The "Bridget Jones" Syndrome

A documentary aired last week on the well-known "Bridget Jones" syndrome. All those 30-something women sitting around without men, but otherwise successful! Of course, all 4 women had a good whine about the fact that there are no decent men around. And they interviewed a few guys who simply abhorred the committment/marriage thing. One of them interviewed while sitting in a jacuzzi with two 20-somethings, sipping champagne and feeling them up... no wonder he's a committment-phobic!

It's a well-known fact that I've been single, like, forEVER. That I've forgotten how to date, or even what a guy looks like closer than the socially-accepted 50cm gap in the grocery queue. And it doesn't bug me in the least. I've never been one to need a man to "complete me".

I can understand the angst going on though. To have one's clock ticking slowly but surely toward old age, not a kid or a husband in sight, just the cat to keep you company - that would scare quite a few right out their expensive leather boots! Some stated that if no man showed up in the next few years, sperm-bank it would be. Just to have a kid. Others got all teary-eyed when their younger siblings ended up hitched before them. Most simply couldn't understand why men wouldn't want them. They're attractive, successful, sure of who they are (as opposed to the wistful wandering of a 20-something who has yet to discover their True Self), have much to offer.

And yet they continue to turn up at parties alone, enduring the matchmaking attempts of their happily-hitched friends. They put out the rubbish alongside their neighbour's husbands, and take responsibility for things a man might usually do around the house.

On the plus side, of course, is control over your own life. You can come and go as you wish, spend your Saturday nights on the couch in your jammies with a good book and the cat.

Got me thinking about my own situation of course. Yes, I'm happily single and all that, but I can relate.

Fact is, I don't meet a lot of people even for friendship-forming purposes. I don't hang out in clubs or chatrooms, I'm not really involved in any activities where varied people gather. Most of my friends are already married, as are their friends. Even then, no-one seems to be hosting parties and dinners and get-togethers. Life has taken over and we sail our different oceans...

Add single parenting into the mix, and the picture is considerably more bleak, in some ways. Even less of a chance to go out and make friends! But I don't get time to be lonely either (not that I'm the lonely type!). There's constant companionship of a child, which is what many of the women in this documentary were craving. There isn't even really a chance to have the time to THINK of being lonely. The daily routine keeps you going and going and going.

And then there are definite dating issues when you're a single mom - finding babysitters, how to introduce whomever you're seeing (or not introduce them too soon), balancing out time and energy between child and date, and the fact that sleep is often more important than staying out late for fun! Doesn't help if your kid is set against you dating, either.

All of which have made it easier for me simply not to even think about dating. But have also left me in isolation from many other adults - especially single adults.

We seem to be on different wave-lengths. Life-lengths. Priorities change between single, married and single-with-child. It's hard to find common ground. Sometimes easier just not to.

Same thing goes for women friends. I would love a close frienship, a best-friendship, a group of women my age to hang with, to meet up with on a whim, to pig out on chocolate and chat, to phone at 3 in the morning when things get too much. But it seems no-one has the time for those kind of relationships. Or perhaps I just know the wrong people? :)

I realize it's bad for me, this isolation. Blogging is a virtual community, but sometimes I miss the face-to-face interactions with friends. My son misses out on a crowd of other kids and adults to hang with - and more importantly, misses out on positive male role models (already in short supply in today's society).

Yet I find myself stuck, unsure where to start to get beyond our little circle and out into the wider world. Which is the same dilemma the "Bridget Jones" women face - where to go, how to connect without being forced to be/do/act as you're not. We've all become isolated, lost that extended family and community that prevailed for centuries and gave us a safe place to be ourselves. We're living in little cocoons now, disconnected and fearing that the world will hurt us if we venture out too far.

I guess I haven't really found a solution for this one. I would love to be part of a naturally-formed group, a community, a place where I belong. Some would say "church" is where I find it (not here, unfortunately), some would say "get thee to a gym/special interest group/Toastmasters!" (nope - time/financial constraints there).

So I sit and ponder. "Bridget Jones"? Perhaps. Bridget Jones with a kid...