatever-it-was has been eyesight and touch. Unless you count being sore all over when very ill.
But I'm nearly all better. And I look forward to having my senses back, just the way they're meant to function.
(do you think I label some of these posts "random ramblings" for nothing?! :-) )
Hello Australia!
To anyone popping in from the Sydney Morning Herald via Sam and the City, welcome - thanks for stopping by! And a big thanks to Samantha for the link.
Pace
I found myself pacing like a caged cat yesterday.. up and down, up and down. While the mind worked overtime on sorting out quite a few issues.
One of which is housing. I think I have a solution and am trying to get that worked out this morning.
Another had to do with the fact that I don't feel ready, completely prepared for all the changes I have to make. Besides the fact that we haven't moved yet, there's the not-so-commuter-friendly car/s I have - both of which are having issues. One of which is frustrating me no end with a lack of lights and some other stuff that's worrying me.
Then there's the schooling-transport thing. But the solution to the housing is also the solution to the schooling-transport! Holding thumbs I'm not too late to claim it.
I did make a bit of progress on packing, sorting and chucking out yesterday that has me feeling better - but I've still got too many loose ends for my peace of mind.
Hence the pacing...
Second-last day at this particular job. Most stuff is sorted out here. New adventures await! And I hear there's quite the to-do list waiting for me. I'll be diving right in.
Today though it's the last of the last, in many ways. And I've just had someone pop by to confirm that yes, indeed - my "farewell" will be one week after I leave. LOL Really, that's pretty funny. But anyhoo.
I think I'm done with my pacing today. The cat has settled down to purr in the sunshine. To enjoy thoughts of other things that make me smile and are not at all work-related (you know who you are). But which I ain't blogging about here.. :-)
One of which is housing. I think I have a solution and am trying to get that worked out this morning.
Another had to do with the fact that I don't feel ready, completely prepared for all the changes I have to make. Besides the fact that we haven't moved yet, there's the not-so-commuter-friendly car/s I have - both of which are having issues. One of which is frustrating me no end with a lack of lights and some other stuff that's worrying me.
Then there's the schooling-transport thing. But the solution to the housing is also the solution to the schooling-transport! Holding thumbs I'm not too late to claim it.
I did make a bit of progress on packing, sorting and chucking out yesterday that has me feeling better - but I've still got too many loose ends for my peace of mind.
Hence the pacing...
Second-last day at this particular job. Most stuff is sorted out here. New adventures await! And I hear there's quite the to-do list waiting for me. I'll be diving right in.
Today though it's the last of the last, in many ways. And I've just had someone pop by to confirm that yes, indeed - my "farewell" will be one week after I leave. LOL Really, that's pretty funny. But anyhoo.
I think I'm done with my pacing today. The cat has settled down to purr in the sunshine. To enjoy thoughts of other things that make me smile and are not at all work-related (you know who you are). But which I ain't blogging about here.. :-)
Onwards
I won't be crying myself to sleep (awake) tonight. Although not everything is sorted that needs sorting, I'm out of the depths. If there's one thing I've learnt in life it's this - things may look impossible, scary, frustrating and huge. But there is always a way around, through, over them. I'll cope. I'll cope well - there's an inner strength somewhere in here that will see me through what ails me. There's underlying optimism and happiness that will keep me going in the right direction. And there's the caring support of others that gives me a boost when I can't seem to do it alone.
Onwards and upwards... I can do no other.
Onwards and upwards... I can do no other.
Coming Unstuck
Although life is moving rapidly on in all sorts of good directions, I admit I've been feeling stuck lately - as if my feet are mired down in thick mud that's making it hard to do what I need to do, difficult to get where I need to be. A shot of terror coursing through the veins now and then hasn't helped, and a part of me still just wants to escape.
But I don't have a choice. I have to come unstuck. I have to deal with a variety of things, and do it now. Even if it's wearing me down, wearing me out.
While sorting and cleaning and throwing things into boxes this weekend, it's given me a little space and time to let my mind work while my hands are busy. I'm still not sure what conclusions I've come to or will still come to. There's a lot of tough stuff that needs dealing with all at the same time. Yet I know I have the strength to do so, and am slowly finding the courage too.
Today I'm struggling. I'm second-guessing a lot of things and wondering if I've got it right or wrong. I could do with a clear, floodlit path saying "THAT way" - but life never gives us one, does it. Instead we're required to forge ahead in faith, hoping that we've guessed the right road to be on, and if necessary making it the right road.
Sometimes you need quiet to think. Sometimes too much quiet is a bad thing. I'm not sure which one I'm at today. I suspect a few deep breaths and some chocolate may help though.. :-)
::update::
Nice how sorting one big thing helps you get going on the others. One of the biggest battles I've had this week is finally acquiring internet banking - it's taken days of endless queries, autoresponse "thank you for your email"s, and one physical trip to the bank. Their instructions are both minimal and unhelpful, until I finally raised a real-live person who told me EXACTLY what no other instructions stated, and which needed doing.
Today I am finally an Internet Banker. Now that I have a handle on that essential bit of life, I can move on to others.
Sometimes all it takes to come unstuck is one firm step in the right direction.
But I don't have a choice. I have to come unstuck. I have to deal with a variety of things, and do it now. Even if it's wearing me down, wearing me out.
While sorting and cleaning and throwing things into boxes this weekend, it's given me a little space and time to let my mind work while my hands are busy. I'm still not sure what conclusions I've come to or will still come to. There's a lot of tough stuff that needs dealing with all at the same time. Yet I know I have the strength to do so, and am slowly finding the courage too.
Today I'm struggling. I'm second-guessing a lot of things and wondering if I've got it right or wrong. I could do with a clear, floodlit path saying "THAT way" - but life never gives us one, does it. Instead we're required to forge ahead in faith, hoping that we've guessed the right road to be on, and if necessary making it the right road.
Sometimes you need quiet to think. Sometimes too much quiet is a bad thing. I'm not sure which one I'm at today. I suspect a few deep breaths and some chocolate may help though.. :-)
::update::
Nice how sorting one big thing helps you get going on the others. One of the biggest battles I've had this week is finally acquiring internet banking - it's taken days of endless queries, autoresponse "thank you for your email"s, and one physical trip to the bank. Their instructions are both minimal and unhelpful, until I finally raised a real-live person who told me EXACTLY what no other instructions stated, and which needed doing.
Today I am finally an Internet Banker. Now that I have a handle on that essential bit of life, I can move on to others.
Sometimes all it takes to come unstuck is one firm step in the right direction.
It's all lies
There is no such thing as crying yourself to sleep. There is only crying yourself more awake. An unquenched exhaustion, mental and physical fatigue - but no rest. No relief. Just damp pillows and tossed sheets. And when you think you're all done, there's only more.
Full & Empty
I've got a full mind, lots going on in there - but this blog is a little empty of late... sorry if you came here looking for reading matter!
Truth is I'm rushing around like crazy, still trying to find a house (time is seriously running out, we may have to live in the Landy..), finishing off the 3rd-last day of work here (last Friday afternoon off I'll be getting!), trying to keep tabs on everything that needs sorting out, remembering, doing. And when I do sit down at the computer, it's to spend some online time with a rather remarkable person who happily consumes a good deal of each day and most of my thoughts.
Inspiration is lacking. Photography has fallen by the wayside (other than how-to's on fixing vehicles). Words have ended up used elsewhere. My brain's still somewhat fogged and ears blocked after being ill earlier this week - makes for a sweetly silent day!
