Not quite ready

I thought I could do it. I thought I'd be able to go to church, sit through the service, be inspired, chat to folk afterwards and go home with a good feeling.

But 2 songs into the worship section I wanted out. I'm still way too cynical about "manipulation" through music, creating a "mood" and the way a service happens - not much actual service, if you know what I mean.

Well, I made it until the end of the sermon - and then left. Before communion and before that final "send you out on a high" song. Just couldn't do either.

I don't think I'm ready to go back to church - pew-sitting kind of church - yet. I got more out of my discussion with my son the previous day than I did by attending church. I get more from internet interaction between friends than I do at church. And I get more support from my dad's church half a world away than the many right here! (Not that I'm looking at "what's in it for me", but rather "what can I bring to this" - and there's nothing right now)

So I'll give church a miss for a while longer. There's a big do on Sunday night with a chior from an American church taking the service - good entertainment value I guess. We may go for that, but I simply can't do church regularly yet. We'll stick to home-church and fumbling in the dark for the time being. It's giving more growth than turning up an event at the moment!

Right about now, some folk are going to want to lay hands on me, pray for me and cast out the demon of something-or-other. But really, we're fine! It's just part of the journey we're on.