It's the heart

Real Live Preacher's post on his daughter not believing in God struck home and made me cry this morning.

She said:

“I don’t really care that I can’t see God. I’ve already figured out that our senses mislead us. There are a lot of real things in the universe that we cannot see or touch or understand. I don’t really need to see or touch God to think that God might exist. But I don’t feel God inside. Things don’t seem real to me unless I can feel them.”

I can SO relate to that! I know God intellectually, but I can't feel Him, can't hear Him - and that makes me almost say that I don't believe in Him. It also scares the heck out of me.

Irene had something similar to say over the weekend about not being able to hear God. How does one do that, anyway? There are those I know who seem to connect so easily to their God, who know exactly what He wants, what He's saying. And yet I can't.

I'm glad to know I'm not alone in my unbelief. But it still worries me, ya know? I mean, I'm a Christian - certainly I'm supposed to have a strong faith and actually BELIEVE? Aren't I?

So why isn't it happening? Why have I been empty for so long, searching in the dark through the echoing caverns inside of me for a voice, a touch, some sign that it's not just me in there?

I have no answers. Only questions. Emptiness. Silence.