Words he'll never hear

It's 3 in the morning and I'm awake. Usually when I dream about you, you're distant, aloof, unspeaking - because during the short time we actually spent in each other's company, there wasn't much opportunity to talk.

This time it was so different, so real.

I could feel you in my arms, you against me, close in body and in heart. I could look into your eyes and see my heart reflected there. It wasn't one of those sexually-charged dreams one sometimes encounters, but rather the warm-fuzzy type of closeness that said "soulmates". And as I lie here in the dark, I realize you're still the one. Eight years of deep, unchanging love for you cannot be erased in mere months. It's lasted through distance, time, and you dating someone else. I said you were free to go (she there, me here - obvious choice!), gave you space, told you I would still be here if you wanted to contact me. And within 3 months the "other woman" was gone - according to our mutual friend, because you kept asking after me... And yet we've never really gotten it together. Soulmates on opposite ends of the planet - why is fate so cruel? I can't get there, you can't leave.

This dream brought everything flooding back. All the feelings I thought I'd purged from my heart, that rock-solid base that could see us through a lifetime together, if only we had that chance. The sense that you're still the only one for me. Strange things happen in the dark hours of the night.

As the new day dawns you're still on my mind, in my heart. I promised myself this time last year that I was going to move on, that eight years without anything "happening" was enough time to wait. Yet it seems my heart is not convinced. It still holds on to the dream that could be reality - if only circumstances were different.

Perhaps, when we're next in Australia, I need to put in the extra cash and time and turn up at your door. Put these feelings to the test, both of us, in person, and see if they're real.

Yes, I think that's what I'll do. I have to know.