I need a holiday

Or perhaps I just need some time out on my own.

It's been about 2 years since I went out on my own, without the kid attached. The last time was supposedly for a "blind" date - made more blind by the fact that the guy didn't turn up. You'd think I would have taken the gap and gone to do something interesting, but I'm at that stage where all my friends are either married with kids or married with kids. I couldn't think of anyone I could call up to say "hey, let's do something", anyone that might be available, and I sure as heck wasn't about to hang out on my own in some bar or something. So I went home and watched TV with my dogs. Geez, I'm interesting... :)

This weekend I started wearing thin. I was hoping for some alone time on Sabbath, but didn't get it. Did get a long walk with dogs and kid up the mountain, but no alone time. Actually, I lie - I did get 2 hours almost-uninterrupted afternoon nap, and totally conked out for the entire time! By late afternoon though I was cranky, not into another night in front of the box, sitting home alone with the kid, and tired of hearing "I'm bored!". For lack of something better to do we went to eat out.

I was supposed to go Christmas-shopping alone on Sunday - no luck, the kid insisted on coming with. I thought we could make it work, BUT not only did we irritate each other ("why can't I have my present now?", "I'm tired", etc.), but I got no actual Christmas shopping done! Next time...

I still need some alone time. Very soon.

It would be easier if there were a husband to tell "take over, I'm going out" - but there isn't, and for that I'm generally thankful. It would be easier if my babysitter hadn't moved 40 minutes' drive away. It would be easier if family lived closer. But there you have it, I'm stuck in a rut, left to cope solo.

Pity party? You bet!

It's one of those days at work where I don't want to be bothered - and one where everyone is bothering me. My need to get out and be on my own is spilling over into office hours in a big way. I nearly followed my boss's example of disappearing for a few hours, but suffer from an over-inflated sense of duty, so have stuck it out - for now.

I'm looking for solutions - trying to figure out how to get at least one day/night a year to myself. Yet I know that when I'm on my own I'll be wondering how the kid is doing. Great. It's a bit of a vicious circle, this parenting thing.

I guess I do have a bit of a holiday coming up this week - a day's study leave and a day's exam leave - though that can hardly count as "holiday"! Next time off is around Christmas. Gotta make the most of that when it arrives.

In the meantime it feels like my tolerance tank is running toward empty, my nerves are on edge and I'm likely to snap at innocent bystanders. Not a good thing when I'm supposed to be the first point of contact for potential students!

OK, rant over. Back to work, or an appearance thereof.

(...and there goes my boss, leaving for the rest of the day, shortly after lunchtime. Lucky bugger.)