Everything you know might be wrong

On Saturday I started reading a book I received last week, Brian McLaren's latest - "The Last Word & The Word After That". It's the final in a trilogy that include "A New Kind of Christian" and "The Story We Find Ourselved In".

Unfortunately, I haven't read the first two, but am just over half-way through this one now.

And it's challenging!

I started out reading with tears in my eyes at the end of each chapter, as the (fictional) story follows the struggles of a pastor who has started questioning his beliefs, and as a result has been asked to "sit it out" from his church while his church board/council decides what to do with his new views (and him!). There was so much I could relate to - being made to feel an outsider when beliefs change, not quite fitting in ever again but missing some of the community feeling of belonging. He's lucky, in that he has a couple of very wise friends that he bounces ideas off of, and who help him find direction, and an understanding wife.

After the blurry eyes, came a feeling of panic as my life-long beliefs were challenged.

What if everything I know is wrong?

Over the past few years it's a feeling I've come to know well. At the start of this unknown journey I stripped away everything I thought I knew, and started from scratch. I wanted to find out for myself why I believed what I believed, and not just take it from some higher authorities' mouth. There are many things that were discarded along the path, and others that I hold firmer to now than ever.

But every so often some things I thought I knew get challenged, and challenged deeply by people I respect and by people whom I'm sure know a heck of a lot more about these things than I do. People who have studied theology, and history, and language, and perhaps are highly-respected in their fields - while I still muddle along hoping I accidentaly find an answer here and there....

And Brian McLaren is one of those folk I really, really respect for opinion. Except that our beliefs don't line up all the time - and I can't defend exactly why.

Sure, he says this is all a "conversation", he never gives a definite answer to the original question (in this case, hell and the various views on it) but leaves you to come to your own conclusion. Both empowering, and slightly irritating!

So sometimes I wonder - have I got it wrong? What if, as he says, my views on hell have truly coloured the kind of God I see, in a BAD way, and determined how the rest of my faith-journey progresses? Can it really be that simple? Does any one of us actually know for certain what hell is, what heaven is, and what is going to happen between now and then? He's already placed my particular view in a box of "conditionalism". I hate labels, but there it stands in black & white on the page.

I guess in a way I grew up sheltered from other views. I was really surprised to find them "out there" when I took a step back from church and started getting to know folk from other traditions, denominations and faiths. I found out my beliefs may not be iron-clad after all, and most might even find them completely wacky.

Perhaps we approach the Bible from many different angles, and our upbringing, experiences, journey, colour the way we interpret a single text - turning it into a rainbow of options rather than a solid colour.

What would it mean to me if everything I know IS wrong? I don't know - and that's why at times I start to panic.

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Half-way through the book I could go no further. I had to have time to think things through. It was information overload and needed processing. I put it aside until next week.

I think best when my hands are busy. I thought so much this weekend that my tupperware cupboard, the top of the fridge (a general dumping ground), my room and one cupboard that I've never cleared out are now clean and orderly. I thought so hard that my muscles ache.

In spite of all that thinking I still don't have a conclusion. Perhaps by the end of the book I will?