Blogging in earnest will resume. One day.. But today is not that day.
Truth is I'm rushing around like crazy, still trying to find a house (time is seriously running out, we may have to live in the Landy..), finishing off the 3rd-last day of work here (last Friday afternoon off I'll be getting!), trying to keep tabs on everything that needs sorting out, remembering, doing. And when I do sit down at the computer, it's to spend some online time with a rather remarkable person who happily consumes a good deal of each day and most of my thoughts.
Inspiration is lacking. Photography has fallen by the wayside (other than how-to's on fixing vehicles). Words have ended up used elsewhere. My brain's still somewhat fogged and ears blocked after being ill earlier this week - makes for a sweetly silent day!
Blogging in earnest will resume. One day.. But today is not that day.
OhNoSecond
You know that split-second where you realize you've done something or said something and now it's out there and you can never get it back and it was really not a good idea even if you're laughing hysterically over it?
That's an OhNoSecond.
And they never fail to produce heart-stopping hilarity. Or a realization that you may have suddenly, terrifyingly, permanently created a rather interesting perspective (spectacle?) of yourself.
Oh dear.. :-)
That's an OhNoSecond.
And they never fail to produce heart-stopping hilarity. Or a realization that you may have suddenly, terrifyingly, permanently created a rather interesting perspective (spectacle?) of yourself.
Oh dear.. :-)
Grace..
As per my usual practice, I dashed down before work to get the newspaper and house-hunt. I phoned the most likely suspect, made an appointment to see the place at 6 tonight - and then, guess what.
A colleague drops by to tell me they're looking for someone to look after their large house for 2 months until the new owners arrive! Hmmm...
I'm wondering if this is a "grace period" - just what we need to sort out a decent home, find out exactly how much I'll be getting out of my new salary after commute, school, rent etc comes off, and have a little time to sort out some things I haven't had a chance to?
I think it may be!
I'll see the place that was advertised tonight, but thinking hard.
A colleague drops by to tell me they're looking for someone to look after their large house for 2 months until the new owners arrive! Hmmm...
I'm wondering if this is a "grace period" - just what we need to sort out a decent home, find out exactly how much I'll be getting out of my new salary after commute, school, rent etc comes off, and have a little time to sort out some things I haven't had a chance to?
I think it may be!
I'll see the place that was advertised tonight, but thinking hard.
Machine
I have a strange (for a chick) fascination with machines. Gadgets. Metal thingies, stuff that does stuff.
I have an equally strange fascination with overland-pimped vehicles, solid 4x4s and similar cool-but-rugged beasts. Hence owning Olivia...
I've been known to accost strangers with old Landrovers. Like the bloke that lives down a side-street in town. I saw a Series 3, 101 and Forward Control standing around his place, slammed on brakes, and interrupted his conversation with a neighbour to ask if I could drool! He got rid of the neighbour, we spent an hour climbing in, on, around and under all three of his trucks (and checking out the wooden-panel-van classic in his driveway), before realizing we actually hadn't introduced ourselves! Such is the fascination with such things - the common heartbeat of the Landy addict.
I've been spotted on hands and knees in a mall parking lot, peering at the undersides of something that's seen a bit of offroad action. I've been caught peering through overland-kitted vehicles windows and checking out their mods.
I've learnt not to blush when caught... :-)
This evening I had someone stopping by to borrow a few of my jerrycans for a trip to Zimbabwe. He turned up in a big, heavy (3,5 TONS!) Toyota Landcruiser, suitably modified with decent tyres, two swing-away spares at rear, an entire storage area with drawers, solar panel, comms etc and a slide-out table on the roofrack. With his permission I grabbed my camera... Yes, I've been known to take photos of stranger's vehicles too. Beware weird woman rushing up to you with camera!
I suspect this mechanical fascination is a life-long one. I've always enjoyed fiddling with things that get the hands greasy (or cut - see woodworking...). I saw nothing wrong in whipping the chain off my bike as a kid and fixing it, or getting into gramps' woodworking chest and learning how planes and chisels worked. If it wasn't banned, I would have ended up in woodwork class instead of needlework in high school. After school, I loved getting into the Food Tech machinery, or mixing up concoctions in chemistry class. Yup, this one's come a long way.
But I like it. I don't mind the greasy fingers, the random bruises, cuts and scrapes, the struggling with stuck bolts or trying to wrap my mind around some engine diagramme. I enjoy picking up the GPS and discovering features I didn't know it had. I like being able to open up my computer tower and see what's come loose, or taking apart the washing machine to fix it (remember that episode? it's still going strong!). I've always been the practical type, never too finicky about getting dirty, enjoying figuring out how stuff works.
Tonight's encounter only added to the fact that I'm a confirmed machine addict.
I have an equally strange fascination with overland-pimped vehicles, solid 4x4s and similar cool-but-rugged beasts. Hence owning Olivia...
I've been known to accost strangers with old Landrovers. Like the bloke that lives down a side-street in town. I saw a Series 3, 101 and Forward Control standing around his place, slammed on brakes, and interrupted his conversation with a neighbour to ask if I could drool! He got rid of the neighbour, we spent an hour climbing in, on, around and under all three of his trucks (and checking out the wooden-panel-van classic in his driveway), before realizing we actually hadn't introduced ourselves! Such is the fascination with such things - the common heartbeat of the Landy addict.
I've been spotted on hands and knees in a mall parking lot, peering at the undersides of something that's seen a bit of offroad action. I've been caught peering through overland-kitted vehicles windows and checking out their mods.
I've learnt not to blush when caught... :-)
This evening I had someone stopping by to borrow a few of my jerrycans for a trip to Zimbabwe. He turned up in a big, heavy (3,5 TONS!) Toyota Landcruiser, suitably modified with decent tyres, two swing-away spares at rear, an entire storage area with drawers, solar panel, comms etc and a slide-out table on the roofrack. With his permission I grabbed my camera... Yes, I've been known to take photos of stranger's vehicles too. Beware weird woman rushing up to you with camera!
I suspect this mechanical fascination is a life-long one. I've always enjoyed fiddling with things that get the hands greasy (or cut - see woodworking...). I saw nothing wrong in whipping the chain off my bike as a kid and fixing it, or getting into gramps' woodworking chest and learning how planes and chisels worked. If it wasn't banned, I would have ended up in woodwork class instead of needlework in high school. After school, I loved getting into the Food Tech machinery, or mixing up concoctions in chemistry class. Yup, this one's come a long way.
But I like it. I don't mind the greasy fingers, the random bruises, cuts and scrapes, the struggling with stuck bolts or trying to wrap my mind around some engine diagramme. I enjoy picking up the GPS and discovering features I didn't know it had. I like being able to open up my computer tower and see what's come loose, or taking apart the washing machine to fix it (remember that episode? it's still going strong!). I've always been the practical type, never too finicky about getting dirty, enjoying figuring out how stuff works.
Tonight's encounter only added to the fact that I'm a confirmed machine addict.
How Fragile We Are
You can't help but notice it, with crime hitting headlines every day. We think we're strong - but these bodies are fragile.
Take poor old MDC leader Morgan Tsvangirai in Zimbabwe - beaten up to the point of needing a brain scan. It's so easy to break a skull, a bone, bruise and batter the bits that make us.
Two young girls recently murdered. So easy to snuff out a life. To stick a small body in a drain or a ceiling.
A young chap from the Overland forum, in the wrong place at the wrong time - crushed under the fallen load of a runaway truck that hit another 7 cars.
