Happy Families

I'm looking forward to walking in winter - because there's less chance of inhaling random tiny insects, and your hands don't swell up from heat and hanging down at the end of your arms!

But anyway.

Walking through the suburbs after work, you tend to run into many folk getting home (not literally, or I'd be writing this from a hospital bed). Families - the traditional ones, with dad, mom, kids, couple of dogs and the requisite two cars. A setting to which I'm a complete stranger, being a single mom of just one, who hasn't even seen a date in years... :-) Granted, I have two cars and two dogs, but it's just me and the kid.

I don't for one minute regret not giving my son up for adoption (as I was urged to) - being a single mom was a choice I made, far better than the other options I had (though at times also more difficult). I cannot imagine my life without him, nor can I imagine him growing up without me - in spite of the teen years bringing a battle of wills with a kid who is now taller than I am.

Yet walking past these families I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be part of one - to have married at a sensible age, produced the required kids thereafter (not before), had a 2-income home and shared responsibility for everything with another. I know it's not all moonshine and roses - in fact the roses often dry up shortly after the first date. I've had friends cry on my shoulder over husbands who won't grow up - who insist that they still come first in everything and leave their wives to cope with what they choose to ignore. I've heard the arguments, the battles, seen the hurt that can be caused both intentionally and unintentionally by two adults required to meld their lives.

But there's also a sort of security in knowing that there's someone else who loves you whole-heartedly, who is there for you to lean on when you need to lean, who will give of themselves as you will give of yours, someone who you belong to (not as a possession, but as a partner) and who will take over when you simply can't. For a son, having a father is huge - and my son has never even met his. There are things only a dad can do - things I'm still figuring out how to do as a mom.

All of that I do not have. Along with a second income. :-)

I'm not complaining - I just sometimes wonder what it would be like. I probably will never know. Single momhood is the path I am walking and it's unlikely it will ever change. I think I'm doing OK too. I'm blessed with many good things, and have missed a lot of the troubles that plague other single parents. The kid's still alive, I must have done something right.

Would I ever want to have a traditional family unit? I'm not sure. I can honestly not say whether I'd be good at it - or not. But these are things I ponder as my feet pound the roads after work.