Average

For most of my life I've thought of myself as Average. Average looks, average figure, average intelligence, average just about everything.

Thinking of myself as Average has often prevented me from reaching for big things in life - that guy who was way too cute for someone as lowly as me, the job I didn't think I deserved, the dream I was unworthy to aspire to. The ghost of that mind-set follows me still, clutching at my steps and telling me I'm not good enough for the things I want, the things I dream of. It's hard to shake something like that.

Yet we're all unique. Take something as small as one's fingerprints - none other like yours in the world. A personality, a way of being, an outlook on life - we're all different, all special. It's just sometimes hard to believe deeply enough to give us that sense of immense self-worth.

And I guess that's something I've struggled with - still struggle with. I find it difficult to think that I'm worthy of all I can dream, that I have much to offer the world as simply me.

Average gets tied into just trudging through life. I'm "just" a single mom, "just" a female human, "just" someone or other, "just" this or that. Labelled, put into a defining box with a lot of other Averages.

It's a mindset I'm working to change. An attitude I need to learn to believe in - this unique, vibrant me living somewhere under the surface stuff I cautiously show the world. Above all, I need to let the real me out to play a whole lot more often and quit being scared that no-one will like it.

(Hmmm... I think I've just discovered another law of blogging: Never Blog when you should be Sleeping - you'll either get to naval gazing or start making no sense whatsoever! If this looks completely nuts in the morning light, it's going to end up deleted... :) )