A family of three wiped out on their way home after the Argus cycle race. One overturned bakkie was all it took.
It's a sobering thought - life clings so carefully to sinews, nerves, bone, blood. So delicately in balance, enclosed in soft tissues. So easy for us, for those we love, to suddenly no longer be there. To face incredible injury that changes them forever. To experience pain.
Yet our lives rush on. We assume we'll see the same faces, hear the same voices again tomorrow. That they'll always be there, as they are now. We think we'll tell them tomorrow how much they matter, we'll appreciate their presence tomorrow, spend more time with them tomorrow.
What if we never get a tomorrow?
(this concludes serious mulling for one day)
Take poor old MDC leader Morgan Tsvangirai in Zimbabwe - beaten up to the point of needing a brain scan. It's so easy to break a skull, a bone, bruise and batter the bits that make us.
Two young girls recently murdered. So easy to snuff out a life. To stick a small body in a drain or a ceiling.
A young chap from the Overland forum, in the wrong place at the wrong time - crushed under the fallen load of a runaway truck that hit another 7 cars.
A family of three wiped out on their way home after the Argus cycle race. One overturned bakkie was all it took.
It's a sobering thought - life clings so carefully to sinews, nerves, bone, blood. So delicately in balance, enclosed in soft tissues. So easy for us, for those we love, to suddenly no longer be there. To face incredible injury that changes them forever. To experience pain.
Yet our lives rush on. We assume we'll see the same faces, hear the same voices again tomorrow. That they'll always be there, as they are now. We think we'll tell them tomorrow how much they matter, we'll appreciate their presence tomorrow, spend more time with them tomorrow.
What if we never get a tomorrow?
(this concludes serious mulling for one day)
Change of tactics
The quest for housing continues. Yes, I'm supposed to move this weekend (ideally) - or next weekend (latest), and still haven't found a place!
Our local newspaper comes out on a Thursday morning. Today I'm going to try something different. I'm phoning every single agent who advertised anything last week, and checknig if there's something they have listed that might end up in tomorrow's paper. A foot in the door before it's even published.
The house I saw earlier in the week is good - but the reality is it's too far off the beaten track to organize lift clubs / high school bus for my son for lunchtime, backs on to a railway line, industrial area and squatter camp, and is more than I can afford per month. I don't want to start out on the wrong foot, chucking all my money into a place that isn't going to work out for us and ending up worse off than we have been before.
I know, I'm being picky. But I'm less so today. I'm practical, and going to do what I can to sort this one out. Discouragement notwithstanding.
Our local newspaper comes out on a Thursday morning. Today I'm going to try something different. I'm phoning every single agent who advertised anything last week, and checknig if there's something they have listed that might end up in tomorrow's paper. A foot in the door before it's even published.
The house I saw earlier in the week is good - but the reality is it's too far off the beaten track to organize lift clubs / high school bus for my son for lunchtime, backs on to a railway line, industrial area and squatter camp, and is more than I can afford per month. I don't want to start out on the wrong foot, chucking all my money into a place that isn't going to work out for us and ending up worse off than we have been before.
I know, I'm being picky. But I'm less so today. I'm practical, and going to do what I can to sort this one out. Discouragement notwithstanding.
Zen Zone
I've been designing my ideal home for years. All in my mind of course. Which means, should I peg tomorrow, shuffle off this mortal coil.. it will all be lost! (reminds me - if I do happen to kick the bucket, please see my journal for all the things I never said out loud :-) )
But then again, it's MY house.. and probably wouldn't be an exact fit for anyone else anyway.
So - this house, which is made of a whole lot of natural materials (stone, wood, earth, natural lighting etc) happens to have a Zen Zone. One very quiet room, empty but for a polished solid wood floor, one entire wall of windows (or a wrap-around curve of 180 degree window) and one simple meditation cushion (since a car accident that nearly wiped me out years ago, don't ask me to sit flat on the floor without padding). It's a room overlooking the most fantastic view - rolling green hills, not another building or man-made anything in sight. But that also varies from "uninterrupted view" to "middle of forest", greenery, water, nature wherever you look. Depending on where this house will one day exist. As long as there's some sun streaming in now and then and nature all around. Many meditation rooms are windowless, non-distracting spaces - mine incorporates the healing energies of the natural world, yet still provides silence.
Lately this Zen Zone room has sprung up unbidden into my mind more and more. It's a sure sign that I'm going to need some quiet time and uninterrupted space to settle my insides. Soon. Before they become as agitated as scrambled egg.
Until then, my Zen Zone room lives in my mind, giving me a place to retreat to when I need peace. Virtual meditation.
But then again, it's MY house.. and probably wouldn't be an exact fit for anyone else anyway.
So - this house, which is made of a whole lot of natural materials (stone, wood, earth, natural lighting etc) happens to have a Zen Zone. One very quiet room, empty but for a polished solid wood floor, one entire wall of windows (or a wrap-around curve of 180 degree window) and one simple meditation cushion (since a car accident that nearly wiped me out years ago, don't ask me to sit flat on the floor without padding). It's a room overlooking the most fantastic view - rolling green hills, not another building or man-made anything in sight. But that also varies from "uninterrupted view" to "middle of forest", greenery, water, nature wherever you look. Depending on where this house will one day exist. As long as there's some sun streaming in now and then and nature all around. Many meditation rooms are windowless, non-distracting spaces - mine incorporates the healing energies of the natural world, yet still provides silence.
Lately this Zen Zone room has sprung up unbidden into my mind more and more. It's a sure sign that I'm going to need some quiet time and uninterrupted space to settle my insides. Soon. Before they become as agitated as scrambled egg.
Until then, my Zen Zone room lives in my mind, giving me a place to retreat to when I need peace. Virtual meditation.
Flights of Fancy
Dear SAA, Kulula, 1time, Mango & Nationwide (or any other relatively-unknown domestic airlines)
When are you planning to introduce snog-commute weekend specials on your Cape Town to Joburg flights?
Sincerely
Michelle
When are you planning to introduce snog-commute weekend specials on your Cape Town to Joburg flights?
Sincerely
Michelle
Innuendo
I saw this the other day and still can't stop laughing:
Is this a Kid's Show or some sort of Adult Entertainment? I'm still not sure!!! :-)
Is this a Kid's Show or some sort of Adult Entertainment? I'm still not sure!!! :-)
It all adds up
I'm starting to realize how VERY expensive it is to get renting/moving/set up in a new place.
First there's the double-rent thing, and if you're working through an agent they slap on a few hundred extra. Currently that would equal about 2,5 times what my salary has been (not what I get out of my salary..), so I'm doing some serious barrel scraping.
Then there's phone lines, ADSL (who could ever live without internet??!!) installation - and the Long Wait that is Telkom. OH, add in an ISP and hope you can live with it. For a in-the-meantime plan there's wireless, which requires a router (well, ADSL will too, so may as well get the darn thing). I'd really REALLY like free internet, just streaming magically on to my screen with no extra gadgets required. Is that too much to ask? :-)
Moving - sjoe. Commuting - double-sjoe (and why is my engine suddenly feeling a little "rough"?). Lift clubs, school drop-offs... more sjoe.
There are moments where I wonder if I'm going to cope. Really. I'm sure I'll get it right, but sometimes I'm white-knuckle scared that it's not going to work out.
Yeah - welcome to the Big Bad World and all that. I know. I've probably lived a horribly sheltered existance up to now. It's just a bit of a shock to realize what this is taking out of me, financially, emotionally, time-wise, effort-wise, and figuring-out-loose-ends wise.
