The days of being 38 are over - one year to go before the big Four-Oh...!
And as usually happens, instead of New Year's Resolutions, I find myself pondering some birthday-time ones. It's a good time each year for me to evaluate where I'm at and where I want to be in the year ahead.
Like every set of resolutions, there are a few to do with how I look. This time last year I was skinny - but unfortunately it was more necessity-starvation related than healthy-weightloss. This year I've picked up a few kilos - again, not in a healthy way. The year has worn me down to the point where meals are rushed and whatever's at hand, instead of well-planned, nutritious gatherings that feed both body and soul. I've been working so hard that when it comes time to feed the hungry I wander around the kitchen wondering what to make next, completely uninspired and wishing that bloke on the Food channel would drop in to help out. I'm constantly dehydrated - no time to drink water, or I simply forget. All told, I'm not in the best health, and neither is my family. Which is my fault, I'm the home-maker / cook / shopper. In the year ahead I need to sort out our nutrition with a definite plan for each meal, well ahead of time. It's the basis for our daily energy and thus our ability to generate cash-flow. With all three of us working hard every day (and night), we have to have the right fuel for our bodies. Whether they boys complain about seeing more green things on their plates or not :-) Some of those green things I aim to grow right outside my front door, despite the fact that my entire yard is bricked up.
Basically - I / we need to eat better and sleep more. In a nutshell.
Add in to the body image the fact that wrinkles are springing up more readily, with their accompanying grey hair. I simply haven't had time to pamper my looks. My daily attire consists of takkies, jeans and a t-shirt, which usually ends up quite dirty by lunchtime. I haven't worn nail polish or perfume in months. I have a farmer's tan - the legs are snow white, the arms black-tanned. Make-up is something that's slapped on in the half-dark with the hope that it looks like I imagine it does instead of what I suspect the mirror will show me. In the year ahead I want to feel like a chick again, and look like a chick again. I'd love to own a skirt, something more than jeans to wear now and then. I need to replace just about every bit of make-up in my collection. This morning I've attended to a few facial matters - later this week I plan to attend to the flowing locks. The boys gave me a Woolies voucher for my birthday - I'll be perusing their shelves for some chick stuff as soon as I have a few minutes to do so. Later today I'm doing a clothing chuck-out: all the old crappy stuff needs to go to make room for what I really use and what isn't full of holes.
Beyond how I look and how I eat, there's how I feel. The time has come to reclaim myself - lost in the melee of the daily grind. I know deep inside who I am and what I'm capable of, but I've given a lot of this up, shut it quietly up, hid it away. I've become meek and conforming instead of listening to my gut, standing up for what I know and using that inner strength that saw me through some tough times in the past. Somehow I need to let that out - I know my work will be better for it. I need to shut down the fear of being ridiculed or having my dreams/opinions squashed and just go for it.
Then there's my home. I look around me and see barely-controlled chaos. We're three people living in limited space with two businesses that share it in many ways. Long working hours mean housework is fitted in when I can on the weekends, if we're not out on site or busy with other things. Yes, a lot of my work is done from home - but it doesn't mean I have time while here to attend to my housewifely duties. I still struggle balancing the home-maker with the cash-producer. Yet my home NEEDS to be a haven, as practical as it is required to be too. I've got big dreams to do so - I simply need to start working on them one at a time, and finishing them. Unfortunately many of them take cash to accomplish, which is always in short supply as we need to plug it in elsewhere. There are some big-budget items that need replacing in the next year: the lounge suite, the TV, the fridge/freezer, the microwave, stuff in our bedrooms... I need to get our storage and organization under control. We'll get there, will just take some careful budgeting.
My family could do with a few things too. We all need new clothes. New shoes. New office chairs, new computers.
And that brings me to the next to-do for the year ahead. It's been a very difficult year financially - next year has to be better. There is much hope on the horizon, I simply need to find a way to bring it closer. I admit I'm often frustrated that I seem to be treading water, waiting for things to happen. This year I have to make them happen. It is going to take some seriously hard work, that's a given. There's no miracles, no lotto winnings to wait for. Practically, you're only going to get as far as the effort you're willing and able to put in. In the year ahead I have a goal to bring in a set amount each day - I have to now find a way to do just that. It's probably going to require some "but first's". Before I can do this, I have to do that etc. It may also require buying another vehicle. But I've been sitting down and plotting what it will take, and I think I can do it. Deep breath...
Between all the work, I want to take regular time-outs. Not only to sit still in quiet somewhere for a few minutes (I may have to create that space if I can't find it), but also to spend time on things that feed my soul. I opened up my piano for the first time in months a few days ago - although my fingers can remember what to do, they're rusty. I have projects and stuff to make that I want to get to. One thing at a time. I would love to write again - whether for mere pleasure or for profit (need to find the words somewhere in my head for that and get them out). There are skills I want to develop, things I want to learn more about. My boys need more time and attention from me without distraction. Seperate from the daily slog, all these are stimulation for my brain and my heart. I'll be better because of them, and so will those around me.
This is all really a list in progress. It's a start, a direction pointer for the year ahead. Things will go from there, growing organically as each day unfolds.
39 - seemed so old when I was a teen. Not so old on this side of it. And definitely not too old to have a fantastically successful year to come.
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Lessons Learnt
It's been a little over a year that I've been self-employed. Admittedly the transition from "working hours" and a steady salary to how my days look now has been a very steep learning curve. I'd imagined and planned it all out, but reality likes to come along and bite one in the rear end.
However, here's a few things that I've learnt along the way.
Firstly, YES, I can do it! :-) I started with hope and ambition that I could make things work, but now I've proved it. Perhaps not as successfully as it could be, but we're not dead yet. (Believe me, that's a big thing) At the beginning of last year I faced down the future with a considerable amount of dread, not entirely sure I was going to be able to pull off making ends meet. We were getting two business off the ground with barely any capital, funding expansion as we went. Pretty scary stuff. Yet somehow it's worked and a year of hard slog later I'm confident that it will only get better. The foundations are laid, the building's going up.
I've learnt that I have a good business head on me - but unfortunately I still need to learn to assert myself sufficiently to put it to best use. Very often I cave or chicken out instead of standing up for what my gut tells me. Yet I've proved to myself that I can be very successful at what I put my mind and hands to. I've managed to pull some pretty surprising rabbits out of hats when required. I'm able to come up with a decent amount of cash when left to my own devices to do so. I know where to find or make money, how to get business, how to keep it. I know what the world out there wants and how to keep clients happy.
I have not yet learnt to defend my schedule and my plans - which is why it often appears I have no business sense. The trouble is I'm very much a people-pleaser. I put others before myself all the time. Instead of defending my timeline, I waver and reschedule to accomodate what everyone else needs. Whether it's giving up or moving my work space or tasks for an unplanned project (you know who you are.. ;-) ), spending hours waiting for this or that (unable to start the next thing in case it's interrupted), or rushing to a client's aid (when it could easily be done later at MY convenience), I bend over way too far backwards, way too often. I end up frustrated because I haven't achieved what I knew had to be done, when it had to be done. Learning curve - gotta get this one right still.
I've learnt that things can always get worse... The past year has seen some very tough times and huge struggles. Very often I've thought I'd hit rock bottom - only to find it's like looking at the Grand Canyon and what you thought was the bottom is merely the top of the next cliff down. The worst is yet to come! However, I'm tenacious. After an initial panic session you'll find me with set jaw, clawing my way back with immense determination - avoiding returning to those extreme lows with all I have.
