Men I've Known

No, not in the Biblical sense, silly! :-) Geez, wouldn't want this blog relegated to the "blocked for adult content" category, now would we!!!

I've been thinking about some of the guys I've known lately - one or two of them have played a part in night-time dreams, actors in the scene or repeats of the kinds of things we'd get up to together. Usually voices out of the past - except for last night, which starred a voice from the present. Sometimes they bring to the fore things I've been thinking about, playing them out as my brain processes them during my sleep. And I realized I've been blessed to know some amazing guys in my lifetime.

I've always gotten along better with men than women, so my best friends have often been guys. Most have never gotten into a "relationship" beyond a deep friendship, and many endure to this day as a close bond that simply picks up where it left off when we last saw each other. One friend in particular springs to mind - my best friend through the last years of high school and into tech days. We did everything together, we were constantly rolling around laughing at some joke we'd made or some strange thing only the two of us found funny. We'd write letters to each other in rhyme, making stuff up if we couldn't find a word that fitted. We'd be goofing off in malls and between classes, setting each other strange competitions or simply talking for hours about everything under the sun. When we saw each other recently after a few years, we were right back into it with barely a pause.

Another I've known for 32 of my 35 years. I nearly married his brother! I can't recall us ever getting into a tiff, we've just had a constant deep friendship that spans years, distance, circumstance. He's more brother than non-relative, and we can talk about absolutely anything without having to pick our words.

Many women don't get the deep connection I can develop with some blokes - they see it as strange, sinister, that I may have "alterior motives". But it's not the case.

This week a dream led me to remember three guys in particular.

Brendan Bubb was a high school friend. Built like a gymnast with classic broad shoulders and slim waist, he had the kind of muscles you wanted to run your hands over to feel them move (and was an excellent kisser... ;-) ). He dated quite a few of my friends, but he and I were mostly just buddies. He was the kind who'd give you a shoulder to cry on during those awkward teen years, make you laugh, or just be there to hang with. He thought nothing of going out of his way to see that you were doing OK, or sit and chat when the clique circle shifted past you and left you alone. He knew my secrets, I knew his - and it made for an easy-going friendship with nothing to hide. We lost contact after school. And then a few years ago news reached us that he'd been killed in an accident. There's a blank spot in this world without his unique personality.

Roderick Wright (jokingly called Mr Right) was another friend that went back aways. I think we knew his family when we lived in Zimbabwe, or something - details are lost in the fog of the past. But we kept running into each other every few years and kept in touch by occasional letter (in the days before email) or greetings through mutual friends. One youth camp in Bloemfontein saw me, him and Dueps (another nutty bloke) running around all over the place - freezing our butts to metal slides in frosty playgrounds late at night, attempting to find any sort of nightlife (impossible in Bloemfontein) and checking out the talent at the camp, on both sides of the gender divide. He told us tall tales of forays across the Angolan border while in the army, of meeting up with terrorists by mistake while looking for the horses under his care - and coming back with an "A" shaved into his chest hair by them.... but no other damage. And then 10 years ago I heard that he, too had been killed in an accident. Another gentle, crazy soul that leaves an empty space now that he's gone.

Craig Cooper was the golden boy in our church group. One of a family of good-looking guys, all the girls would go nuts over him. A really nice guy though, and at some stage we did become friends. His path took him in a different direction - although I sometimes heard news of his family and what they were up to, I didn't see much of them, or hear about Craig. Until 2 months ago. He committed suicide, leaving behind an ex-wife and three small children. What would make a guy who seemed to have it all do that? How desperate had he become that death was the only way out? I wish I knew, and wish I had known enough to see if I could help while there was still a chance.

These three are remembered, and lost. In my life for such a short time, but they left a lasting impression that even now shows up in dreams and thoughts.

I've been honoured to know many other amazing men too. Ones that still fill this world with their incredible personalities and presence. They're unique, awesome, crazy, fun - and friends. They enrich my life in ways I can't describe, filling in the ebb and flow of the journey with insight, wisdom and richness. Many I feel a deep affection for, a respect and admiration that has nothing to do with the usual girl/guy stuff. Some I may even love - usually platonic, but sometimes I slip up thanks to their complete and utter deliciousness... :-) (hey, I'm only human!). One or two of them I think are simply the bees knees, the best thing since sliced bread.

But whatever role they play in my life, I'm thankful they're there. I'd hate to be without them.

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