Do we have a house? Um.. not quite. I'm going to make one more drive for something more affordable and closer to the high-school bus route before I commit finally.
First there's the double-rent thing, and if you're working through an agent they slap on a few hundred extra. Currently that would equal about 2,5 times what my salary has been (not what I get out of my salary..), so I'm doing some serious barrel scraping.
Then there's phone lines, ADSL (who could ever live without internet??!!) installation - and the Long Wait that is Telkom. OH, add in an ISP and hope you can live with it. For a in-the-meantime plan there's wireless, which requires a router (well, ADSL will too, so may as well get the darn thing). I'd really REALLY like free internet, just streaming magically on to my screen with no extra gadgets required. Is that too much to ask? :-)
Moving - sjoe. Commuting - double-sjoe (and why is my engine suddenly feeling a little "rough"?). Lift clubs, school drop-offs... more sjoe.
There are moments where I wonder if I'm going to cope. Really. I'm sure I'll get it right, but sometimes I'm white-knuckle scared that it's not going to work out.
Yeah - welcome to the Big Bad World and all that. I know. I've probably lived a horribly sheltered existance up to now. It's just a bit of a shock to realize what this is taking out of me, financially, emotionally, time-wise, effort-wise, and figuring-out-loose-ends wise.
Do we have a house? Um.. not quite. I'm going to make one more drive for something more affordable and closer to the high-school bus route before I commit finally.
Glow
In case you missed it, Steve has some awesome photos up of the phosphoresence our 2-week long red tide caused... (then again, he always has awesome photos - just go check them all out)
Amazing!
Amazing!
What Sick Day?
If I thought yesterday was bad, today is WORSE. The sore throat is gone, to be replaced with full-on raging thick head, nose that's worked its way through nearly an entire 2-ply toilet roll, and aching everything. And yet here I am at work.
Why?
Well I've been asking myself the same question all day... But basically it's cos I've got LOADS to do. One week, one day to go... And I have a once-in-a-blue-moon dinner appointment with a friend out from the USA.
So snotty nose to the grindstone it is.
::later::
Well I had to save this to drafts earlier, cos I had an interesting phonecall just as I was about to leave for the day. I'd been to see a house earlier that I thought would do for us, but had left my name and number with a few other folk showing similar houses - some in the same complex. One of the women called back, and when I mentioned which unit I'd seen, she said, "But that one's already been rented out!". Seems the developer is renting, via agents - and doesn't always let them know when a place goes... Fortunately there are another 4 exact-same ones in the same complex.
And now, after a dinner involving chili for the throat, I'm actually feeling worse than I have all day. If I'm still like this on the morrow, a sick day off it will definitely be. I can't afford to wear down - not with all this stuff still to do.
Why?
Well I've been asking myself the same question all day... But basically it's cos I've got LOADS to do. One week, one day to go... And I have a once-in-a-blue-moon dinner appointment with a friend out from the USA.
So snotty nose to the grindstone it is.
::later::
Well I had to save this to drafts earlier, cos I had an interesting phonecall just as I was about to leave for the day. I'd been to see a house earlier that I thought would do for us, but had left my name and number with a few other folk showing similar houses - some in the same complex. One of the women called back, and when I mentioned which unit I'd seen, she said, "But that one's already been rented out!". Seems the developer is renting, via agents - and doesn't always let them know when a place goes... Fortunately there are another 4 exact-same ones in the same complex.
And now, after a dinner involving chili for the throat, I'm actually feeling worse than I have all day. If I'm still like this on the morrow, a sick day off it will definitely be. I can't afford to wear down - not with all this stuff still to do.
Let there be... Light???
I now know how to change the headlight unit of a Ford Sierra. I know where to get one, to start with - at a decent price. I know what to ask for, so I don't end up with the wrong unit. Changing it... well it did take some doing.
Step one - shake it voilently to find out where it's connected. Undo all the bolts you think are relevent (size 10). Shake some more, discover you actually undid things you didn't really need to. Undo the OTHER ones.
Step two - attempt to prise it out the back. Beware all that broken glass! Wonder how the heck that metal clip thingy got on in the first place.
Step three - realize there really is only one way to do this. Off comes the front of the car - the plastic fascia & grill - 4 screws (star).
Step four - remove old light.
Step five - put in new light and jiggle it around until most of the bolt-holes line up. Semi-secure two of the three required bolts. Re-attach front of car. Realize the third bolt ain't going in, but tighten the others - it will do.
Step six - the most difficult one. Try to find out how the heck that little bent piece of wire keeps the lightbulb in. Take about half an hour of fiddling, and eventually make do, though it's probably all wrong.
Step seven - try lights.
Step eight. Swear. Repeatedly. Still no light on that side, and only a dim one on the other side.
Step nine - give up, go get into bed, sweat and sleep off the seriously-ill stuff you're down with, which the icy cold gale-force wind only made worse. Realize you're not going to be able to talk, and it's less painful to even try (if only the kid would realize this and quit asking you to repeat yourself).
Step ten - get up, change lightbulb, figure out wire thingie again - give up and make do. Test lights. Still no light.
Step eleven - put away tools, lock car, dump old unit in rubbish and go inside to find a warm jersey.
Yup, I know how to change the headlight unit. How to actually produce light - nope.
Step one - shake it voilently to find out where it's connected. Undo all the bolts you think are relevent (size 10). Shake some more, discover you actually undid things you didn't really need to. Undo the OTHER ones.
Step two - attempt to prise it out the back. Beware all that broken glass! Wonder how the heck that metal clip thingy got on in the first place.
Step three - realize there really is only one way to do this. Off comes the front of the car - the plastic fascia & grill - 4 screws (star).
Step four - remove old light.
Step five - put in new light and jiggle it around until most of the bolt-holes line up. Semi-secure two of the three required bolts. Re-attach front of car. Realize the third bolt ain't going in, but tighten the others - it will do.
Step six - the most difficult one. Try to find out how the heck that little bent piece of wire keeps the lightbulb in. Take about half an hour of fiddling, and eventually make do, though it's probably all wrong.
Step seven - try lights.
Step eight. Swear. Repeatedly. Still no light on that side, and only a dim one on the other side.
Step nine - give up, go get into bed, sweat and sleep off the seriously-ill stuff you're down with, which the icy cold gale-force wind only made worse. Realize you're not going to be able to talk, and it's less painful to even try (if only the kid would realize this and quit asking you to repeat yourself).
Step ten - get up, change lightbulb, figure out wire thingie again - give up and make do. Test lights. Still no light.
Step eleven - put away tools, lock car, dump old unit in rubbish and go inside to find a warm jersey.
Yup, I know how to change the headlight unit. How to actually produce light - nope.
Sick as the proverbial dog
Yup, that's me today. I've got such a sore throat that I can't get my voice past it. When I do, it nearly kills me. I'm feverish and headachey, but have to be up. Car headlight to replace, washing to do, house to see (will we get it?), adamant kid to care for (if I let him starve, will he make his own damn breakfast?).
Instead, what I'd really like is to be comforted and molly-coddled, cared for and made to feel like it's OK to spend the day in bed, resting and recovering. To have someone bring me things to make me better, put cold cloths on my forehead and soothe me to sleep. I can't remember the last time I got to do that.
Instead, what I'd really like is to be comforted and molly-coddled, cared for and made to feel like it's OK to spend the day in bed, resting and recovering. To have someone bring me things to make me better, put cold cloths on my forehead and soothe me to sleep. I can't remember the last time I got to do that.
