Relax

My whole life has been turning around this job change in the past week. I've had unbelieveable to-do lists that seem impossible to accomplish. I've dealt with both congratulations and "deep freeze" from colleagues at my decision to move on (amazing how that last month at work can be both great and terrible). I've had intense moments of what-the-hell-am-I-doing doubt, wondering if I've made the right choice and if I'm going to make a success of it. I've had belief that I can, and realizations that uprooting your life is merely a matter of shifting boxes from one place to another - no big deal.

Basically, life has been an endless round of stress, rushing, careful timing, trying to keep tabs on everything that needs to be done and think through what has to happen next.

I've forgotten to relax!

I was supposed to be off work this coming week - my first leave since October last year. I was really looking forward to letting soul catch up with body, getting stuck into the Landy, vegging a bit... Instead the leave has been forfeited (not allowed to take any in my last month's work) and replaced with even more pressure.

But I know I can't do this forever. If I don't take time out I'll collapse and end up even more frustrated at a lack of time/ability to do everything. It's essential to simply put it all on hold and chill now and then. Daily, weekly, whenever there's a blank moment. Instead of filling it up with activity, to just sit and be for a bit.

Although I have many things waiting for my attention this weekend, I'm taking some serious time out too. I'm setting aside a good block of space every day to do things that I enjoy, to sit and admire my view while I still have it, to get off the computer screen and out into nature. To walk. To dream. To gather my strength and release that tension building up in my shoulders. To simply rest and allow my mind to go blank.

I think a lack of rest is what causes so many folk to burn out, go over the edge, end up seriously ill. I'm not going to stand for it - my life is precious and time is fleeting. So what if a task goes undone. So what if I don't get to that one thing today. I don't want to come to a point where I realize I've forgotten to live.

That said, I'm off to relax and watch the last light leach from the evening sky into peaches and violets.