When Autresponders Attack

Favourite Man has been trying to set up a USA-based e-bay account for me, but ran into problems when they wanted a credit card number. It's turned into quite the fiasco!

Once he realized the system would not accept a South African credit card, he sent them this message:

Please close this account immediately.

Well, back came this:

Dear Michelle,
Thank you for writing eBay in regard to the closure of your account. We're sorry to hear that you've decided to close your eBay account.
To have your request processed as quickly as possible, please go to:
http://pages.ebay.com/help/account/closing-account.html
Follow the directions you'll find there.
Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Hudson k.
eBay Customer Support

To which he responded:

Dear Hudson

Thank you for your email.

There is only one small issue with what you've told me to do: I am asking you to close my account as I do not have a debit or credit card. As such, I cannot complete the registration process. So, what happens when I log in?
You guessed it, your system asks me for a debit or credit card to put on file. Then it's back to square one again.
This is getting boring. I would like you to please close this account as I can't do it myself.

Thank you

Second later...

Dear eBAy Member.

We're ,your request processed as quickly as possible, please go to:

http://pages.ebay.com/help/account/closing-account.html

Follow the directions you'll find there.
incerely,
Paula D.

eBay Customer Support

Hmmm.. so e-bay doesn't sell spell/grammar checkers... And Favourite Man is getting increasingly peeved!

DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE?

Why are you giving me the same reply to a different question?

I would like to point out to you that:

I do not have a debit or credit card. As such, I cannot complete the registration process. So, what happens when I log in?

You guessed it, your system asks me for a debit or credit card to put on file. Then it's back to square one again.

This is getting boring. I would like you to please close this account as I can't do it myself.

Thank you

Yup, seconds later:

Dear Michelle,

Thank you for writing eBay in regard to closing your account.

We're sorry to hear that you've decided to close your eBay account.

To have your request processed as quickly as possible, please go to:

http://pages.ebay.com/help/account/closing-account.html

Follow the directions you'll find there.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Steve N.

eBay Customer Support

To which Favourite Man responded:

Mary had a little lamb...

and got:

Dear Michelle,

Thank you for writing eBay in regard to don't want to close your account.

We're glad you decided to stay with us! We look forward to continuing our successful and fun relationship. Thank you again, and welcome back to the community!

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Steve N.

eBay Customer Support

Grammar's going downhill again...! One last try:

Actually...

I still want to close my account and was wondering if you could take the time to go to the bottom of this email and read it from the beginning and then close it.

Thank you.

Perhaps that will get through to a Human? Apparently not:

Dear Michelle,

Thank you for writing eBay in regard to closing your account.

Upon reviewing your account, I have noticed that your account is still not confirmed. In order to close your account you need to confirm your account. Once you have completed the registration you can close your account.

To confirm your registration, please request that eBay resend your confirmation code. To do so, follow these steps:

1. Go to:

http://pages.ebay.com/services/registration/reqtemppass.html

2. Enter your email address in the box provided.

3. Click the "Resend email" button.

4. You'll receive an email with instructions and a special, one-time confirmation code. Follow the instructions in that email to confirm your registration.

***Note***
If you don't receive an email within 24 hours, it might be due to issues with your email account. We recommend first checking the bulk or spam folder of your email inbox. If the message doesn't appear there, you should change the settings of your spam filter and then repeat the above steps. eBay will resend the email with instructions.

You can contact your Internet Service Provider for more information about any problems with your email account.

With regard to the closure your account, to have your request processed as quickly as possible, please go to:

http://pages.ebay.com/help/account/closing-account.html

Follow the directions you'll find there.

It is my pleasure to assist you. Thank you for choosing eBay.

Sincerely,
Simona P.

eBay Customer Support

One last try!

Dear Simona

I just did as you asked and this is the error message that your system came up with:

Unable to Confirm Registration

This is most probably because I could not complete the registration as I
do not have a debit or credit card.

Again, please close my account from your side.

Thank you

The response?

Dear eBay Member,

Thank you for writing eBay in regard to closing your account.

We're sorry to hear that you've decided to close your eBay account. To have your request processed as quickly as possible, please go to:

http://pages.ebay.com/help/account/closing-account.html
Follow the directions you'll find there.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely, Parker P.
eBay Customer Support

Eish.