Free!

"Would you belive me if i said
that God can make miracles happen today
would you believe me if i said
that you don't need to wait for the answer before
you step out in faith
would you believe me if i said
that nothin is ever impossible.. for God"
- Hillsong

For 21 years I've been a trichotillomania sufferer - approximately translated as "hair pulling madness". It's not something I've admitted freely (yet here I am telling the world!:) ). Few know about it. Stress and tiredness makes me literally pull my hair out, and over the years it's become something I do unconciously, compulsively. It's something I'm ashamed of, something I hide from others - it leaves me with bald spots that are carefully hidden under my long hair by the most appropriate style I can manage.

Over the years I have tried and tried to stop. I have given up certain foodstuffs now and then, tried the "replace one habit with another" theory, asked God to help me stop. No luck.

Yesterday I came across a testimony by a guy who suffered for many years from nailbiting compulsions. A guy who was cured of it, not by asking for God's help, but by asking God to simply take it out of his life.

Tentatively I asked God, "Can You really do that for me too? Do you have the power?", knowing full well that God is all-powerful, able to do anything!

His answer came immediately. For the first time since I can remember, I have no urge to hair-pull. I'm not trying to stop it, I'm not trying to control it. The compulsion is just gone. I don't even think about it.

OK, so it's not a drug addiction or anything life-threatening. But it's something that has significantly lowered my self-esteem and self-worth. It's sapped my confidence and made me worry what other people think instead of focusing on being in the moment, living.

And now it's gone. I have no doubt for good.

God is awesome! He took time out from running the universe to free me! I must be important to Him...