I've learnt that there's no such thing as working hours. Where I had previously turned up at an office at a set hour and left it a couple hours later, now work happens constantly. Customer support and network maintenance is a 24/7 job - if something goes down everything else shifs to second place. I've worked through the night stripping e-waste to a deadline many many times and gone on to a full day's physical slog right after it. I've transitioned from a decent 8 hours sleep a night to sleeping when I can. Weekends are just as much working hours as the rest of the week - sometimes more so, as it's often the best time to work on the network or upgrade things. We shifted servers at 1:00 on a Saturday morning recently (not the first time!), and Favourite Man burns beyond-midnight oil for software updates or heavy technical stuff more times than I can count.
I have yet to learn duty-balance. Working from home lands me not only a money-making job, but the home-making one too - and we're not at the stage where help for the latter is budgetable. I have yet to NOT be frustrated by much-needed house work cutting into the available time to earn cash, but I'm slowly making peace with the fact that 3-5 hours of every day's "billable time" will be devoted to putting meals on tables, sorting out house stuff and organizing the other residents - regardless. I still need to find the balance required to ensure that both money-making and home-making each get enough time and attention. Without resorting to cloning.
I've learnt there's no time for hobbies - yet. I attempted to be the editor of a Land Rover magazine for a few months, and loved doing it. Unfortunately trying to make it a top-quality publication yet still make a living turned out to be disastrous, and I had to resign. Blogging's taken a back seat. I haven't touched the piano in over a year. Haven't been on a road-trip in ages. Sorta getting my green thumb back with a container garden that only needs water thrown at it now and then... But for the immediate future, my focus has to be on the here, the now and building up to better days to come - with no time for such frivolities as hobbies.
I've learnt to dislike Sundays - that's the day when there's no way I can make any cash or get any business out of anyone. Saturdays come in a close second, but at least then I have a few options left to do so. On Sunday everything.just.closes. I'm still trying to learn to not spend Sunday working toward Monday - and to perhaps consider taking both a mental and physical break now and then.
I've learnt that it's OK to fire a customer. It's not easy when you need the cash they would bring in, but sometimes it's necessary. We've had a few in the past year whose hassle exceeded the value of their business - we were spending so much time running after their problems and complaints (usually unfounded, but still taking time to investigate and explain) that the rest of the business suffered. Sometimes you simply need to cut ties and move on. I've also learnt that it's OK when a customer fires you - that clients come and go, it's not good to take it personally (but it is good to know you've done your best to meet their needs).
I've learnt (but also always known) that you have to have money to make money. If you don't have cash for fuel, you're not going anywhere. If you can't pay for equipment, you can't connect up customers. Funding two businesses from scratch has meant very careful budgeting and a lot of sacrifice to keep one step ahead of the expenses. Sometimes it's mere minutes between cash hitting bank (or wallet) and the need to hand it over for something else. Admittedly there have been one or two occasions where cash didn't hit bank in time... one of which saw me stranded with only R2 for fuel left 5km from home... But these things happen, you sort them out and you move on.
I've learnt that being a chick in a man's industry (or two) is sometimes a good thing, sometimes a bad thing. In the wireless internet industry, many clients still refuse to accept help or advice from me - a mere woman - and would rather have Favourite Man tell them exactly the same thing in a male voice. In the e-waste industry, being the lone chick who is lifting heavy things, dealing with scrap metal merchants and component processors, sometimes means you get treated pretty well. It sometimes takes a while for blokes to realize I'm physically up to the job and stop offering to carry everything for me. Sometimes they discover they can't actually lift what I'm already carting to a trailer...! :-)
I've learnt that there are some fascinating people in my wider neighbourhood - and between these two businesses I've met a lot of them. The fiercely-independent ancient spinster with awesome stories to tell, they guy who made a specialized machine available in SA for the first time, the blokes who run a fancy winery and use a horse to tend their vineyards, the many neighbours I would not have otherwise known, the company who makes machines you could sit and play with all day, the guys who manage the dock where all our fresh produce comes and goes. So many interesting people - I'm privileged to have met them all.
I've learnt that you can completely wear out a pair of tackies and a pair of jeans in less than a year if that's all you wear day in and day out (to say nothing of t-shirts). I've also learnt that buying cheap Chinese jeans is not a bad thing, as the kind of work I'm in will see them shredded pretty soon whether I'm in a ceiling laying cable, carting things from a dusty warehouse or breaking servers and screens into bits - especially the latter. I've also learnt that you can lose more weight merely working hard than trying to motivate yourself to gym or walk or whatever. The jeans I put on a year ago can now fit an extra half-me into them.
I've learnt that being able to set your own schedule, plan your own day, find your own work, generate your own motivation and measure your own success in real terms is a pleasure that never gets old. There's a lot to be said for coming to the end of the day and knowing you've accomplished some pretty awesome stuff. There's equally a lot to be said for the freedom of choice that self-employment offers - freedom to work solidly for two days and nights if you want or need to, freedom to take a quick power nap before venturing forth once more in the afternoon, freedom to dash to the shops if required in the middle of the "working day", to "knock on" or "knock off" according to not only how the day is panning out but also according to the amount of energy you have available, freedom to chop and change what you're doing as required. Of course the latter sometimes kicks in without choice, such as when a server goes down and you simply have to drop all other plans to go sort it out. Yes - this freedom comes with responsibility and challenges but I wouldn't change it for anything.
I've discovered how amazing it is to work with my team - Favourite Man and the kid - to come back from a job dirty, dusty, sweaty, but proud of what you've achieved. To see Favourite Man in action - doing so many things he does so well from heavy metal work to delicate coding. To see the kid starting to take real pride in his work, completing what is asked of him properly and well, learning and growing both inside and out.
I've learnt that I still have a lot to learn. This past year I've been torn between the two businesses. I've had to devote nearly all my time to one, running it as a one-woman show, leaving me still playing catch-up in the other. I've been frustrated when I don't know stuff I should know - but at the same time it's an industry I knew nothing about when we got going, and some things that may be "common knowledge" in it I have never heard of or yet properly understood! I haven't had enough time or brainpower left at the end of hard-slog days to give the details the attention I should. And that's something on my must-do list this year.
There's so much more I've learnt. Every day brings something new. And that's the joy of where I am now - I've realized the possibilities truly are endless, I can do and be anything I want, successfully.
That rocks.
However, here's a few things that I've learnt along the way.
Firstly, YES, I can do it! :-) I started with hope and ambition that I could make things work, but now I've proved it. Perhaps not as successfully as it could be, but we're not dead yet. (Believe me, that's a big thing) At the beginning of last year I faced down the future with a considerable amount of dread, not entirely sure I was going to be able to pull off making ends meet. We were getting two business off the ground with barely any capital, funding expansion as we went. Pretty scary stuff. Yet somehow it's worked and a year of hard slog later I'm confident that it will only get better. The foundations are laid, the building's going up.
I've learnt that I have a good business head on me - but unfortunately I still need to learn to assert myself sufficiently to put it to best use. Very often I cave or chicken out instead of standing up for what my gut tells me. Yet I've proved to myself that I can be very successful at what I put my mind and hands to. I've managed to pull some pretty surprising rabbits out of hats when required. I'm able to come up with a decent amount of cash when left to my own devices to do so. I know where to find or make money, how to get business, how to keep it. I know what the world out there wants and how to keep clients happy.
I have not yet learnt to defend my schedule and my plans - which is why it often appears I have no business sense. The trouble is I'm very much a people-pleaser. I put others before myself all the time. Instead of defending my timeline, I waver and reschedule to accomodate what everyone else needs. Whether it's giving up or moving my work space or tasks for an unplanned project (you know who you are.. ;-) ), spending hours waiting for this or that (unable to start the next thing in case it's interrupted), or rushing to a client's aid (when it could easily be done later at MY convenience), I bend over way too far backwards, way too often. I end up frustrated because I haven't achieved what I knew had to be done, when it had to be done. Learning curve - gotta get this one right still.
