ParentCycle

I think I'm a pretty good single mom - although I've had it easier than most, with no messy custody battles or divorce or whatever.

Yet I know I'm not always a good one. At least twice in my son's life I've parented by habit, not putting my whole heart into it or giving it my best shot. I've merely drifted through providing the shelter, food, schedule, necessary payments etc - without providing all the emotional support and demonstrated love I should or could.

I think that's where having two parents kicks in. A colleague of mine (also mom to one of my best guy friends) once told me that she and her husband parented their sons in cycles - one could handle a certain age better than the other and took over, and gradually the balance shifted the other way again. When you're only one though, there's not that option.

I don't think it's a cop-out of responsibility. More a wear-out of just not feeling able to cope with giving everything anymore, so you end up resting, treading water. It doesn't make you a terrible parent - no-one's a superhero after all - it just makes you human.

I've found myself dipping into that again lately - probably at the worst time I could, with the kid hitting teen years and all those hormones, growing pains, direction-finding etc kicking in. Which only piles on the guilt!

But I think I'm getting better at it, and it's not life-threatening. He's old enough not to be completely dependent on me 24/7, and I've simply put in more in-depth time instead of long blocks of it. When we do things together, we do them well. When we're not doing things together, he's living his life and I'm living mine - still in the same house, the same family, always connected, but with reliance on me slowly streching into a thinner and thinner line as he gains his independence.

In spite of all my parenting experiments, stumbling moments and the occasional big mistake, he's still alive - I must be doing OK. :-)

(says she, before the teen years really get going.... watch this space!)