On Rounding the Horn

I owe Clint an elaborated post on his Rounding the Horn thoughts - didn't want to make my comments longer than his original post! See, Clint, I haven't forgotten you.

A few months ago I was under an oppressive burden of "what will they think". I'd just marched out of my brought-up-in church and gone "completely off the rails" by attending and becoming involved in another. There were many (and still are) who had no idea why I'd done this, why I'd gone from good pastor's kid to backslider in one easy step. A lot of them tried to pressure me into returning, not understanding what I saw and didn't see in the place they were at.

I felt constantly under fire - both from the old church for not returning, and from the new church for not becoming an official member. I spent a lot of time worrying that I wasn't setting a good example, that others would think badly of me. I troubled over how to explain myself without causing repercussions.

But one Sabbath that all completely changed. I was doing my usual "sit in the sun, enjoy God's creation and read His Word" thing when my neighbour walked past. She asked if I'd left the old church - I said no. She asked if I was joining the new church - I said no. "So what are you?" she asked, trying to fit me into a denominational box. And as I answered, "I'm a Christian" it struck me that that was the answer! I wasn't a denominational identity, I was a Christian!

Amazingly, I felt a gigantic weight suddenly lift from me, as I realized I didn't have to conform or feel bad for conforming - that my sole focus should be on following Christ, even if it made me different from those around me.

The more I thought about it, the clearer it became. I had been allowing other's attitudes to influence how I saw myself spiritually. I had let them make me feel an outsider, a rebel, a backslider, a non-conformist. Perhaps in a way I was. But I was no longer going to let their opinion shape my journey, or how I perceived myself spiritually.

And even more, I wasn't going to let my opinion of them create a gap between us. I was going to let them be themselves, believe what they believed, act as they saw they should, without judging them. I was going to respect their right to be and do what they saw fit. I wasn't going to try convince them of something they knew nothing about.

It's been a slightly rocky ride since then, but it's been a lot better. I literally felt like I'd emerged from a dark fog, carrying a burden, and had both cast away.

It's enabled me to go forward unhindered, to look for answers to my questions instead of the ones everyone thinks I should be asking. And it's freed me up to grow.