Doing Church

Wandering the mall on Friday afternoon, I ran into Noel and her son from my most-recently-attended church, the local Baptist congregation. She said she's missed me, missed me playing the piano (she always told me how much she liked my piano-bashing), missed seeing me around, and when would I be back?

Trouble is I don't know if I will. We might turn up for a service now and then (we miss some of the people we got to know well), but I don't know if I'll get involved again. I loved playing with the band, but don't know if I can dedicate myself to a roster again. Perhaps it's selfish of me, but I just don't feel I can invest the time needed for practices, services and all the other bits (special programmes, training workshops, meetings etc.). I haven't touched a piano in over a month, and would love to play with everyone again, but just can't right now. I feel I need to invest that time outside the church walls.

Perhaps too much has changed since I dropped out of regular attending. Both churches have offered me "my old job back" - worship team and/or kid's ministry, with added involvement in new programmes - but I don't want it right now. I still just need time to Be for a while, to get back that enthusiasm for worship and God that will overshadow the petty things that come up when I sit in a church service. I'm still far from that point, and don't dare risk the spiritual burn-out in going back before I'm ready.

To many folk it sounds as if I'm being lazy, or being a backslider, or shunning the group. Maybe I am - dunno. All I know right now is that I can't force things, that I need time out for a while.

If I do "do" church again, it may not be in the usual way. There's a small spark growing, my thoughts are turning toward relational-type being-church instead of a weekly hour in the pews. I see a lot of need out there, a lot of lost folk. I'm sure if we get together we might not be so lost after a while. And yet I'm not certain if that will be my "destiny", or if it's just another thought-path I need to go down for a while without it actually coming to fruition. It's really up to God and where He takes me on this journey.

Doing church? Not yet. I miss the people, but not the service. For now I'm just going to keep doing church on my front lawn and waiting for God to make the next move.

(An email just in from the Baptist pastor, advertising the annual Impact Weekend - a high-profile guest speaker to attract the crowds, in the hope that "if you offer it, they will come". Unfortunately I won't - not this time. And I haven't seen many non-Christians attending over the past 2 years either. It's become more of a local already-churched fest than any evangelistic drive... Am I wrong to sound so cynical?)