From Idiotville to Bleakness

Maybe it's just some maladjusted hormones. Yesterday I was an idiot, by last night I was in tears, and today I can't stop crying.

I lay in bed last night, scrolling through the names on my cellphone, wishing there were one I could call and just chat. The kind of friend who doesn't mind being woken up (or is still up) around 11, when you need a distance-hug and listening ear. Finding no-one there only made things worse. I wish I weren't as "considerate" as I am sometimes, never wanting to make my problems someone else's lack of sleep. I know who I wanted to talk to, but couldn't do it.

So what's wrong? Not too sure. This is what's going through my head:

Sad, scared, alone, stupid. Too many damn ghosts rearing their heads from the past.

Typing this, I'm dripping on the keyboard again. I hate being like this. I haven't cried myself to sleep in years. I haven't felt so utterly alone in years either. So strangely friendless. (Yes, I know most of you care. You're just not here)

Damn, this is depressing. Please close this window and go find someone cheerful to read.