I've learnt that things can always get worse... The past year has seen some very tough times and huge struggles. Very often I've thought I'd hit rock bottom - only to find it's like looking at the Grand Canyon and what you thought was the bottom is merely the top of the next cliff down. The worst is yet to come! However, I'm tenacious. After an initial panic session you'll find me with set jaw, clawing my way back with immense determination - avoiding returning to those extreme lows with all I have.
I've learnt that there's no such thing as working hours. Where I had previously turned up at an office at a set hour and left it a couple hours later, now work happens constantly. Customer support and network maintenance is a 24/7 job - if something goes down everything else shifs to second place. I've worked through the night stripping e-waste to a deadline many many times and gone on to a full day's physical slog right after it. I've transitioned from a decent 8 hours sleep a night to sleeping when I can. Weekends are just as much working hours as the rest of the week - sometimes more so, as it's often the best time to work on the network or upgrade things. We shifted servers at 1:00 on a Saturday morning recently (not the first time!), and Favourite Man burns beyond-midnight oil for software updates or heavy technical stuff more times than I can count.
I have yet to learn duty-balance. Working from home lands me not only a money-making job, but the home-making one too - and we're not at the stage where help for the latter is budgetable. I have yet to NOT be frustrated by much-needed house work cutting into the available time to earn cash, but I'm slowly making peace with the fact that 3-5 hours of every day's "billable time" will be devoted to putting meals on tables, sorting out house stuff and organizing the other residents - regardless. I still need to find the balance required to ensure that both money-making and home-making each get enough time and attention. Without resorting to cloning.
I've learnt there's no time for hobbies - yet. I attempted to be the editor of a Land Rover magazine for a few months, and loved doing it. Unfortunately trying to make it a top-quality publication yet still make a living turned out to be disastrous, and I had to resign. Blogging's taken a back seat. I haven't touched the piano in over a year. Haven't been on a road-trip in ages. Sorta getting my green thumb back with a container garden that only needs water thrown at it now and then... But for the immediate future, my focus has to be on the here, the now and building up to better days to come - with no time for such frivolities as hobbies.
I've learnt to dislike Sundays - that's the day when there's no way I can make any cash or get any business out of anyone. Saturdays come in a close second, but at least then I have a few options left to do so. On Sunday everything.just.closes. I'm still trying to learn to not spend Sunday working toward Monday - and to perhaps consider taking both a mental and physical break now and then.
I've learnt that it's OK to fire a customer. It's not easy when you need the cash they would bring in, but sometimes it's necessary. We've had a few in the past year whose hassle exceeded the value of their business - we were spending so much time running after their problems and complaints (usually unfounded, but still taking time to investigate and explain) that the rest of the business suffered. Sometimes you simply need to cut ties and move on. I've also learnt that it's OK when a customer fires you - that clients come and go, it's not good to take it personally (but it is good to know you've done your best to meet their needs).
I've learnt (but also always known) that you have to have money to make money. If you don't have cash for fuel, you're not going anywhere. If you can't pay for equipment, you can't connect up customers. Funding two businesses from scratch has meant very careful budgeting and a lot of sacrifice to keep one step ahead of the expenses. Sometimes it's mere minutes between cash hitting bank (or wallet) and the need to hand it over for something else. Admittedly there have been one or two occasions where cash didn't hit bank in time... one of which saw me stranded with only R2 for fuel left 5km from home... But these things happen, you sort them out and you move on.
I've learnt that being a chick in a man's industry (or two) is sometimes a good thing, sometimes a bad thing. In the wireless internet industry, many clients still refuse to accept help or advice from me - a mere woman - and would rather have Favourite Man tell them exactly the same thing in a male voice. In the e-waste industry, being the lone chick who is lifting heavy things, dealing with scrap metal merchants and component processors, sometimes means you get treated pretty well. It sometimes takes a while for blokes to realize I'm physically up to the job and stop offering to carry everything for me. Sometimes they discover they can't actually lift what I'm already carting to a trailer...! :-)
I've learnt that there are some fascinating people in my wider neighbourhood - and between these two businesses I've met a lot of them. The fiercely-independent ancient spinster with awesome stories to tell, they guy who made a specialized machine available in SA for the first time, the blokes who run a fancy winery and use a horse to tend their vineyards, the many neighbours I would not have otherwise known, the company who makes machines you could sit and play with all day, the guys who manage the dock where all our fresh produce comes and goes. So many interesting people - I'm privileged to have met them all.
I've learnt that you can completely wear out a pair of tackies and a pair of jeans in less than a year if that's all you wear day in and day out (to say nothing of t-shirts). I've also learnt that buying cheap Chinese jeans is not a bad thing, as the kind of work I'm in will see them shredded pretty soon whether I'm in a ceiling laying cable, carting things from a dusty warehouse or breaking servers and screens into bits - especially the latter. I've also learnt that you can lose more weight merely working hard than trying to motivate yourself to gym or walk or whatever. The jeans I put on a year ago can now fit an extra half-me into them.
I've learnt that being able to set your own schedule, plan your own day, find your own work, generate your own motivation and measure your own success in real terms is a pleasure that never gets old. There's a lot to be said for coming to the end of the day and knowing you've accomplished some pretty awesome stuff. There's equally a lot to be said for the freedom of choice that self-employment offers - freedom to work solidly for two days and nights if you want or need to, freedom to take a quick power nap before venturing forth once more in the afternoon, freedom to dash to the shops if required in the middle of the "working day", to "knock on" or "knock off" according to not only how the day is panning out but also according to the amount of energy you have available, freedom to chop and change what you're doing as required. Of course the latter sometimes kicks in without choice, such as when a server goes down and you simply have to drop all other plans to go sort it out. Yes - this freedom comes with responsibility and challenges but I wouldn't change it for anything.
I've discovered how amazing it is to work with my team - Favourite Man and the kid - to come back from a job dirty, dusty, sweaty, but proud of what you've achieved. To see Favourite Man in action - doing so many things he does so well from heavy metal work to delicate coding. To see the kid starting to take real pride in his work, completing what is asked of him properly and well, learning and growing both inside and out.
I've learnt that I still have a lot to learn. This past year I've been torn between the two businesses. I've had to devote nearly all my time to one, running it as a one-woman show, leaving me still playing catch-up in the other. I've been frustrated when I don't know stuff I should know - but at the same time it's an industry I knew nothing about when we got going, and some things that may be "common knowledge" in it I have never heard of or yet properly understood! I haven't had enough time or brainpower left at the end of hard-slog days to give the details the attention I should. And that's something on my must-do list this year.
There's so much more I've learnt. Every day brings something new. And that's the joy of where I am now - I've realized the possibilities truly are endless, I can do and be anything I want, successfully.
That rocks.
Hungry for Success
How's this for a new motivational strategy:
Unless I make X number of Rands in a day, I don't get to eat. (could backfire in that I may end up too hungry to work....)
Think it will be good butt-kick method? :-)
Unless I make X number of Rands in a day, I don't get to eat. (could backfire in that I may end up too hungry to work....)
Think it will be good butt-kick method? :-)
Fear of Failure
I don't know if it's hereditary, or if it's merely the inbred voices of 37 years, but in the back of my mind there are whisperings...
