Best Chocolate Mousse Recipe. Ever.

Here's the scoop on how to make the best choc mousse you're likely to have anytime soon.

Day 1:

1. In a pot, melt 2 bars of dark chocolate in half a can of evaporated milk (the cheapest - oh, look! it's from Malaysia! which brings up unwanted memories of Malaysian Airlines food...).
2. While it's melting, whip up the other half can of evaporated milk until as frothy as you can get it.
3. Go back to the stove and stir in a small packet of mini-marshmallows, turn off the heat and let them melt. Taste. Repeatedly. Decide to add the last 3 large marshmallows from the pack you roasted over the fire a while back.
4. Decide you need another bar of dark choc in the mix, so give up the bar you bought for yourself and add it.
5. Decide you're probably going to need more mousse (the other brother's decided he's coming by too!), so add half a container of cream you thought you'd serve with the mousse and a punnet of the biggest, juiciest strawberries ever.
6. Whip the other half of the cream in another bowl until nice and, well, WHIPPED.
7. Notice the three large marshmallows haven't exactly melted - haul them out with a teaspoon into a small dish and give to the kid to eat.
8. Stir the whipped evaporated milk into the choc mix. Stir that into the bowl of whipped cream.
9. Place in a fancy glass bowl in the fridge to set overnight.
10. Lick the pot before the kid claims it - give him the bowl instead. Hand over licked pot to begging dog to slobber around in until basically clean enough to put back in cupboard. Decide to wash it anyway. In hot water. Just in case dogs have picked up any recent germs they didn't tell you about.

Day 2:

1. Dish up mousse, hand out with oversized, overjuiced strawberries and a tiny glass of "Hot S*x" (for the fun of it).
2. Hope the relatives don't eat everything. Find they have.
3. Surruptitiously excuse oneself to lick bowl in kitchen on pretext of removing dirty dishes, while rellies lie around over-eaten and dazed.