Extremely random
Let's all say it together, shall we? "Never blog when you're..."
Oh, whatever.
So I'm sitting here with a reasonably blank brain - a good thing on a Saturday night - and it strikes me. There are some people on this planet that just completely make me smile. A single word, and I'm grinning. For a very long time. How lekker is that?
And it also strikes me - life is pretty darn good. Whether it's going crappy or not in terms of some or other disaster, life is still good. If it's based on a deep-down sense of happiness and/or contentment, how can it not be?
And it strikes me - in addition - that I'm liking where I'm at more and more. I'm more at peace than I've ever been, more settled inside, more willing to accept the gifts of the universe with open hands, and less quick to judge others. Cool. Even if life is kinda in Big Change mode right now. ESPECIALLY with life in Big Change mode.
And it strikes me - repeatedly - that I know some pretty awesome people. One exceptionally awesome person that stands out from the rest and gives me the warm fuzzies constantly. Daily. Hourly. Keeps me up at night getting warm fuzzies.
But then again - never blog when you're..
Oh, forget it.
Oh, whatever.
So I'm sitting here with a reasonably blank brain - a good thing on a Saturday night - and it strikes me. There are some people on this planet that just completely make me smile. A single word, and I'm grinning. For a very long time. How lekker is that?
And it also strikes me - life is pretty darn good. Whether it's going crappy or not in terms of some or other disaster, life is still good. If it's based on a deep-down sense of happiness and/or contentment, how can it not be?
And it strikes me - in addition - that I'm liking where I'm at more and more. I'm more at peace than I've ever been, more settled inside, more willing to accept the gifts of the universe with open hands, and less quick to judge others. Cool. Even if life is kinda in Big Change mode right now. ESPECIALLY with life in Big Change mode.
And it strikes me - repeatedly - that I know some pretty awesome people. One exceptionally awesome person that stands out from the rest and gives me the warm fuzzies constantly. Daily. Hourly. Keeps me up at night getting warm fuzzies.
But then again - never blog when you're..
Oh, forget it.
Long and Winding Road
Growing up in Zimbabwe, we basically ran wild. Everyone had a bike, we spent days outdoors (rain or shine - heck, rain was cool!), there was nothing electronic to distract us. In Gweru we had a treehouse - a huge wooden packing crate hauled up into a tree by dad (in his suit) and the garden boy. The stories I could tell about that place...! In Harare mom made us a real-live teepee, big enough to sleep in - which we often did. We found out which of the plants in the garden were edible, and concocted the most disgusting "food" around our fire. Fortunately avo's from one of the three trees supplemented our "diet" - the trees conveniently hanging over the roof for climbing purposes.
It was a life filled with adventure of the self-directed kind. Scraped knees, random bruises (still seem to get those today, oddly enough), sun-kissed freckles all over your face (I really should learn the value of sunblock), leathery bare feet that could walk unperturbed across a meltingly-hot tar road (though inside you were screaming - but hey, you weren't gonna let a boy beat you). The kid with the best bike was top of the pile. I had a red 12-speed. :-) An outing was a trip with multiple families for a picnic by the dam, or amid huge boulders perfect for clambouring over (don't forget your roll of rope and your knife!).
I remember one day mom needed something from the shops. Being 11, I was old enough to go off on my own and get it, armed with the appropriate cash. Heck - we'd been biking all over town for years anyway, perfectly safe. So off I went, headed toward the first shop that popped in my head.
It was only about 5km away...
But after 1km my bike had a flat wheel! And I walked, and pushed it, and finally made it to the shop. Got my stuff, headed back... and was met by worried parents back home. "Where were you?" they asked, "you've been gone for hours!". Well I explained the distance, the hills, the lack of air in my front tyre, the long and winding road there and back...
Only to be told, "but why didn't you go to the shop just down the road?"!
Duh!
Oh well, learning curves and all that. :-) Needless to say I didn't make that mistake again.
Connect
I've just had the weirdest experience... and having had it sitting right in front of this screen it translates directly into the latest blog-post! :-) (as do way too many things in my life)
I'd been thinking about someone on the other end of the planet, and found myself thinking extra-hard, almost as if I were trying to send some "mind-waves" over the distance. My eyes dropped closed and within seconds everything around me faded completely away. My breathing deepened to way beyond normal, and it almost felt as if I were pushing energy across space and time to the person I was thinking about!
I've read a lot of articles about the power of thought. How you literally create the vibe around you in the world, how your energy interacts in ways yet to be fully understood with the world around you, and with others on the planet. How thought and emotion can travel over distance - and how dangerous it can be to hate, simply for that reason. I know there are things we humans can't grasp - I'm starting to wonder if this mysterious thought/action/brain-wave thing is part of it. Whether one can project a feeling across the surface of the world, carrying thought into the subconcious of another.
Did they feel it? I have no idea - perhaps it was all in my head. But I think that's the closest I've ever come to dropping into meditation-mode! And a whole lot easier to achieve than I imagined...
I'd been thinking about someone on the other end of the planet, and found myself thinking extra-hard, almost as if I were trying to send some "mind-waves" over the distance. My eyes dropped closed and within seconds everything around me faded completely away. My breathing deepened to way beyond normal, and it almost felt as if I were pushing energy across space and time to the person I was thinking about!
I've read a lot of articles about the power of thought. How you literally create the vibe around you in the world, how your energy interacts in ways yet to be fully understood with the world around you, and with others on the planet. How thought and emotion can travel over distance - and how dangerous it can be to hate, simply for that reason. I know there are things we humans can't grasp - I'm starting to wonder if this mysterious thought/action/brain-wave thing is part of it. Whether one can project a feeling across the surface of the world, carrying thought into the subconcious of another.
Did they feel it? I have no idea - perhaps it was all in my head. But I think that's the closest I've ever come to dropping into meditation-mode! And a whole lot easier to achieve than I imagined...
Inspiration
I'm really looking forward to being finally settled in with the new house/job, sorted out, unpacked, organized, with all the loose ends tied up. Why? Cos I've got things going around in my head that want out!
I haven't taken a decent photograph in ages. I really really need to haul out my little Canon A95 and get going again. I may even take out the ancient Minolta with it's film roll and many lenses, and see what I can accomplish with that! It always took the most amazing depth pictures, something the digital doesn't achieve quite so well. Or perhaps I need to fiddle a bit more, and actually READ the instruction manual? :-)
I haven't put colour to paper/canvas in ages. There's some arty things I want to splash big and dramatic onto a large surface. Or at the very least pencil a few lines on paper. I have some of my son's stuff from years ago that needs framing too.
I haven't hauled out the sewing machine in ages, except for sewing up something around Xmas. I'm probably going to need to sew curtains soon... but there are other things calling my name. Having an overlocker handy certainly helps.
There's the woodwork I mentioned - why should I pay exorbitant amounts for factory-made non-solid-wood stuff when I can craft something unique and beautiful myself? I have so many ideas running around my head, and a need to make a few things for our home too.
I haven't touched the piano in months..
There's creative body work too. I really need to set aside some time for stillness each day, for quiet and relaxation and getting my soul back into my body. Perhaps throw in a little of the yoga type stuff, and breathe deeply and well. Add in a bit of really good cooking instead of semi-instant one-pot meals. Learn to enjoy balance and health again.
All this stuff has been put on hold for a while as the urgent stuff gets done. But I can't put it off too much longer. There's creativity in me that needs out, as soon as possible. With as much enjoyment as possible.