You see, I'm slowly but surely putting a new project together - one that's been percolating for a long time, gaining momentum then sitting back to consolidate, exploring and planning, and now coming to fruition. It's not the next big money-making scheme, it's not the next big business deal. But it's something good and something that can make a difference. Big-time.
Or at least I think so.
And that's where the doubt starts to come in. I've been told so many times over the years "you can't do that, you'll never make it, you're a woman - what do you know". I spent a good few years working in a male-dominated environment that ground those kind of opinions into all their female worker's heads. Until you started to believe them....
Inherited come other thoughts, passed down from grandmother to mother to me. That a woman's place is there, not here, doing that, not this. Subservient, self-sacrificing, slave to all, not striding ahead to make big changes on your own - until somehow, some way, you get that spark of confidence that sends you out into success. You suddenly see that you are, in fact, very good at what you want to do. Naysayers be damned. I saw it change my mother, and I've seen it change me.
Yet still back there in the brain lurk the in-pounded observations that you can't actually accomplish your dreams. And now and then they surface, and then you get to beat them down.
I should have learnt by now to reverse those voices, to permanently still them. I've proved that I do, in fact, have a head on my shoulders that can think through things, come up with stuff that works (really well) and make a big success of a project against all odds. In spite of what the general public says.
I guess it's the pattern of self-doubt that comes with starting anything new. Wondering if you're on the right track, if you can ignite the same passion for what you want to do in enough other people to gain momentum, if it will work out how you envisioned it.
And there the trick is simply to dream bigger when the voices come. To imagine more comprehensively, work harder and smarter and better to reach those goals.
Do that, and the voices will quickly be proved very very wrong.
You see, I'm slowly but surely putting a new project together - one that's been percolating for a long time, gaining momentum then sitting back to consolidate, exploring and planning, and now coming to fruition. It's not the next big money-making scheme, it's not the next big business deal. But it's something good and something that can make a difference. Big-time.
Or at least I think so.
And that's where the doubt starts to come in. I've been told so many times over the years "you can't do that, you'll never make it, you're a woman - what do you know". I spent a good few years working in a male-dominated environment that ground those kind of opinions into all their female worker's heads. Until you started to believe them....
Inherited come other thoughts, passed down from grandmother to mother to me. That a woman's place is there, not here, doing that, not this. Subservient, self-sacrificing, slave to all, not striding ahead to make big changes on your own - until somehow, some way, you get that spark of confidence that sends you out into success. You suddenly see that you are, in fact, very good at what you want to do. Naysayers be damned. I saw it change my mother, and I've seen it change me.
Yet still back there in the brain lurk the in-pounded observations that you can't actually accomplish your dreams. And now and then they surface, and then you get to beat them down.
I should have learnt by now to reverse those voices, to permanently still them. I've proved that I do, in fact, have a head on my shoulders that can think through things, come up with stuff that works (really well) and make a big success of a project against all odds. In spite of what the general public says.
I guess it's the pattern of self-doubt that comes with starting anything new. Wondering if you're on the right track, if you can ignite the same passion for what you want to do in enough other people to gain momentum, if it will work out how you envisioned it.
And there the trick is simply to dream bigger when the voices come. To imagine more comprehensively, work harder and smarter and better to reach those goals.
Do that, and the voices will quickly be proved very very wrong.
.JPG)
Slog
It's been a bit of a day, and quite frankly I'm exhausted.
And sunburnt.
And dirty, dusty, worn out, blinking away the remaining grit in my eyes, and pondering which muscles will be sore in the morning.
I've been up a mountain since an unearthly hour with my Cape Connect team, putting the finishing touches to our high site. It's 35 degrees out there, not a whole lot in the line of cooling breezes, and we were working on a very steep slope.
While all you plebs sat in comfy chairs at airconditioned desks and wished you were outdoors :-)
For once the injury toll is minimal. No alcohol swabs were employed, no plasters stuck on cuts and scratches. It's just sunburn, heatstroke and dehydration in spite of copious amounts of awesome borehole water being drunk through the day.
The two Land Rovers took a bit of a beating though. By the end of the working day they were crying out for a rest. Favourite Man's taken his off to the spa for a thorough washing, as white paintwork tends to show brown powder-dust up quite nicely. Mine limped home and is awaiting a bit of love.
But we're done with a good deal of the fetching and carrying work, the hard physical slog of mixing cement, toting water, transporting sand and stone and metal up an impossible slope with two vehicles and all hands on deck (10 hands, two per worker). Now we wait for things to dry, the top bit goes on and we're all done, ready to blast forth uncapped wireless broadband to everyone in (line of) sight.
Tonight though we get to sit still and apply Fridge to the burnt bits... and count our many blessings that we could spend our Tuesday in such spectacular surroundings.
Yup, just another hard day at the office... :-)
::update::
There is one injury to report... Favourite Man burnt his hand badly opening a coolant cap on his truck to top up the water - a very nasty steam burn if ever there was one. He's now all bandaged up wrist to fingertips, and liberally slathered in a burn shield dressing, putting on a brave face. At least there's no blood or bone sticking out anywhere.
And sunburnt.
And dirty, dusty, worn out, blinking away the remaining grit in my eyes, and pondering which muscles will be sore in the morning.
I've been up a mountain since an unearthly hour with my Cape Connect team, putting the finishing touches to our high site. It's 35 degrees out there, not a whole lot in the line of cooling breezes, and we were working on a very steep slope.
While all you plebs sat in comfy chairs at airconditioned desks and wished you were outdoors :-)
For once the injury toll is minimal. No alcohol swabs were employed, no plasters stuck on cuts and scratches. It's just sunburn, heatstroke and dehydration in spite of copious amounts of awesome borehole water being drunk through the day.
The two Land Rovers took a bit of a beating though. By the end of the working day they were crying out for a rest. Favourite Man's taken his off to the spa for a thorough washing, as white paintwork tends to show brown powder-dust up quite nicely. Mine limped home and is awaiting a bit of love.
But we're done with a good deal of the fetching and carrying work, the hard physical slog of mixing cement, toting water, transporting sand and stone and metal up an impossible slope with two vehicles and all hands on deck (10 hands, two per worker). Now we wait for things to dry, the top bit goes on and we're all done, ready to blast forth uncapped wireless broadband to everyone in (line of) sight.
Tonight though we get to sit still and apply Fridge to the burnt bits... and count our many blessings that we could spend our Tuesday in such spectacular surroundings.
Yup, just another hard day at the office... :-)
::update::
There is one injury to report... Favourite Man burnt his hand badly opening a coolant cap on his truck to top up the water - a very nasty steam burn if ever there was one. He's now all bandaged up wrist to fingertips, and liberally slathered in a burn shield dressing, putting on a brave face. At least there's no blood or bone sticking out anywhere.
Health and Happiness
Now that I'm home-based, I (technically) have more time to cook decent meals for our family (see the bread post further down). Practically it's not always the case - work never really stops, it just pauses to refuel if you remember to...
With this potential time available, I've found myself looking anew at what we need to eat, and noticing whether or not I'm getting enough exercise / water / fresh air / fruit & veg & protein. I have to admit some days are much better than others. Thursday was a SERIOUS fresh air, water and exercise day, spent half-way up the mountain doing work on a Cape Connect high site.
I'm being a little bit more concious about life and it's fuel lately. Yet still not completely there. I know the theory, yet putting into practice is taking some hard work.
Then there's the vegetarian vs carnivore thing. I grew up without meat, Favourite Man grew up with most known forms of animal life on his plate. My son won't touch anything that looks, smells or tastes remotely of beast (though has yet to discover the joys of modified soy in the veg products...!), nor even walk through the meat aisles on a shop run - yet also won't eat a variety of veggies. No-one's keen to change their habits, so mealtimes tend to need careful planning.
