De-Institutionalizing Dilemma

I spent a part of my Sabbath this weekend reading some thoughts from Jack Grey in New Zealand on his search for the church. There are a couple of things that stood out, and that have me in a bit of a quandry:

1. "Do not leave the institutional church unless you hear a clear call", "stay until you clearly hear 'get out' ", "It is solely when our coming out is one of obedience to the heavenly call that we have the strong assurance that the Lord is with us. Any other basis of leaving may see you on your own and struggling to survive."
But where does that leave folk like me who don't usually hear anything at all from God, especially not very clearly? Can I do this on a hunch, a feeling that it's not right to stay, that I can no longer be a part of things I find distressingly wrong (at least for me)?

2. "...some who no longer go to church are simply wanderers. They have no clear view of the goal. They are spiritual vagrants...".
If I don't have a goal yet, am I a wanderer? Is it then not OK to simply rest and wait and see what happens next?

3. " 'If we abandon the institutional church, how are Christians to be fed? How are new believers to be nurtured?' These are questions which people constantly raise with me, and they are valid queries. God has provided in His House through His Son and by the Holy Spirit everything required for supplying His children with the bread He knows they need."
But I feel underfed and disconnected and don't know how to go about asking for food, or how to even begin this on my own. I have such a long way to go that I don't know if I'll ever even get to the start of it, to the part where I can feel myself slowly being fed.

4. "So now, when people ask me the inevitable question, "Where do you fellowship?" I answer with joy,"Wherever and whenever two or three are gathered together in His name." "
I like this one! I'm building up a nice database of responses to those who don't understand the journey I'm on. This one is now officially added to my list! Provided I can answer the other questions I'm having...

5. "Outside of organised church those who do not have a vital living growing relationship with the Lord Jesus quickly fall away. Inside the organisation the stimulation of being part of a crowd, the emotional uplift of congregational singing and other group activities may be sufficient to make good church members, but if the props are pulled out only a genuine relationship with Jesus will ensure survival."
This one bothers me the most of all. I can't seem to develop that relationship. I feel cold inside and unresponsive - passion I'm missing for so long already. So it seems I'll fall away if this doesn't come right soon. Which means the only place for me may be in the institutional structure after all - but that was killing me sufficiently to make me leave. Stuck between a rock and a very hard place!

There are many things I've read that resonate with me, that induce a big AMEN!, but some have just raised more doubt and questioning than I had before... It will be a while before I've sorted through this one.