Giving and Living

My garage is so full of stuff right now that my car has slept outdoors since the day I got it - and that's a couple of years back.

I explain it away by mentioning that my flat has only one cupboard, other than the kitchen ones, so it's extra storage. True, but storage for what? For all the STUFF I've collected and hardly ever use, nearly never think about.

Now and then I do a cupboard-sweep, chucking out clothes we no longer wear, things my son's grown out of (at a rate!) - leaving me with more space than clothing, as I seldom can bring myself to pay astronomical amounts for new things, even if they're needed. I take boxes of stuff I haven't looked at, which have been cluttering up my space - and I dump a car-load in the garage. It's a bit of a mission - the garages for this small block of 6 flats are up the hill at a distance. Yet another excuse to dump stuff up there and forget it.

But lately I've been rethinking my habits. I'm tired of being a packrat and hoarding stuff that gathers dust. I know I have an entire car-load of useable clothing there - and it's winter, and I COULD donate a lot of that to folk who need it. I know I have a library of books, which should be sold or given away. There are all sorts of things that just serve as fodder and nesting space for the rat I KNOW lives somewhere up there. There is one box of treasures that will go wherever I do, but the rest is rid-able.

With my new-found purpose, my new-found sense that I'm actually someone that matters (though it takes a bashing now and then, leaving me feeling insignificant), I find myself eyeing that stack of stuff and wanting to do something with it.

This weekend I chatted to my son about living as not only a Christian, but as a fellow-human citizen of this planet, and how that means we need to care for those around us, no matter who they are. We talked about looking after our environment and making a difference. And how sorting jerseys and jackets to take to those who need it is "church" - and how, nevermind church, it's our human duty to do what we can for others.

Last night, while my son dawdled over his homework until 10:00, I got into the frenzied-cleaning mode again, and scrubbed down an awful lot of stuff. I chucked junk and dusted surfaces - and thought, and thought and thought.

But the thinking must end, and the action must come. Even though I don't know who to give to, I must give. I can no longer hoard and clutch my Stuff to my chest. My hands and my arms must open to those around me. Sometimes I see it as driving the streets to give warm clothes to the homeless. Sometimes I see it as giving my time. Or finding one charity and supporting it. It's a vague vision, and that tends to hold me back from doing. And yet I MUST do.

This weekend I start to sort my junk, fix clothes that need it, find items of use that others may want, and then start giving.

Once I give, I can live. Not making sense? Well, see it this way. How much living can you do when you spend all your time tending your stuff? When your space is so crowded that you're overwhelmed and all you can do is sit and stare at it, not knowing where to start? When you can't open your hands because you're too busy clutching at what's "mine!"? Clear space, clear mind - and clarity forward.

I mentioned last week that clarity is what I need. It's starting at home, like charity. And I'll take it from there.