Scarred for life?

I caught myself, yet again, saying recently, "See, THAT'S why I'm glad I'm not married!" to some or other thing. Not that I have anything against marriage. If I had the kind my parents do, I'd happily spend my life married!

But every now and then I'm glad I'm not. A friend will tell me of hassles with her selfish husband (leaves her to look after the kids while he runs his social life as if he were still single), or Dr Phil will be on about some or other hassle between married couples. And there I go again - glad I'm not married, saying it out loud.

But I stopped short the other day when I realized that's all my son ever hears from me. It's probably forming the opinion in his head that marriage is not worth the hassle. He's already said he prefers it to be just us (and I do too), that I'm not allowed to go find a boyfriend (not that I want to).

Past relationships have made me very scared of committment, marriage, even dating. I got into a bad vicious cycle from age 16 to 23, one I don't want to go back to, but one I don't know how to avoid if I get involved with a guy. I know how it's going to play out once things reach a certain stage, and I can't stop it. So I simply don't get involved.

But I worry that I am giving my son the completely wrong version of what life could be, and perhaps should be. That marriage is not worth it, that husbands (or wives) take too much effort.

I don't want him growing up thinking this. I don't want my life to scar his. I want him to be open to love and a life with someone who makes him happy, to see that God created marriage and it was good!

I just don't know how to do it.