The Path Laid Out

Have you ever tried to chicken out of a challenging path - and then found the world (or God!) is conspiring against you doing that? Forcing you to choose the harder, but likely more rewarding path?

I'm experiencing precisely that right now! And although I don't believe our lives are set out in stone for eternity, I do think we are guided along a journey that is just what we need - whether we think so or not at the time. Truth is, we have no idea of the bigger picture. And even a tough time may be preparing us for experiences further along the path.

It would be really easy for me to stay in my little rut, but I've dreamt big dreams for too many years. While I was on leave last week I started thinking seriously about the steps needed to get going, to put my feet onto an irreversible path toward where I dream I could be. And dream I do - every day.

But ruts are comfortable, until Divine Intervention tells you otherwise. And I know that by the end of this year I have to be completely out of my rut and living a dream.

Why? Well, because that Divine Intervention is simply preventing me from getting too comfortable. Every time I try to stay in my rut, something happens to push me out of it.

It's not always big things either - a comment here, a change in policy coming up there, a request turned down quickly and irrevocably. Each pushing me toward the future, making me put in the effort to launch out into the unknown.

Yesterday it was housing issues. I've been planning to leave at the end of the year for either new employment or my own self-sufficient business (both of which will require a huge effort between now and then to implement). Then I got all lazy, and applied for a bigger house where I am now, so I could stick around next year and not have to work hard at reaching new horizons. Turned down, flat out - and with a few extra comments that implied I'd better not ask again. Now, I've promised myself a while back that I'd get into a bigger place for my son's sake - and mine. If I stay here, that's simply not an option. There's nothing available under the current contract, and to move off the property will require more cash than I receive each month here just to cover rent. So to fulfil the promise I made to myself and my son will require something new - new job or me making enough from my self-sufficient business to sustain us elsewhere.

There's the schooling thing too. My son's going to a high school on campus here next year (has decided against the art school for various reasons). If I stay, I get a 30% payback on his fees. But the fees are basically half my current salary each month! We're already struggling to cover food costs etc - without a substantial increase or cash-in-the-bank it's going to mean living on very, very little just to ensure his education. Again, the alternatives are other employment or self-sufficiency. Pretty clear!

Job satisfaction and that pesky inner voice? Again, I could stick it out here - but I have more dissatisfaction than satisfaction. I spend more time unhappy than happy. The inner voice is shouting loud and clear that I know what I want, and what's stopping me? What's stopping me is fear of the unknown, of course - but I know the rewards I'll reap for listening to those voices in my head will be immense! Sure, this is a stable situation - I know what I'm dealing with, I know what to expect each day, month and year. I've got a regular (though meagre) salary coming in. I've got little perks like constant internet access and a mere walk to get to work. Friday afternoons off. But what then? Is it really worth living in a constant state of stress? Being on edge, jumpy, scared that I'm about to be fired/moaned at/do something wrong all the time? The inner voice says a resounding NO. The inner voice is urging me to use the God-given gifts, talents and abilities I've got for greater aims, bigger goals, beyond what I may even yet imagine.

Then there's the little things - an offer of a piece of equipment to help a dream along, a chance to sell a product to a market I hadn't thought of, an opportunity to get involved, a chance meeting with a stranger. Heck, I've even been offered a free house a year or so from now (though it's not something I'm considering, as there are conditions attached I don't feel I can meet)! Little things, subtle pushes - but I'm getting the message loud and clear.

So what does it all mean? Basically, a lot more hard work coming up over and above my day-job, but work I'll enjoy. Concrete plans in place, a timeline for goals, and less time spent doing nothing.

At the same time I realize what I've got here, and am going to make the best use of it I can. I've been given some amazing chances to do things, learn things, experience things - and connect with people. As I follow my path, I need to open my hands to grasp the future - but not so far open that I lose everything. Balance - there's the crux of the matter.

So it's onwards and upwards. Don't have too much of a choice it seems. And I even have a deadline...

::update::

Well, another reason to future-watch has arrived on my desk - a massive increase in things being taken off my salary before I see it. I was just starting to rejoice in an extra two hundred bucks each month (end of year pay rise), but now it's gone, and more. I was hoping to both save and haul my credit card out of the red this year - so far, no luck. Fortunately my food-related sideline is helping us cope each month - I know it can't go on like this forever.

However, each blow only strengthens my resolve. This is a good thing.

::update2::
This is so not worth it. I ended the day stressed out so badly that I came close to collapsing during a quick stop at the shops. I literally couldn't see straight and nearly blacked out. It hasn't been this bad for ages... The more I try to balance up the bad/unhealthy vs the good/good for me, the further the pendulum swings. Again, a resolve-strengthener - change before it kills me.

Related things that caught my eye:
Hugh on Inner Fire and Paranoia Management
Springwise - inspiration! It can be done!
ChangeThis - manifestos for a new perspective
Get Happy - Oscar-nominated short animated movie. The fire-in-the-belly thing was a light-bulb moment...