Raising boys

In the past week I've had a major struggle with my son that ended in a long talk in private and a couple of things being clarified. It's the "head" of a collective situation with more facets than I can mention here, or want to.

But there's one thing that struck me (again) this morning and is getting a bit of screen space as a result.

I grew up outdoors. Running barefoot (with many a stubbed toe), out on my bike, building shelters in the long grass, racing down to the ice-cream shop on hot days, making mudpies and delving into grandpa's woodworking chest to chisel stuff. I rode my bike to school whenever I could. After school would see me on it to friends or riding up and down the road. Or we'd be building If I was indoors, it was nowhere near a TV (we didn't have one) or a computer (first one only acquired in 1984 and not for the use of children). If I was indoors there was a very good reason for it... rain (but not always - sometimes I'd be out in it) or illness or homework. Or perhaps with my nose stuck in a book, or making scraps of fabric into clothing for my Sindy doll, or "ice-skating" the parquet passage floor in socks, or listening to the "Men from the Ministry" on Springbok radio come Sunday night. Holidays were either the Groot Trek to my grandparents farm in South Africa once a year, where more time was spent outdoors - or to some other part of the country of Zimbabwe.

Hence my love of nature, of wild thunderstorms, of the smell of the bush in summer, and of adventure. Among many other things :-)

You see, growing up like that taught me a hell of a lot too. Stuff I still use in how I approach life. What I learnt running barefoot has carried over into how I live. The values instilled in me then run true and solid today.

However, here's the reality of today's kids - and it's so very different. Their worldview, their environment, the things they know and are familiar with.

And here's where my struggles as a mom come in.

I'd love for my son to have the same grounded upbringing I got, to hit adulthood with skills and knowledge such as I have. But a lot of this is so very hard to pass on. I know I could have done a whole lot more when he was younger - although we grew up in a very "rural" environment, safe for him to run around a large property with his friends, out in nature, it's not the same as what I had. He has the distractions of TV, internet & computer, PS2. We're now in a security complex where he knows no-one, and in recent years he's withdrawn from a few of the friend circles he had as relationships change. As a single mom, I haven't had the time or energy to do so many things I've wanted to with him. And yet there's a part of me that says that's no excuse. That others have come right with this one, so why haven't I?

On the flip side of the coin is personality differences. I'm an "A type", my son's a "B type". How I see things is not how he does. My priorities and his are very different - and to find balance between that is not easy. I admit I've struggled for a few years to recognize that genetics and characteristics are two different things - one can be passed on, the other isn't.

At the moment I'm doing a lot of thinking for the way forward. How I can hand over more of my skills, knowledge, world-view and outlook to my son. How I can equip him to be a success as an adult. How I can ensure that he grows into a confident and secure man.

I guess it's really just one step at a time.