Much thought, no blogging - making up for it with this post!

It's been an interesting weekend/week. It feels like a lot has happened, like a lot has changed, but most if it is just in my head.
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I'm feeling quiet inside, at peace, content in a way. Strange for someone who has had a mighty dream of 10 years squashed thoroughly. Perhaps it's just emotional relief that we tried, failed and now have direction - or maybe we don't. You see, our visa application could still go either way! But for now we are here, native South Africans at home in our own land, settled in a way of life, a space and a practice of being that doesn't have to change immediately.

(Did you know we celebrated 10 years of democracy yesterday, that we re-inaugurated our president for another, final 5 years? That we were still celebrating long into the night? As much as we can brush off an event like this as "oh well, another use for the taxpayers money", it's a privilege to live in a relatively free land. It's worth thinking seriously about, especially with our neighbouring Zimbabwe as such a contrast.)

Yet we as a family are seeking change and building it into our daily lives bit by bit. There are plans and great things afoot. There is progress and direction. Feels good! I have goals for today, for this week, for the coming month - all aimed at a place we want to be in the future. There are things falling into place so quickly that I can only assume it's another of God's open doors, of Him telling us what to do and where to go.
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I had my little chat with my friend Cathy to talk about my worship team involvement. Unfortunately I didn't get to tell her the whole truth. I mentioned only one aspect, and got a response from her that indicates she has no point of reference for the way I'm seeing things. She defensively justified the church's spending on themselves instead of looking at deeper community involvement. In her mind Christianity revolves around the church as building and programmes and activities - but I'm seeing it so completely differently. She wouldn't understand the little I mentioned about dark places with no glimpse of God, not even knowing if there's Anyone out there. So I told her that I've had a tough few months and left it at that. Didn't go into getting out of "organized religion" or anything else.

However, this weekend turned into an interesting and feel-good one at the building we call church. We had an amazing musician take the service I played at (and our worship team outdid themselves this week!). It was an incredibly moving service - he changed tack half-way through as God led him, the result being a few committments to God made by young and not-so-young.

As a result of our team leader up-and-leaving, I was asked where I stood, if I would stick around and help. For now, yes, I will. I cannot say what the future holds, but there is a feeling that things are changing. A change is as good as a holiday! :)
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I heard God yesterday!

We were wandering the local crafts fair, eyeing all the goodies (and garnering ideas for making our own, cheaper goodies!). We finished looking, and came away with only 2 cheap items, which left me with a certain amount of cash in my wallet.

Just outside the fair stood a street-gentleman. You might call him a beggar, or a homeless man, or whatever. As I was walking toward him, I heard God say "give that man the money you have left in your wallet" - it was that specific amount. I almost ignored the voice. But as I passed, he asked for "a little money for a loaf of bread". That I could NOT ignore - I knew I would regret it forever if I did! So I obeyed they voice and handed over the cash, more, much more, than he had asked for. Enough for bread, and a few veggies and a bit of milk to wash it down with. He wished me God's blessing as I left.

I wish now that I had taken more time, sat down with him and heard his story, made a deeper connection than a note of money and a touched hand.

I wish I had the assurance that it wouldn't go on booze. It's something I'm not allowing myself to think about.

But still - I finally heard God's voice again! It's been a while....
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I'm working on some serious creative outlet. Photography and charcoal sketches. What I saw at the craft market yesterday convinced me that I AM good enough in both of these to be worth looking at.

I'm overflowing with ideas for both. I want to experiment with black & white photography a bit, and frame the colour stuff I've already done. There are some pictures I'll be submitting to the local paper's "photo of the week" and a couple of magazine competitions.

I'm working at sketches of hands in charcoal - old and wrinkled with stories to tell, black and white connecting as friends, hands asleep, hands in action. I've had no experience in using charcoal - I've always drawn in pen or pencil in class or on whatever's lying around, and it usually is lined exam paper! I'm looking forward to developing my own style and discovering how charcoal and paper interact.
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This morning a reply from the City Council was waiting in my email inbox, regarding starting a community garden in nearby Lwandle. Contact numbers, encouragement, past experience of what did and didn't happen. Exactly what I needed to start on the exciting and difficult road to making a difference locally.
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Life, today, is good.