Reality Strikes

Earlier this week I asked our salary guy to give me some figures on what my pay would look like if I lived off-campus, instead of getting my "free" housing. The upshot of it is that I can't afford to move! Sure, I'm paying a lot for that apparent free accommodation, but would have to pay even more to rent in this increasingly-expensive area. I would have to travel to work, and pay more than I am on utilities etc.

It's given me a kick up the butt, so to speak. I've realized that unless I actually get going in a new direction I'll be stuck in this job, in this tiny flat, FOREVER! Not that I don't enjoy my view, but I have to think of the future. (And the future, very likely, will not involve a move to Australia)

I'm simply not making enough cash to support any further studies my son would want after school. I can't afford to replace my car, or to even consider buying a shack in a backyard in this town. For a laugh one day I typed in my salary at my bank's website home-loan section, to see what they'd give me. And the figure it coughed up was about a tenth of what any small house costs these days! It was a laugh, but a hopeless, sorta sad one.

You see, my son is seriously outgrowing the space behind the couch he's occupied for 9 years. He's almost a teen and needs his privacy, his own space. I need space to breathe too - and space to entertain. The entertaining fell by the wayside years ago (too embarrassed by the condition of my flat and the lack of space to even seat people to ask them over) and we've ended up somewhat reclusive. I'm tired of a tiny kitchen, a bathroom where going to the loo means positioning yourself carefully half-under the basin, and a flat where I simply don't have room for a dining table. I'm tired of hearing the neighbours walking, talking, bathing, everything! And there's no alternate accommodation on campus. There was - but I turned it down (for health and safety reasons...).

I've been hesitant to make a move toward a new job, and frustrated in trying to think how to get my planned business off the ground. I'm tired of being an underling, of being dictated to (though I get less of that than others may), of being an employee. I'm tired of the restrictions and expectations here - I simply can't conform any longer in good concience. I really do want to work for myself, doing something I love. I know I have the ability to make a huge success of it, and the support from family and friends to do so.

And just this week it hit me - I know how to get going, how to bridge the gap between where I am now and where I want to be! I know what needs to be done, and I have just the right amount of time to do it in. I know my market in this area, and what they will buy, and when. This is my chance! If I don't take it, I'll have to wait another year before it comes around again.

What of my Africa Trek dream, you ask? Well, reality dictates that I need to ensure I can afford to make the trip. Currently I can't afford it, and without laying a base for the adventure it would be stupid to try it. Reality also hammers home that I'm not skilled enough in certain areas to survive it. Although we will still plan toward it, there are things that need doing first to make it work. However, we ARE going to make a couple of shorter trips over weekends and holidays, using my good-for-the-long-road car, and the equipment/cash we already have available.

As big a dreamer as I am, I'm also a realist. I know what life is like, and I know what is required of me. I know my limitations, and my responsibilities. I know what I can and can't do. And I'm working with that.

So here's to dreams - here's to reality. And here's to the first steps I'm finally taking to move toward a success in both. May my courage and determination hold out long enough...