Now comes the hard part

I spouted forth recently about where I'm at in matters spiritual. This weekend I'm going to have to carefully rephrase it, as well as where I'm at in a whole pile of other areas I haven't blogged about - and then try and fit it into a framework that others will understand.

You see, I'm going to be spending time with relatives who think they know me well. Who do in fact know the me I was 6 months ago, but don't know about some subtle but very big inner changes that have taken place. The ones that have me feeling settled, certain and peaceful - but which may throw them off balance when I try to explain it!

It's going to be hard to put into terms that are within their understanding, to create the word-pictures that they'll see without them going off into a panic that I've fallen off the edge of sanity. It isn't going to be easy trying to portray something my soul knows and feels, for which there are no words. Nor will it be a simple job to allay their inevitable fears and startled questions - I've been there before and I know it will happen again.

At the same time though I know they will not judge me for my journey. I've already done a lot of things that surprised them and gave them panic attacks - a few more shouldn't make that much difference... ;-)

Still, I find myself mentally drawing in a breath, finding words ahead of time, plotting how to put it so they will understand. Not easy at all! But I don't need to rush it - we'll be away from the madding crowds and able to move at a snail's pace through conversation and getting to know each other again.

Things like this make me realize we should really keep in more regular contact. Then I wouldn't have to explain myself half as often as I need to now!