What the....?

Perhaps if I get one of these, I might be surprised by what my dogs have to say! And here I thought I could read their minds.... OH NO, what if they HATE ME??? :)

I wonder - do they also translate BACK? If so, I need one to tell Sid-the-idiot-dog not to wake up every darn morning at 5:30 when the sun comes up, or start getting happy about the day if I so much as move a toe...