I think I've gotten the hang of cooking some of the meaty basics. I can dish up a mean bit of chicken, whether in a cream and mushroom sauce on pasta, or turned to moist perfection in a pan. I even managed to sort a Cornish Hen for Xmas to an acceptable level. I can do mince for spaghetti, fry up a pork sausage or a spiral of boerewors, but am not yet allowed near steak (too expensive to stuff up! :-) ). I can whip up a tuna bake with potatoes and brocolli and cauliflower. I've even made a slow-cooked beef stew by the seat of my pants last winter. Tonight was a veg-rich stir-fry with a touch of chicken thrown in, and it wasn't half bad.
But there is still a ways to go. I'd like to get us eating a whole lot better than we have been in the rush of days flying by, catering for both the veggies and the non-veggies.
So I'm throwing this one out to the public - yup, you guys. Consider it a challenge, a cook-off online, a chance to be your own Jamie or Nigella - your five seconds of fame.
If you had to throw a meal together that was delicious, nutritious, filling and looked awesome, what would you serve? Breakfast, lunch or supper - your choice.
Go on - spill the beans (or meat and potatoes) in the comments. I'll give it a try sometime (if I can find the ingredients) and post the results here.
With this potential time available, I've found myself looking anew at what we need to eat, and noticing whether or not I'm getting enough exercise / water / fresh air / fruit & veg & protein. I have to admit some days are much better than others. Thursday was a SERIOUS fresh air, water and exercise day, spent half-way up the mountain doing work on a Cape Connect high site.
I'm being a little bit more concious about life and it's fuel lately. Yet still not completely there. I know the theory, yet putting into practice is taking some hard work.
Then there's the vegetarian vs carnivore thing. I grew up without meat, Favourite Man grew up with most known forms of animal life on his plate. My son won't touch anything that looks, smells or tastes remotely of beast (though has yet to discover the joys of modified soy in the veg products...!), nor even walk through the meat aisles on a shop run - yet also won't eat a variety of veggies. No-one's keen to change their habits, so mealtimes tend to need careful planning.
I think I've gotten the hang of cooking some of the meaty basics. I can dish up a mean bit of chicken, whether in a cream and mushroom sauce on pasta, or turned to moist perfection in a pan. I even managed to sort a Cornish Hen for Xmas to an acceptable level. I can do mince for spaghetti, fry up a pork sausage or a spiral of boerewors, but am not yet allowed near steak (too expensive to stuff up! :-) ). I can whip up a tuna bake with potatoes and brocolli and cauliflower. I've even made a slow-cooked beef stew by the seat of my pants last winter. Tonight was a veg-rich stir-fry with a touch of chicken thrown in, and it wasn't half bad.
But there is still a ways to go. I'd like to get us eating a whole lot better than we have been in the rush of days flying by, catering for both the veggies and the non-veggies.
So I'm throwing this one out to the public - yup, you guys. Consider it a challenge, a cook-off online, a chance to be your own Jamie or Nigella - your five seconds of fame.
If you had to throw a meal together that was delicious, nutritious, filling and looked awesome, what would you serve? Breakfast, lunch or supper - your choice.
Go on - spill the beans (or meat and potatoes) in the comments. I'll give it a try sometime (if I can find the ingredients) and post the results here.
HotStuff
After a day spent in the ceiling (me) and on the roof (two others) and fiddling with wiring and cables (Favourite Man) and shouting instructions up ladders (the kid), Cape Connect Internet has a wireless hotspot blasting forth from the roof!
Yup, a blerry powerful antenna, that thing - with access speeds to die for.
Niiiice.....
Yup, a blerry powerful antenna, that thing - with access speeds to die for.
Niiiice.....
Settling into my skin
As 2009 begins, I find myself in a place I've been aiming at for a very long time. Or at least the starting point, the jumping off point of that place.
Dashing out to get groceries in the middle of the day, I realized I need never be bound by office hours again - I don't need to plan around them, or conform my activities to their schedules. If I need to make an appointment for 2 in the afternoon, I can. If I want to do all my Xmas shopping from 8 to 10 on a weekday, I can. If I want to slog until 3 in the morning on a complicated website, then sleep until 9, I can. Unless you've spent your entire working life turning up at a certain time and leaving at a certain time - no matter whether you have work to do or not - you'll have no idea how liberating that realization can be! (I do still set my alarm clock - but it's for half an hour later, on my own schedule)
With this sense of freedom, I'm finding "myself" again - the me who knows her strengths, her passions, her interests and remembers her dreams. I've been delving deeply into things that inspire me, re-igniting my long-given-up goals for what life should look like, what my home should be, and what makes me happy. I'm walking the dog each day, camera in hand - both exercise and creativity had taken a back seat until recently.
I've been pondering the notion of success too. Self-employed... so how do I measure it? Is it by reaching my daily financial goals? By accomplishing my to-do list before bedtime? By being able to plot how I'm growing personally, how business is growing? And how do I classify failure - or is apparent failure simply a lesson to learn, a step on the road forward? I've been defining exactly what success for me should be, and slowly orienting my days toward that. (I still have many battles to fight, but at least now I know what I'm aiming for)
I'm finding a sense of place - working my way through the things I've put off that make these four walls more home-like, incorporating both my safe haven and office space. There's a "One a day" list on the fridge of big jobs that would take weeks if I tried to get to them all at once. But one a day.. that I can handle, can see things crossed off and completed, and can feel satisfied at my progress come day's end. My work activities are tackled on a simlar basis - one big job daily, with associated smaller tasks tying in yet not distracting from the finish line.
I'm relishing the variety that each day brings - a bit of this, a bit of that, my time my own to manage. And there is now time enough to fiddle with interesting projects, explore new directions, hang out on the Land Rover forum again, learn new skills (php takes some getting used to!), even take time out to relax with my family, meditate in early morning stillness, bake a milktart or knead up a batch of breadsticks. There's a rhythm to each day developing that fits us all.
It's been a mere week and a bit. I know I have a huge journey ahead of me as the pace picks up in the coming days. I've spent a lot of time on computer work this week, the physical stuff and some dedicated Virgin Earth focus gets a turn next. I have very big challenges to stare down and sort out, decisions to implement and long-pondered plans to put into practice.
But I'm doing it increasingly happier in my skin. More self-aware, more centered, more connected, more confident, and not as terrified of the great unknown as I was mere weeks ago.
It's a very good place to be as the new year kicks off.
Dashing out to get groceries in the middle of the day, I realized I need never be bound by office hours again - I don't need to plan around them, or conform my activities to their schedules. If I need to make an appointment for 2 in the afternoon, I can. If I want to do all my Xmas shopping from 8 to 10 on a weekday, I can. If I want to slog until 3 in the morning on a complicated website, then sleep until 9, I can. Unless you've spent your entire working life turning up at a certain time and leaving at a certain time - no matter whether you have work to do or not - you'll have no idea how liberating that realization can be! (I do still set my alarm clock - but it's for half an hour later, on my own schedule)
With this sense of freedom, I'm finding "myself" again - the me who knows her strengths, her passions, her interests and remembers her dreams. I've been delving deeply into things that inspire me, re-igniting my long-given-up goals for what life should look like, what my home should be, and what makes me happy. I'm walking the dog each day, camera in hand - both exercise and creativity had taken a back seat until recently.
