Fear/Fate

My finger was hovering over the "publish" button on a post I wasn't sure should go live last night, when the DailyOM arrived. Yet again, it spoke directly to where I was, urging me to accept the flow of where I'm going - and not fight against it.

That post that nearly got published was indeed a fight against fate, if you will. A delving into insecurities and doubt, trying to find a way to make things happen instead of simply letting them happen. A muddling circle-the-drain look at inner conflicts I wasn't sure I knew how to handle, and which I was trying to sort out all on my own, without taking into account the broader sweep of where my life is headed. A struggle that left me in tears and confusion, locked too far inside my head in a tangle of thoughts. I'm not even sure how I ended up there, other than a random thought on my walk that took on larger-than-life proportions.

The funny thing is, the more I let myself be carried along by a Bigger Plan (I'm not even completely sure where to!), the more peaceful and at ease I feel. It's not that I'm not choosing a path, not that I'm not dreaming big - but I can see the stirrings of things beyond even those dreams. Somehow allowing myself to work with and not against the forces in my life is giving me more of a sense of direction than any plans I could lay and try to carry out on my own.

Again, that's where intuition, trust and a willingness to simply connect the dots comes in. That "follow the open doors, don't bang your head against the closed ones" mantra is what I'm trying to apply to each day's living. Although some glimpses of what may be scare the heck out of me, it's more exciting than terrifiying when I see things coming together in directions I couldn't have imagined.

I'm glad I didn't hit publish last night. That I instead took a step back, realized I don't need to fight (but do need to put in the hard work required), and lifted my eyes to the bigger picture.

Here's to another day of open doors! :-)