Before I go...

...here's some things to amuse you (or cause you to throw rotten tomatoes my direction, virtually or not!):

From Luke:

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.
Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world."
Tom Thumb said, "I'm sure I must be the smallest person in the world."
Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the ugliest person in the world."
So they decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified.
Sleeping Beauty went into the panel of judges first and came out looking deliriously happy. "It's official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world!"
Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am officially the smallest person in the world."
Sometime later, Quasimodo came out looking confused and said..

“Who the hell is Camilla Parker Bowles?"

And from a local teacher (who you may throw the tomatoes at, instead of at me):

As Claude the Hypnotist took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most
stage hypnotists, who only invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It is a very special watch. It has been in my family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch. Watch the watch. Watch the watch. Watch the watch.... "

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch - until, unexpectedly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"Sh!t!!" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean the seats.........

Back tomorrow! :)