Happy-Sad/Sad-Happy

My son has just received an envelope from his dad with a card, photos and some bookmarks - the first direct communication he's had with him.

And I realized my life as a single parent is about to get harder.

First temptation was to open the envelope and check out what J was receiving - which I resisted. Next temptation was to hang around and see what he took out - and I managed to make myself scarce for that. Next temptation was to ask what he wrote - and I resisted that one too.

But J couldn't read what was written - so I had to. And that's when I realized things are going to only get harder.

He mentioned he can't change the past, but is working toward the future so he can in some way be family. Which is only right, I guess - but hard on me emotionally. I'm not used to sharing my son, or consulting someone else when I decide to do something or other with/for/on behalf of him. It's only yesterday that I sent an email saying I need to get some sort of legal custody document sorted out (haven't bothered until now), so we can travel in future without hassle (it was a nightmare just going on holiday to Australia, with regard to proving I wasn't taking my son anywhere illegally). I'm hoping that any legal documents claiming my sole custodionship will not be challenged - but what if they are?

And how do I let my son get to know his dad, without standing in either's way, yet still looking out for J's best interest and protecting him where I feel it would be best?

I've had it easy up to now - REAL easy. Things are changing though. And as happy as I am that J will know his dad cares - will HAVE a dad in a manner of speaking, I suddenly just want to sit down and have a good long cry.