I've been pondering the notion of success too. Self-employed... so how do I measure it? Is it by reaching my daily financial goals? By accomplishing my to-do list before bedtime? By being able to plot how I'm growing personally, how business is growing? And how do I classify failure - or is apparent failure simply a lesson to learn, a step on the road forward? I've been defining exactly what success for me should be, and slowly orienting my days toward that. (I still have many battles to fight, but at least now I know what I'm aiming for)
I'm finding a sense of place - working my way through the things I've put off that make these four walls more home-like, incorporating both my safe haven and office space. There's a "One a day" list on the fridge of big jobs that would take weeks if I tried to get to them all at once. But one a day.. that I can handle, can see things crossed off and completed, and can feel satisfied at my progress come day's end. My work activities are tackled on a simlar basis - one big job daily, with associated smaller tasks tying in yet not distracting from the finish line.
I'm relishing the variety that each day brings - a bit of this, a bit of that, my time my own to manage. And there is now time enough to fiddle with interesting projects, explore new directions, hang out on the Land Rover forum again, learn new skills (php takes some getting used to!), even take time out to relax with my family, meditate in early morning stillness, bake a milktart or knead up a batch of breadsticks. There's a rhythm to each day developing that fits us all.
It's been a mere week and a bit. I know I have a huge journey ahead of me as the pace picks up in the coming days. I've spent a lot of time on computer work this week, the physical stuff and some dedicated Virgin Earth focus gets a turn next. I have very big challenges to stare down and sort out, decisions to implement and long-pondered plans to put into practice.
But I'm doing it increasingly happier in my skin. More self-aware, more centered, more connected, more confident, and not as terrified of the great unknown as I was mere weeks ago.
It's a very good place to be as the new year kicks off.
Sorting out Everything
I'm too late for Spring Cleaning and too early for New Year's Resolutions, but recently I've been in "redo the nest" mode - and that's pretty timeless. This year has been a mad rush from one thing to another, hours spent working hard with not enough attention paid to my environment. But I honestly cannot function well in disorganized, cluttered and dusty surroundings - I get irritable and snappy, stressed out and simply clam up.
And that's exactly what's happened recently. In an attempt to split my waking hours between a million and one things, I haven't been attending to the very basic stuff that keeps me calmly on course. I'm an organization freak - I like to have everything where it belongs, sorted and tidy, but that's not showing lately at all.
However it can only continue for so long. Two weeks ago I started to get extremely angsty, felt like I was losing myself. Last week I spent ages on a number of websites reminding myself of what home should and could be, plotting, planning and making lists of things to accomplish once I no longer spend daylight hours in an office far away from home. I've thought through my work-from-home environment and requirements, looked at every corner and cupboard and wall with detached scrutiny, determined what needs to go and what needs to be acquired. From ceiling space in the roof to potential veg garden outside, and everything in between. I've sat in silence (when I can find it), going deep inside to discover what gives me courage and strength, and how to incorporate that into how/where I live.
This weekend in a small way I started to implement all those - starting with organizing a single cupboard's two shelves and a box of stuff in the kitchen. It may not look any different to the casual observer, but it's merely the beginning. My list is long, my resolve strong, my priorities over the next few weeks lined up - and I know that if I don't sort out what I need to sort out, I will not make a success of my plans for the year ahead. If I don't have control over my environment, I'm not going to have the self-confidence and surety I need to take on the world. I'm not going to be able to stand up to challenges or know that I have a safe and calm haven to recuperate in at day's end.
Three days left at work, full-time employed and commuting. Three days left of my time being bought and paid for by others. Once these three days are up, things are going to change in a big way - time to turn house into home once and for all and get home-base life sorted before I move on to becoming and doing what every fibre of my being knows it will be.
Get up 'n Go
A few months ago I was running on empty. The warning light had come on but I'd ignored it, simply putting one foot in front of another and wearing myself down beyond what I knew was wise. I was facing impossible battles on every front, and never sure how I'd make it through.
Total turn-around now. I think it's the Supradyn and Hairy Lemon. As well as a healthy dose of enthusiasm for the path ahead. The vitamins have given me the energy and my brain running at a million miles a second has given me the go.
Unfortunately that sees me driving myself once again to the max simply because there's so much I want to do, so much I'm enjoying doing, and so much I have to accomplish. I work hard all day, then dive into more work at home, then end up fiddling with websites and online stuff until all hours. Drop into bed so dead that Favourite Man can't even shake me awake to kiss me goodnight. I even dozed off while attempting to watch a movie last night - three times during three hectic action scenes that normally would have me on the edge of my seat! The strategy has become to simply be on my feet and working and not stop, because if I do I'll fall asleep.
It's cool though to have so much energy and drive and get up 'n go available. It means I'm seeing progress where I've longed to get things done for ages. That I'm able to accomplish little time-consuming tasks now that will save me time and effort later, and to focus on a million things at one time. That I bounce out of bed and attack the day head on, staring down challenges until they buckle.
Talking of which, time to tackle the next one in line.
Total turn-around now. I think it's the Supradyn and Hairy Lemon. As well as a healthy dose of enthusiasm for the path ahead. The vitamins have given me the energy and my brain running at a million miles a second has given me the go.
Unfortunately that sees me driving myself once again to the max simply because there's so much I want to do, so much I'm enjoying doing, and so much I have to accomplish. I work hard all day, then dive into more work at home, then end up fiddling with websites and online stuff until all hours. Drop into bed so dead that Favourite Man can't even shake me awake to kiss me goodnight. I even dozed off while attempting to watch a movie last night - three times during three hectic action scenes that normally would have me on the edge of my seat! The strategy has become to simply be on my feet and working and not stop, because if I do I'll fall asleep.
It's cool though to have so much energy and drive and get up 'n go available. It means I'm seeing progress where I've longed to get things done for ages. That I'm able to accomplish little time-consuming tasks now that will save me time and effort later, and to focus on a million things at one time. That I bounce out of bed and attack the day head on, staring down challenges until they buckle.
Talking of which, time to tackle the next one in line.
Acheived!
It struck me yesterday. I've been saying for years that I want to retire by 40. And guess what .... I am!
Well, retiring from the rat-race anyway, which is what I meant. Retiring from set office hours and commutes, retiring from being an employee.
With three years to spare, almost on the button! :-)
Granted, I'm not retiring with the million-in-the-bank that I'd have liked to, but in this day and age that may actually be a good thing. I won't suddenly lose a fortune when the bank goes belly-up, or have my hard-earned cash whisked away by the taxman randomly. Instead, I'm retiring to live a life of my choosing - and doing things I love to keep the cash-flow coming.
Retiring to freedom.
Awesome.
Well, retiring from the rat-race anyway, which is what I meant. Retiring from set office hours and commutes, retiring from being an employee.
With three years to spare, almost on the button! :-)
Granted, I'm not retiring with the million-in-the-bank that I'd have liked to, but in this day and age that may actually be a good thing. I won't suddenly lose a fortune when the bank goes belly-up, or have my hard-earned cash whisked away by the taxman randomly. Instead, I'm retiring to live a life of my choosing - and doing things I love to keep the cash-flow coming.
Retiring to freedom.
Awesome.
Everything Changes
Yesterday afternoon I did something that I haven't done since 22 February 2007. I handed in my resignation with one month's notice.
Yup, from 25 December 2008 - Christmas Day - I'll be one of the unemployed masses.
You may think it crazy to give up a paying job in an age of economic disaster and depression. Especially with no "next employer" to go to.
But it's been done for good reason. After years and years of wishing, hoping and dreaming of being my own boss, I'm about to do it. I'll be pouring all my time and energy into working for myself and my family.
Here's to the future! :-)
Yup, from 25 December 2008 - Christmas Day - I'll be one of the unemployed masses.
