It never lies

From the Middle Earth Name Generator:

According to the Red Book of Westmarch, in Middle-earth, Michelle Bainbridge was a Overweight Hill-troll.

Oh dear - confirms what the scale said yesterday.... :)

Fortunately it gets better:

Elven Name Possibilities
The root name suitable for feminine and masculine is: Vanamorgûl
More feminine versions are: Vanamorgûliel, Vanamorgûlien, Vanamorgûlwen

Hobbit lass name: Ruby Green from Combe

Dwarven Name: Lóin Redhand (This name is for both genders)

Orkish Name: Wazkrísh the Bad-Moon (This name is for both genders)

Adûnaic name: Lubimohêr