I haven't taken a decent photograph in ages. I really really need to haul out my little Canon A95 and get going again. I may even take out the ancient Minolta with it's film roll and many lenses, and see what I can accomplish with that! It always took the most amazing depth pictures, something the digital doesn't achieve quite so well. Or perhaps I need to fiddle a bit more, and actually READ the instruction manual? :-)
I haven't put colour to paper/canvas in ages. There's some arty things I want to splash big and dramatic onto a large surface. Or at the very least pencil a few lines on paper. I have some of my son's stuff from years ago that needs framing too.
I haven't hauled out the sewing machine in ages, except for sewing up something around Xmas. I'm probably going to need to sew curtains soon... but there are other things calling my name. Having an overlocker handy certainly helps.
There's the woodwork I mentioned - why should I pay exorbitant amounts for factory-made non-solid-wood stuff when I can craft something unique and beautiful myself? I have so many ideas running around my head, and a need to make a few things for our home too.
I haven't touched the piano in months..
There's creative body work too. I really need to set aside some time for stillness each day, for quiet and relaxation and getting my soul back into my body. Perhaps throw in a little of the yoga type stuff, and breathe deeply and well. Add in a bit of really good cooking instead of semi-instant one-pot meals. Learn to enjoy balance and health again.
All this stuff has been put on hold for a while as the urgent stuff gets done. But I can't put it off too much longer. There's creativity in me that needs out, as soon as possible. With as much enjoyment as possible.
Inferiority Complex
I have got to stop comparing myself to other people..! It's horribly easy to get caught up in that trap and let your self-confidence take a dive. Well, crash and burn more like it.
I found myself doing it last night when I should have been sleeping. Not conducive to falling asleep, let me tell you. I ran through the entire range of body image, lifestyle, material possessions, personality, life goals... you name it, I thought it. Which is complete and utter nonsense. But very depressing.
If you end up doing this, it's very easy to start seeing yourself as a lesser human being, with everyone else a whole lot better than you or completely out of your league. You're looking good - but it's not "enough", you'll never measure up to the rest of the female population. You're making a success of life - but it's "too little, too late", and you wonder if you will ever get where you want to be. You worry you'll forever be an outsider, doomed to mediocrity. And so it goes.
Load of crap. Really it is. And totally unncessary. But that's what happens sometimes when you're lying in the dark with eyes staring at the (spider on the) ceiling, hoping sleep will come.
Good thing daylight brings a different perspective. Truth is I'm happy in my skin (though still attempting to shrink some parts of it ;-) ). I'm the bee's knees! I'm a nice person! Hell no - I'm great.
So the whole inferiority complex thing can just go jump.
I found myself doing it last night when I should have been sleeping. Not conducive to falling asleep, let me tell you. I ran through the entire range of body image, lifestyle, material possessions, personality, life goals... you name it, I thought it. Which is complete and utter nonsense. But very depressing.
If you end up doing this, it's very easy to start seeing yourself as a lesser human being, with everyone else a whole lot better than you or completely out of your league. You're looking good - but it's not "enough", you'll never measure up to the rest of the female population. You're making a success of life - but it's "too little, too late", and you wonder if you will ever get where you want to be. You worry you'll forever be an outsider, doomed to mediocrity. And so it goes.
Load of crap. Really it is. And totally unncessary. But that's what happens sometimes when you're lying in the dark with eyes staring at the (spider on the) ceiling, hoping sleep will come.
Good thing daylight brings a different perspective. Truth is I'm happy in my skin (though still attempting to shrink some parts of it ;-) ). I'm the bee's knees! I'm a nice person! Hell no - I'm great.
So the whole inferiority complex thing can just go jump.
Valued Customer
Been pondering the concept of the "valued customer". What is it that makes one client more valuable than another?
Take airlines, for example. There's cattle class, and way up front is first class. All on the same flight, same airline, same luggage space, same fuel being used to get them from A to B. Yet the treatment between front and back is dramatically different. Cattle class, you get squashed in (pounded in to your seat and strapped down firmly). Surrounded by the heaving masses of humanity and lack of leg room that makes up the back of the plane. Business class - little better. First class - they give you the world!
Why? Because you pay more to sit up front, so they take better care of you.
But... and here's a random thought...
How often do people repeat-fly first class, unless they've got more cash than they can spend in 5 lifetimes? And how often do people repeat-fly cattle class? Surely the bloke that uses your airline 5 times a month to get from Joburg to Cape Town on business, but pays for and sits in the cramped rear of your plane is a more valued customer than the big-spending chap up in first class who is revelling in luxury once in a blue moon? So which one should be your more valued customer? Which one should you bend over backwards to please?
I vote the bloke in cattle class, the one that regularly hands you his credit card and puts his life in your hands. Make him as happy as possible, make his journey awesome, and you'll not only have a valued customer, but a customer evangelist! He'll tell all his friends that he flew cattle class and was treated like a king! Earning you a whole pile more valued customers...
OK, now go apply this one to business models and money-making opportunities across the globe. Turn the whole valued customer thing upside down and see if giving the ordinary bloke the special treatment doesn't do more for your company than all the molly-coddling of a special few.
I'm no expert - but doesn't that kinda make sense?
Take airlines, for example. There's cattle class, and way up front is first class. All on the same flight, same airline, same luggage space, same fuel being used to get them from A to B. Yet the treatment between front and back is dramatically different. Cattle class, you get squashed in (pounded in to your seat and strapped down firmly). Surrounded by the heaving masses of humanity and lack of leg room that makes up the back of the plane. Business class - little better. First class - they give you the world!
Why? Because you pay more to sit up front, so they take better care of you.
But... and here's a random thought...
How often do people repeat-fly first class, unless they've got more cash than they can spend in 5 lifetimes? And how often do people repeat-fly cattle class? Surely the bloke that uses your airline 5 times a month to get from Joburg to Cape Town on business, but pays for and sits in the cramped rear of your plane is a more valued customer than the big-spending chap up in first class who is revelling in luxury once in a blue moon? So which one should be your more valued customer? Which one should you bend over backwards to please?
I vote the bloke in cattle class, the one that regularly hands you his credit card and puts his life in your hands. Make him as happy as possible, make his journey awesome, and you'll not only have a valued customer, but a customer evangelist! He'll tell all his friends that he flew cattle class and was treated like a king! Earning you a whole pile more valued customers...
OK, now go apply this one to business models and money-making opportunities across the globe. Turn the whole valued customer thing upside down and see if giving the ordinary bloke the special treatment doesn't do more for your company than all the molly-coddling of a special few.
I'm no expert - but doesn't that kinda make sense?
Off to a good start
This morning early I dashed down to the nearest shop to pick up our local newspaper, as the quest for accommodation continues. And I think I've found it...
In fact it's everything I want in a house! Right place, right size, pet-friendly, surrounded by nature, secure enough - perfect.
Perhaps I'm not very wise, but I do a lot of things on gut-feel. I bought a Landy on gut-feel, knowing it was just right for me (and only that one, none other!). I've done a career change on gut-feel, knowing it was the right time, the right place - scary as it has been to dive in to something completely new. I've forged connections on gut-feel, people I just know are going to enrich my life in huge ways. Housing - same story. The house I saw earlier in the week didn't have a connection-vibe that said "right for you" (and it really sucked). This one does - it feels right. I'm really hoping we get it! I'll be going to see it this weekend, and then the big move happens.
On a related note: on my way back from the shop I realized that two weeks from today I'm going to be stuck in traffic first thing in the morning... A whole new life.