You may think it crazy to give up a paying job in an age of economic disaster and depression. Especially with no "next employer" to go to.
But it's been done for good reason. After years and years of wishing, hoping and dreaming of being my own boss, I'm about to do it. I'll be pouring all my time and energy into working for myself and my family.
Here's to the future! :-)
Greening
I've been thinking. (Uh-oh, says half the world - knowing how dangerous that can be!)
It's time for me to start growing some of our food. I'm tired of merely waving at the fruit & veg section of Checkers, with things increasingly being way outside our budget. We're not getting nearly enough fresh stuff in, and we don't know where it's coming from when we do.
Now I can't go and grow chickens in my yard or stick a cow on the communal lawn, but the leafy stuff I can manage.
Talk of vertical gardening and plants in pots has me thinking long and hard about my available space, angles of sun at various seasons, work space vs un-used space and all sorts of other things.
And I've come up with a plan.
I need to practice my welding and/or woodworking skills, but that's going to happen really soon. Because I need to make a framework for a couple of vertical endeavours.
Like (for example) lengths of discarded plastic gutter pipe, blanked off at the ends, drainage holes added, filled with growth medium (soil, compost etc) and planted with things that don't need to go down too far. Then there's the hanging tomato plant idea I've been eyeing for ages. Easy enough to make, with added extras growing on top. My neighbours may be hanging flowers from their porches - me, I'm going to go edible landscaping. I've already got some herbs in pots out the front and one strawberry plant that has given us 2 strawberries this season. Bit on the small-scale-farming side, but nevertheless :-)
If I want to go a bit bigger, I could do the Mediterranean thing and put a lemon tree in a terracotta planter. Or an apple tree. Or an olive tree. A lack of soil on my plot doesn't mean I can't grow anything! Just take a look at the weeds pushing up between brick and wall on one side.. :-)
Then there's the kitchen windowsill vs herbs - always a good idea, except for the darn southeaster which may knock the plants into the sink. Hmmm... may need to rethink that.
Here's the thing though - I'm tired of not having a lot of fresh food around. Of not being able to pick half my supper from outside the door. Of not knowing where my food's come from, who's handled it, or how ripe it was when they prematurely plucked it from the plant and stuck it under nitrogen to ripen it. I'm tired of tasteless and wilted and expensive.
Summer's coming - 'tis the season for being outdoors and growing stuff without the winter rain washing it all away. I know where to find just about everything I need free of charge. There's really no excuses - time to get to it.
Best thing of all? It's portable. If I have to up and go places, my garden goes too.
It's time for me to start growing some of our food. I'm tired of merely waving at the fruit & veg section of Checkers, with things increasingly being way outside our budget. We're not getting nearly enough fresh stuff in, and we don't know where it's coming from when we do.
Now I can't go and grow chickens in my yard or stick a cow on the communal lawn, but the leafy stuff I can manage.
Talk of vertical gardening and plants in pots has me thinking long and hard about my available space, angles of sun at various seasons, work space vs un-used space and all sorts of other things.
And I've come up with a plan.
I need to practice my welding and/or woodworking skills, but that's going to happen really soon. Because I need to make a framework for a couple of vertical endeavours.
Like (for example) lengths of discarded plastic gutter pipe, blanked off at the ends, drainage holes added, filled with growth medium (soil, compost etc) and planted with things that don't need to go down too far. Then there's the hanging tomato plant idea I've been eyeing for ages. Easy enough to make, with added extras growing on top. My neighbours may be hanging flowers from their porches - me, I'm going to go edible landscaping. I've already got some herbs in pots out the front and one strawberry plant that has given us 2 strawberries this season. Bit on the small-scale-farming side, but nevertheless :-)
If I want to go a bit bigger, I could do the Mediterranean thing and put a lemon tree in a terracotta planter. Or an apple tree. Or an olive tree. A lack of soil on my plot doesn't mean I can't grow anything! Just take a look at the weeds pushing up between brick and wall on one side.. :-)
Then there's the kitchen windowsill vs herbs - always a good idea, except for the darn southeaster which may knock the plants into the sink. Hmmm... may need to rethink that.
Here's the thing though - I'm tired of not having a lot of fresh food around. Of not being able to pick half my supper from outside the door. Of not knowing where my food's come from, who's handled it, or how ripe it was when they prematurely plucked it from the plant and stuck it under nitrogen to ripen it. I'm tired of tasteless and wilted and expensive.
Summer's coming - 'tis the season for being outdoors and growing stuff without the winter rain washing it all away. I know where to find just about everything I need free of charge. There's really no excuses - time to get to it.
Best thing of all? It's portable. If I have to up and go places, my garden goes too.
Time & Money
We all know the facts - only 24 hours in the day and once they're gone, they're gone. Life ticks on by, one second at a time and it's up to you to use it or lose it forever.Then there's the "time is money" thing.
It's been featuring quite prominently in my headspace lately. For instance, if I spend R100 on petrol getting to work and back, but sit here all day and do nothing - I've lost R100 and 8 hours for absolutely no gain. If I spend 2 hours baking a batch of fancy cookies which I then sell for R30, I've wasted electricity, ingredients and time beyond that value.
Equally - if I spend all day tweaking or redoing over and over something that's not going to give me a good return, it's simply a waste.
I've started to think return on investment when it comes to time and money more and more. Life is tight enough that every minute and how you use it counts. Yes - you do need to stare out the window now and then, but I can't afford to do it long-term. Literally.
Been thinking about the commute too in those terms. Over and above the R100 in fuel, it's an hour or more out of my day. OK, perhaps the view of the winelands changing seasons is worth it, but I could be using that hour in so many other ways. The rest of the day is the same - for every 10 minutes spent waiting for a programme to do its thing, or 15 minutes spent waiting for the computer to boot up, there's a trade-off of value, of things that could be happening which would up the cash-flow.
There's also the trade-off of sleep vs income - how much are you willing to set aside in return for reward? How much do you really need of either? Where's the balance point?
Some might say I'm way too money-focused with this kind of attitude. Me, well - it merely sorts out my priorities.
2 months
Maximum. Less if I can manage it. That's how long I'm giving myself before I implement some pretty heavy plans, permanently.
It's not going to be at all easy. It's probably going to be more difficult than anything I've done yet - and it's going to require me going against some good, common sense, generally-accepted ways of doing things that have been subconsciously holding me back.
Yes, I'm scared. What if I can't pull this off? What if I get it so wrong that it makes things a whole lot worse? Can I stand up for myself sufficiently to simply say no to things that don't feed in to my goal, that eat away at my time and energy, that someone else could and should be doing? Can I ask for help when I need it? Can I change course smoothly if one plan appears to be failing, without getting bogged down in paralyzing self-pity? Can I be "cut-throat" against the competition?
But the promise of what can be - what should be and MUST be - is foremost in my head. Step by step I'm plotting the path to get there and calculating what I'm willing to give up, let go of, or do to reach it.
I know it's going to take a LOT. More effort than I've ever put forth before. More focus, more single-minded thought and attention turned in one direction than I've ever had to come up with. It's going to take very careful organization, allocation of hours in day and prioritization. I'm going to be dumping non-essential time-wasters in a big way (GReader items being culled as this goes live). There's pressure from other essential projects that will come into play - and I need to find a place for each, with equal importance.
Yet it's also exciting, the possibilities truly endless, and I face the way forward with both butterflies and anticipation. Having made the decision, every hour of the day has already shifted in focus. I'm mentally detached from that which I know isn't going to feed my goal - while my brainspace is turned toward that which will.
Two months. It's not a lot of time to move from one place to another in life successfully. But a single incident today has pissed me off sufficiently to push this to the point of no return, added startling clarity to the road before me.
