Being Big

At a loss late Sabbath afternoon as to what to do while the rain poured down outside, I hauled out my newest Hillsong video and watched it. Yes, I succumbed and gave financial support to a mega-church! :)

I have to admit that there's something to be said for mega-church worship. The crowd vibe is so cool. The number of people attending means it's worth dolling up the venue and using the best soundsystem. You can do cool effects with lights and smoke, and have an entire stage full of musical wonders. Not to mention a 500+ voice choir as "backing singers".

It's better to be jumping up and down in a block of other people than doing it alone in your lounge. The neighbours might complain if you turn up the volume on your TV set - but at the big event it's SUPPOSED to be that loud! Feeling the Spirit move on your own is hard work - much easier when thousands around you are.

And of course, being Mega means you have so much more talent, so many more resources to draw on when you want to craft worship. Heck, you can take over the worship world, flood it with the way you do things and everyone might just start following your lead!

Yeah, there's much to be said about mega-church gatherings. And now and then it's cool to worship in a huge, anonymous crowd.

But it can also make it harder to worship alone. You don't have the hype or the atmosphere to get you started, you can't be drawn along on a wave of emotion, or have the Spirit prayed down on you. It's just you and God - and the silence can get very loud.

I love watching my Hillsong videos (all 2 of them) - I love seeing how they do it, how they lead respond, and singing along to songs that are (probably too) easy to learn. I love the effects and the huge choir and seeing the youth go nuts in the front rows. I still want to be in their crowd one day, just for the experience of it.

But it's a bit soul-numbing. If you do it in a crowd too long you lose the ability to do it on your own. And that's where I'm at right now. Trying to learn to be a one-(wo)man praise band for God, trying to worship Him with my solitary voice, and to find out just what that sounds like. It's not lost in the music, it stands out pathetically small and off-key. I need to learn to hear it like God does, and to find acceptable worship, just between me and Him.