In fact it's everything I want in a house! Right place, right size, pet-friendly, surrounded by nature, secure enough - perfect.
Perhaps I'm not very wise, but I do a lot of things on gut-feel. I bought a Landy on gut-feel, knowing it was just right for me (and only that one, none other!). I've done a career change on gut-feel, knowing it was the right time, the right place - scary as it has been to dive in to something completely new. I've forged connections on gut-feel, people I just know are going to enrich my life in huge ways. Housing - same story. The house I saw earlier in the week didn't have a connection-vibe that said "right for you" (and it really sucked). This one does - it feels right. I'm really hoping we get it! I'll be going to see it this weekend, and then the big move happens.
On a related note: on my way back from the shop I realized that two weeks from today I'm going to be stuck in traffic first thing in the morning... A whole new life.
Celebrity Crush
I was never much for the "stick his poster on the wall" thing as a teen. While my friends were tearing out the You centrefolds of Johnny Depp (21 Jump St!) and Madonna, I .. well... didn't.
Perhaps it was growing up in Zimbabwe that did it - where life was more about your 12 speed bike, the ice-cream shop on Samora Machel ave and who had the biggest and baddest knife. Barely saw a TV, and the bike had no radio (though we'd always catch Springbok radio on a Sunday night for "Men from the Ministry"). By the time I moved to South Africa I was 12 and had largely been unaffected by any kind of materialistic city-kid upbringing. Rock stars, film stars, famous folk were all news to me. I had to do some quick learning and catching up.
Still, I never really got the whole idol-worship vibe. Way too practical and realistic to go off crushing on someone out of complete and utter reach! :-)
And yet...
There are certain celebrities that garner a second look - an afar-admiration if you will. George Clooney's looking better as he ages - and talking of age, Sean Connery has to be the hottest old bloke out there. Jean Claude van Damme has a butt that is nail-rake worthy (the rest of him isn't too bad, but I'm kinda put off by his real-life personality!).
But the funny thing is this. The more I think about it, the more I realize I'm not at all into the best-looking lot. I prefer the folk who have their character shining through, even if the exterior is less than perfect. People that make me laugh, or show up as real. Unpretentious, not puffed up with pride and a sense of entitlement. Don't spend hours admiring themselves, or looking out the corner of their eye for others who might. Sure, I can appreciate a chiselled set of abs (and fight a tinge of envy over Angelina's physique) as much as the next red-blooded woman, but I'm more interested in the whole than the part. The real person rather than the act.
Perhaps that's why I never really succumbed to the celebrity crush bug.
Perhaps it was growing up in Zimbabwe that did it - where life was more about your 12 speed bike, the ice-cream shop on Samora Machel ave and who had the biggest and baddest knife. Barely saw a TV, and the bike had no radio (though we'd always catch Springbok radio on a Sunday night for "Men from the Ministry"). By the time I moved to South Africa I was 12 and had largely been unaffected by any kind of materialistic city-kid upbringing. Rock stars, film stars, famous folk were all news to me. I had to do some quick learning and catching up.
Still, I never really got the whole idol-worship vibe. Way too practical and realistic to go off crushing on someone out of complete and utter reach! :-)
And yet...
There are certain celebrities that garner a second look - an afar-admiration if you will. George Clooney's looking better as he ages - and talking of age, Sean Connery has to be the hottest old bloke out there. Jean Claude van Damme has a butt that is nail-rake worthy (the rest of him isn't too bad, but I'm kinda put off by his real-life personality!).
But the funny thing is this. The more I think about it, the more I realize I'm not at all into the best-looking lot. I prefer the folk who have their character shining through, even if the exterior is less than perfect. People that make me laugh, or show up as real. Unpretentious, not puffed up with pride and a sense of entitlement. Don't spend hours admiring themselves, or looking out the corner of their eye for others who might. Sure, I can appreciate a chiselled set of abs (and fight a tinge of envy over Angelina's physique) as much as the next red-blooded woman, but I'm more interested in the whole than the part. The real person rather than the act.
Perhaps that's why I never really succumbed to the celebrity crush bug.
Unsaid
I can't help but shake my head at all the stuff I wasn't told when it comes to handing in a resignation.
OK, I'm an info-junkie. I admit it. I like to have all the facts nicely lined up and available to check. I don't like to have important stuff sprung on me without warning. But these things happen. But there's nothing really written down and available to look at! It's assumed I must somehow magically acquire the knowledge and apply it. When I get it wrong, I'm not told so - rather left to find out "by the way"... It's a bit frustrating for someone like me.
In the meantime though I just have to take it one thing at a time, dealing with the next interesting obstacle as it arises, sorting it out and moving along. Today it involves leave pay-out, calendar months and unvoiced expectations. Tomorrow is anyone's guess.
Resignation is certainly harder than it looks.
OK, I'm an info-junkie. I admit it. I like to have all the facts nicely lined up and available to check. I don't like to have important stuff sprung on me without warning. But these things happen. But there's nothing really written down and available to look at! It's assumed I must somehow magically acquire the knowledge and apply it. When I get it wrong, I'm not told so - rather left to find out "by the way"... It's a bit frustrating for someone like me.
In the meantime though I just have to take it one thing at a time, dealing with the next interesting obstacle as it arises, sorting it out and moving along. Today it involves leave pay-out, calendar months and unvoiced expectations. Tomorrow is anyone's guess.
Resignation is certainly harder than it looks.
Wood
I have a thing for wood. Real, solid, minimally-messed-with wood. Something you don't get a lot of when it comes to furniture / floors / anything these days!
But there truly is nothing as divine as the texture of a well-crafted table, or a slab hewn out of a solid trunk (edges left as nature made them, not squared to death). I love the smell of freshly-cut wood, from pine to the exotics. I've had great fun in the past crafting things from wood in my amateur way.
And I certainly haven't done enough working with it lately!
This morning, while perusing the feeds in my reader, I came across Madara Designs. And got a shiver of the lekker-goosebumps browsing their galleries! They bring out the beauty of each piece of wood they use, highlighting grain and form and colour. I love it!
Once we're all settled into new house and job, I'm hauling out the woodworking stuff again. There are way too many ideas floating around in my head, dying to be brought to life. It's time to get some of them made!
Guilt
Isn't it amazing how some folk will try to make you feel SO guilty for opting to get a move on in life and resign? I'm facing it from a few folk as I end off the last 2 weeks of this job. The fact that I've up and gone after 11 YEARS here seems to imply I'm deserting the ship. That I'm letting the side down. And that (in spite of a salary I can no longer survive on) I should rather just suck it up and stick around until I retire - I'm simply creating way too much hassle for everyone else by leaving.
Thing is this - I'm not going to let it get to me. I've made a choice, a decision - and only now is it becoming apparent how much work I do here. I've actually drawn up a huge manual of everything I do, and exactly how to do it - to help whomever they replace (or not) me with. I've done everything I can to make the transition easier - even leaving at the "best time" possible, instead of the busiest time possible. That doesn't seem to have helped the guilt-complex folk though.
So be it.
The time has come. I will not be made to feel bad for choosing to sort out my life.
::update::
A funny thing happened at the end of the working day, after I'd been battling the guilt-trip travel guides. In our staff meeting it was announced that I (and one other) am leaving, and please keep the 27th open for the farewell. Guess what - that's exactly ONE WEEK AFTER my last working day here!
