"But it's Comfy here!"

I've mentioned that this past weekend's gathering at the building we call church was a nice experience and that I enjoyed it and God did some work. He regularly stops by, actually, in spite of it being called a church.

But away from the building we call church and the people who gather there weekly, I'm still bothered by a lot of things that happen and don't happen there. I still feel this need to get out and take a step into the unknown, to see what God has waiting. Or what I hope He does.

But it's nice and comfy where I am. I'm not an official member, so am not expected to do certain things like join the "singles" or "young mother" weekly cell groups. I'm not expected to take on responsibility, as I may not have the same "doctrine" (no-one's asked what mine is, but they ain't taking chances!:) ). I can turn up a few times a month, piano-bash to the enjoyment of all during a time called worship, have a nice time with cool people, then go do my own thing. Friend Cathy checks up on me now and then, but has never found out what's REALLY going on, and I haven't made any significant waves.

It's like having to get up on a winter's morning in the dark for work or school. You know you should, but it's warm and comfy where you're at, so you say "just a few more minutes". And before you know it, you've fallen asleep. It's way too late. You've missed out.

Very soon I have to decide what to do. I can't stay torn in two forever. Now that it seems we won't be moving to Australia I have to know what I'm doing here, now, instead of holding out "until we go" before making a big change.

I SO need wisdom to know how and what. To understand what next. To trust there's Someone waiting to catch me as I play Trust. I've seen both sides of the coin - those who stay and are happy, those who go and are happy. I wish I could sit down with them and hear their journeys (I may email a few to ask for their stories, in fact).

I need to know things will be OK, that it's worth this almighty struggle between comfy and nice, or uncomfy and better. I need words to explain to those who will not understand, but whose minds I wish to open. I need courage to ask a discouraged friend along on this potential journey, wisdom to know what to tell her and how much to share at once instead of overwhelming her with the destination.

I've got a foot out the bed, but it's cold and it's dark. It's so much easier to just stay put and be comfy....