Shy

You'd think after 35 years I'd be past the whole shy thing - right? That I wouldn't blush or stammer. Ever.

Yah right.

I still do it. Remember the bloke I found among the travel books at Wordsworth a few months ago? That's merely one example.

But I was sitting here thinking (uh-oh...not something blondes should indulge in too often - right? :-) ) about how being shy has made me not go out and get a lot of things. And how it has gotten me into a lot of other things.

OK, the "out of" - there have been way too many times where I haven't stood up for myself as much as I should have. Where I haven't been aggro and gone for what I wanted. Where I missed out because I wouldn't speak up or make a nuisance of myself. Sometimes I envy those who can, who go after what they want with confidence and power. Instead I've ended up being walked over too many times and then quietly beating my head against a wall later.

And the "into" - I can remember in grade one (and this is going to be WAY too much information for some of you) I was so shy that I'd rather pinch all day than put up my hand to ask to go to the toilet. One day I couldn't pinch anymore... and ended up the butt of many jokes for a very long time. Another one - it took me 8 years to confess to one guy that I was into him. And guess when I did it? On his wedding day - just before his bride arrived! :-) Yah, too late - WAY too late.

Lately I've found myself more confident, more sure of who I am and where I want to be. Yes, that shyness still turns up now and then and has me tongue-tied. Or very quiet. Or turning a rather deep shade of crimson at exactly the wrong time. Or only being struck later by what would have been the perfect come-back, 'cept I said nothing at the time. But compared to a year ago - two years ago - I think I'm getting there. More sure of myself, able to stand up and speak up.

Well.. usually. :-)