At first I was really upset - I had been looking forward to ending off this chapter of my life on a happy note, with a chance to spend a last hour with some folk whose company I enjoy, and see others for the very last time. I had hoped to say that I enjoyed my stay here etc etc... one of those nice goodbye things. I had hoped someone might say "you did a good job". Instead I'll be leaving quietly and unobtrusively, ending off my last working day with a fizzle instead of a bang.. :-)
And then I realized it's actually par for the course. The perfect finish to the past 11 years. You see, I can count on one hand the times that the hard slog I put in has been recognized, appreciated or rewarded. On the other hand I have a couple fingers free after counting the times my voice has been listened to without being demeaned or brushed off. This last thing? Well it's a fitting end. Same as it's always been.
I don't want to badmouth my employers - I really have had some good times here. I've enjoyed where I live, I've had some good friendships, I've liked tackling my job and making it the best I can do. But the reality is that within this collective group's mindset (across the worldwide organization) women are not seen as equal. Up to the year before I started working here, they were still not allowed to claim "head of household" benefits, even if they were head of household. It's still a struggle for women's voices to be heard and noted, for them to matter, for them to receive equal treatment. And I've felt it keenly - I've wanted to contribute on many occasions, but have not been allowed to.
So here's what I've decided (after a long, hard walk to clear the head). These last two weeks I'm still putting in my all, as per usual. I'm keeping my inner strength intact in the knowledge I've made the right choice. That I matter as a person, as a woman, as an intelligent part of the human race. I'm not going to ask for recognition or acknowledgement, any more than I have in the past, nor expect to be thanked or applauded. I'll do what I always do - head down, job completed with excellence and personal pride in work well done.
And I'm definitely not going to feel guilty about leaving. Sad yes, but not guilty.
Thing is this - I'm not going to let it get to me. I've made a choice, a decision - and only now is it becoming apparent how much work I do here. I've actually drawn up a huge manual of everything I do, and exactly how to do it - to help whomever they replace (or not) me with. I've done everything I can to make the transition easier - even leaving at the "best time" possible, instead of the busiest time possible. That doesn't seem to have helped the guilt-complex folk though.
So be it.
The time has come. I will not be made to feel bad for choosing to sort out my life.
::update::
A funny thing happened at the end of the working day, after I'd been battling the guilt-trip travel guides. In our staff meeting it was announced that I (and one other) am leaving, and please keep the 27th open for the farewell. Guess what - that's exactly ONE WEEK AFTER my last working day here!
At first I was really upset - I had been looking forward to ending off this chapter of my life on a happy note, with a chance to spend a last hour with some folk whose company I enjoy, and see others for the very last time. I had hoped to say that I enjoyed my stay here etc etc... one of those nice goodbye things. I had hoped someone might say "you did a good job". Instead I'll be leaving quietly and unobtrusively, ending off my last working day with a fizzle instead of a bang.. :-)
And then I realized it's actually par for the course. The perfect finish to the past 11 years. You see, I can count on one hand the times that the hard slog I put in has been recognized, appreciated or rewarded. On the other hand I have a couple fingers free after counting the times my voice has been listened to without being demeaned or brushed off. This last thing? Well it's a fitting end. Same as it's always been.
I don't want to badmouth my employers - I really have had some good times here. I've enjoyed where I live, I've had some good friendships, I've liked tackling my job and making it the best I can do. But the reality is that within this collective group's mindset (across the worldwide organization) women are not seen as equal. Up to the year before I started working here, they were still not allowed to claim "head of household" benefits, even if they were head of household. It's still a struggle for women's voices to be heard and noted, for them to matter, for them to receive equal treatment. And I've felt it keenly - I've wanted to contribute on many occasions, but have not been allowed to.
So here's what I've decided (after a long, hard walk to clear the head). These last two weeks I'm still putting in my all, as per usual. I'm keeping my inner strength intact in the knowledge I've made the right choice. That I matter as a person, as a woman, as an intelligent part of the human race. I'm not going to ask for recognition or acknowledgement, any more than I have in the past, nor expect to be thanked or applauded. I'll do what I always do - head down, job completed with excellence and personal pride in work well done.
And I'm definitely not going to feel guilty about leaving. Sad yes, but not guilty.
Never blog when...
I'm starting to make a very long list of "never blog when"s... It's getting so lengthy that one day I may not be able to blog at all!
Never blog when you're:
* over-tired
* drunk
* depressed
* over-confident (..goes before a fall)
* the owner of a broken heart
* the owner of a burstingly-in-love heart (these things may come back to haunt you)
* horny (especially if your readers think you never are)
* functioning on low blood sugar only
* unable to sleep, ie the middle of the night (see "what the heck was that about?")
* unable NOT to sleep - your eyes are merely propped open
* being constantly interrupted (see "flow of thought")
* feeling overly verbose (see "scrolldown..and down...and down...")
* feeling underly verbose (see "one-word blog posts")
* angry
* naked (well - ok, but don't vlog it)
* hungover
* sick
* in the bath (first rule of science regarding water/electricity)
* in the middle of a thunderstorm (second rule of science regarding conductors/electricity)
* sworn to secrecy
* driving
Fortunately I'm not one for sticking to the rules, so this blog lives on!
Never blog when you're:
* over-tired
* drunk
* depressed
* over-confident (..goes before a fall)
* the owner of a broken heart
* the owner of a burstingly-in-love heart (these things may come back to haunt you)
* horny (especially if your readers think you never are)
* functioning on low blood sugar only
* unable to sleep, ie the middle of the night (see "what the heck was that about?")
* unable NOT to sleep - your eyes are merely propped open
* being constantly interrupted (see "flow of thought")
* feeling overly verbose (see "scrolldown..and down...and down...")
* feeling underly verbose (see "one-word blog posts")
* angry
* naked (well - ok, but don't vlog it)
* hungover
* sick
* in the bath (first rule of science regarding water/electricity)
* in the middle of a thunderstorm (second rule of science regarding conductors/electricity)
* sworn to secrecy
* driving
Fortunately I'm not one for sticking to the rules, so this blog lives on!
Big One
I'm sitting here looking at information on Tubal Ligation. Yes, tube-tying of the sterilization variety.
Why?
Well it kinda struck me that I'm 35 (doh!).. and unlikely to bear any more kids. So why not?
OK, 35 isn't old. I'll admit that. But really... is it likely that I'll be producing another offspring? Ever? I don't think so. There's no-one begging me to have their babies! :-)
On the other hand, what if I'd want to sometime down the line. I mean, this stuff is permanent, or at the very least extremely difficult to undo.
And back to "35" - to produce anything down the line will have me almost too old to raise it!
Head's going back and forth on this - and I haven't even really given it much thought before tonight. No, I'm not going to tell you what brought it on. And talking about tube-tying is probably too much info for many of you anyway (there-there, off you go now, don't give it another thought :-) ).
Still, I wonder if it's something I should be considering? Am I too young to?
Why?
Well it kinda struck me that I'm 35 (doh!).. and unlikely to bear any more kids. So why not?
OK, 35 isn't old. I'll admit that. But really... is it likely that I'll be producing another offspring? Ever? I don't think so. There's no-one begging me to have their babies! :-)
On the other hand, what if I'd want to sometime down the line. I mean, this stuff is permanent, or at the very least extremely difficult to undo.
And back to "35" - to produce anything down the line will have me almost too old to raise it!
Head's going back and forth on this - and I haven't even really given it much thought before tonight. No, I'm not going to tell you what brought it on. And talking about tube-tying is probably too much info for many of you anyway (there-there, off you go now, don't give it another thought :-) ).
Still, I wonder if it's something I should be considering? Am I too young to?
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