Reality & Illusion

Posting this only as a way-marker on the journey. A blip on the timeline.

The toilet is a good place to ponder. And I've just been sitting on said throne. Pondering.

I'm not sure if it's the lateness of the hour, the fact that it's been a tiring day, or perhaps one too many Allergex - but I sometimes wonder what is reality and what is illusion.

Take all those big plans I have, the dreams, the abundance I expect the universe to throw my way. Is that all simply pie in the sky? Sometimes it feels so. Like they'll always be intangibly just out of reach, inhabiting only the daydream realm and not quite touching earth for me to grab hold of. All mere illusion. The feelings, the certainties, the ideas and ideals.

Reality though - is it the here and now, this sense that life will continue like it has forever, unchanging, plodding onwards? Or is what I'm perceiving around me the illusion - and the goals in my mind are where reality lies?

I'm probably not making much sense. It would take some doing to get into my thought processes and work it out, see it through my eyes. But sometimes it feels as if the world has been flipped upside down. As if all I'll ever have is what I have now - and those lofty ideals will fade like mist in sun when put under scrutiny.

Yet there are things happening that say "hey - it's the dreams that are real", that urge me to throw off the mundane of every-day, even though I do have to live it. Now and then I get glimpses of things beyond what I could ever hope for - and they feel like they're happening, that I'm on the brink of diving into the biggest adventure ever. Not at this hour though - and not after one to many Allergex! :-) (for some reason I've had the most awful hayfever in the past week) Right now it seems as if Real Life is just varying shades of grey. Logic says "chuck the dreams". My heart, however, has other plans.

I choose to cling to the things I have asked for, the things I trust I will receive, as impossible as they may appear. I choose to dream, I choose what some may call mere illusions. It may take but one good night's rest to banish this plodding, soul-sucking, sinking sense of reality once more.