What if...

Meet Michelle, age 4 1/2. Living in Rhodesia, during a time of war - but unaware of just excatly what a war was. Or what Rhodesia was for that matter. Running free in the bush (in spite of terrorists and such), deeply into nature (thanks to mom), long-limbed and skinny beneath the layer of baby fat. Days spent outdoors, nights in a really cool tree house, play being simple and satisfying.

Sometimes I wonder what happened to that girl.

What would she be like now:

If her family had never moved from Zimbabwe. If they'd stayed there and stuck it out, through the current situation, through more than just the usual sanctions, through anti-white sentiment and threat of violence.

If trichotillomania had never been part of her life. If stress-related hair-pulling hadn't started at age 13 and made a mess of her head and her self-image. If stress-related weight gain hadn't happened, and her body had not reacted with boils, pneumonia and asthma to a dramatic change of climate after the big move south.

If she had moved to a country town instead of a city suburb where she felt left out, alone and ignored. If she hadn't had to give up her 12-speed bike during the move, and thus develop a horribly sedentary lifestyle. If she'd coped with having to re-make friends and a whole new life better.

If she hadn't given in to sex at age 15 with boyfriend #1 after a mere month or so, and set a precedent for all the other relationships that messed up her heart so badly. If she'd said no, and kept saying no until marriage or forever. If she hadn't scared herself so badly by her inevitable reactions in relationships that she just gave up on them completely.

If she had chosen a different path of study after school - had switched to the conservation course instead of sticking with food technology. Had actually worked in a proper factory during her studies instead of muddling around trying to get a cheese factory off the ground from scratch without knowing what she was doing, and ending up leaving food technology completely.

If she hadn't turned around and said hi to the guy who smiled at her - if she hadn't ended up pregnant 3 months later, with enough baggage to last a lifetime.

If she'd given her child up for adoption, or gone through with the "no other choice because I'm terrified" abortion in Tennessee. (Thank goodness she didn't!!!) If she'd let her parents pressure her in going to a "home for unwed moms" instead of her insisting she could do the single parent thing.

If she'd married the American, or the Australian, or the South African.

If she hadn't taken a desk job, discovered the internet, started blogging.

If she'd carried on pew-warming as a lukewarm Christian instead of standing up and walking out to find something better. If she'd stuck with what was expected of her instead of doing the unexpected.

What would this little girl have become then?