Breakthrough

I would have posted earlier today, but am finding it hard to put into words the breakthrough I had this weekend, while enjoying my Sabbath rest and pondering life, God and all sorts of stuff.

It was a "religious", not a spiritual, breakthrough. Let me attempt to explain:

For a number of years I've been muddling in the mire of trying to figure out who and what I am in relation to church, denomination, God etc. I've had moments of light and signposts pointing me in the right direction, but have still felt trapped in a circle of doubt and deliberation.

I blogged recently on denomination vs Christianity, and I think I've finally found direction! It's probably not profound to many, but to me it seems like the sun's shining through.

I've been facing stiff opposition and judgemental attitudes from those who can't understand my church-hopping, experimentation and search. It's made me very uncomfortable to be around these folk, I have to see them every day and I dread it. I've also never really been absorbed into the church I attend regularly, because if I become a member there I may lose my job here - complicated...long story.

But this weekend it finally happened. God got it through my thick skull that I can be just a Christian, don't need a denominational identity, and can have a "worship home" (church I attend) without making that my belief home (I've been defining my own beliefs and they don't necessarily match up with a set denomination).

I've almost gotten past worrying what others think of my choices, and although their criticism may bother me, I think I'm OK with the fact that I'm different and that what I need is what I NEED, not what THEY NEED.

If folk want to talk behind my back or criticise me to my face I will try to explain my view, but if they can't see my vision, then it's not actually my problem. I don't have to worry about it nor do I have to let it get me down.

So this morning I approached the new week with a sense of peace and contentment, knowing that I can fully trust in God to define my future and lead me to where He wants me.

All I know is from now on I'm going to do what I believe God is calling me to, with His help, and let Him be my defining belief. I'm not going to let denominational expectations restrict or dictate what God wants me to do. I'm going to act what I believe and express what's inside me. I'm going to finally BE THE CHURCH!

First baby step taken. So, where do WE go from here, Lord? Are we there yet....?