Year of the Rat

Apparently it's the Year of the Rat - and that's supposed to mean it's a monetary succes year. All I can say is - I sure hope so.

At the moment there's so much up in the air financially. Demands have been made on limited resources that result in some very creative manipulation of funds. Recently I've felt like I'm living on a knife-edge, sometimes having literally hours between finding funds and covering expenses. All the budgeting in the world hasn't helped when it comes to some fires flaring up and needing stomping out. It's had me super-stressed, sometimes hopeless, other times full of courage as I realize I've beat another challenge down. Trusting that the next one will stay away for at least the space of a deep breath.

I'd much rather be spending time and energy on the things that matter than on scrambling for cash, but there are times when that's simply not an option. However, I am getting better at handling the pressure, at dealing with taking another deep breath and forging forward. Not always, but mostly.

I'm not comfortable with where I'm operating from right now with the swords over my head and the boomerang cash outflow demands - they just keep coming. Yes - a windfall would be nice, as would unlimited funds magically appearing. But I know it's not going to happen. Instead I've been using the "sufficiently pissed off" mode - directing the this-is-enough inner fuming into energy to drive me forward and make things work. Not allowing myself to be paralyzed by fear or incapacited by helplessness.

I've been building up a lot of background stuff to the point that it can take off (well, most of it...), putting in effort on maintaining forward movement even though there aren't immediate results. Setting myself up for future success in little ways that most folk wouldn't even notice, but which are slowly starting to snowball into more than a single snowflake. Learning not to lie down timidly and take it, but to stand up, go for what I want and demand results.

And you know what? The little triumphs are giving me more than enough mental momentum to keep at it, to aim for success, to simplify and sort out the issues, to take control with a firm hand - and perhaps, in this Year of the Rat, to finally come out on top.