Post-Dilemma

Remember that naval-gazing Dilemma post a few days back? Remember how I've said I tend to follow open doors and not bang my head against the closed ones?

I think my dilemma has just been solved for me. The universe has conspired to kick me out of any ruts I thought I could mosey along in for a while longer. I've been shown very clearly that it's time to move on, even if it may mean "selling my soul" for a while to achieve my dreams, or "sucking it up" and doing something I don't love. The fact is that the space I occupy now is spitting me out. It's closed ranks and I'm not going back in. I've realized it would be poisonous for me to carry on inhabiting it, although I love some aspects of it. Particularly where I live - amazing view, peace & quiet, nature all around me, safe, no commute... all those things. Unfortunately there are aspects that outweigh that, and which I can no longer deal with. Issues of trust and honesty and respect, ones I've already had to work around many times before. I feel forced out, to tell the truth - but I also know it's time to go. Things can only go downhill from here and I have more than enough to deal with already.

I had no plans this weekend. I hit it in a mellow mood, happy and content and looking forward to time out, pottering around and doing not much of anything. I now have plans (with a timeline, which I've gone on about before), and the mellow mood is somewhat soured... but it's for the best. If I don't get this one sorted, it's going to kill me. Perhaps not physically, but emotionally, socially and for my future. It's already killed me spiritually.

Just wish I could do it without a bitter taste in the mouth.