Shot Down

More and more, I'm starting to dislike being an "employee". No, I'm not moaning over a regular salary, a nice office, a job, a place to live - but every now and then the cr*p that filters down from above gets to me.

Case in point: this morning I managed to do something spectacular, that I didn't know I could, that added value to a particular area of work I thought the boss would be happy about. But instead of a "thank you", he calls me in to moan about something out of my control - an area of responsibility he told me to take over, but an event that happened before he told me to do so!

And it's not the first time. Every time I do something great and start getting the warm fuzzies, thinking perhaps I could stick it out here a few more years, that gets brushed aside by some higher power (a different one every day!) in favour of berating me for something I haven't done, or haven't done well enough.

I know I've had it relatively easy - being almost my own boss for a few years now, left alone to get on with what I need to at the pace it needs doing. I'm not a bad worker. I really do go above and beyond, doing things I'm not paid for, and doing them well. I cut short lunch hours and I come in early most days. I don't stand and gossip in other offices, or wander aimlessly in the halls. I'm at my desk, doing what I'm supposed to. But that gets no recognition. Instead, the bad things are highlighted and slapped on my head to drag me back down to floor level.

It's really discouraging. I'm doing my best. But it's simply not good enough.

Is it any wonder that I let my daydreams of what could be take over most days?