For a Season

I've got a friend, a very good friend, who I love and admire. She's the most incredible Christian woman, a stunning red-head whose inner beauty is even more impressive than her outer looks. I met her 2 1/2 years ago, when I stepped out of one church and went looking for something new and real. She and I had an almost instant connection - we're both pianists, both love music, find many points of connection in our lives. We used to talk every single day, often for an hour or so. We'd go out for coffee and not even notice the hours flying by.

But when I left the worship team, suddenly there weren't that many points of connection. After a month of not hearing from her, I called her up. Another month and a half, and I called her again. Things have changed from our daily chats...

There's an often-emailed saying about friends for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Within the past 2 years she has been a lifeline of inspiration and advice, keeping me on track with worship and church.

Recently things have changed. Seasons have changed, and that much-needed connection is not really that necessary anymore. Although we're still good friends, we're not in each other's lives each day.

My spiritual journey has led me away from the usual "church" and out into the desert of something new and different. I'm not the happy Christian that the rest of the congregation seems to be, and I'm not strong. I'm weak and seeking, questioning and thinking in directions far removed from everyone else. My friend can't relate to that very well I think. She sees me still as one of the crowd of sames, all happy and church-going and spiritually strong - and when I turn up different to that image, it makes it hard for her to be present in my life.

I still love her dearly, but I think God brought her into my life for a season, not a lifetime. For a reason, not forever. Not as a bosom-buddy that is. Just as someone I know well, who I connect with now and then.

Sometimes it's hard to see a good friend in these terms, to be able to let go easily and gracefully, without souring things by hanging on to the death. But in recognizing the journey, that I have not reached a destination, but am only touching signposts on the way, I've found it easier to do than it might have been.

I miss hearing from her every day, and I haven't yet connected deeply with anyone else, but I'm thankful for the season in which she made such a big difference in my life.