Every so often I end up interrogating myself - call it "where are you going?" questions if you will. Perhaps the weather has something to do with it. It's definitely winter, my horizons have closed in to the great indoors instead of the great outdoors (unless I really have to!), and introspection kicks in.
My last post was about lessons learnt in my first year of self-employment. And those lessons are many and varied, yet... I'm thinking "what else, what next"? I guess it's a case of planning far down the road, determining that I'm headed in the right direction, where to aim. I have had many different careers so far, and will likely have a good few still to come.
Along with those questions come "what am I really good at? what can I build on?". And as I have experienced many times before, it's struck me that I've dabbled in many things, not necessarily mastered any. I can tackle cheese-making, admin, technical writing, web design, teaching, the wireless ISP industry, e-waste recycling, parenting, editing, home-making, blogging (hey, some can do it for a living!)... all with a reasonable amount of success, but I'm no real expert in any of these. No-one's asking me to write a book of how-to's! :-) I have interests beyond these in so many other areas, haven't had enough time to become brilliant in any, could probably build on any number of things - but can I really?
I know I should have more confidence in my abilities after what I've achieved in the past year. I've taken a business that started completely by accident, grew in my spare time with the help of Favourite Man, and got it up to second-biggest in the Western Cape - no mean feat.
Yet I still doubt at times that I have what it takes to focus in on one thing (or more...) and turn it into something that not only pays the bills, but that I can be passionate about.
Earlier today I was scrolling through a file of business plans, ideas, half-formed thoughts barely noted down. There's some awesome stuff in there that could be grown into innovative and incredible things. But am I really good at any of them? Good enough to do them justice instead of half-heartedly fizzling?
That's where my thoughts are now. Whether I have what it takes, whether I can do what is required when it's required and be really good at it. With the weather glowering around me and pressing my mood down to greyness, I don't feel like it's a certainty at the moment.