Now it's full steam ahead. Come what may.
It's not going to be at all easy. It's probably going to be more difficult than anything I've done yet - and it's going to require me going against some good, common sense, generally-accepted ways of doing things that have been subconsciously holding me back.
Yes, I'm scared. What if I can't pull this off? What if I get it so wrong that it makes things a whole lot worse? Can I stand up for myself sufficiently to simply say no to things that don't feed in to my goal, that eat away at my time and energy, that someone else could and should be doing? Can I ask for help when I need it? Can I change course smoothly if one plan appears to be failing, without getting bogged down in paralyzing self-pity? Can I be "cut-throat" against the competition?
But the promise of what can be - what should be and MUST be - is foremost in my head. Step by step I'm plotting the path to get there and calculating what I'm willing to give up, let go of, or do to reach it.
I know it's going to take a LOT. More effort than I've ever put forth before. More focus, more single-minded thought and attention turned in one direction than I've ever had to come up with. It's going to take very careful organization, allocation of hours in day and prioritization. I'm going to be dumping non-essential time-wasters in a big way (GReader items being culled as this goes live). There's pressure from other essential projects that will come into play - and I need to find a place for each, with equal importance.
Yet it's also exciting, the possibilities truly endless, and I face the way forward with both butterflies and anticipation. Having made the decision, every hour of the day has already shifted in focus. I'm mentally detached from that which I know isn't going to feed my goal - while my brainspace is turned toward that which will.
Two months. It's not a lot of time to move from one place to another in life successfully. But a single incident today has pissed me off sufficiently to push this to the point of no return, added startling clarity to the road before me.
Now it's full steam ahead. Come what may.
Crunch Time
I'm rapidly reaching a point where I'm going to have to make some big, tough decisions. I'm living a very fragmented life right now - my attention, time and cash split into too many partitions, some of which simply are no longer viable options.
I'm unable to give anything my full attention - there's always something else lurking, tapping me on the shoulder. And there's way too much that can't be done between other jobs, that needs my full attention without interruption, that needs time on MY schedule - not anyone else's.
It's unsustainable. It's draining. It's frustrating. It's not working - and I can't go on like this much longer.
So I've been mentally tallying the pros and cons and prioritizing where my resources across the board need to be. It's a work in progress - done between all these other things trying to tear at my attention. It's not at all easy - and it's going to need a lot of very careful consideration.
I'm just realizing more and more that if I am to make a success of any of the things I want to, something's gotta go. Even if it means months more of very hard work, of lack of sleep, of giving up and cutting back and paring down - it will be worth it in the long run. I just need to keep my eyes on the goal, structure everything I do around that one purpose - and go for it.
My gut's telling me what to do. I just hope it works.
I'm unable to give anything my full attention - there's always something else lurking, tapping me on the shoulder. And there's way too much that can't be done between other jobs, that needs my full attention without interruption, that needs time on MY schedule - not anyone else's.
It's unsustainable. It's draining. It's frustrating. It's not working - and I can't go on like this much longer.
So I've been mentally tallying the pros and cons and prioritizing where my resources across the board need to be. It's a work in progress - done between all these other things trying to tear at my attention. It's not at all easy - and it's going to need a lot of very careful consideration.
I'm just realizing more and more that if I am to make a success of any of the things I want to, something's gotta go. Even if it means months more of very hard work, of lack of sleep, of giving up and cutting back and paring down - it will be worth it in the long run. I just need to keep my eyes on the goal, structure everything I do around that one purpose - and go for it.
My gut's telling me what to do. I just hope it works.
Things to make you think
It's funny how some days you get a kick up the rear from every direction. Roadsigns in neon, the universe showing the way. (Or perhaps you just notice what your headspace is tuned into?)
Today it's all about getting going in business.
First up was 5 Reasons You Shouldn't Have A Cushion Before You Quit Your Job. Most of which make a lot of sense, especially the bit about lighting a fire under your butt because you have no other choice. It's a matter of survival, and it forms every decision you make about time and effort. (Favourite Man said something similar to me recently about prioritizing how you use a computer, especially when it comes to those ever-building-up Google Reader items vs Actual Work)
Then, via a 4x4 forum, came the Thirty Day Challenge. If you're new to attempting to make cash online, it looks like a pretty interesting (free) programme, designed to give you the skills you need to get "Plan B" going. Although I've been at the online thing for a while now and am in the "further and faster" stage, I may take a look at that one to see how it works and if I can pick up some tips.
Both of these seem like really good info and advice, but here's the crunch. You can read and imagine and learn all you like, but nothing's going to work until you actually DO something. And not a half-hearted effort either, but turning your full attention to one thing and doing it well.
My challenge today, in the middle of being bombarded by inspiration and instruction, is to quit the procrastination on merely one of a number of projects - and just do it.
Today it's all about getting going in business.
First up was 5 Reasons You Shouldn't Have A Cushion Before You Quit Your Job. Most of which make a lot of sense, especially the bit about lighting a fire under your butt because you have no other choice. It's a matter of survival, and it forms every decision you make about time and effort. (Favourite Man said something similar to me recently about prioritizing how you use a computer, especially when it comes to those ever-building-up Google Reader items vs Actual Work)
Then, via a 4x4 forum, came the Thirty Day Challenge. If you're new to attempting to make cash online, it looks like a pretty interesting (free) programme, designed to give you the skills you need to get "Plan B" going. Although I've been at the online thing for a while now and am in the "further and faster" stage, I may take a look at that one to see how it works and if I can pick up some tips.
Both of these seem like really good info and advice, but here's the crunch. You can read and imagine and learn all you like, but nothing's going to work until you actually DO something. And not a half-hearted effort either, but turning your full attention to one thing and doing it well.
My challenge today, in the middle of being bombarded by inspiration and instruction, is to quit the procrastination on merely one of a number of projects - and just do it.
Leap of Faith
It's funny how sometimes it's the small things that strike you forcibly, make you stop and think.
Last night Favourite Man and I were discussing this and that, and a simple question "why don't you?" had me going "but, but, but...". When it comes to finding excuses as to why I'm not taking gigantic leaps of faith, I can excuse with the best of them. I'm troubled by a practical bent that says "you can't do that - it would mean disaster!". There's survival stuff like food and shelter that need taking care of first.
And yet...
It's SO tempting to leap - to jump out there and see what happens. Especially when reading things like this (second section on One Month Launch). I know what I can do if I put my mind to it - and have the time available to devote to it. And therein lies the problem - I'm so busy with a table full of pies requiring fingers, that I'm coming up short on everything!
I'm also more than a bit cautious. I know what financial responsibilities I have, and what it takes to fulfill them. I can't leap without knowing I can cover those.
But once I do know - just try hold me back.
Last night Favourite Man and I were discussing this and that, and a simple question "why don't you?" had me going "but, but, but...". When it comes to finding excuses as to why I'm not taking gigantic leaps of faith, I can excuse with the best of them. I'm troubled by a practical bent that says "you can't do that - it would mean disaster!". There's survival stuff like food and shelter that need taking care of first.
And yet...
It's SO tempting to leap - to jump out there and see what happens. Especially when reading things like this (second section on One Month Launch). I know what I can do if I put my mind to it - and have the time available to devote to it. And therein lies the problem - I'm so busy with a table full of pies requiring fingers, that I'm coming up short on everything!
I'm also more than a bit cautious. I know what financial responsibilities I have, and what it takes to fulfill them. I can't leap without knowing I can cover those.
But once I do know - just try hold me back.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
.jpg)
Posts
