Erased

I had all sorts of good things to say today. Stuff I've been wanting to say since the weekend. But it's all gone, erased in the time it took for my boss's secretary to call me to make an appointment for tomorrow. Unfortunately she had no idea what he wants to see me for. And therein lies the problem!

I don't know why I'm anticipating a tongue-lashing. It seems to be the thought-process norm with me these days, and only serves to add to my "anticipation" stress each day. I arrive here expecting someone to moan at me - for what, I have no idea. (I should be praised for what I've recently accomplished instead, which is a hell of a lot, under extreme pressure)

I think it stems from a feeling of being far from fitting in around here lately, and wanting out. I don't want to conform to the norm, I don't want to put up with the norm, I don't want to BE the norm. So I expect to be raked over the coals for being different, every single day.

It has yet to actually happen, but as they say the anticipation of pain is worse than the pain itself.

Already I find myself having arguments with people in my head - pondering what they might say and what I'd respond. Trouble is, I go completely blank if someone actually says something to me - all that practising ends up nul and void. Oh joy.

So, yet again in the stress of the Continuing Week from Hell, sorry - the blog posts are either not going to happen, or they may not make much sense. I hope to be back to semi-normal later. But anything's possible.